Title: Fireflies
Pairing: Fred and Wesley.
Summary: Wesley keeping journals, Fred's ramblings, and talk of fireflies.
Challenge: This was written for lj user"nova25" for the Wesathon who wanted Fred and Wesley, books, firelight and a happy ending for her ship. I'm not sure if this is exactly what she was thinking of, but it's the best that I could do. I used firelight both physically and metaphorically speaking. The fireflies are the physical manifestation of firelight and Wesley's reference to Fred being 'golden' is the metaphorical reference to firelight. I hope this meets the challenge requirements, if not then let me know and I could try to do it over again.
Author's Notes: It took me nearly a month to write this because I wasn't sure if it was going to be accepted or not. And I was desperately trying to meet the guidelines for the challenge request. I just hope that it was good enough.
Beta: lj user"larakailyn" .
Archived: At my personal journal, lj user"touched" .
Feedback: Can be sent to my email address, or you can leave a comment in my personal journal. It is always nice to receive that along with any constructive criticism that could help to improve my writing.
Disclaimer: The characters you find within this story do not belong to me; I just had the mere pleasure of playing with them and shaping them into what I wanted them to be for the moment. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and various other writers', producers, and anything or anyone else to do with the show itself and/or the network that aired the show. I lay no claims to these characters; I just had fun writing a what might have been that I maybe would have liked to have seen transpire.
He had kept journals before, back in his formative years a Watcher when he belonged to the Council. Those had been different though. Those had been filled with queries regarding demons and mythology, not full of love and compassion towards a woman. A woman that he felt wouldn't feel quite the same about him as he did for her.
She eluded him. There was a simple mystery and charm about her that he found so beautiful. It was almost cruel to watch her laugh and smile, because at the end of the day he knew those smiles and that soft musical laughter wasn't for him. He knew that he would end up back in the same position he always did.
He would find himself spending another night alone in his apartment looking out his window and downing another shot of whiskey. It was supposed to kill the pain, to numb him in places that she had seemed to warm over, but if it was doing its job then there weren't any signs of relief manifesting from it.
How she managed to make him feel so alive and yet so confused at the same time confounded him. It was a mystery, one that he would like to unravel. If he could just get her to the place, that moment where the two of them could connect he knew he would stand a chance. But as long as there was someone else in the picture, someone else for her to share her laughter and her smiles with he would remain on standby.
He could give her what she needs. He wanted to give her what he felt she deserved. He was the one who spent night's alone working late at the Hyperion when they had first brought her back to L.A. It had been him who had gotten her to come out of her room that first night. He hadn't pushed her; he just simply asked her to meet him downstairs for dinner. He thought small steps would get her to open up a little more, be a little trusting.
He had been right. She'd found the note he'd taped to her door and he chuckled softly as she accepted his gentle offer through the same door that separated them. He'd promised her that no one else would be around for the evening that they had made other plans, and they wouldn't be disturbed. It took her an hour and a half before she came down, but he had only smiled as he watched her poke her head around the corner and then cautiously make her way down the staircase.
He waited patiently as she stepped down from the bottom step and just stood there for a moment, quiet as if she were lost in her thoughts. He marveled at how busy her mind stayed. He noticed how cute she was when she rambled. He found himself delighted with her simple logic and wanted to know everything there was to know about this mysterious beautiful creature that was strong enough to survive in a hell dimension like Pylea.
Her strength and logic were to be admired. Her determination and loyalty he found appealingly charming. Her simple beauty he found astonishing. Her smile was slow like honey, her voice sweet as molasses. Her eyes dark and filled with a child-like state of innocence, something that had long since worn off of him. Something he felt as if he might have never possessed due to the abusive atmosphere in which he himself had grown up.
She was golden. That's what had drawn him to her. It was her innocence that had beguiled him. Within a moment he knew she would be the one that completed him. She would be the one that made him whole, that would make this life worth living. If they had learned nothing in their years of fighting battles against good and evil then they had learned one thing. If nothing they do matters, then all that matters is what they do.
He would listen to her stories about her time spent in Pylea, but she wouldn't talk of them. They would never fully understand everything she had gone through. When he looked inside those big dark eyes, he noticed there was still a sense of fear, a sense of trying to find her niche, the place where she belongs. In his heart he knew where she belonged, but he wasn't so sure if he were to tell her of his intentions they would be welcomed.
He was the noble one. He would be the one to stand by and love her silently, watching as she gave of herself freely to another. He would be the one to let her go without letting on that's what he was doing so she could find herself and be there when she came back to him. In the beginning it would have been so easy to just tell her; he should have taken Cordelia's advice.
Now he couldn't live with himself. He had hurt her. He had taken her trust along with any hope he had of ever being happy near her and thrown it out the window. Billy had opened up something dark inside of him and unleashed something he would hang his head in shame regarding for years to come. He had become his father, the man he never wanted to emulate. The man he spent years of his life trying to escape.
His father was controlling and manipulative. He never missed a moment in his life to point out his failures and when he was fired from the Watcher's Council he was right there to point out exactly what he had done wrong, demeaning him, still reprimanding him as if he were still a young boy who had years of growing left to do. He was never pleased with anything he had accomplished. In his father's eyes he hadn't accomplished anything worthy of being rewarded praise of any kind. He antagonized him relentlessly about the work he was doing with Angel Investigations and the company he found himself consorting with these days.
His books were all he had. The knowledge of magicks and the theology of demon histology was his best attribute that he could offer to the group of friends he'd made here in L.A. Once upon a time Fred had called him the brains of the operation, but now all he bore was guilt and shame for his horrible vindictive acts of violence towards her. He wondered how would she ever be able to look him in the eyes and really know just how sorry he was for all the pain he had caused her. Even for him it was too much to bear.
Thoughts seemed to flood his mind piecing together little bits and pieces of conversations they'd had following the aftermath of Billy. He chuckled to himself as he remembered one in particular that came to memory. They'd had a lovely evening of sharing ice cream and tacos and he had been walking her back to the Hyperion. It had been a beautiful night and her childlike innocence had resonated brightly as he watched her scurry along the sidewalk after hours trying to catch fireflies. His smile was about as bright as the August evening they were experiencing.
He watched caught up in his own thoughts as she was finally able to catch one in her hands. As she turned slowly to look back at him her face lit up the way he had imagined it had, as she was a child holding some new discovery in her hands. She was such a curious person; sometimes he loved her for that and others he wasn't so sure. He often had this nagging thought in the back of his mind that one day her curiosity might cause her more harm than good and he wasn't sure if he would be able to deal with it in the best of ways should it ever come to that.
'Look Wesley,' her eyes danced with laughter and excitement, 'it's like a tiny little ball of firelight.'
He smiled as he peered down into her tiny hands that held the interesting little creature that seemed to light up her fascination.
'Yes, I suppose it is.'
Fred turned a bight smile up at him, her hair falling into her face as her eyes illuminated just how much like a child she still was at times. Wesley marveled at that. How wonderful, he thought it was, that she could still possess so much of her childlike qualities having been through so much pain in the last five years of her life. Her loyalty and trust she had put in all of them, especially Angel, had seemed to sustain and enrich her more than anything. Still though, she refused to let go of the person she once had been, the shy carefree girl she'd been while growing up in that small town in Texas.
'When I was a little girl,' Fred's voice interrupted his thoughts once more, 'I used to chase these things all over the place. It seems almost strange to find them here in L.A. where all the monsters, big bads and nasty evil things are.'
'Maybe they aren't scared. Maybe they're here for a reason,' he mused.
He watched as she squinted her eyes at him somewhat before she went back to staring in awe at the little bug light up in her hands, its light illuminating her small hands as he himself peered down a little closer to inspect the tiny little creature. Maybe there was some truth to what Fred was saying, but he would offer his own thoughts.
'And what reason would that be, Wes?' she asked softly, her eyes glancing up him as the glow from the firefly illuminated her face softly.
He couldn't help himself any longer as he reached out and brushed a strand of hair from out of her eyes, cupping her cheek in his hand softly he smiled at her. His voice was soft as he spoke earnestly.
'Maybe its here to light the way.'
'Hmmm.' Fred hummed softly as she cupped her hand further around the tiny little insect as she watched it crawling all over the palm of her hand.
'Maybe the light is telling us there is still a little hope left. See how it lights up the dark, maybe it's its special way of telling us that everything isn't so dark after all.'
A slow sweet smile spread across Fred's face as she peered up into Wesley's eyes. She caught her breath for a moment as she nodded slowly.
'I think maybe you've been listening to me ramble too much, Wes. It's getting to you.'
She chuckled softly as she opened her hands wider and let the little insect crawl to the tips of her fingers and fly away lighting up the sky around them. She felt as if she was letting a piece of her soul go with it along with a small part of her childhood that she so desperately tried to hold onto because at times it felt like it was the only thing she had, until she found herself staring into Wesley's eyes and watched how his face seemed to light up with just her mere presence. She thought maybe she had underestimated the affect she had on him. Maybe Cordelia was right with all of her talk that sometimes embarrassed her because she was schooled more in that area than Fred thought she herself could ever be.
'And quite the contrary, I don't think you ramble enough.'
Wesley seemed to surprise himself with his directness. Maybe there was something to what Cordelia had been telling him all along as he found himself looking deep into Fred's eyes. It was now or never and he intended to make the most of the moment as he cupped her face in both of his hands and leaned down to press a small soft kiss to her lips. His body relaxed as she kissed him back.
He watched her blush with a tinge of embarrassment as she chuckled softly and he brushed another stray curl away from her eyes as they twinkled bright up at him.
'I think it must be the fireflies,' she whispered softly.
'I think you may be right.'
He had responded as they had walked back to the Hyperion that night hand in hand. He had never found himself happier than he had been in that moment. The small things had made up for all of the grand gestures that he could have ever possibly thought of to sweep her off her feet. It was the simple act of being in love with her that had sustained and enriched his life in more ways than he could have ever imagined as he closed the book and slowly moved to drape a soft blanket across Fred as she lay sleeping peacefully on his couch since the night she had first arrived back in L.A.