Rin returns from her six month stint helping a faraway village with some waterborne disease. It should be a happy occasion.
But it is not.
"I'm so sorry, Kakashi," Rin says, sobbing into her hands.
Kakashi has forgotten how to breathe. And worse, he cannot look at her.
"Is there someone else?" he asks calmly.
Rin's face crumples up. Yes. Yes, there is someone else.
"What is his name?"
She shakes her head.
"Why do you need his name? So you can kill him?" she asks, and she sounds so, so miserable.
Those are fair questions, Kakashi thinks dazedly as he dreams of ripping a faceless man's throat out.
"Did you do more than talk to him?" he asks, his voice still calm.
"No," Rin says fiercely, shaking her head. "I swear it. I wouldn't be able to hide that from you."
He believes her. She has never lied to him. Not a single time.
Over and over again, no matter how hard his blood rushes through his eardrums, all Kakashi hears are the words she said mere minutes after stepping foot back home: I'm leaving you.
"Do you still love me?" he says, and he cannot believe he is saying these words out loud.
Rin's face crumples up.
"Of course I still love you," she whispers.
"And I still love you," he says. His mind is blank now. He is running on nothing but instinct, but even then, he does not quite know where he is going. "So why can't we fix this?"
"This is what you've never been able to understand, Kakashi," Rin says, her voice trembling with agony. "It's not us that needs fixing. It's them!" She points outside the window, towards the compound. "You said things would get better. That they needed time to accept me. I've been here for years now, Kakashi. And what do I have to show for it? An ugly rumor that my womb is cursed? That I would spread the curse of infertility to the other wives if they speak to me? I can't live this way. I am so unhappy that it hurts."
Kakashi looks down at his hands. These hands have dealt out death since he was a child. And yet, in the face of all this, he is powerless.
"The happiest I have been in years was these six months being away from the compound," Rin is saying, and each word cuts into him like shards of glass. "The people out there don't look at me like I'm some demon. They like me. I'm able to have actual conversations with them about their families, their work, their interests — about anything under the sun."
Kakashi closes his eyes. Then he asks her questions about this new man who has earned her affections. If he is kind. If she has met his family. If they treat her well.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
He has lost her. And he has no one to blame but himself.
"When will you leave?"
Rin's lips tremble.
"I need to gather the rest of my things. So tomorrow."
Tomorrow comes. Rin's belongings are by the door. She is wringing her hands nervously.
"I'm so sorry, Kakashi," she says once again.
He sighs.
"So am I." He rests his forehead against hers. "You deserve to be happy. And if he can give you that, then I won't stop you."
Rin smiles a sad smile.
"Thank you, Kakashi."
"Wait," he says. She tilts her head. "What is his name?"
"Stop," she says exasperatedly. "I'm not telling you."
"I'm not going after him," Kakashi says, raising his hands defensively. "I wouldn't — not if you can find a better life with him. I just…" he swallows hard to stop the tears. "I just need to know. Who will be taking care of you from now on."
Rin looks at him with those beautiful grey eyes. Then she smiles.
"Obito. His name is Obito."
Kakashi nods. The back of his neck breaks out in a cold sweat.
"Before you leave, can I have one final kiss?"
Because they have been away from each other for six months, after years of being by each other's sides. And now, they will never see each other again.
She understands. She is probably thinking the same thing.
Tremulously, she brushes her lips over his.
And what is supposed to be one final kiss turns into her gripping his hair with both hands so that she can press herself deeper into him.
And what is supposed to be one final kiss turns into him slowly removing her clothes, and her removing his.
And what is supposed to be one final kiss turns into him alternating between making love to her and fucking her long into the night and after the morning sun rises because this will be the last time he will ever have her like this.
They fall asleep sometime before noon. And when they wake up, the sky is dark.
"You haven't left yet," Kakashi says quietly.
He is trailing his fingertips down her sides, memorizing the way her skin feels.
"I haven't," she replies just as quietly.
She is so beautiful. Kakashi closes his eyes.
"Don't wake me when you do," he says. "It's getting harder to let you go."
Rin nods, her eyes tearing up.
And he kisses the tears away.
It is a mistake.
Two weeks after Rin tells him she is leaving him, she still has not left.
Ichiro and Kenji have been abandoning their training in favor of trailing Rin everywhere she goes, asking her to tell them more about her time away from the compound. Every day, they show her the poems they have written in her honor while she was gone.
Her things are still packed.
And each night feels like his last with her, so he makes good use of that time.
Over and over again.
A month after Rin tells him she is leaving him, she still has not left.
A quarter of the clansmen, including the Hatake heir, come down with an illness that renders them bedridden for weeks, and Rin only trusts herself to brew the medication, because any error may poison them.
Even though half her things are back in their place around the house because she needs them, and it is inconvenient to keep taking them out and packing them back up, Kakashi does not dare to hope she will stay.
She will leave him as soon as Sukea and all the rest have fully recovered. He is certain of it. But until she does, he will make good use of the time he has left with her.
Two months after Rin tells him she is leaving him, she teaches him how to brew a complicated tea because it is the only thing that dispels the sudden, almost violent bouts of nausea she is experiencing.
Too many of the wives are due to give birth this month. The clan needs all the extra help they can get, even if it is from Rin.
All her things are back in their place around the house. The wives stop avoiding her. Instead, they watch her closely, and one or two of them begrudgingly share some home remedies with her to help with the various aches and pains her body is going through.
And three months after Rin tells him she is leaving, Kakashi's breath leaves his lungs when he sees the small but undeniable curve of her belly.
"Are you still leaving?" he whispers before they fall asleep, one hand splayed wide over her stomach.
And he only dares to ask because he has a feeling she will say —
"No." Then she places her hand over his. "Our son would be furious."
A son. They are having a son.
Kakashi kisses her temple.
He hopes their child inherits Rin's grey eyes.
Skin pleasantly flushed and hair wet from a recent bath, Sakura leans comfortably against Tenten's torso. Tenten's forehead is pressed against the back of Sakura's head, and her shoulders shiver every so often. She is crying.
"I'm so sorry, Sakura," she whispers through her tears. "I am so, so sorry. It was my fault."
"It's not your fault," Sakura says quietly. "It was mine. I trusted a complete stranger."
"If we're playing the blame game, then it was all my fault for letting that bastard through the gates in the first place," Tsunade says, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"I told you not to let him in," Tobirama deadpans.
"We don't need to blame anyone," Yamato says placatingly.
"Least of all me."
"Tobirama-ojii!" Sakura exclaims, exasperated.
"It's the truth."
There is a moment of silence. Then Sakura cranes her neck to peer behind Tobirama.
"Kakashi, why are you hiding?"
He is not hiding. But Kakashi clears his throat awkwardly as he steps out from behind Tobirama.
Then he raises a hand and sheepishly says, "Good morning."
It is midnight.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
He hears Tenten snort.
"It's so good to see you," Sakura says, her cheeks glowing a soft pink that matches her hair.
He smiles awkwardly in response. Then, a beat too late, he lamely adds, "You too."
Tenten's face is pink from holding in her laughter. She deliberately looks anywhere but Yamato, whose dark, serious eyes are gleaming with amusement.
Killing people is easier than standing in this room.
Tsunade sighs loudly.
"Alright. I think these two need a moment alone," she says. When no one moves, she claps hands and barks, "Let's go. Everyone out!"
Tsunade leaves last, but not before quickly touching her forehead to Sakura's.
The doors finally close, leaving Kakashi alone with Sakura.
He is nervous. He is unsure of why.
Surely having a face-to-face conversation should be no different from exchanging letters with her.
"They tell me you haven't slept or eaten," she says to break the silence.
And Kakashi laughs because despite having been kidnapped and almost killed, she still has room to worry for others.
"I ate just now. But what about you?" he asks. He turns to open the doors. "I can bring you something to eat —"
"No, let Tenten do that. She turns into such a busybody when she feels guilty," she says, waving a hand. "Please. Sit down."
He does.
She raises her eyebrows.
"You can sit closer," she says, amused.
He does. She is close enough to touch.
"You look wonderful," she says, a soft, fond smile on her face.
Kakashi's fingers twitch as he fights not to scratch the back of his neck.
"I haven't bathed," he says baldly. "Or changed my clothes."
Sakura rolls her eyes.
"I know," she says wryly. "I'm talking about your hair."
Oh right. That.
Kakashi touches the base of the high ponytail on his head, suddenly self-conscious. The only reason he had decided to grow it out was to keep morale high during the siege of Fort Mito.
This decision had absolutely nothing to do with one of Sakura's letters, which read:
Kakashi,
Let me tell you about the very first time I met your Jiraiya-oji.
He visited the Senju estate shortly after my eighth birthday. They were returning from a battle, and the Senju estate was on the way back to the Hatake compound.
Jiraiya-sama and all your clansmen showed up at our gates with their long white hair dripping with the blood of their enemies. I had nightmares of that hellish blood-soaked vision for months afterwards, and my mother banned Jiraiya-sama from visiting the estate ever again.
All this to say that I think you'd look absolutely terrifying if you decide to keep growing your hair out.
— Sakura
He never acknowledged that she was right. Foes handicapped themselves by underestimating him whenever they saw his short hair, but the ability to strike fear into the hearts of men was a deadly weapon in and of itself, one that he never realized he'd sorely missed having in his arsenal until very recently.
And he never mentioned to Sakura that the first day he tore through the battlefield with sharpened canines and purple warpaint around his eyes, several Uchiha froze and visibly soiled themselves before he sliced them down.
Instead, all he wrote in his next letter was this:
Sakura,
I'm sure Jiraiya-oji would have become a kabuki actor in another life. That man loved theatrics like no other.
Speaking of theatrics: has Genma found a way to show off his senbon trick to your mother yet? I told him not to, but he seemed intent on impressing her, for whatever reason.
Please don't think too hard about Genma's reasons. And when you inevitably figure them out, please don't murder him.
Or at least wait for me to get there so I can enjoy the show.
— Kakashi
And he even took extra care not to let a single drop of Uchiha blood mar the scroll before sending it off.
"I wasn't aiming for 'wonderful;' I was aiming for 'absolutely terrifying,'" Kakashi quips.
Then he shows off the streaks of dried blood in his hair, hoping she'll remember what she said in that letter.
Sakura laughs delightedly because of course she remembers, and the last of the cold dead weight that has been stuck in Kakashi's chest since her capture finally dissipates.
It is nice, being with her like this.
The letters they exchanged were nice as well, but it is not until now when Kakashi realizes that he has actually missed Sakura's company.
"One Uchiha's 'absolutely terrifying' is my 'wonderful.'" Suddenly, she smiles, looking surprisingly bashful. "Thank you. For finding me when you did."
Kakashi nods, avoiding her eyes.
"I also found this," he says, untying a small piece of rope he secured around his katana holster.
With two hands, he presents her circlet. She takes it from him, teary-eyed.
"I thought I'd lost it forever," she whispers with some reverence. "Thank you, Kakashi."
His expression turns somber.
"Are you alright? Did they hurt you? I know your mother checked you thoroughly for injuries, but —"
A knock on the door interrupts him. Tenten enters, plops a tray full of food in front of Sakura, then shoots a knowing look at Kakashi before leaving.
Sakura smiles at Kakashi, but this time, the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. She sets the circlet down by her side then stirs a spoon into the bowl of broth.
"I'm fine," she says matter-of-factly. "And they didn't hurt me. Not really."
Kakashi freezes.
"What do you mean, 'not really?'"
After taking a small, experimental sip from her spoon, Sakura shrugs.
"One of them hit the base of my skull to knock me unconscious. It was right before you arrived." Something on his face must have given away his rage because she reaches over to hold his hand. His heart stutters in his chest. "Really, Kakashi. Nothing else happened. Other than carrying me around like a sack of vegetables and trying to sedate me, I don't remember them doing much else."
Kakashi snorts.
"Well, at least you got him back," he says as Sakura scoops a big hearty mouthful of food into her mouth. At her confused look, he elaborates: "The one who hit you? You bit him hard enough to draw blood."
His mind's eye conjures up the perversely erotic memory of the Uchiha boy holding Sakura up against his body with one hand on her neck, and Kakashi barely restrains himself from snarling.
To pacify himself, he fantasizes about carving out the scar that Sakura's teeth have surely left on the boy's skin.
Sakura stops mid-chew, her eyes wide.
"You're lying," she says, the words muffled because her cheeks are full of food.
Kakashi wonders how many people outside of the Senju have seen Sakura like this, unguarded, candid, without the intimidating circlet around her head.
"Why would I compromise our third ground rule for humorous reasons?" Kakashi says in a wounded voice. He tilts his head and asks more seriously, "You don't remember doing that?"
She shakes her head.
And because Kakashi cannot help himself, he asks, "Do you remember anything else? When I found you?"
Then he watches carefully, far too carefully for his own liking, when she takes a moment to think before saying, "No. By that point, I'd swallowed some more of the sedative." A curious blush blooms across her cheeks. "All I know is I felt safe when I knew you were with me."
Something within him suddenly purrs with delight.
But unexpectedly, mortifyingly, treacherously, his heart aches when he remembers that the first name she whispered when she saw him was not his.
"Kakashi?" he hears Sakura say cautiously.
He tries his best to put on a smile for her. Tries his best to figure out why he gives a damn that she saw Sukea and not him through her drug-addled haze.
He fails at the former. He succeeds a little too quickly at the latter.
"I should clean up," he says, standing.
Her eyes widen when the muscles in his back crackle loudly.
"That doesn't sound good," she says.
Kakashi shrugs.
"I'm used to it."
And he almost laughs at the appalled look on her face. He has forgotten how expressive she can be.
"No," Sakura says flatly. "You're going to use the hot springs."
Kakashi frowns when she sets the tray aside and stands. Her stomach, so much more rounded than it was two months ago, somehow makes her look more fragile than ever.
She intends to walk with him, he realizes with some panic.
"Great idea. I'll ask the guards where the hot springs are," he says, smiling.
To calm his furiously beating heart, he walks to the corner of the room where they have placed his things and fetches a clean yukata. She follows him, her eyes inquisitively scanning his belongings.
"Why? I'm more than capable of showing you where they are," Sakura says.
"I don't doubt your capabilities," he says mildly, "but shouldn't you be resting?"
She raises an eyebrow at him.
"I've been sleeping for over thirty hours now," she says with some amusement. "I want to walk around and stretch my legs."
"It's a far walk."
She narrows her eyes at him.
"You don't even know where the hot springs are," she says incredulously.
Oh right. That is why they are quibbling in the first place.
Among other reasons.
Reasons he will have to assess when he is not half-delirious from sleep deprivation.
In the meantime, maybe he can embarrass her into leaving him alone, like he did with Jiraiya's art?
He eyes her suspiciously, long enough to make her cross her arms defensively, then he casually says, "Won't everyone think we're sneaking around to do something indecent?"
Sakura is unfazed.
"But we're not sneaking around," she points out very logically. "We're walking to the hot springs in plain sight precisely because we're not going there to do something indecent."
Kakashi shrugs.
"You know, that sounds an awful lot like what someone would say if they wanted to sneak around in plain sight to do —" he makes the mistake of looking into her eyes and he falters. "To do something indecent," he finishes weakly.
To his horror, Sakura holds his gaze as a playful grin slowly stretches over her face.
"How do you know? Personal experience?"
Oh. Oh, she's good.
But he already knew that from her letters.
Then suddenly, she giggles and adds, "Why would we sneak around when we could do whatever we wanted in this —"
"Alright, you can show me where the hot springs are," he interrupts her before she can finish that sentence. Now it is his turn to narrow his eyes at her. "No peeking."
Surprisingly, this is what makes Sakura's cheeks glow pink.
"Hilarious," she huffs, crossing her arms even tighter. "But if it helps you feel any better, I promise not to peek."
She keeps her word. Sakura sits close by, against one of the large red-leafed maple trees that surround the steaming waters. Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi stares at her back as he feels the knotted muscles in his body loosen.
When they return to the room, he leans his back against the wall, facing the doors. Then he props his knees up and rests his wrists on top of them, fresh adrenaline rushing through his body as his hands grip both ends of his sheathed katana.
"What are you doing?" Sakura asks, alarmed.
Kakashi shrugs, momentarily delighting in how smooth the motion feels without all the knots in his back and shoulders.
"Keeping watch."
Sakura shoots him the most unamused look he has ever seen.
"There are double the guards posted all over the estate," she says.
"That's nice. But no one's keeping watch in this room."
"Perhaps not," Sakura says, crossing her arms, "but there are also guards posted outside our doors, listening to you being ridiculous."
Kakashi looks at her, all traces of humor gone from his face. Then very quietly, he says, "Ensuring your safety with my own hands is not ridiculous."
Sakura blinks. Her eyes are suspiciously bright.
"Fine. Only for tonight. I don't want you ruining all the good work the hot springs did for you."
Kakashi anticipates that they will have this little argument every night because for as long as they remain at the Senju estate, he fully intends on staying battle-ready.
For now, he settles for a noncommittal hum then watches as she settles down on her futon. And his eyes close only when he is sure that Sakura is asleep and after he hears the guards switch shifts outside the doors.
When he wakes at dawn, he glances down and sees that sometime in the middle of the night, Sakura had moved her futon nearer to him. Her limbs are tightly curled up in the center of her body, save for one arm stretched towards him. Her hand is close enough to grasp onto the hem of his yukata.
Kakashi blinks the sleep out of his eyes.
And he realizes he is an idiot for allowing Sakura's effervescent wit to distract him from the fact that since waking last night, she has kept herself well within reaching distance of his arms.
He moves quietly, so as not to wake her, but her eyes snap open almost immediately.
"Now's the appropriate time to say good morning," she informs him primly.
Despite himself, Kakashi laughs, scratches the back of his neck, and desperately pretends that he has not missed waking up to the smell of her hair over the past two months.
Sakura does not talk about her time spent at the Uchiha hideout. She seems determined to move past it, throwing herself back into her daily routine with a smile on her face and reassurances that she is fine.
But the latent fear becomes more apparent throughout the Senju estate over the next few days.
Not only has Tenten intensified the training for the Senju guards, but she has made a habit of double-checking the faces of every single person within the walls.
Yamato, fascinated with the underground tunnels of the Uchiha hideout, has been meticulously studying a scroll that contains the floor plans to the entire Senju estate, dotting prospective spots to install trap doors and drawing lines to mark tunnel routes.
Tobirama holes himself up in his study late into the night, furiously trying his best to decode the handful of encrypted scrolls Tenten and Genma managed to find at the Uchiha hideout.
And Tsunade examines Sakura carefully for an hour each day to make sure that the Uchiha's sedative has not harmed her daughter or her growing grandchild in any way.
"No spotting?" Tsunade asks towards the end of her third and final examination.
"No, kaa-san."
"Good." Tsunade frowns. "But you haven't been sleeping."
Kakashi watches closely as Sakura neither confirms nor denies this assertion. With each day that passes, the dark circles under her eyes have gotten worse, concerningly so.
Tsunade's golden eyes narrow.
"Have you been having nightmares?" Tsunade prods.
Sakura shakes her head.
"No, kaa-san."
She is not lying.
But what she has done is move her futon progressively closer to Kakashi each night. This morning, Kakashi woke up with her back pressed against his left leg.
He does not mention any of that when Tsunade turns her intimidating gaze to him.
Instead, he vouches for Sakura: "I'm sure I would have heard something by now if she's been having nightmares."
Tsunade sighs then glances back at her daughter.
"Alright. But you'll have to start taking something to ease your nerves."
Sakura frowns.
"My nerves are fine, kaa-san."
Tsunade crosses her arms.
"Don't be stubborn, Sakura," she says flatly. "I'll have Yamato pack the necessary herbs for your journey back to the Hatake compound. You know what to do with them."
For security, Tobirama ordered Sakura and Kakashi to cut their visit short and return to the Hatake compound earlier than they had initially planned.
"The Uchiha spy collected far too much information about us during his time here," Tobirama told all of them the morning after Sakura woke from her long sleep, his scarlet eyes narrowed in contempt. "We need to render that information useless. As much of it as we can."
And so they are leaving tomorrow, not in two weeks.
Once Tsunade declares the examination over, Kakashi finds himself having to take longer strides to keep up as Sakura swiftly walks out of the study.
"You're angry with her," he says. When she does not reply, he says, "She's just worried about you. We all are."
"I'm not angry with my mother," Sakura says.
He believes her.
"But you're angry with someone," Kakashi confirms.
She glances at him, her eyes welling up with some tears.
He sighs.
"Sakura, talk to me," he says quietly. "Please."
After some deliberation, Sakura nods then silently leads him towards the gardens. Kakashi does his best not to make her feel too self-conscious; for obvious reasons, Sakura has not visited the gardens since her return, opting to take Kakashi on short tours around the Senju estate instead.
Together, they had examined portraits of her grandparents, marveling at Yamato's uncanny resemblance to Hashirama and Sakura's resemblance to Mito, especially when she wears Mito's circlet.
(They decided that Tenten was a confusing amalgamation of both Hashirama and Mito, depending on which way Tenten faced and what expression she wore on her face.)
And Sakura had also introduced him to her father.
"I think he would have made some silly joke about your hair, if he'd met you," Sakura said fondly, tracing a finger over the kanji that read Kato Dan on the gravestone. "His hair was practically white as well."
"Are you sure he didn't have any Hatake blood in him?" Kakashi asked, partially in jest.
"Unless your clansmen sailed over to Water Country some fifty years ago, I strongly doubt it," she replied wryly. "And I'm sure Yamato-nii, Tenten-nee, and I would have ended up with white hair too."
Kakashi pulls himself out of his thoughts when they cross the bridge that leads to the gardens. And he sits when Sakura pats the empty space next to her on the bench.
"This is where I'd sit and read," she says quietly. "I'd bring some medical scrolls. And your letters, more often than not." She smiles bitterly, points to the neat, meticulous patterns raked into the sand to their left, then says, "And that was where he'd be. We'd talk, almost non-stop."
The Uchiha spy. The one who captured her.
Kakashi's fingers twitch against the hilt of his katana.
"He was so sincere. And so open. He told me so much about his life, about the people he loved, and —" she cuts herself off then laughs self-deprecatingly. "You do know I'm the reason we have to leave so soon, don't you? I told him that we'd be returning to the compound at the end of the month." She finally looks at Kakashi, angry tears in her eyes. "I told him so much, Kakashi. About myself. About you. About us. "
Well, that partially explains the bandaged man's comments when Kakashi confronted him at the hideout. Kakashi wonders what gave the Uchiha spy the impression that he was in love with Sakura.
But more importantly, Kakashi realizes with a horrible, sinking sensation that Sakura is angry with herself.
"None of this is your fault," he says. "You couldn't have known."
"We've been at war with an invisible enemy for years now, Kakashi," she snarls. "We still don't know who has hired the Uchiha clan to overthrow us, and I'm the idiot making new friends with complete strangers." Sakura closes her eyes. "I used to think Sukea was the naive one between us, that I'd have to protect him from the snakes lurking in the grass. And I thought that's how I'd be able to help you. But now? I don't know anymore, Kakashi." She furiously swipes tears out of her eyes. "How can I trust my sense of judgment when our enemy fed me lie after lie, enough for me to believe that he was my friend?"
"The stories he told you were likely true," Kakashi says, frowning.
"No, Kakashi, everything was a lie," she insists, a tortured expression on her face. "Everything, even his name."
Kakashi shakes his head.
"You don't know that."
"I do. I heard his men call him by his real name," Sakura says, her green eyes glacial. "When he came to us, he said his name was Tobi. But his real name is Obito."
Kakashi forgets the mechanics of breathing.
But that murderous, predatory instinct that he has had within him for as long as he can remember, the one that has allowed him to slice his way through battlefields like a bolt of lightning through the sky, forces him to take one deep inhale then exhale.
"Sakura," he says. "Tell me everything this man has told you about himself."
She looks at him, slightly puzzled. But after taking in the deathly serious expression on his face, she does as he says.
Kakashi listens. And his breathing remains steady when Sakura tells him a suspiciously familiar story about a beautiful healer with dark brown hair and kind grey eyes, the healer who, despite being married, fell in love with Obito and promised to run away with him but never appeared at their meeting place.
"This story he told you was true. He was talking about Rin," Kakashi says dispassionately. Her eyes go wide. "Sakura, I promise I will tell you everything you need to know about Rin and Obito. But not today."
He watches as Sakura does what she does best, but the more she pieces together on her own from the few words he has said, the more panicked her breathing becomes.
"You're frightened," Kakashi says quietly, taking note of her enlarged pupils.
"He's angry with you," Sakura whispers shakily, eyes staring unseeingly at the red glare of the sunset as she places one protective hand over her belly. "He was going to —"
"I know," Kakashi says. "He told me." Sakura's breaths are coming in harder, faster now, as if all the fear she has been holding back is finally crashing through her. "Sakura, take a deep breath."
She tries. She can't.
The sky is violet. They are late for dinner.
Kakashi gently tilts Sakura's face towards him with one hand, as if to erase the memory of the Uchiha boy's vicious, unrelenting grip on the underside of her jaw.
And with all the calm of the stillest lake, Kakashi tells her, "I know you're scared. But I need you to know that before this war is over, I'm going to find Obito. I will hunt him down to the ends of the earth if I have to. And when I find him, I will tear his heart out of his chest with my bare hands and present it to you myself."
Sakura's pupils have eclipsed all the green of her irises.
Her breathing has slowed.
And like adrenaline, a hit of savage satisfaction surges through his veins, because even though her heart may still belong to Sukea, the soft, feather-light sigh of her breath against his lips tells Kakashi that her peace of mind belongs to him, that it's belonged to him ever since she recognized him through the dirt and grime and blood splatter and smiled at him as she finally whispered his name.
She is his to protect, his to hold, his to —
Kakashi whips his head around when he hears footsteps. He makes eye contact with Yamato, who has clearly come to the gardens to retrieve them but has changed his mind.
"Oh. I'm so sorry for interrupting," Yamato says, smiling uncomfortably at the end of the bridge. "We got worried," he adds, studiously looking at the ground.
Yamato's presence forces Sakura to finally push past her panic.
She summons a bright smile to her face and says, "I'm sorry, Yamato-nii. We'll be there soon."
But she does not move away from Kakashi's hand, nor does she nudge his hand away. And so there it stays, two fingers delicately placed under her chin.
Yamato nods before swiftly turning on his heel and leaving.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi glances down at Sakura.
"Are you alright?" he asks quietly.
"Yes," she replies just as quietly. Then she stands and looks at him expectantly. "Let's go."
Dinner is all bittersweet melancholy. The Senju are sad that Sakura is leaving much sooner than expected, but they are also glad for the extra security that the Hatake compound will provide for her.
"Get some rest," Tobirama says gruffly when Sakura lingers at the dining table for longer than usual, apparently eager to keep the conversation going. "You're traveling early."
Not only that, but they will also be traveling much faster than usual.
Tenten and some extra Senju guards will be accompanying them for good measure. Kakashi thinks this is superfluous, as he does not intend on leaving any ambushers alive long enough for Genma and the rest of his men to land any killing blows, but if it makes the Senju feel better to send extra protection with them, he won't say anything against it.
When they retire for the night, Sakura says nothing about his decision to sleep with his back to the wall once again, and he says nothing about her decision to keep her futon right next to him.
But he does ask one question.
"Do you really have no nightmares?" he asks quietly when she presses her back into his left leg.
She stiffens momentarily before relaxing again.
"Not nightmares. It's strange." She turns around so that she is facing him. "My mind is awake, but I can't move or speak or scream. It's hard to breathe. It feels like something is sitting on my chest." Sakura's voice begins to waver. "And sometimes I hear things. And see things —" then she cuts herself off, shaking her head. "I know it sounds like a nightmare, but it's different."
Kakashi closes his eyes.
"I believe you. I've been through it myself." At her surprised look, he elaborates: "I was five years old when I killed my first man. And for weeks, every time I tried to sleep, I would hover between sleep and consciousness, my limbs locked in place. The things I heard sounded like demons whispering in my ear. I was convinced that the ghosts of the men I'd killed were haunting me."
Sakura stares up at him, her green eyes wide with horror.
"Were they ghosts?" she whispers.
Kakashi shakes his head.
"I don't know. I don't think so. They went away eventually."
He hears Sakura exhale shakily.
"How?" she asks.
And Kakashi hesitates before sharing the answer: "My father held me as I slept. It took some time, but it worked."
In the long silence that follows, Kakashi bites his tongue to stop himself from asking —
"Can we try that?"
He glances down at Sakura, whose cheeks are now glowing that endearing shade of pink.
"I'm still going to keep watch," he says.
It is neither an eager acceptance nor a harsh rejection.
It is a stipulation.
Sakura's cheeks are red now. She stays still. She stays quiet. And that is the end of that.
Until it is not.
Suddenly, Sakura sits up, keeps her eyes down, and says, "That's fine."
Then she looks right into his eyes, waiting.
Vaguely, Kakashi remembers to breathe. Remembers how to speak.
"Come here," he says quietly.
He sets his katana down on the floor, and Sakura crawls in between his propped up knees, curling up into his torso, her cheek pressed against his collarbone and the top of her head resting right underneath his chin.
And Kakashi tries not to think of how perfectly she fits inside the hollows of his body.
He rests his left arm over her body, and despite his best efforts to keep that arm relaxed, it eventually tenses up, pinning her closer into him. To lock her in, the hand holding his katana rests on his leg once again, the other end of the katana perched on his left knee.
Beneath the arm holding her close, he can feel her heart beating a fast, nervous rhythm through her ribs, a rhythm that matches the pulse in his wrist.
But this doesn't last long. It only takes a few minutes for her heart to slow down to a more peaceful beat. Inside his wrist, Kakashi's pulse follows suit. And the soft, fragrant smell of her hair lulls him into the most restful night of sleep he has gotten in weeks.
At dawn, Tenten's eyes well up with tears as she watches her mother clench her jaw to stop herself from crying when she kisses Sakura goodbye, watches Tobirama squeeze Sakura's chin, watches Yamato exchange a strong handshake with Kakashi before embracing Sakura and nudging his nose against her temple.
And when Kakashi casually tells her that there is a change of plans, that she will take point in his stead, it takes every ounce of will power in Tenten's body not to exchange a significant glance with Genma — the same way they have been doing for weeks now whenever Sakura spoke fondly about Kakashi in their presence.
"So Sakura's riding with you?" Tenten clarifies.
Kakashi hums in the affirmative.
"She requested it."
Tenten raises an eyebrow at Sakura, who quickly raises an eyebrow of her own.
"Tenten-nee, must I remind you that the last time we rode on a horse together, I threw up all over your neck?" Sakura says crossly when Kakashi helps her up onto Bisuke.
Tenten's laughter rings across the Senju estate because no, she doesn't need the reminder.
"Have it your way, little sister," she says, golden eyes affixed on the fascinating way Sakura has pressed herself up against Kakashi's back.
Tenten sets a quick pace, which ensures that they cover plenty of ground during their first day of travel. When they make camp for the night, Tenten frowns sympathetically at Sakura, who is trying her best not to wince with each step she takes.
"Sorry," Tenten says. "But we want to cut our travel time to the compound in half."
"It's fine," Sakura says quietly. "Thank you for accompanying us."
Tenten smiles and presses her forehead against Sakura's.
"Anything for you, little sister." She offers her open flask to Sakura. Sakura takes it. "Are you alright with Kakashi and his horse? You're welcome to ride with me tomorrow."
"This arrangement is fine, Tenten-nee," Sakura says, smiling fondly when she sees Bisuke nudge his snout into Kakashi's chest.
As Sakura takes some sips from the flask, Tenten catches Genma's eye. He smirks at her.
Then Tenten turns her attention back to Sakura and asks, loud enough so that Genma can hear too: "So you've ridden him before?"
Sakura chokes inelegantly, water spilling all over her travel cloak.
"What?" Sakura squeaks through her coughs.
Tenten blinks innocently, avoiding eye contact with Genma when Kakashi suddenly appears by Sakura's side.
"She's alright," Tenten tells Kakashi reassuringly as she lightly pats the middle of Sakura's back. "The water just went down the wrong way."
Kakashi hums sympathetically, staying until Sakura's coughing fit subsides.
Then he looks at Tenten and says, "Sakura has been on Bisuke a few times. I hope that answers your question."
When he turns on his heel to leave, his travel cloak somehow flaps itself in Tenten's face. When the fabric flutters out of her eye line, she sees Sakura glowering at her, a bright pink blush on her cheeks.
"What is wrong with you?" Sakura whispers furiously.
Tenten pouts.
"Oh come on, Sakura, it'll be ages until I see you again! I'll have to annoy you as much as possible during the little time we've got left."
"It won't be ages. Just a few months," Sakura says with some reluctant affection. "I know you're all going to visit once the baby comes."
With a wide grin, Tenten bends down so that she is eye level with Sakura's stomach.
"Be good to your mama until then, baby-chan!" Tenten coos. Then she stands up to her full height, glances around to see if anyone is within earshot, and when she finds that everyone is occupied, she whispers, "Kaa-san told me that the second trimester is the most fun for most women, but she didn't say why. Any ideas?"
Tenten has some ideas of her own, ideas that she and Tsunade cackled over as they shared a bottle of sake earlier that week.
But Sakura doesn't need to know that.
And it's more fun to make Sakura lose her composure.
Sakura does not disappoint.
Her cheeks still a bright pink, Sakura snarls, "You are the worst."
Then Tenten stifles a giggle as she watches her sister somehow manage to pull off the most imperious waddle she has ever seen.
Tenten volunteers to take first watch. At the end of her shift, she seeks out her replacement but stops in her tracks when she finds him still sleeping.
Kakashi is sitting against a tree, clutching Sakura to his chest with both arms, the hilt of his katana fisted in his right hand. Sakura's left hand clings onto the collar of Kakashi's traveling cloak, the crook of her bent knees resting against Kakashi's right hip. Despite the tiring day, the dark circles that have plagued Sakura's eyes for the past few days have disappeared completely.
Tenten smiles softly when she sees the serene expression on Kakashi's face, so instead of waking him, she quietly walks backwards to where she knows Genma is sleeping and nudges him awake with her foot.
"What?" he mumbles.
"Shut up," Tenten whispers, her eyes still trained on Kakashi and Sakura. "Look."
He sits up and exhales softly when he sees what she is pointing at.
"That's a pretty picture," Genma says.
"That's right," Tenten whispers cheerfully. "Which is why you're going to take Kakashi's shift."
Genma shoots her an exasperated glare before sighing.
"Fine. But only because it would be such a shame to disturb them."
Genma heads for the lookout point, raising his eyebrows when Tenten follows him.
"What are you doing?"
"Commiserating," Tenten answers. "Did you know that Sakura and Kakashi think we're fucking?"
Genma snorts.
"Don't tell me you read their letters," he says disapprovingly.
"No, of course not! I'm not some honorless curd. I eavesdropped on them while they walked by the training grounds the other day."
Genma laughs, but when he is done, he narrows his eyes at her.
"What?" Tenten deadpans.
"Nothing," Genma says casually. "Hey, I bet you can't do this fun trick with a senbon."
Tenten perks up.
"What trick?"