A/N: Thank you guys for being patient with me. Thank you to Fanofbellaandedward for proof-reading this for me!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.K. Rowling.

Chapter Four

'What do I want to do? What do I want to do? What do I want to do?'

The thought chased itself around Draco's skull as he looked out across the back garden. It was odd to see a back-garden in somewhere like Islington, however it was a long stretch of green grass and would probably make a much welcome hang-out spot in the summer holidays. Provided you had friends to enjoy it with. However, Draco wasn't in the mood to go and bask in the sunshine. It was cooler indoors anyway.

Out in the garden, Lupin had laid out a seating area under a large umbrella. He had Teddy cradled against his chest, the little thing sleeping calmly. Today his hair was a bright, cherry-red. Draco still found it weird, but didn't want to comment on Lupin's offspring. He'd been living at Grimmauld place for just over a week and was almost relaxed about Lupin's casual coming's and going's. He had a key -Draco didn't have a key.

There had been a full-moon four days ago.

Draco had been on edge and tense the entire time. He had been stuck babysitting with Sirius for three nights in a row. That meant they'd been stuck with two babies as opposed to just Potter. That had made him especially uncomfortable; he hadn't been around babies since he was one, and didn't really know how to cope with it all.

Sirius had so much more experience thanks to looking after Potter when he'd originally been a child. It had been strange observing nappy-changing and preparing the milk and food. The man insisted on doing most things the muggle way, although there were a few things he simply had to wave his wand for; like vanishing the dirty nappy.

Despite Sirius' assurance that Lupin was safely locked outside and guarded in the back-garden, Draco was less convinced. He refused to even look out of the back windows as he was doing now, choosing to remain locked into the front parlour with two gurgling brats.

Lupin looked a little rough around the edges but he seemed to slip back into 'being human' a lot easier than anyone Draco had ever seen -and those were generally human all year round. As Lupin stroked his palm over his son's head, Draco couldn't help but feel a twinge inside him. A sharp laugh drew his gaze further down the garden. Sirius was spinning baby-Potter around in circles, pulling him close to make silly faces, and then spinning him out at arm's length again.

It looked fun.

"Draco why don't you come out for some lemonade and sunshine?" Remus' voice made Draco flinch as the older man slid in through the ornate black doors that led out onto the patio. Teddy gurgled against his father's shoulder as he turned his wide, amber eyes to look at Draco.

"I'm er ... feeling too hot. I'd rather stay in h-here."

Lupin frowned. "Draco, I'm perfectly fine. I don't bite."

Shit, he saw right through the blonde.

Draco drew himself up straighter and turned his nose up a little. "I'm not worried about that Lupin. I just don't want to intrude on this weird little family you two have made."

Lupin cocked an eyebrow at that. "Draco, Sirius is your guardian now. He signed the papers. You're as much family as I am."

"Only by blood."

"So what?" Lupin gave a tired smile. "Right now we have the ability to choose our family. Sirius could have easily said 'no' to your mother and to Kingsley. However, he chose to take you in. He wants you here, whether you see that or not."

Draco bristled.

"I just don't feel comfortable being here."

"If you give it a chance, Draco, you might find that you like it here well enough." Teddy's hair flashed brilliant blue and Lupin frowned. "Oh, you little monster!" he scowled down at the baby who suckled his fist obliviously. "Sorry Draco I need to change my son again."

As he disappeared down the hallway, Draco was left to look out into the garden. His body hummed with the energy to go outside and join in the fun. However ... fears gripped him from every angle and glued him to the spot. 'Just go outside and sit down and have a drink,' his brain urged. 'There's nothing wrong with that. You can't mess that up.'

Shifting one foot in front of the other he forced himself to step outside.

It was hot; the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing caused his skin to flare with a prickly heat that made him want to scratch until his skin came off in spiralled peels.

"Draco?" His head snapped up. "Grab a drink and come over here!"

Draco frowned heavily at the ploy, but didn't outright refuse. He took his time pouring himself a drink and taking a sip before stepping out into the blazing sunshine and across the grass. "Did you need me for something?" he asked stiffly, as he stood a few feet away from Sirius and baby-Potter.

"No, no," Sirius grinned. "I just don't like the idea of you keeping yourself cooped away." Draco pulled a face but didn't say anything else. "Go grab that blanket from one of the chairs, I want Harry to try crawling."

"Is he old enough for that?" Draco asked dubiously.

"His ageing is different from Teddy's due to the potion. There's no harm in trying."

"Far too optimistic," Draco grumbled to himself as he turned away and walked back to the patio, snagged the tartan blanket strewn over one of the chairs and went back into the sun. Sirius had him spread the blanket on the grass and then settled down on one side, baby-Potter already scrambling in his hands. Draco knelt down awkwardly on the opposite side, still not sure what Sirius expected him to do.

Sirius sat with his legs spread in a wide 'V' shape -a surprising feat in his pressed trousers -holding Harry up from under his arms. Baby-Potter's chubby little legs kicked and tip-toed on the spot, large green eyes darting all over the place. He beamed toothlessly up at Draco when those big eyes landed on him.

Draco grimaced.

Sirius dropped a kiss onto Harry's head and settled him on his hands and knees. He looked like a sack of flour with googly eyes stuck on. Draco felt as though he'd get as much common-sense out of adult Potter in any case.

"Are you ready?" Sirius asked as Harry bobbed forward several times, looking as though he was ready to speed-crawl across London. Draco tensed; what if the little git managed to make it across the blanket? What would he do with him then?

Crouching down on his knees Draco was tense, ready for the challenge of NOT letting Potter smack his stupid scarhead on the floor. The dumb baby bounced awkwardly in Sirius' hands, gurgling away and getting ready to move -only to sink onto his face the instant his guardian let go. Draco almost chuckled a little at the baby's antics. Sirius scooped the child up and cradled him, pecking a prickly kiss on the kid's cheek. "It's alright, kid, you'll get it in no time."

"How old was he when he first crawled?"

Sirius chuckled again. "About ten months."

"Is that ... Good?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Baby-Potter babbled some nonsense, his tiny fist plucking at the blanket.

Lupin came back out and carried Teddy over to the blanketed area. He frowned as sat down. "Sirius he won't be able to crawl for another two weeks at least. Don't rush him."

"Oh hush Remus," Sirius chided. "He'll turn one before I know it. I don't want to miss anything!"

Lupin rolled his eyes and settled Teddy up against his legs. The baby would have flopped over if the ex-professor hadn't held him quickly under the arms. "I'm not even going to pull at that thread, Paddy. Now, are you capable of caring for two infants?"

"Of course I am. Wait ... why?"

"I need Draco's help to prepare lunch for us."

Draco's head snapped up at the statement and before he could object, Lupin had handed his son to Sirius and whilst watching the curly-haired juggle two brats was funny, Draco felt his stomach sink like a cold weight inside him as Lupin gestured for him to follow. He did as he was told, slinking back towards the house and following the older man into the kitchen.

"Why did you need me to come and help you?" Draco asked as he rolled his sleeves up and stood next to the counter. He looked at the number of ingredients laid out and felt dread. Was this ... their lunch?

"I didn't," Lupin said as he drew out a long, sharp knife. Draco flinched away, eyes wide. Lupin lowered the knife onto the counter and squeezed a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Calm down, we're just making some food."

Draco swallowed thickly and nodded.

"Now I want you to take the other knife and start chopping up those vegetables."

Draco took the knife and felt it tremble in his hand. Suddenly his hand was drenched in blood -not his, but someone's. He dropped the knife with a sharp clattering sound. Granite tiles changed instantly to the wood work-top and the rough floors were now smooth terracotta. There was no blood. It was all in his head.

'Breathe,' he urged himself, 'just breathe!'

"Draco?" Why was Lupin's voice so far away? "Draco, look at me."

A hand came into view and gently took the knife away. The relief was surreal. A shiver ran through him as he was steered towards a chair at the table and lowered onto the seat. Lupin came into view. "Now I want you to take some deep breaths, okay, and listen to my voice." Draco nodded. "Tell me what you saw?"

"Blood ..." he said in a quivering voice. "So much blood ..."

"It's okay, it's not happening."

"I know," he choked out. "I know, I know. It's just ... it comes up sometimes ... that's all ..."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Draco." The blonde scoffed. "Trust me, I've done my fair share of awful things that haunt me."

Draco went rigid as he Lupin pulled him in for a hug. His arms were tight and secure yet somehow it didn't make Draco want to run away. He felt his head burn up, tears stinging in his eyes as he quaked on his chair. Something inside him cracked and something hot and wet raced down his cheek, followed by another, then another ...

"Hey it's okay!" Lupin caught him as he slid sideways to the edge of the chair. "I've got you, I've got you!" He grasped Draco tightly, holding him securely before easing him back against the chair, making sure that he was stable as he rubbed the teen's back. Draco clutched at Lupin's shirt, aware that his tears were staining the fabric. He choked on air, the emotions of the last few months finally breaking free.

"S-sorry ..." he choked.

"There's no need to be sorry," Lupin assured. "You've been through a lot, we all have."

"Y-you all s-seem to be han-handling it better ..."

"Maybe you've just reached your limit."

Draco didn't bother replying. He had had to deal with a lot of crap. However, as already stated, so had everyone else. His tolerance for it just seemed to be lower than the rest of the population -at least that's how it felt. As the tears subsided, Draco was aware that Lupin was still holding him. He stiffened at the realisation. The older man seemed to sense this and let go, letting himself sink back into the vacant chair.

"Do you feel better?" he asked.

Draco nodded mutely.

"Good. Do you want to go back outside?"

Shooting a glance over at the kitchen counter, the teen twisted his lips. "Don't you need help with getting everything ready?"

Lupin gave him an understanding smile. "It's okay, I think I can manage."

~0~

It was a still, hot night and Draco couldn't sleep.

He'd retired to his room at about 9PM.

He'd tried to do some reading but his mind wouldn't focus. His hands were aching and restless but other than touch himself, he didn't have anything else to do. His mind kept racing back to what he'd do if Sirius did take that professor position. What would he do with himself? Would the man have to floo into work everyday? What would Draco do during the days? Learn to cook the muggle way? That was an accident waiting to happen.

He sighed warily.

Floorboards creaked a little somewhere in the house.

It wasn't as upsetting as it used to be. There was a bead of comfort in knowing that he wasn't alone. It hadn't been there the previous week -but it was growing behind all that fear. He pulled the cool sheets over his chest and sighed wearily. It had been a long week filled with listlessness and milling from room to room just to try and occupy his mind. There had been a few things that had piqued his interest, however he still wasn't one hundred percent invested in learning things 'the muggle way' -as stubborn as the thought was. He hadn't even managed to write back to his mother yet. He simply hadn't had anything to say.

Soft noises came from down the hallway.

Feeling curious as well as restless, Draco clawed his sheet away and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Tiptoeing out of his room he strained his ears in the darkness, his own heart drumming a little louder. He could hear a soft voice from down the hall. There was a faint light coming from underneath one of the doors. Potter's nursery. Edging along the door -trying not to step on any creaky boards -Draco crept closer. The door was ajar, letting soft gold light spill out into the dark hallway. Sirius' voice almost made him jump, but it was barely a whisper in the quiet darkness.

"And these are your parents. Now I know you don't remember them, really, but this is your Mummy Lily and this is your Daddy James."

Draco felt his heart twist in his chest. Potter's parents. He hadn't even known their names. Shame flooded through him as he leaned heavily on the wall as he realised the magnitude of that thought. He hadn't even known their names. It was a harrowing thought.

"Now who's this goofy sod pulling those faces?" Sirius asked. The brat bubbled. "Yes, that's me, your daft old godfather. Now who's the moody one?" Another gurgle. "You're right! That's Uncle Remy!"

Draco's insides clenched.

"Now who's that snotty little thing there?" Sirius chuckled. "No, that can't be you can it? Harry you were such a litte rugrat."

There was silence for a few moments. Draco was just debating on dragging himself back to bed when -

"You can stop hovering and just come in, Draco."

Freezing against the wall, Draco felt sick, before resigning himself to his fate. Pushing the door open he had the decency to look sheepish as he edged just inside the nursery. "How did you know I was there?"

Sirius tapped the side of his nose without looking up. "I can smell you."

"Ew."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius beckoned the teen over. "I'm an animagus, kid. My sense of smell and hearing are better than most human's these days. Now pull up a chair."

Casting a glance around the room, Draco located a small stool and dragged it closer towards the rocking chair that Sirius was leaning back in. He felt ridiculous being barely elbow-level with the older man, but he held his tongue. Craning his neck a little he saw that Sirius was leafing through a thick, leather-bound photo album. Sirius smiled and clicked his fingers, causing the stool to spring a little higher. Draco grumbled his disapproval at non-verbal magic but didn't argue. He was too curious to care.

"What made you want to look through these?" he asked as Sirius turned the page.

"Harry was grumbling a little and was awake, so I thought this might calm him down."

"Is it working?"

Sirius glanced down at the baby snuggled in the crook of his arm, his large green eyes drooping a little. "Seems to be on the way."

Draco lets his eyes wonder back down to the photo. It was of two lean, dark-haired young men standing side-by-side in their 'sunday best' as mother would have described it. Draco frowned. "Who are those two?"

"That's me and my ... brother."

"You have a brother?"

"Had," Sirius bit out. "He died. Killed, rather."

Before Draco could ask about it, the older man swiftly turned the page to display a photo of a young Remus in a hospital bed. He had bandages all over him and was grinning weakly at the camera as Sirius' overly large head appeared before he dropped back onto the bed and hugged Remus.

"Why was Lupin in hospital?"

"He'd had a rough full moon and it was right before his birthday so I snuck in to cheer him up."

The next photo was of a couple in wedding attire, laughing merrily whilst Sirius and Remus grinned and toasted them. They looked happy. Draco couldn't remember his own parents having any sort of wedding photos. They had rather formal, stiff, poised photos. It was ... different. Baby-Potter yawned and nudged his chubby fists against his eyes, his lips wobbling in defeat. He was ready to sleep.

"That's enough for one night, then," Sirius whispered with a smile. He closed the book and managed to set it to one side whilst scooping Harry up in his arms. "Come on then, rugrat, let's get you into bed."

Draco suddenly felt out of place.

Sirius seemed to sense this because he beckoned Draco over to the cot. "Do you want to settle him down?" he asked.

The teen baulked at the idea. "You -you can't be serious?"

"I am. Always. Literally since birth."

It took Draco a moment to clock on. "That was just ... abysmal," he grimaced.

Sirius chuckled, "Come on, hold your hands out. You'll be fine, I promise."

"W-what if I drop him?"

"I'm amazed you care," Sirius quipped, "but for the record, I trust that you won't."

That hit a nerve. There was trembling in his right hand he could feel it. "I -uh -I don't know."

"Hold your hands out."

Draco wanted to refuse, he did, however his arms seemed to rise up of their own accord. Satisfied, Sirius held Harry out and tenderly shifted him into Draco's hands. The blonde didn't know what to do; did he cradle the brat? Did he hold him out-stretched like a quaffle? He was currently doing the latter when Sirius chuckled. "You've never held a baby before, I'm guessing?"

"Of course not!"

"Calm down, kid, I'm only teasing." Taking a squirming Harry again, Sirius adjusted the position and Draco resigned himself to his fate and cradled Harry bloody Potter. "There you go," Sirius smiled softly. "You're a natural."

Draco shot the older man a disbelieving look. He knew the Sirius was just pandering to him, however he didn't argue. It felt stiff and awkward holding the baby however those large green eyes seemed to droop instantly as though Potter was relaxed enough to sleep. Within moments the little thing was snoozing against his chest, completely oblivious to the fact that his school rival was gently swaying him a little, ensuring that he was as comfortable as he could be against two bony arms.

A chuckle came from the side of the room, making Draco jump.

"Shit I forgot you were there!" he hissed as Sirius grinned as him. "It looks like he's asleep."

Sirius nodded, "Yes it does. I told you, you could do it."

Draco rolled his eyes, a little distressed by the emptiness he felt when Potter was taken out of his arms and settled down into his cot. He watched the brat as Sirius set up a weird spinning thing over the cot and backed them out of the nursery. "I should probably head to bed," Draco said softly, not wanting to disturb Potter. The last thing he needed was a wailing baby in the middle of the night.

"If you have any more trouble sleeping and want to talk, you know where my room is," Sirius whispered, "I don't mind talking. Most nights it takes me ages to get to sleep so if you need company ..."

"Thanks," Draco said. He hoped he sounded sincere because he meant it. He was sure he did. "I think I just need to try and sleep now," he said, feeling both on edge and exhausted.

Sirius nodded. "Well you know where I am."

"Yeah ... Thanks."

They parted ways on the landing.

Draco listened with his ear against the door until he heard the distant 'click' of Sirius closing his own bedroom down further down the hall. He breathed a sigh of relief. Dragging his feet back to the bed, he settled down and drew the sheets over himself. He hadn't even been able to keep any of his photo albums -he could only hope that his mother kept them in her vault. The last thing he needed was his baby photos publicised in the papers.

However ... Potter had looked especially soft and squishie as a child. No wonder Voldemort was embarrassed at being defeated by someone who couldn't even wipe his own arse. The thought made him smile weakly as he reclined back on his pillows and stretched his tight muscles. He had about a month and two weeks to decide what exactly he wanted to do, and if Sirius did take the job at Hogwarts, he needed to either go back for his final year and get his qualifications, or be assigned a new guardian.

The thought was daunting.

Despite being there just over a week, the ice with Sirius and Lupin was gradually thawing. He was grateful for that and would definitely tell his mother about it first thing in the morning.

'Just carry-on ignoring the fact that scar-head is in a nappy right now,' his brain chided. 'You were never good at ignoring him before, why do you think it's easier now?'

"Well he can't answer back for one," he murmured into the dimly lit room.

'Yet,' his brain countered. 'He can't answer back yet. Just wait until he starts ageing, then he can be as irritating to you as he was before.'

"Fuck!"

There was no way around it. As soon as Potter started ageing per month, as the potion claimed it would do depending on how Sirius stabilised it, then it would mean that every month Potter would age a whole year. On the one hand, it meant having a birthday party every month which was never a bad thing for Draco's sweet-tooth. However, on the other hand, it meant that Potter would start remembering all the bad shit that happened before and during the war. It meant arguments and hostility and Draco knew he wasn't ready to deal with hearing what would come out of the saviours mouth.

It would be cruel, it would be callous and it would be one hundred percent true.

No ... He knew what was coming, and it broke what little shards of a heart he had left.

A/N: I hope this chapter was worth the wait and that the insight into Draco's situation is more grounded? Let me know what you think! Thanks for the birthday wishes! X