"Who is it?" Harm was trying not to allow his voice to betray the emotions swirling around in his head. Bax, having known Harm for twenty years could tell there was something wrong with his friend. Harm looking like he was holding his breath and stopping his heart at the same time.
"It's Kate Pike, buddy." Bax smiled quickly and he laughed a little as Harm let out a heavy exhale. "Who did you think I was going to say?" Bax was laughing slightly and he watched as Harm glanced quickly at the door to his apartment before returning his focus to their conversation. The eye movement wasn't lost on the SEAL. "Oh my God, you thought it was Mac!"
"I…I…no I didn't." Harm protested weakly.
"Come on Hammer, I know I can be a hound but I thought you at least respected me as a friend. I see how you look at her." Harm went to protest but Bax raised him open palm to silence him. "Don't try to deny it, everyone sees it. Keeter told me he saw it back in Iran, hell Sturgis emails me updates. I thought you learned from the Academy buddy. It took you two years to ask Diane out on your first date. I want to know what's stopping you. And don't insult my intelligence with the rules and regulations bullshit, what's honestly stopping you?"
"How about the fact that over the last two years we said every possible nasty thing to each other in an effort to push each other away and love two people that we never could, is that a good reason?" Harm seemed to inflate at the shoulders into a more imposing figure.
"I know it's a tall order to ask Harmon Rabb not to live in the past, but goddamn it Harm, you're going to have to learn how to do it eventually. Alright, your dad, that we all understood and on that one, every last one of us would have gone to Russia with you if that's what it took. Diane, hell that's another one where you could've counted on having all of us stand beside you. What else is there, Harm? Is this about Mace? Or Gym? What is it that has you incapable of moving on?" Bax watched Harm retreat slightly.
"Maybe it's about all of them, did you ever think of that? No, you wouldn't because as usual, Ethan Baxter has to have all the answers. Well guess what, Bax? You weren't the one who lost your father at six; or your RIO and friend because of your vision; or the woman you love because you decided against picking her up at the pier that night." Harm's voice was breaking under the emotion.
"You know what, Harm? You're right; I haven't had to go through all that. I mean yeah I lost my older brother at ten because he was killed on a mission. As for the Diane thing, did it somehow conveniently slip your memory that Steph died in my arms? You were there as I recall, you called the ambulance.Yeah; I lost a close friend that night on the Norfolk pier, too. I also had to receive a call from a distraught Trish Burnett telling me that you were in a hospital in Germany because you almost got killed in a ramp strike. I was the one who had to find out from your mother that you were missing in Russia and I was the one who got the phone call last year that told me that you had gone down in the Atlantic. You want to talk about seeing friends in pain? How about that summer after your ramp strike that we all spent up at your grandmother's farm? You think it didn't kill Keeter, or Sturgis, or me or especially Diane to see you moping around like that? Please. We all go through tough shit, Harm. What gives you more right than any of us to dwell on it and blame yourself for it?" Bax challenged as he refused to let Harm retreat into the apartment.
"What do you want me to say, Bax? You want me to tell you that I'm afraid, is that it? You want me to look you in the eye and tell you that the idea of actually sitting down and talking to Mac about this has me petrified?" Harm lashed out.
"Harm, you and I were never the closest two people in the group but we always respected each other enough to not let the other get away with excuses and bullshit. You never let me do it when I needed a little tough brotherly love and I'm not going to let you do it now. What are you afraid of?" Bax's tone softened.
Harm stopped for a second and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure that he could muster the force that he had mustered seconds earlier. "Losing her." He replied weakly. "Oh God, Bax, I'm afraid of losing her." Harm's reply was followed with a few cathartic tears.
"It's okay, buddy. Remember, you told me once that it was okay to be afraid. It was God's way of keeping us alive. Without fear we would walk carelessly out into crowded street or jump from great heights without a parachute…well I guess that part of it didn't take since HALO jumps have become part of my job, but the rest of it was a pretty nice speech." Bax joked as he walked up next to Harm and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Bax, you can be a horse's ass sometimes you know that?" Harm laughed a little at the line.
"Yeah, I know, but every group of friends needs one right?" Bax countered.
"Hey, between you and Keeter we ended up with more than our fair share." Harm chortled, gaining his good mood back.
"Harm, here's what I suggest, I'm gonna sack out on your floor, take Mac into your room, sit on your bed and talk with her. Get over whatever is in the past between you that makes you hesitant and don't stop talking until you've reached that point. I'm not going to suggest you do anything more while you have three passed out Naval officers and a passed out Marine gunnery sergeant in your living room." The two men turned back toward the door of the apartment.
"Sounds good. I could use something to make me laugh though. Why don't you tell me how you and Kate got together?" Harm was back to smiling widely as they walked into the apartment.
"What makes you think that would be a funny story?" Bax almost sounded offended as he shut the door behind them.
"Because I know you too well. So, are you going to tell me or not?" Harm turned back toward Bax as they moved into the kitchen area.
"Tell you what?" Mac asked coming down out of Harm's bedroom.
"How he and Kate Pike got together." Harm offered readily.
"I could use a good comedy too." Mac joked standing near the sink.
"You two think you're so funny." Bax took a seat.
"You gonna tell us or not?" Harm pushed slightly and he slid Bax a bottled water.
"Not much to tell. Kate was the JAG advisor assigned by the Rosie Roads NLSO to oversee the implementation of the new ROEs. Kate and I got into some kind of argument over god knows what. One minute we're shouting at each other, the next minute she pounced at me and we're locked together at the lips. She threw me back on to the table we were using, locked the door and you can pretty much take it from there." Bax was using some rather animated hand gestures and carefully avoiding Harm's gaze.
"That sounds like Kate, yeah." Harm nodded.
"Hey, you're talking about the woman I love." Bax warned with a stern wagging of his index finger.
"Whoa! Bax just used the big four letter 'L' word; I never thought I'd see the day. We all thought any woman who got you to use that word would have to torture you for days to get it out of you." Harm joked as he and Bax clinked their water bottles together.
"We all thought you were going to be first. Remember the Tontine?" Bax stated.
"Tontine? You guys bet on this?" Mac looked at the two men.
"On Christmas leave during our last year at the Academy we all went up to Grandma Sarah's. She told us all to clean out the cellar, so we went down into the cellar and we found this bottle of wine, God, what was the year on that label, Bax?" Harm asked, lost in the moment of reflection.
"1856." Bax replied.
"1856, that's right. Well, Bax is like me, he's from California except his family owns a vineyard in Napa Valley. Well after spending a few hours examining the bottle, Bax tells us that the wine is remarkably well preserved, in fact, it's still drinkable. So the four of us; Keeter, Bax, Sturgis and I made a pact, a tontine, that whoever was the first to get married, the best man would toast with a glass of wine from that bottle." Harm was smiling so widely that it warmed Mac's heart to really see him that happy.
"Do you remember the order we figured it would happen in?" Bax asked as he raised his water to his lips.
"Yeah, it was me, Sturgis, Keeter then we all figured that if you ever got married, you'd be last." Harm laughed slightly. "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine you'd be first."
"Well, she hasn't said 'yes' yet and I'm not even sure when I'm going to ask her." Bax smiled fondly. "I guess sometimes, if it's the right person, you just know it's an inevitability."
"Whoa, Kate really has changed you. Either that, or you're running one hell of a fever." Harm joked.
"Well, I'm gonna sack out for the night, Hammer, remember what I said." Bax walked back into the living room and laid down on the floor.
"What did he say?" Mac asked timidly.
"He suggested that you and I go up into the bedroom, sit on the bed and talk about everything that's happened over these last two years. I don't want to swell his head any more than it already is, but when Bax has a good idea, it's damn good one and this is a damn good one." Harm took her by the hand and turned his body toward the bedroom. "What do you say?"
"If we're going to do this, we have to promise right now, no running. We turn to each other rather than away from each other, agreed?" Mac studied his eyes, awaiting his response.
"No matter how bad it gets, I'll turn to you." He stated softly and she walked with him to the bedroom. He sat down on one side of the bed and she sat down on the other and they turned to face each other. "I suppose it's only fair that you start first, I can only think of two possible starting points for this conversation and in both cases, the grievance is yours."
"Harm, it's not a grievance, it's two things which I've had problems comprehending, one of them I now do. I know why you went back to flying but I didn't understand why until the Admiral's porch. When you told me about what happens when a pilot loses control, I understood. You felt as if you didn't have control when you left flying, that it had been taken from you. You were able to get that control back and start making choices about a life that you felt you had chosen rather then one that had been chosen for you." Mac gently let her hand fall on his in the middle of the bed.
"You're good at this, you know I used to think you knew me better than I knew myself, I guess I was a fool to ever stop thinking that." Harm joked lightly.
"At the same time, it makes Sydney a little harder to understand. If you finally had a life that you were choosing, then it means that you didn't want me in it, at least in the capacity I was hoping for at the time." Mac stated nervously, carefully avoiding his gaze.
"Mac, that wasn't it. Yes, I finally felt like I had control over my destiny and I was trying to see where everything fit in that. Doing that isn't exactly easy with everything that was going on at JAG. I mean, it took everything I had when I came back to try and understand why you were treating me so coldly. When you finally started to warm up while you were going through the Farmer appeal, I was trying to adapt to that again. God Mac, that night when you wanted to go to dinner and I already had plans with Renee, I would've cancelled them in a heartbeat if you had told me how important it was." Harm enveloped her hand in his.
"You really would have." Mac stated as she looked up into his eyes to see the sincerity there.
"Yes of course. But then after that happened, there was that whole incident where I almost drowned and then we went right into that damn Australia fiasco. Now, before we launch into who did what, can I explain a few things about why the whole ferry incident played out like a poorly written soap opera?" Harm asked with a sly smile. Mac nodded and Harm launched into it. "First off, I think I was still getting over seeing you topless on the beach. I kept telling myself that you never would have done something like that if you were on the beach with me."
"When was the first, last or any time between that you ever asked me?" Mac replied quickly.
"Point taken. Secondly, my head was so wrapped around beating Brumby in the damn Lee case that everything else seemed to take a back seat. That 'not yet' I gave you had a few meanings. I wanted to be able to give you the attention that you deserved and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that as long as I was focusing on that case. More importantly there were two things. The first of which is that my life was so screwed up at that point that any relationship I attempted would have been a disaster, hence Renee. Secondly, and I realize that this would be completely out of character for you but it was a reason in my mind, the language that you were using indicated to me that you only wanted me while we were in Australia." Harm concluded with a breath.
"Alright, can I talk now?" Mac examined his features and was pleased when he nodded. "Good, alright, I understand the work thing and I can understand you wanting to get your life in order. Why couldn't you just tell me that? If you would have said 'Sarah, I care about you too much to start a relationship right now because I believe I'll only hurt you or I won't be able to give you the attention you deserve' I would have had some questions about when you would be ready, but I would have understood." Mac gulped, not believing the open door attitude that they had taken on.
"You know, for two lawyers, our communication skills leave a lot to be desired." Harm remarked.
"Tell me about it. Alright, now let's get to the fling misunderstanding. You're right, it's not in my character to have a one night stand but reflecting on what I said that night, if it had been you talking, I probably would have thought you were propositioning me. The difference is, I would have said yes." Mac joked light-heartedly.
"What happened to not being one for one night stands?" Harm's surprise overwhelming him.
"You have a tendency to make me consider a lot of things I never would have considered before, like buying a corvette." Mac retorted. "I guess this brings us to the real crux of the last two years."
"Yeah, I suppose it does. Listen Mac, I want to ask the question and I know we promised not to run but I don't want to ask the question if it's going to make you angry." Harm whispered quietly.
"I took the ring because I thought…you had closed the door on any chance of us being together. When I couldn't have you, I reached for what I could have. It was desperate and it was foolish and it would have made me miserable but that night on the ferry that phantom clock was ringing so damn loud I just needed a way to hit the snooze button that would stop it. Harm, I came to a realization sometime between the engagement party and your dip in the Atlantic. Have you ever seen It's a Wonderful Life?" Mac couldn't believe she was about to say this.
"Yeah, Christmas movie, guy's given a glimpse into what life would be like if he was never born." Harm supplied the information in a slightly confused tone.
"Yeah, that's right. Now, you have to promise not to freak out at what I'm about to tell you." Mac looked at him sternly and Harm raised two fingers in a Boy Scout pledge. "There's this line in the movie where Mary looks at George and she says 'I want my babies to look like you' and Harm that was the realization I came to. Every time I closed my eyes and I saw my son or daughter at a t-ball game or on their first day of school, they never looked like Mic, they always looked like you." Mac sounded completely vulnerable, in a tone that brought him back two years to that night on the ferry in Sydney.
"What does this mean?" Harm tried to clear up the situation without letting the swirling emotions of his mind get the better of him.
"I'll wait. As long as it takes, if it means a little boy with his daddy's smile and eyes." She stated softly, trying hard to quell the tears rushing to her eyes.
"What about a little girl with her mommy's skin tone and big beautiful brown eyes?" Harm raised a hand to brush Mac's cheek lightly. "She'd be perfect."
"Harm…" Mac stated softly, not quite sure what to make of his display of tenderness.
"Let's go." He took her by the hand and led her frantically off the bed.
"Where?" Mac questioned with a smile.
"Atlantic City, let's go get married." Harm was smiling widely, almost like he'd lost his mind.
"Harm, we can't just go get married, what about everyone we're leaving here?" Mac questioned.
"Bax is sober, he'll take care of them tomorrow morning, now come on." He pulled her closer to the door.
"What about the Admiral, he's not going to like not being told about this." Mac hesitated again.
"Fuck the Admiral. Marriage is about the two people involved, not everyone who isn't, come on, let's go, we're burning time." Harm stated as the continued to walk toward the door.
"What about your mother, she won't like this exactly." Mac was now taking a few cautious steps on her own.
"Are you kidding? My mother finds out that I've married and you and she'll never stop smiling, squealing or sounding like someone's tickled her for the last eight months. Now, let's go." Harm opened the door.
"Harm, there's a lot more thought that tends to go into this kind of thing." Mac stressed, her steps upgrading from cautious to weary.
"I love you, you love me, and we want to have a family, what the hell else needs to be thought about? Are you driving or am I?" Harm stood in the doorway pulling his shoes on.
"Say that first part again." Mac stated, sounding completely blindsided by what he'd just said.
"I love you, can we get a move on, I'd like to have a Mrs. Rabb at some point within the next twenty-four hours." Harm pulled his jacket over his shoulders.
"We're going to need a witness." Mac stated with a smile. Harm realized that he would leave it up to her to remember a small but necessary detail. Harm walked into the living room while Mac was getting ready. He kicked Bax lightly in the ribs.
"Get up we need a witness." Harm stated forcefully.
"Are we committing a felony?" Bax stated as he slowly got to his feet.
"No, we're getting married." Harm stated quickly, not taking time to choose his words.
"That's very sweet Harm but I'm afraid you're not my type." Bax stated drowsily.
"Not you and me, idiot, me and Mac, we're going to Atlantic City." Harm pulled Bax along by the collar.
"You know, I remember the days when the pleasant voice of our Middy-Lieutenant shouting in my ears used to wake me up. Now it's my buddy telling me he's getting married……wait, you two are getting married?" Bax's brain finally snapped on.
"By Jove, I think he's got it." Harm stated blandly.
"Oh good, you picked the sober one." Mac was being humorous.
"I feel so loved." Bax was sarcastic. "Has one of you perhaps thought of leaving a note to explain our absence to Sturgis, Keeter and Gunny?"
"The man has another good point." Mac reminded Harm.
"Fine, you know there might actually be more effort in eloping than having a planned wedding." Harm commented. He walked over to the kitchen, scribbled a few lines on a piece of paper and walked back over to the door. "There can we think of anything else?"
"Are you gonna let me sleep in the Lexus?" Bax yawned openly.
"Anything you want, buddy." Harm gave Bax a pat on the shoulder and the party of three walked out of the apartment.
"So, Harm does this mean I'm your fiancée?" Mac questioned as the three of them stood in the elevator.
"Until we say 'I do'." Harm leaned in and kissed her quickly on the lips.
"If you two are going to be lovey-dovey the whole way, I'm glad I'll be asleep." Bax was kind of teetering on his feet. The elevator brought them to the bottom floor and Harm dragged them out and piled everyone into the Lexus. Bax in the backseat and Mac in the shotgun seat next to him. Within minutes of putting his seatbelt on, Bax was asleep again.
"I just realized something." Mac's eyebrows shot up on her forehead.
"What's that, baby?" Harm turned toward her.
"We're engaged and we've never actually kissed as a couple." Mac stated with a deal of remorse.
"Well, let's just change that right now, shall we?" Harm leaned over the console and his lips met Mac's in a sweet and tender kiss that had both of them smiling afterward.
"Hard to believe in a few hours I'm going to be Mrs. Rabb." Mac's reflection was laced with a deal of shock.
"You don't mind it, taking my name I mean?" Harm inquired.
"It's a dream come true." Mac smiled sweetly.
"Oh……Kate." Bax muttered in his sleep in the backseat.
"Maybe not his dream." Harm joked as he put the Lexus in drive and started the long drive that would determine his and Mac's future.