I updated!
Chapter II- The Yellowy Coloured Turbans and the People Wearing them
I suppose the story really begins when Zhang Jiao started to get a bit too big for his boots… maybe that's why he never wore any… but that's beside the point. Zhang Jiao managed to find others who were just as mentally impaired, heaven-obsessed and pro-bare feet as he was, and began the uprising of the Yellowy Coloured Turbans and the People Wearing them (also known as YCTPW). In present times they are known as the Yellow Turbans, obviously there was a mistake in some history book or other and people started to believe that the Han were actually fighting strips of yellow cloth… the people who believe this aren't far off.
So anyway, the call to arms (although legs were said to be helpful as well) sounded across China, and the summons were answered by various warriors, three of which we are particularly interested in, Liu Bei, Cao Cao and dear old Sun Jian. So that's the background history lesson for today, and I'm sure you're itching to find out what really happened at the Yellowy Coloured Turbans and the People Wearing them's Rebellion...
He Jin cleared his throat. "Ahem. AHEM. AHEM! Do I have your attention?"
Cao Cao mooed.
He Jin rested his head in his hands. "This is what comes of being a faceless character, damn Koei!" he muttered. "Okay, listen up people; this is the strategy for the battle."
Two privates who had been playing cards looked up.
He Jin sighed and took a deep breath. "EVERYONE WHO LISTENS WILL BE GIVEN A PORK BUN!"
Everyone fell silent.
"Thank you. Now listen carefully: Cao Cao, you shall advance from the East, and Sun Jian from the West. The Volunteer Forces," He indicated Liu Bei, "Will break through the middle and join the other two forces. Everyone know what they're doing? Any questions?"
Liu Bei raised his hand. "I have a question."
He Jin nodded. "Go ahead."
"Why are my forces called the 'Volunteer Forces?' "
He Jin blinked. "Because… you are?
"But why? Aren't we all volunteers?"
Jin scratched his head. "Ummm…" He paused. "Right! Session over!" He ran off.
Liu Bei looked confused for a moment. "Ookaay…" He and his brothers left, Cao Cao and his cousins following.
Sun Jian was left sitting there. "What about the pork bun…?"
The soldier sitting in the front lines of the YCTPW jumped up suddenly. "They're coming! Those sane, down-to-earth, anti-bare feet Han are coming!" He screamed and ran around in circles for a few minutes while his fellow soldiers watched him.
After a while he stopped, panting. "Did you hear me? The enemy is coming!"
One of the soldiers grinned stupidly at him.
"What?"
The soldier looked at the panicked YCTPW's back. "You have a sticker saying 'kick me' on your back."
"Who put it there?"
The soldier shrugged.
The first soldier blinked.
The second soldier blinked back.
The first soldier blinked again.
The second soldier blinked back.
That was when the first Han unit came through.
Both soldiers looked up and blinked.
The Han soldier hit them over the head with his shield.
The two YCTPWs blinked and toppled over.
You can tell Zhang Jiao didn't hire his troops for their brains.
Meanwhile, Sun Jian's forces were advancing.
"Huang Gai!"
"Yes sir?"
Sun Jian gave him a funny look. (Not funny Ha-ha, funny odd) "You're blowing up our troops…"
"I am?"
Sun Jian watched his loyal officer throw a bomb and blow up another unit. "Yes."
"Really?" Huang Gai threw another bomb.
Sun Jian frowned. "You're enjoying this aren't you?"
Huang Gai nodded.
Jian stared at him for a moment before rolling his eyes and charging into battle.
"Zhang Liang, Zhang Liang, I grant you power!"
Zhang Liang looked down at his hands. "YES!" He pulled off his robes and underneath was a tight yellow outfit with orange underpants pulled over the trousers, SZL emblazoned on the chest.
"SUPER ZHANG LIANG!"
The soldiers around him stared.
"He's finally cracked" One soldier whispered to his companion. He nodded.
That was chapter 2, still short, but better that the last one...
AI: Thanks for reviewing! My one reviewer...