Credit: An unnamed guest reviewer gave the idea that St. Brutus sounds really fake and the lie collapses the second someone investigates. Thanks for the idea!
Chapter Seven: In Which Harry is Protected
"And thirdly," said Uncle Vernon, his mean little eyes now slits in his great purple face, "we've told Marge you attend St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys."
"What?" Harry yelled.
"And you'll be sticking to that story, boy, or there'll be trouble," spat Uncle Vernon.
"Hello? Anyone there?" said Harry nastily, knocking on Uncle Vernon's head like one would do to a door.
Uncle Vernon turned different shades of purple, ones that had never been observed on the surface of the Earth. "BOY —"
"I'm sure if you had an ounce worth of brains, Uncle," said Harry, "then you would have realised that name you thought up is obviously fake, and that everyone probably knows by now that you have been lying about me going to that school! Obviously, you have no records of me being admitted into your imaginary school, so if the authorities come in right now, you have absolutely no proof that you send me to school at all! It does look rather suspicious for a thirteen year old to be uneducated and be locked up . . . , If you know what I mean. . . ."
Uncle Vernon was furious at the accusation. He wasn't that sort of person! He wasn't unnatural, he had a wife like normal people had and a kid like normal people could conceive. How dare the boy say something like that!
"I know that that is not true, you know that that is not true, but outside this house, gossip and rumours are rather fast to spread, y'know? At least one of the normalcy-obsessed neighbours must have told the police about it! I'm 90% sure they are building a rock-solid case against you, and will be here . . . ," he paused, and everyone heard footsteps just outside their door, "now!"
The police burst in, did all the proper procedures, and arrested Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. Harry and Dudley were taken in by Child Protection Services. . . .
A psych-eval determined that it was a case of Golden Child Syndrome. To clarify, Golden Child Syndrome was when parents love the child with too much intensity, compliment and praise the child for abilities that they do not even have, make the child feel really special even though the child didn't do anything to earn it! In this case, all this was done to make the other child, Harry, feel downtrodden and unwanted.
The one who had conducted the evaluation sighed, both would require extensive counseling before they would be capable of interacting with society again. She despised the people who did such things to children, who damaged them emotionally. Such was her job, to deal with emotional issues instead of physical ones. She wondered what would have happened if she had taken up that offer and became a physician. . . .
AN: It makes me feel sad for Dudley and Harry both, because even Dumbledore picks up on the fact that Dudley was also damaged (he says so in Half Blood Prince when he visits the Dursleys). Dudley is a scapegoat for his parents to make Harry feel bad. And yes, the Golden Child Syndrome is real, and Dudley fits the description perfectly, don't you think? The Golden Child is unable to comprehend why exactly they are special and thus has a warped sense of good and bad, true and false, love and hate. Without counseling, they are unable to function in society.
It makes sense that Vernon is homophobic, because he is a fan of everything stereotypical. . . . It makes sense to me, at least.