Dreams & Nightmares
Chapter 5: Lightning
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I owned the series, we'd get a hundred more episodes of it.
Jakal stared at the shuddering girl in his arms, at her tightly clenched jaw, the taut line of her lips over her teeth, her eyes that were now squeezed shut, and the white-knuckled grip she had on his chest armour and yearned to ask what it was that had happened on that bluff to cause her to react like this, if there was anything he could do to help her through this. Something atrocious had happened to her tonight to turn the little firecracker he knew into this hollow, terrified shell of herself.
Was she even aware that she had spoken aloud just now?
Please don't be angry. The ragged despair in her voice and the paniced terror shuddering on her breath ripped at him as no other sound ever had. He did not understand why it was she believed him angered, she had done nothing and even he was angry, he was not in the habit of taking it out on her. He never had been.
He hates me… She surely did not realize she said those words aloud. He could never hate her. Where had she gotten such an idea? How could she believe it?
I never meant to be such a disappointment.
"You're not, Nef… you're not. You couldn't be…" He whispered urgently in her ear whilst descending steadily groundwards where he apparently startled her upon landing gently for her pale eyes opened suddenly and quite widely. She was terrified.
"Why did you land?" Her voice was hoarse and cracking when she spoke. What caused it to be so, he knew not but he was determined to find out. She needed help, and it was obvious.
He had alighted on an empty street in front of a building that appeared to be abandoned. Good, it would get them out of the rain and wind.
"To give you some time to rest before we make it back to the Sphinx… and because we need to talk," he never set her down, even when he was forced to kick the boarded up door open, until he had found a box that he gently sat her on. This place held no salvageable furniture. "Are you alright?"
She said nothing, continuing to stare at him with such large eyes that he was reminded of some frightened, wounded animal and he had already decided that those were not expressions he liked seeing on her. Laughter and smiles were far more fitting to her pretty face than those.
When still she made no sound― had in fact dropped her gaze to stare at the ground with a bowed head― he gently cupped her jaw and forced her to look at him. It was not until he touched her face, felt the shaking of that slender jaw, and took a good look into her eyes, he realized she was fighting not to cry. Chewing on her lower lip, to still its trembling he was sure, her silver-grey eyes catching what little light there was and transforming them into twin, watery pools.
She did not want to meet his gaze. Why? Was she truly that ashamed to have anyone see her cry? Did she really think it a sign of weakness?
"Why are you doing this?" Her voice wavered but slightly that first question. "Couldn't you al least wait until we got home to yell at me? I'm already sorry for everything. Please, I'd rather deal with both yours and Rath's insults and curses at the same time than separately…" Her hoarse pleas trailed off as her voice cracked and faltered.
He stared at her as silently as she had done him earlier. Did she truly believe he had only stopped to chastise her? "Have I done anything to make you think I would do that to you?"
"You're angry," Nefertina said it in a small voice that was so unlike her he winced. He was aware of his own temper but was she really so frightened of him for it?
"Not at you. I won't yell and I promise I'm not angry with you. I just want to know what's wrong. What happened to you tonight?" She looked up at him for an instant and in that instant he saw more terror, panic, and agony than he thought her capable of, than he thought anyone capable of. When she ducked her to hide from his gaze, he captured her face between his hands and once more forced her to look at him. "Please, Nef, tell me. Tell me what happened. Tell me what I can do… Please."
Very suddenly, Nefertina apparently stopped battling the tears and the pain and began to cry, sobbing harshly. He covered his surprise as best he could and pulled her shaking form into his arms, cradling her against his chest and letting her cry as much as she needed. It was frightening to see her cry.
She was so small, he realized unexpectedly as she huddled against him. Jakal had never thought to notice this before because she had always been so strong and he had never had her clinging to him like he was the last solid thing in existence. As the sobs came less violently though no less often, she continued to remain in his arms.
Haltingly at first, becoming more broken with sobs as she went on, Nefertina softly told him what had happened tonight. Some parts were lost to him by her words becoming garbled with sobs and whimpering.
By the time she finished, he was gripping her more tightly, his lips drawn to a thin line that whitened from the angry pressure he was forcing on them. Never would this have entered his mind. By the wings of Isis, he would never have thought this could have ever happened. Of all the horrors she could have faced― this should not have happened.
Scarab would pay for this.
"I'm sorry," Nefertina choked out quietly, "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. It's always my fault… He's stronger because of me; the prince is in more danger than ever because of me. Oh, gods, Jakal, I'm sorry… What have I done!?" She began sobbing harder than ever, great, racking, heaving, hiccupping sobs that shook her small frame and caused him to lay his fury aside for the moment and try to comfort her. She needed someone now, someone who could comfort her, not someone who was ready to go on a rampage.
She believes this to be her fault. She believes he is angry with her. She believes he hates her. None of these things could be farther from the truth.
"You've done nothing, none of this is your fault, Nef," he whispered fiercely while gently rubbing her back, hoping to calm and ease her fears but knowing a horror like this would need far more. "It's not… this is Scarab's doing and I promise you he'll pay for― Nefertina?"
Her shaking had ceased, as had her sobs, but he had been so deep in his thoughts that he had missed it. Listening to her, slow, even breathing and rhythmic heartbeat and feeling how relaxed her body now was, he realized she had cried herself to sleep. It was the slumber of the exhausted, of one who had no strength left.
Lightning crackled outside, lighting the room for a split instant before plunging it back into darkness, thunder rolled overhead, and rain pounded the streets.
He didn't want to take her back out in this weather, not while she was sleeping. In hindsight, he should not have taken her out to begin with in her current condition. They should have stayed with Dr. French until the storm passed but his pride had been too injured to see that Nefertina had not needed to go out into this downpour. He was so stupid!
The girl shivered suddenly and tried to snuggle closer to him. Jakal looked down at her in the darkness and recalled the cold metal of his armour to pull her closer and share his warmth, settling into a sitting position on the floor with her in his arms to wait out the night.
End chapter 5.
Sorry for the delay, school, work and everything else in life has been taking over and I've not been able to get anything much done. Hope you like this and yes, I'm working on 'Old Gods,' I'm just stuck.