"Tuvok to Captain Janeway. Please come to the Bridge at once."
Kathryn stirred awake just in time to hear his second announcement. "Tuvok to Captain Janeway. Please report to the Bridge."
Kathryn sat up. "On my way, Tuvok." She rubbed her tired eyes. "Computer, what time is it?"
"The time is 0800 hours."
8 o'clock. She had been asleep for almost ten hours. Then why did it feel as though she had not slept through two? Her head ached, her vision was blurred, and her body felt unnaturally heavy. She forced herself out of bed and got dressed as quickly as she could.
"Report," Kathryn said as she entered the Bridge.
"Neelix wishes to speak with you, Captain." Tuvok replied. "He says he has important information."
Neelix. Kathryn's heart warmed at the thought of her old friend. She had missed him so much since he had left Voyager to start a new life with his own people.
"On screen."
She smiled as Neelix's image filled the view screen. "Good to see you, my friend."
"And you, Captain. But not as good as the news I have to tell you." He rubbed his hands together joyfully and could hardly contain his excitement. "There's a wormhole, approximately two hundred light years west of your current position, that leads to the Alpha Quadrant. It was created three months ago by a powerful species from another galaxy. Fortunately for us they wish only to explore and not to conquer as their technology makes yours look like cookies to cakes. It's so powerful that the wormhole won't collapse for another five months. Five months, Captain! Plenty of time for you to use it!"
Kathryn stepped closer to the view screen. This was the kind of news she had waited seven years to hear ... But she could not let her longing to believe it was true cloud her judgment. "How do you know all this, Neelix?"
"They made contact with us. They could tell this was not our natural home, and came to the conclusion that we were either explorers who had lost our way, had been drawn from our original home by the Caretaker, who apparently has caused havoc in other galaxies too, or that we lost our original planet. They wanted to know if they could help us, and told us of the wormhole leading to the Alpha Quadrant, and said they could create one leading anywhere in the universe if we wished. I told them of you and they gave me all the information you will need to find the wormhole and use it. I'm sending it to you now."
Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "I don't know what to say, Neelix," she said, genuinely lost for words.
"No need to say anything, Captain," he smiled. "I am your Ambassador after all."
Kathryn returned his smile. "We all miss you, Neelix."
"And I miss you all." The view screen began to flicker. "I have to go, Captain. We are having problems with communications today. Have you received everything I sent you?"
Kathryn glanced at the monitor before her. "We have."
"Then I will bid you good-bye."
"You too, Neelix. And thank you..."
He was gone.
After a moment of composing herself, Kathryn turned to her crew who were talking excitedly amongst themselves. "Alright, alright," she said with a smile. "While this is most wonderful news, let's not get our hopes up too high. It will take us at least three months to travel two hundred light years, and dangers are never far away in this Quadrant. We will all need to be alert and on our guard. We also need to bear in mind that while Neelix has provided us with this information with the best of intentions, there is still a chance his information is inaccurate. I want you all to keep this information to yourselves for the moment until we have proof that what he says is true. Then we will celebrate. Understand?"
"Yes, Captain," the crew replied in unison.
She smiled warmly. "Now, return to work." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Chakotay. Report to my ready room at once."
Chakotay entered the ready room, casually dressed in beige trousers and a white shirt as he was not on duty for another six hours.
"I hope you have a good excuse for waking me after night duty, Captain," he smiled.
"The best news," she said, getting up from her couch and walking over to him. "I was just talking to Neelix. There's a wormhole, two hundred light years from here, that will take us to the Alpha Quadrant." Her eyes were blazing with joy as she spoke. "Naturally, I've told the crew members who were listening not to get their hopes up. But it does look hopeful, Chakotay. Very, very, hopeful."
Chakotay was silent for a long moment, and Kathryn's joy faded as she saw he did not share it.
"Well," she said sarcastically, "there's no need to jump up and down for joy."
Chakotay stepped away from her. "I just think you're being a little presumptuous. Neelix has always been full of stories, few of them with little basis in reality. He's probably heard this from someone who's heard it from someone else and assumed it's a fact."
"He heard it from the species that created the wormhole. A very, very, powerful species. He's sent us co-ordinates and everything. He wouldn't have given us this information if he wasn't certain it was accurate. He knows how cruel that would be."
"And this region of space where the wormhole dwells, has he told us about that? Has he told us who it belongs to, or what hostilities we might encounter? Instead of sending this crew home, we might just be sending them to their graves!"
"Now who is being presumptuous? What would you have us do, ignore what Neelix has told us? Ignore the very strong likelihood there is a wormhole out there that will get us home in weeks?"
"No, of course not."
"Then what are you saying?"
"Just that we can't..."
His words were interrupted by a message from Seven. "Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway."
"Go ahead, Seven."
"I have completed scanning the region of space you asked me to and have indeed found a wormhole at the location specified."
Kathryn smiled triumphantly. "I'll be there now, Seven. Janeway out." She looked smugly at Chakotay. "You were just about to say, Commander?"
"It doesn't matter."
She put her hand on his shoulder. "I understand your reluctance to be optimistic about this, Chakotay. You don't want to believe we may finally have a way home only to find out it's a lie. That's a valid sentiment and I'm not going to dissuade you from it. It's right that we are cautious. This wormhole may exist, but it could lead to the Beta Quadrant for all we know. But until we do know for certain where it leads, I'm going to indulge in a little presumptuousness." She smiled. "Now, I'd better get down to astrometrics. I've not long made coffee, so help yourself to some if you want."
She smiled again, and then left the room. Chakotay watched her go and tears welled in his eyes. She might believe he was afraid of setting himself up for a disappointment, but the truth of the matter was that he did not want Voyager to get home. Voyager was the only place he had truly been happy, where he had truly belonged. Even though he knew the chance of Kathryn every returning his love was remote, while they were in the Delta Quadrant, he still lived in hope that one day she would feel the same. If they returned to earth, that hope would be gone forever. She would be showered with honors for getting Voyager home, perhaps even be made an Admiral, and would be surrounded by men far more distinguished than him. He buried his head in his hands and tried to push such selfish thoughts out of his mind. For seven years getting Voyager home had been Kathryn's one unwavering goal and he had not seen such joy on her face for a long, long, time. For her sake, he hoped this wormhole was all that she had been led to believe.
Kathryn looked up from her desk into a bunch of beautiful summer flowers.
"A peace offering," Chakotay said, handing them to her.
Kathryn took them and let herself drown in the fragrance. "They're beautiful, Chakotay. But I wasn't aware we were at war."
"No, but I behaved terribly this morning. I'm sorry."
She looked deep into his eyes and saw that he wanted her to accept his apology, even though she thought there was no need for one.
"Apology accepted."
A peace returned to his eyes and he smiled. She went over to the replicator to replicate a vase of water.
"Any more news on the wormhole?"
"No," she answered, picking up the vase and bringing it over to her desk. "But Seven and Tuvok are working on it. We should know in a few hours if it does indeed lead to the Alpha Quadrant."
She put the flowers in the vase, sorting them out to her liking. Chakotay watched her sort them out according to size, color and type. She was as methodical in this as she was everything else, and he couldn't help be amused by it.
"In the meantime, I suggest we all forget about the wormhole and carry on with our lives as normal." She put the last flower in the vase.
"There. How does it look?"
"Wonderful," he smiled.
Kathryn shivered unexpectedly.
"Cold?"
"Yes, a little. Computer, rise heating five percent." She turned to Chakotay. "I was just about to replicate dinner, care to join me?"
"I would love to, but I'm only half way through my shift."
"Of course. Well, you can look forward to the delight I intend to cook for us tomorrow."
He smiled. "Do I get any hints? Any suggestions on whether I should wear teeth protection?"
She teasingly poked his stomach. "Careful, Commander, or I will make you cook dinner instead."
The headache was getting worse. Kathryn tried to concentrate on the screen before her, but it was no use. The words and numbers blurred into each other until all she saw was a maze of color. She looked away and took a deep breath.
All was normal.
She switched off the monitor and sat back in her chair, rubbing her aching eyes. She needed to take a break, needed to rest. She was overworking herself. She got up and went over to the replicator.
"Coffee, bla... No, cancel that request. Fresh apple juice."
The apple juice materialized and Kathryn drank it in one go. Her throat was dry and the cold liquid was very soothing.
The door chime sounded.
"Come in!"
Seven came in with Tuvok. Kathryn couldn't tell from either of their faces whether they bore good news, bad news, or no news at all.
"We have the results of the wormhole analysis, Captain," Tuvok said, handing her his PADD."
Kathryn's mouth was dry again, but this time from nerves. "And?"
"All the information Neelix gave us is correct. It is indeed a wormhole leading to the Alpha Quadrant and will not collapse for approximately 155 days and 12.5 hours."
It took a moment for the news to sink in, then Kathryn smiled through tears.
"Let's inform the crew."
The celebrations lasted well past midnight. Voyager's holodecks pulsated with light and sound as the young crew members partied the hours away. Kathryn had stayed a while to celebrate with her crew, but the light and noise hurt her head and she retreated to the quieter party that was happening in the Mess Hall. Chakotay was there, as were Tom and B'Elanna, Seven, and the Doctor. Tuvok and his fellow Vulcans were keeping an eye on the ship, and Kathryn was silently grateful. She slipped unnoticed into the room, and in that moment missed Neelix dreadfully. Already he would have been making his way over to her and telling her all that he had prepared to eat and drink. She picked up a glass of wine as she passed a table full of food and drink, and then stood watching the people. They all looked so incredibly happy and a lump gathered in her throat. All she wanted with her whole being was to get this crew home, but oh how she would miss them. Her eyes wandered from Tom and B'Elanna to Seven, to the Doctor, and rested on Chakotay. She would find saying good-bye to him hardest of all. Seven years ago she had been sent on a mission to capture him, but all that was captured was her heart. She had fought tooth and nail not to fall in love with him, had given herself a thousand reasons why she should not, but it had been the only one hopeless battle she had ever engaged in. He was so kind, thoughtful, and gentle, and everything she could ever want in a man. He had once told her in a beautiful ancient legend that he loved her, but she had not loved him then the way she loved him now. Then she was still coming to terms with losing Mark and her heart was not yet ready to love again. When she was finally ready, it seemed as though he had moved on, and she did not want to open old wounds. Their professional relationship as Captain and Officer also complicated matters and it seemed best to let sleeping dogs lie.
He must have felt the weight of her stare as he turned to look at her. He smiled warmly and made his way over to her.
"I didn't think we would see you in here, Captain," he teased. "I thought you wouldn't be able to escape all the eager young males who would like to dance with you."
"The same could be said about you in regards to females," she smiled, sitting at a table before them. "But I think there is hardly a single person on this ship who has not paired up with..." She suddenly felt dizzy and raised her hand to her head. She felt Chakotay's concerned hand on her shoulder. "Kathryn?"
"I'm alright. Just tired." She stood up. "I think it's time I went to bed."
"Do you want me to accompany you?"
Kathryn's lip twitched in embarrassed amusement and he blushed crimson.
"I mean, would you like me to accompany you to your quarters?"
"No," she smiled. "I'll be alright. But thank you."
The Bridge was almost deserted the next day as everyone recovered from their night of celebration. Only Tom Paris and Tuvok were present when Chakotay arrived. He took his seat and began to read the reports that were waiting for him.
Tom turned to him. "Is the Captain joining all those who are not reporting for duty because of hangoveritis?"
"I hardly think so, Lieutenant," he smiled. "Why do you ask?"
"She hasn't made an appearance yet, that's all."
"Well, she's probably busy in her ready room. Not even the latest of late nights would keep the Captain from duty."
"Know from personal experience, do we?"
Chakotay looked up at him. "And what is that supposed to mean?"
"What does she do, kick you out of bed at dawn so that your rendezvous' go unnoticed?"
Chakotay shook his head. "I can see why the holodeck is your domain, you have a very active imagination. The Captain and I are friends, nothing more."
"And Prince Charming married one of the ugly sisters. Come on, Chakotay, candlelight dinners, moonlight sails on Lake George..."
Kathryn suddenly appeared, coffee in hand. "Who is going for a moonlight sail on Lake George?"
Tom flushed to his hair roots. "B'lanna and I."
"Well, make sure you take Lucinda," she said, taking her seat. "She beats them all."
"I never take another boat, Ma'am."
"Glad to hear it."
"You and the Commander should join us. We could have a picnic."
"And spoil your romantic evening? I'm sure your wife wouldn't be too pleased about that."
"I think she'd be very happy ... one couple joining another."
Kathryn eyed him suspiciously. "Why do I get the feeling I'm missing something?"
Chakotay and Tom smiled at each other, and Kathryn sat straighter in her chair. "I am missing something. Come on, share the joke."
"We were just commenting on your absence from the Bridge this morning," Tom said. "You are never late and I, being me, was making up a Cinderella story."
Kathryn settled back into her chair, her sluggish mind unable to focus. "You make no sense, Tom Paris."
"Did I ever, Captain?"
"No, I don't believe you ever have." She drank some of her hot coffee and then lay her head back against her seat. It felt as though a dozen Kingons were going ten rounds in her head. Chakotay watched her in concern. She looked so pale and tired and there were black rings under her eyes.
"Are you alright, Captain?"
"I'm fine," she said, sitting up and finishing her coffee.
"You don't look fine. I want you to go and see the Doctor."
"There's nothing wrong with me."
"Then you won't mind going to the Doctor and being proved right."
Kathryn turned her head to his and looked into determined eyes. "I don't have a choice in this, do I?"
"Not if you want a quiet life."
She sighed through a smile. "Very well. I'll go and see the Doctor."
She handed him her cup of coffee and left the Bridge. As she disappeared into the lift, Tom turned to Chakotay.
"I want you to go and see the Doctor?"
Chakotay shook his head. "You're incorrigible. Now, get back to work before this First Officer throws you in the brig."
"There's no need for further examination, Doctor," Kathryn said as the EMH began to manually examine her glands after examining her with his tricorder. "All I need is something to take away this infernal headache."
"Headaches have an underlying cause, Captain. It's my job to determine what it is."
"Too much work and too many late nights trying to keep up with it, Doctor," she said as he began scanning her again. "And if you keep me any longer, I will be having an even later night than usual. Just give me something to make this damn headache go away."
The Doctor stepped away from her, and hurried over to his monitors, analyzing data there intently. "Very well, Captain," he said absently.
Kathryn lay curled up on her couch. Her headache had returned and was worse than ever. It hurt even to open her eyes. The door chime sounded.
"Come in," she said, sitting up a little.
It was Chakotay. He looked around and saw the table was bare and no food prepared. Just as he expected.
"I take it dinner's off tonight?"
"Dinner?" Kathryn rubbed her eyes. "Oh yes, dinner. I'm sorry, I forgot."
He went over to her. "A good thing, then, that I have cooked dinner for us."
Kathryn's stomach heaved at the thought of food and she unconsciously put her hand to her mouth.
"But something tells me you're not hungry." He studied her in concern. She looked dreadful, far worse than she had done earlier. "Did the Doctor really say you are perfectly well?"
"Not exactly."
"Then what did he say?"
"That I need to take things easier."
"I'll second that. You spread yourself too thin. I worry there'll be nothing left of you."
"Well," she smiled. "If I evaporate, you get to be Captain." She retreated into her curled up position. "I think you should go now. I'm tired and want to sleep off this headache."
"What you need is to eat something. You skipped lunch, and I dare say you skipped breakfast too. No wonder you have a headache." He knelt on the floor before her. "You must at least try to eat, Kathryn."
She closed her eyes. "I don't want anything. And besides, I don't think I could hold it down."
Chakotay noticed the way she was holding her stomach, rubbing it softly. She was a lot more ill than he had thought. He stroked her hair softly. "I'm summoning the Doctor."
"No, there's no need..."
"There's every need."
"I'll be better tomorrow..." she said quietly. "And don't touch me there... it hurts."
That was it, she was having the Doctor, like it or not. He tapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to the Doctor."
"Doctor here."
"Come to the Captain's quarters at once."
"Yes, Commander."
Kathryn moaned in frustration. "No, Chakotay, I'm alright."
"I won't be happy until I've heard that from the Doctor myself," he said, standing up.
The Doctor materialized, his medical case and tricorder in hand.
"You are not needed, Doctor," Kathryn said before he had a chance to move a holographic muscle or to speak.
"Well that's most charming," he said in his ususal sarcastic manner. "When someone has a problem I'm the most popular man on the ship, but as soon as someone is ill, I'm the most avoided..."
"I'm in no mood for one of your philosophies, Doctor," she replied, getting to her feet. "Commander Chakotay summoned you here, he can entertain you. I'm going to bed."
The Doctor seized her arm. "You are going no where until I've examined you."
Kathryn fixed on him her death glare. "Excuse me?"
"You are ill, Captain, and you need to be treated. If you continue to behave in this uncooperative fashion, you will leave me with no choice but to relieve you of duty."
Kathryn glanced at Chakotay and saw on his face that she would have no support from him. "Very well, do what you must."
The Doctor turned to Chakotay. "Commander... if you please..."
Chakotay realized it was his cue to leave. "I'll wait outside."
Kathryn watched as Chakotay left the room and swallowed as the silver doors shut behind him. She was alone with the Doctor and dreaded what his prognosis would be. Never in her entire life had she felt so ill.
"Take a seat, Captain."
"I'm fine standing," she said defiantly.
"I must insist that you sit."
She sighed, but did as he said. He scanned her thoroughly and then stepped away.
"As I suspected this morning, but did not want to say anything until I was absolutely certain. You are suffering from Virus X."
"Virus X?"
"The name I gave the virus you and Commander Chakotay contracted five years ago from an insect bite."
Kathryn shook her head in disbelief. "That's impossible. Chakotay and I were both cured of it."
"Apparently not, Captain. I have studied your medical history of the past five years, and with the benefit of hindsight, all indications are that the virus was sent into remission in you and now has recurred, far more virulent than before."
"If that were so, why is Chakotay not sick?"
"I have analyzed his medical history too and it seems that he was indeed cured of it."
Kathryn stood up, her fear and bewilderment blinding her to her body's weakness. "How can he be cured of it and not me?"
"The indication is that the medicine was only truly effective on human male physiology." He put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Captain."
There was a long silence.
"Without a cure," she began nervously, "how long do I have to live?"
"I can't say with all certainty," the Doctor replied. "It could be hours, it could be days."
"I see."
The Doctor watched, his heart breaking, as she sat calmly on her sofa. "Of course, Captain, I will continue to work at finding a cure for the virus and we can't give up hope. Commander Chakotay was cured and if I can find out why it only cures the human male, then I can modify the medicine to make it effectively treat the female aswell. Seven will have to help me if..."
"If there is any chance you will find a cure in time?"
The Doctor sat beside her. "Of course, there is an alternative to a cure."
"What's that?"
"We find you an m-class planet to live on. For some reason the virus is only deadly in an artificial environment. The natural environment of an m-class planet will protect you from the effects of the virus."
"No, Doctor," Kathryn said firmly. "I would rather die this minute aboard this ship than spend the rest of my life alone on a planet."
"I understand that, Captain, but just hear me out. We could put you on a planet while we continue to investigate the illness. Then when we have a cure, we could bring you back to Voyager."
"And how long would it take to find a cure? Weeks, months, years? We don't have that kind of time! We have to get to that wormhole before it collapses!"
The Doctor took her hand. "The crew love you, Captain. I'm certain they would choose to help you rather than go in pursuit of the wormhole."
"I couldn't put them in that position, Doctor. This might be our only chance of getting home for a long, long, time. My life is not worth losing that chance." She squeezed the Doctor's hand. "Promise me you will tell no one about this."
"Captain," he protested, "unless I can find a cure, you are going to be very ill, very quickly. The crew will need an explanation."
"All they need to know is that I am dying from a virus."
"And what of Seven? I will need her help in finding a cure."
"New Earth was before her time on this ship and she knows little about it. You need not tell her where I contracted the virus, or how. Promise me you will tell no one."
The Doctor could not ignore the desperate plea in her eyes. "Very well, Captain. I promise. But the Commander must at least be made aware of the severity of your condition."
Kathryn drew her hand away and retreated from him. "He doesn't have to know yet."
"I'm afraid he does, Captain. In hours you could be..." He could not say the words. "As you say, Captain. Time is a luxury we don't have." He hit his commbadge. "Doctor to Commander Chakotay."
"Go ahead, Doctor."
"You may come in now."
Moments later the doors opened and Chakotay came in.
"I hope the Captain is being a good patient," he smiled. "You always say that..."
He stopped when he saw the look of anguish on the two faces before him.
The Doctor stood up. "I'm afraid I have bad news, Commander."
Chakotay swallowed and his face paled. "What news?"
Kathryn got up and went over to the window, struggling not to cry. At moments like this, the Doctor wished he had never developed human emotions. "The Captain has contracted a virus that I am presently unable to treat. I will naturally do all that I can to find a cure, but there is not a lot of time. Without a cure, the Captain has only days, if not hours, to live."
Chakotay stared at him, and the look on his face, the Doctor never wished to see on another living being again.
"There has to be some mistake," he whispered at last.
"If only that were the case, Commander."
Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes and they shifted focus to settle on Kathryn, who was staring out of the window. He could hardly breathe from the pain in his heart. Kathryn dying? No, it could not be ... Kathryn had beaten the Borg, the Kazon, defied death every day. An illness could not claim her life...
"If you have any questions, Commander, you know where to find me. Every moment is precious and I must return to work." He hit his
commbadge. "Doctor to transporter room. Send me back to sickbay."
Seconds later he dematerialized.
For a long time neither Kathryn or Chakotay moved or spoke.
"Well, Commander," Kathryn said at last, turning to him. "It looks as though you will soon be promoted."
She inhaled sharply when she saw his eyes were wet with tears. He slowly walked over to her and without a word took her in his arms. He had never held her before, and for a moment Kathryn was unsure how to respond, but almost instinctively her arms went around him.
"You won't die, Kathryn," he whispered. "We'll find a cure, I know we will."
She leant her head against his shoulder. "That's unlikely, Chakotay."
"I will not accept that," he said tearfully. "And how can you? How can the woman who could never accept we could be stranded in this Quadrant for the rest of our lives, accept that in days she might be dead from a virus?"
Kathryn drew slightly away from him. "Because what other choice is there?"
"To fight. To believe we will find you a cure as strongly as you believed you would find us one when we were on New Earth."
Kathryn touched his tears. Only once before had she seen him cry this way, or rather an hallucination of him cry, and the memory flooded back to her now ... the ghost of herself watching as her body did not respond to his attempts to revive her ... his tears, his grief, the way he had collected her in his arms and held her tight against him, crying out her name when he thought she was dead... It frightened her that he could love her so much, and it frightened her because she knew that he did... or had once.
"It did me no good then, Chakotay, and it will do me no good now. I'm dying, and I have to accept it." A tear ran down her cheek. "You are going to have to get Voyager home. And you will, I know you will."
Chakotay drew her close again. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he could not bear the thought of losing her, but he could not be that selfish. She had made it clear how she felt about him and what she wanted from him; friendship and professionalism, nothing more.
"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."
Kathryn hesitantly drew away from Chakotay. "Janeway here."
Her voice was coarse with emotion, but the Vulcan did not seem to notice.
"Captain, you are needed on the Bridge."
"What's the problem?"
"Some kind of anomaly that is interfering with the ship's systems."
"I'll be right there. Janeway out."
Chakotay stared at her in disbelief. "You're in no condition to go anywhere, much less to the Bridge!"
"I'll be alright."
She walked away from him, but dizziness once again overcame her and she swayed. Chakotay gripped her, steadying her, and helped her to sit.
"You're right," she whispered. "I can't serve my crew like this." She lay down. "I make you Captain of Voyager."
A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "You are Captain of this ship, Kathryn. And as long as you live, will remain so."
The anomaly turned out to be nothing of consequence, and as soon as the ship moved beyond it, all systems returned to normal.
"We needn't have disturbed you and the Captain after all," Tom said, swiveling to face Chakotay. "Morning sickness, headaches, delegating to you in an emergency... It all can only mean one thing... The pitter patter of tiny feet. I'll have to tell B'Elanna she's in good company."
Chakotay stood up and seized Tom by his uniform. The violent action took the Lieutenant by surprise as Chakotay was always so gentle.
"If you can't say anything sensible, Paris, then I suggest you keep that big mouth of yours shut."
He pushed Tom away and left the Bridge.
"What's with him? I was only joking."
"Sometimes there is a fine line between joking and insulting," Tuvok replied, "which is why we Vulcan's never joke."
"Well, I say Chakotay needs to lighten up. We all know he and the Captain are lovers. Why they won't admit it?"
"We don't all "know", Mr Paris," Tuvok continued. "And I for one do not believe that they are."
"Oh come on, Tuvok. You must have noticed the way they look at each other, and they are simply electric together. Not even lightening contains as much electricity as flows between them."
"There is a difference between having feelings and acting upon them, Mr Paris. I have observed an attachment between the Captain and First Officer, but only an attachment, not a relationship. And, might I add, if they were intimately involved, it would be none of our business."
"I just don't see the point in them hiding their feelings from the rest of us. In three months time we could be home, but none of us knew we would make it so quickly. We thought we would be here for the rest of our lives. No one at Starfleet command will start shouting protocol at them."
"No, Lieutenant. But what the Captain and Commander do is their concern."
"Well," Tom said, taking his seat again. "All I can say is that if they are not lovers, they damn well should be."
Chakotay found Kathryn sitting in her bed, her laptop before her. He went over to her. "I hope you are not working."
"No," she smiled. "I was just looking though a couple of photo albums I keep on my computer."
"Of Voyager?"
"And before. I have photos from almost every aspect of my life."
"I would love to see them."
Kathryn laughed. "Even the ones of me with pig tails and freckles?"
"Especially those. I've never seen a picture of you as a little girl."
She patted the bed. "Then come sit beside me. Though I warn you, I'm not a pretty sight."
Chakotay made his way to the other side of the bed and climbed upon it, sitting beside her. She moved the screen a little so he could have a good view of it too, and then opened the first album. Two pictures came on the screen, one of a pregnant lady and the second of a baby dressed in a frilly white gown.
"That's my mother pregnant with me," Kathryn said, pointing to her. "She was about seven months pregnant at the time."
Chakotay studied the woman. She looked a lot like Kathryn. She had the same eyes, the same color hair, and the same smile. "You look a lot like her."
"Yes. My sister, Phoebe, looked more like our father."
Chakotay pointed to the baby. "And I take it this little cutey is you."
Kathryn smiled. "Yes. It was taken at my christening. My mother holds many traditional beliefs and both my sister and I were christened."
She forwarded to the next page. "This was me at three years old."
Chakotay smiled at the little girl with long ginger hair clashing over a bright pink Ballerina leotard and tutu.
"Every girl in my class wore pink," she said, "and I insisted on wearing it too, even though my mother said redheads don't wear pink." She gestured to the picture opposite. "At least our school uniform was blue, so it complemented my hair better."
"You make it sound as though your hair was a burden."
"Believe me it was, Chakotay," she said, forwarding to the next page. "Those with blonde hair or brown hair could wear just about anything, but put me in certain colors and I looked as though I belonged to a circus! For weeks I cried myself to sleep wishing I had jet black hair. The first day I left home for Starfleet Academy, I dyed it precisely that color. The trouble was it came out with a distinctive green hue, and I ended up having to have all my waist long hair cut off."
Chakotay laughed and then gazed at her hair. It was so beautiful. He loved the way it shone gold when the light fell upon it and the way it curled stubbornly at times. "Your hair color is perfect," he said softly.
Kathryn turned to him and the way he was looking at her made her catch her breath. There was so much warmth in his eyes. She wanted with her whole heart to reach out and touch him, but the reasoning part of her mind stopped her. Chakotay broke their gaze, turning again to the screen. There was a picture of what appeared to be Kathryn's family.
"Your family?"
"Yes. My mother, father, Phoebe, and all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was taken at my eighth birthday party. I always used to have relatives to my birthday parties as I didn't have many friends."
"Why not?"
"Because I was a swot. Of course that made me very popular when it was exam time, but most of the time I was ignored. Keenie Kath they called me."
"It must have hurt."
"Oh," she said, forwarding hastily to the next page. "I never let it bother me. I was too in love with study."
She may have told herself that often enough so that she believed it, but he did not. He knew how much it hurt not to belong.
"This was me at thirteen and sixteen," she continued. "As you can see, not a lot of difference, except we had just been camping and all that sun had really brought out my freckles."
He smiled. "You look like a girl from St Trinian's."
"From St where?"
"A twentieth century movie Tom was showing me the other day. He wants his daughter to be well versed in twentieth century filmography and this was on the viewing list. A great movie if you want your child to be a rebel, but I think Tom was quite oblivious to that."
Kathryn laughed. "I really hated wearing those pigtails. As soon as I was out of the house, I used to take them out. Of course, for all photographs I had to wear them."
A pain suddenly gripped her insides and she clutched her stomach. Chakotay lifted the computer from her lap and put it on the table next to the bed.
"Lie down," he said softly, helping her to do so. "That might ease the pain."
He picked up a hypospray, containing pain killers, and put it to her neck. In seconds she was calmer.
"That's better," she whispered.
The drug was powerful and made her sleepy. Chakotay felt so helpless and wished with all his might that it was he lying there instead of her. He gazed at the image of sixteen year old Kathryn on the computer screen. She looked so happy, so full of life - like the daughter he could have had with her if they had met when they were younger and in different circumstances.
"You can go now, Chakotay," Kathryn said softly. "There's no need to stay."
"I want to," he said, reaching for her hand. Kathryn placed her hand on top of his.
"It's getting late," she continued, her words beginning to take considerable effort as her body began to fall asleep. "You need to..." Her hand became limps in his and her next word was but a whisper, "...rest "
Her head drooped slightly to the side, telling Chakotay she was asleep. He kissed her hand softly and then stroked her brow tenderly. For the longest time he just sat beside her, gazing at her, memorizing every feature, and didn't even try to fight the tears falling down his cheeks.
All was silent but for the sound of Kathryn's soft breathing. From a distant chair, Chakotay watched her sleep. Hours must have passed but for him it seemed both a second and an eternity. Her breathing quickened and she stirred slowly, a sign that she was waking. Chakotay got up and went over to the bed. Kathryn was sweating heavily, as she had been for a while, and was finding breathing increasingly difficult. Her eyes opened, but immediately shut again, and she tossed her head to and fro in distress, almost weeping.
Chakotay took her hand in his and stroked her brow. "I'm here, Kathryn. I'm here."
She seemed to calm at that and squeezed his hand.
He climbed into the bed beside her and drew her into his arms. She nestled close to him and soon was asleep again.
Chakotay had fallen asleep holding Kathryn. When he woke, he found her lying just as he had laid her, only her arm was tightly around him. He caressed her softly, but she was ice cold to the touch. He drew away from her and frightened tears welled in his eyes at what he saw. Her face was white and her lips a strange purple. He his commbadge.
"Chakotay to the Doctor. Come to the Captain's quarters at once."
"On my way."
Chakotay caressed Kathryn's face, tears rolling down his cheeks. It could not be time... not yet ... not yet.
The Doctor appeared. He was momentarily surprised to see the First Officer in bed with the Captain, but Chakotay's distress and the Captain's unconscious state, made him forget it instantly.
"I think she's unconscious," Chakotay said as the Doctor approached the bed.
The Doctor scanned her with his tricorder. Then he stepped back, his face betraying his despair.
"She has slipped into a coma. There's nothing more we can do, Commander."
Chakotay shook his head. "No, she... No..." He gathered her close. "Don't die, Kathryn. Please don't die..." He could say no more as the tears choked him.
The Doctor watched him helplessly. He had always suspected the Commander had feelings for the Captain beyond friendship, but never could he have imagined that he loved her so much. He had promised the Captain he would not tell Chakotay the true nature of her illness, but he and Seven had made developments and he was sure they were on the brink of a cure. Breaking a promise would be a small price to pay for saving her life.
"There might be a way of saving her," he said at last.
Chakotay drew away from Kathryn. "What do you mean?"
"I promised the Captain I would not tell you, but I ... I feel that I must."
Chakotay got out of the bed. "If there is anything we can do to save her, anything at all, you have to tell me."
"The virus the Captain is suffering from is the same virus you and she contracted five years ago while on the planet you named New Earth. I thought you were both cured of it, but only you, in fact, actually were. In the Captain it merely went into remission and has now recurred, more powerful than it was before. For some reason the insect bite is harmless in a natural m-class environment, but is lethal in an artificial one, such as we have on Voyager. Why, I have never been able to understand, and still don't understand despite all my work on the virus. But Seven and I believe we are on the verge of finding a cure, but it will take a few more days before we can be certain. When I first discovered what was wrong with the Captain, I wanted to put her on a suitable m-class planet while we find a cure, but she would not hear of it." He paused. "As she is now, the Captain will die any minute, but putting her in stasis should preserve her life until we find a planet."
"Then we'll do that."
The Doctor put his hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "The Captain's illness is very advanced, Commander. It's possible that neither an m-class planet or a cure will do her any good now."
"I understand," Chakotay replied. "But if there's a chance, just a fraction of chance, that she may make a recovery, then I want us to try."