There Once Was an Ent
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There once was an Ent. His name was Treebeard (not that anyone cares anyway) and he lived in Fangorn forest (which, ironically, is another point that no one cares about).
One day Treebeard was standing on a hill, doing absolutely nothing (well, that's what he says anyway). Suddenly he noticed something very odd. Two short people were standing on his hill (yes, apparently he had ownership of a hill, don't ask me why).
So, because he felt like it (and found it very funny), Treebeard decided to eavesdrop.
Some eaves fell on one little man's head. "Whoa! What was that?" he cried looking around.
"Somebody's dropping eaves on us!" exclaimed the other (he had enough sense to look up). Unfortunately, looking up really wasn't sensible, so for being unsensible a white gull decided to leave a little something in his mouth. The little man coughed and spluttered.
Treebeard laughed uncontrollably. "HE! HE!"
One little man glared at the Ent. "That wasn't funny!" He grimaced as another eave bounced off his head.
"HO! HO!" Treebeard laughed again.
Now, because this is an alternate version of some chapter from the Two Towers, one man (who was Pippin) suddenly decided to say something which was actually from the book, or sort of from the book, or maybe from some movie . . . er . . . right . . . "What a lovely forest!" he said as the sun peeped over the tree tops.
"I'm glad that you should think that," said Treebeard, and dropped another eave on the little man's head.
Then from nowhere a funny looking orc ended up in the scene. For another odd reason Pippin and his partner in stupidity (Merry, if you please, or you can just call him Fred), were at the center of the dark forest and being chased at the moment if you don't mind.
It just so happened that the cause of this was Gandalf the White, who was too busy making lembas bread for the poor little hungry toads to care whether he had said the wrong spell or not. During that, Legolas and Aragorn were having an intense arm wrestling match; to Gimli's surprise (and not for the last time) Legolas was winning.
"This is weird!" Merry (or Fred, if you don't mind me reminding you) cried. He held up a copy of the Lord of the Rings script and waved it around to ward of a non-existent crowd of fan boys ( who were very suspicious, if you know what I mean). "This isn't supposed to happen! It says so right here! We're HOBBITS, not little men, or oompaloompas, or squirrels!"
"Fre-er-Merry!" Pipping yelled. "You're not supposed to be reading the script, or the books! Now we're doomed forever, and Legolas shall beat Gimli at a drinking contest!"
"How absurd," the orc agreed, "Now stay still so I can put a maggot hole in your belly!" And was then stepped on by Treebeard who had stolen a certain pirate's rum and was flaunting it around as if it were a sword.
"HO! HO! IT'S ORC SQUASHING TIME!"
Merry and Pippin were like whoa, and Sauron was like whoa. You the reader are now thinking Whoa, who is this psycho person who writes these things, and why can't I write like this, and I the writer am answering: Because the job of psycho person who writes these things is already taken! Now Treebeard, who is now intoxicated by the pirate's rum and being very nosy, is saying: What the heck is this? Rabble like you can't mind your own flipping business! Please note that he is also saying this in a very un-Ent-ish manner, because at the moment the pirate who until recently owned the rum is now madly attacking him with a very un-Middle Earth-ish dump truck.
Now, Gandalf the White is at the moment (in case you didn't know already) playing a rigorous game of chess with an alien and a predator. The alien is getting mad at the predator and the predator is getting mad at his barbie doll. The alien is mad at the predator because he brought the danged thing, while the predator is trying to explain that when he was young his sisters made him play 'tea party' with a crazy person and threatened his life if he didn't bring a barbie doll with him.
"I will not ask," said Gandalf.
"RAWREEEEAHHH!" the alien complains and then brutally murders a purple singing dinosaur.
"What does this have to do with an Ent, or LOTR in general?" The predator asks, and then shrugs.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?"Saruman asks.
"RARRRYAHHHHEEEEHOE?" the alien growls, and then chases away a squirrel with a knife.
"Well he's certainly busy," the Witch King comments, and then runs away himself and marries Éowyn, much to Éomer's dismay.
And now the curtain closes on this show, which was actually an opera that had nothing to do with singing. Now it is the end of the show, which really wasn't a show, but a waste of Frodo Baggins's time, not that he had much time any ways.
As the lights dim, Treebeard comes out and starts singing: "OOMPA! LOOMPA! DOOMPA DEE! DEE!"