Yup. Part two, chapter two is up.
(Thinks of something more interesting to say)
Ummm, read on!
Cao Cao's section of the army was approaching Liu Bei's forces when something streaked over their heads. The troops looked up.
"Is it a bird?" Questioned a random troop.
"Is it a plane?" Wondered another.
A third troop was about to say: "No, it's Super Zhang Liang!" but he paused and stared at the second troop.
"What?"
"What's a plane?"
The second troop, a sergeant, shrugged.
The third soldier stared a moment longer before raising his eyebrows. "No, it's Super Zhang Liang!"
A figure landed before them on a mound of sand, silhouetted in front of the low sun. "Yes, I am the one and only Super Zhang Liang! And I have come to defeat you evil villains!"
One of Cao Cao's soldiers glared at the Yellow Turban, steam coming out of his ears. "This is all because we're Cao Cao's army, isn't it? People always assume we're the bad guys."
Super Zhang Liang stared. "Umm, no?"
The soldier was fuming. "That's a lie and you know it! If we were Liu Bei's team, you would be saving us from an evil octopus of something."
Super Zhang Liang blinked. "An evil octopus?"
The livid soldier seemed to calm slightly. "Why not?"
Liang frowned. "Well, it's just odd, that's all…"
The soldier contemplated this for a moment. "Hang on! You're just trying to change the subject aren't you?" His face turned crimson again and steam gushed from his ears, making a whistling noise like a train. Liang backed away. "Good angry sergeant, heel. No! Don't get out your weapon! No! Ahhh!"
Liang flew off just as the sergeant's weapon landed exactly where Super Zhang Liang had been standing seconds before.
Liu Bei's forces were waiting for Sun Jian and Cao Cao's soldiers to arrive on the scene when out of the blue a monstrous squid-like creature abruptly burst forth from the sand. No, not a squid… an octopus?
Various troops screamed and yelled for their mummies, but before they could do anything a yellow streak flashed across the sky and came to land in front of the mottled grey octopus.
"Do not fear! Super Zhang Liang is here! I have come to save you from this evil octopus!"
Somewhere on the horizon, where Cao Cao's troops were advancing from, a sergeant groaned. "I TOLD YOU SO!" He yelled.
Super Zhang Liang looked up for a moment at the sound of a distant call of: "I told you so", frowned and then shook his head. "Do not fear, forces of the virtuous Liu Bei," He hollered, wrestling with the octopus. "I shall save you from the wrath of this evil slimy villain!"
The octopus stopped lashing at Super Zhang Liang with its suckered tentacles and glowered at him. "I resent that. I am not slimy. I am covered in dry, I repeat, dry sand."
Liang looked down. "Sorry." He apologised. "I'll rephrase that." He bellowed down at the troops below him. "Do not fear, forces of the virtuous Liu Bei, I shall save you from the wrath of this dry and sandy villain!" Liang glanced at the octopus. "That better?"
The octopus nodded. "Much better."
"Good." Liang's voice dropped to a whisper. "Now comes the part where I kill you and you stage a dramatic death, okay?"
The octopus grinned. "Yes! My chance has finally come!" Stars sparkled in his eyes. "I'm quite the actor you know." He added. "Why in my day I was known as-"
"Yes, yes, yes, I look forward to your performance, now, here goes nothing!" Liang closed his eyes for a moment before continuing in a much louder voice. "Now!" He said, full of bravado. "You shall terrorise these poor innocents no longer, I, Super Zhang Liang shall slay you!" And with that he plunged his sword into the creature's heart…
Ah, I must say this before continuing, it is a well known fact that octopus' squirt black ink when in danger, however, it is not so well known that human eyes actually see things upside-down. That was random…
Where was I… ah yes…
Zhang Liang's sword missed by about three metres and glanced off the octopus' thick hide. To someone standing below them, however, it would have looked as if the octopus had been stabbed.
The octopus spouted black ink from a tentacle held over his wound. "Nooo!" He said. "I'm melting! Melting!"
A soldier screamed. "Ewwies! He has black blood!" That caused another panic as troops scrambled over one another, presenting an ideal opportunity for the octopus to silently slink underneath the sand again, leaving a huge pool of black ink on the surface. He managed to do this all without being noticed, except by Super Zhang Liang, and me of course. (I had been standing in the shadows in my spirit form all this time, watching the spectacle.)
"Look!" Zhang Liang called. "I have slain the evil slimy octopus!"
I can imagine that at this point the octopus was sorely tempted to surface again and beat the so called 'Super Zhang Liang' to a pulp, but he stayed still for the sake of good acting.
The heads of Liu Bei's forces turned.
"YAY!" They shouted as one. "SUPER ZHANG LIANG HAS DEAFEATED THE EVIL SLIMY OCTOPUS!"
I can honestly say that, if I had been the octopus, I would have erupted from the ground and taught those insolent soldiers and 'Super Zhang Liang' a lesson. As it was, I was not the evil octopus, I was, and still am, Mong Hu, affectionately known by some as 'Mongie', and I found the slimy comments exceptionally amusing, and all I did was laugh.
The octopus did not resurface and a Super Zhang Liang had time for a final quote before he flew off, invisible string, harness and all: "Wherever there is trouble, or justice needs to be done, do not fear, for Super Zhang Liang will be there!" And with that, he was gone, swinging along by the transparent rope that held him aloft.
Meanwhile, Sun Jian and Huang Gai were approaching the main camp of the YCTPW.
A yellow-clad general stood before them, sipping a cup of tea.
Sun Jian stared.
The general closed his eyes as a far-distant voice sounded in his head. 'Zhang Bao, Zhang Bao! I grant you power…'
Zhang Bao's eyes snapped open. "Yes. I feel the power…" With that he snapped his fingers and the cup he was holding was suddenly full to the brim with tea. "Wait." He said. "I am not done yet." He slowly placed the teacup on the ground and raised his arms above his head, Sun Jian and Huang Gai watching him apprehensively. Zhang Bao's hands glowed gold…
Oh, hang on a sec. That's better. Ahhh, sorry, dead leg. Been in the same position too long, I tend to do that when I'm telling a story. People think that ghosts and suchlike can't feel pain or emotions, or anything for that matter, they'd be wrong, very wrong. We can't be wounded physically, though our essence can be damaged. We also tend to have bad habits, guardian spirits such as myself can often take on a personality trait from the person, or people, we watch over as well, maybe that's where I got my love of pork buns from… but yes, an example of the kind of bad habits we are prone to… hmm, well I tend to be very sarcastic, oh how I do love that. Oh, sorry I'm doing it again aren't I? Told you so… another of my bad habits if that I tend to rant and rave for a very long time… oh, I do apologise, I'm doing that right now aren't I? Sorry, I'll get back to the story, shall I? Where was I again…? Ummm…
The golden aura from Zhang Bao's hands grew brighter, so bright that anyone in the vicinity were forced to cover their eyes, including his own troops. All of a sudden the sun-like radiance dissipated and there, floating before the YCTPW general was, of all things… a chocolate biscuit. Everyone stared while he dunked it in his tea and nibbled it. A soldier bit his lip awkwardly and tapped Zhang Bao on the shoulder. "Ummm, sir?"
"What is it!" Bao snapped.
The soldier made a face. "Well, I think the reason Lord Zhang Jiao bestowed those powers upon you is that he wanted you to defeat those two over there," He said, pointing at Jian and Huang Gai, who immediately started looking around for 'Those two over there' in a futile attempt not to be noticed. "Particularly since your brother, Lord Zhang Liang, seems to think he's a superhero and is otherwise ineffectual."
Zhang Bao looked at the soldier in bewilderment. "How do you know that!"
The soldier directed Bao's attention towards the heavens. "Because he's flying around up there, sir."
Zhang Bao looked up. "Ah." To himself he muttered:"I always knew he was a nutter, ever since he said his first word. Who is 'Superman' anyway?"
The soldier unexpectedly jumped up. "Sir! They've got away!"
"What do I care?" Bao said in a bored tone.
"But, you were supposed to eliminate them!"
Bao sighed. "But it's my tea-break…"
Sun Jian and Huang Gai had indeed managed to get away, and were in considerably more trouble, as now they were standing just a few paces away from Zhang Jiao, Ruler of the Yellowy Coloured Turbans and the People Wearing them, Lord of Bare Feet, The Heaven-obsessed One himself. He raised his arms. "Infidels! Prepare to be judged!"
Sun Jian fainted, partly from fear, and partly from the smell of Zhang Jiao's feet. It was lucky, in fact, a miracle that, at that moment the unit that had been following Sun Jian with his precious pork buns ran across the path of Zhang Jiao, being chased by a unit of YCTPW. Gai felt an unsurpassable urge to light a bomb and throw it, and that's exactly what he did. The bomb narrowly missed the pork-bun-protectors and blew up Zhang Jiao instead.
It was Huang Gai's slight insanity that saved them that day. As it turns out, according to Fong Huang (Wei's guardian spirit), Zhang Jiao had been about to call up an extremely powerful spell that would make anyone within a certain distance sit down and jibber about bare feet for the rest of their lives. A potent enchantment, which Fong Huang assures me, even with the combined power of all three guardian spirits (Me, Fong Huang and Leu Long) could not be broken. Fong Huang is good with this kind of stuff so I assume she is correct.
So anyway that is how the YCTPW were defeated, and so on and so forth. You get the idea. Stay tuned…
YAY! It's longer!
AI: That wasn't exactly soon was it? But it's longer this time!
Quanny: Heh, didn't see your review in time, sorry! Blink. Blink.
CKN: It's longer now! And more Huang Gai for your enjoyment!
Jianus: You mean, you're Jianus? Dies I'd never have guessed! As for Super Liao's outfit, you'd have to ask Super Zhang Liang.