Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural related, but I wish I owned Sam and Dean. I especially wish I owned Dean.

AN: I'm sorry this took so long, I hope you guys like this chapter. Thanks for the reviews KatieMalfoy19, Ghostwriter, tvbatina, and H.T. Marie. Special thanks to KatieMalfoy19 and H.T. Marie you have both been really helpful. This chapter is dedicated to you KatieMalfoy19. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Please review.

Chapter 5: More Than Empty Conversations

Dean stared at Sam his breathing ragged and his chest heaving realizing the enormity of what he had just said. He sucked in a deep shuddering breath before saying, " Oh God Sammy I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry I didn't mean to tell you like that."

Sam stared at him stunned his mouth opening and closing as he searched for something to say. When he finally got a hold of himself he asked shakily, " He... dad beat you Dean? "

Dean sucked in a another deep breath and jerkily nodded his head before saying, " Yeah he did. "

" I ... God Dean I'm so sorry. If I had known he had put you through that I never would have left you with him. You shouldn't have had to go through that. I should have known. I can't believe I didn't notice.", Sam said his voice filled with emotion.

Hearing Sam berating himself sent Dean right into overprotective big brother mode. " Sam it's not your fault. It's okay he didn't beat on me while you were gone... well only once and it's not that big of a deal. Sam you couldn't have known because I covered it up. Sammy I didn't want you to know it's not your fault it's mine. ", Dean said sternly.

" It's not okay Dean and it is a big deal, he had no right to hurt you like that. You did a good job covering it up Dean, I never even suspected. Dean I know it's not my fault but you need to know that it's not your fault either. I know you don't want to hear this but this is dad'sfault and his fault alone. He was the adult and he never should have hurt you Dean.", Sam said his tone just as stern Dean's had been.

Dean fidgeted in his seat and said, " It really is okay Sammy, dad has always been sorry after and it's not like he was sober. Well he was sober a few times, but he was sorry after those times too. It's more my fault than it is dad's fault Sammy. I was... I was never good enough and I never did anything right, dad had to teach me Sammy."

Sam sighed, ran a hand through his disheveled hair, and shook his head.

" Dean it's not okay, dad abused you and it doesn't matter that he was sorry for hurting you because he never should have done something to hurt you in the first place. It doesn't matter if he was sober or drunk when he hit you because either way it was child abuse Dean. It was in no way your fault Dean, dad chose to get drunk and dad chose to beat you. I can't believe he had the nerve to tell you that you weren't good enough and that you never did anything right. You did everything he ever asked you to and more. Hell you did everything I asked you to and more. You've done everything for this family and neither dad or I have given you anything back. I'm so sorry Dean, you deserve so much more from me. From dad too.", Sam said brokenly.

Dean bowed his head and his hazel eyes looked up at Sam through his eye lashes.

" It really is okay Sammy and it's okay because every pain and humiliation I felt when he beat me was and still is worth it because I know you never had to feel it. I would do anything for you Sammy and I mean anything. I know what dad did wasn't right but I still think it's my own fault. It's going to take me awhile to see it any differently. I still think I wasn't good enough and that I messed up too much. Dad used to say that I looked to much like mom, that I wasn't good enough to have her face. He was right. ", Dean said with a sad smile.

Sam shook his head sadly and said, " I know Dean, I know you'd do anything for me. I... Dean I know you don't like chick flick moments but right now I don't care. I love you Dean you're the best big brother I person can have. You're more of a father to me than dad is and I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. You know what dad said about you not being good enough to look like mom, well it's bullshit. You do deserve to look like mom and don't let anyone ever tell you other wise."

" I'm glad you know I'd do anything for you and I love you too Sammy. I did raise you and I don't care that you didn't realize it sooner because you realize it know and that's all I could ever ask for. As for mom, like dad said I don't deserve to look like her.", Dean said smiling sadly.

Sam sighed exasperated and said, " Yes you do deserve to look like mom Dean!"

Dean sighed too and said brokenly, " No I don't Sammy. Mom she was an angel, she used to teach me to play the piano and after we were done she used to tell me I was special and gifted and I never understood what she meant. I can still play but I don't, it makes me miss her more. She used to tuck me in at night and sing to me or read me bedtime stories. And I... I 'm tainted. Look at me I was raped when I was twelve, I hustle on street corners and in bars, and I run credit card scams. I don't deserve to look like her, I'm too tainted."

AN: There will be at least two more chapters, just so you know. Please Review.