Now that Sun Jian lived no more, his legacy passed to his eldest son, Sun Ce.
BIG mistake in my opinion.
But, as useless, dumb, hopeless, dense, ineffectual, dim, worthless, thick, unsuccessful and just plain daft, as he was, the young whippersnapperschnipperschnopper did do some things right.
I did say some.
And most of those were accidental, or misunderstandings.
One such some accidental misunderstanding was getting rid of the Imperial Seal.
"What kind of idiotic nincompoop would accept the Imperial seal?" I hear you cry. Actually, you didn't cry that, and so obviously, I didn't hear you, but let's pretend you did and I did, just so we can get on with the story, and I can stop saying 'you' and increasing the risk of being repeatedly prodded from a distance with a long wooden rod by the wonderful staff of this website. Incidentally, if you did cry out, "What kind of idiotic nincompoop would accept the Imperial seal?", then please accept my humble apologies for this pointless, long rant, and allow me to inform you that this is, in fact, written down, and there is no way I can possibly hear you.
Anyway, assuming you did cry out, "What kind of idiotic nincompoop would accept the Imperial seal?", the answer is simple.
The kind of idiotic nincompoop that has a dumbbell with a memory deficiency for a father.
The kind of idiotic nincompoop that has a moron with a memory like a sieve with extra holes for a father.
The kind of idiotic nincompoop that has Yuan Shao for a father.
In other words, for the more dim-witted readers, Yuan Shu.
You see, Sun Ce decided that to sufficiently beat up lots of people, soldiers were needed. He was a real genius, this Sun Ce.
So Sun Ce went to his stables and rode the pwettiest pony there all the way to Yuan Shu's house, with the seal.
He rang the doorbell.
No-one answered.
He rang it again.
Again, no-one answered.
That is when Ce noticed the signed pinned on the door:
"Please knock; doorbell in need of inventing."
He knocked.
"Hello?"
Sun Ce let out a horrible, ear piercing, girly shriek.
The giant octopus examined the earrings on its newly-pierced, barely-existent ears. "I don't like amethysts." It grumbled.
Ce was about to ask if Yuan Shu was in, when a yellow streak shot across the sky. The giant octopus groaned. "Please, no."
"DO NOT FEAR! SUPER ZHANG LIANG IS HERE!" The super-zero landed, and gave Ce an apologetic grin. "I've already used that line." He explained. "In chapter three."
The octopus screamed. "STOP STALKING ME!" It screeched at Super Zhang Liang, squirting him with pink ink.
Super Zhang Liang spat out some ink. "It was black last time." He said, in-between gagging.
"I know," replied the octopus, "But pink rhymes with ink so…"
"Ah, but, my good fellow, this is no poem."
"You don't say. And anyway, there is no need to be in a poem to be able to rhyme."
"Yet, of course-"
Sun Ce left them to it. He had more important business to deal with. And besides, he had lost track of the conversation a long time ago.
"So whaddaya think? A mere 3000 soldiers in return for the Imperial Seal. I'm practically giving it away! A bargain!"
Yuan Shu pretended to think about it. His father's memory loss was definitely contagious and catching, and now even he found it hard to think straight without forgetting what he was thinking about.
"It's a deal."
Yuan Shao walked in. "Hmm? What is?"
"Erm, Seal for… I don't know." Admitted his son.
"Don't know what?"
Shu shrugged. Ha! Alliteration! Shu shrugged, Shu shrugged, Shu shrugged! Ahem.
Sun Ce decided it was probably best to get out of here fast, before he caught the sieve syndrome. After all, it was contagious and catching.
"I… will… leave… the… seal… out… side… for …you." Sun Ce said, speaking very slowly and clearly.
Both Yuans hiccupped.
Sun Ce backed away slowly… and ran. And then got on his pony and galloped off, never to return again…
Well, actually he returned the next week for a tea party. To which the octopus and all remaining Zhang brothers had been invited to. But that's another story.
I lie. It's the same one…
"A VERY MERRY UN-BIRTHDAY TO YOU! TO YOU!"
On second thought, you probably don't want to know.
THE OCTOPUS RETURNS!
Anyway, please R&R! 17 hits for the last chapter and not a single review! Come on people! The octopus will love you for it!