I'll Never Tell
(Hermione and Ron sing about their unrequited feelings for each other)

(Hermione)
He is the one, the annoying bothering arrogant prat
He always shows that he knows just as much as a fruit-flying bat
I'll never let him know, or else his ego will surely grow
There's just one thing that… no
I'll never tell

(Ron)
She knows it all, she can't fall if there is a problem at hand
She's always talking in big words that I don't understand
I'll never let her see, or else she'll just make fun of me
The only trouble is –
I'll never tell

(Hermione and Ron)
'Cause there's nothing to tell

(Hermione)
He's tactless

(Ron)
She's scary

(Hermione)
He always sides with Harry

(Ron)
She's always way to wary of what might be right

(Hermione)
He strays, how dare he!

(Ron)
She's not aware of me

(Hermione)
He's always looking for me to pick a fight

(Hermione and Ron)
The vibe is quite unstable

(Ron)
Like, she thinks that I'm not able

(Hermione)
Like, he's mentally unstable

(Ron)
Like, she's living in a fable

(Hermione and Ron)
But it's all very well
'Cause, God knows, I'll never tell!

(Hermione)
When things get scary
He hides behind Harry
He's always kind of wary
Of the guys that I know

(Ron)
She's smart
And brainy
She just won't stop complaining
She-

(Hermione)
He goes insane!

(Ron)
Well, what do you know?
She-

(Luna)
Hey, looky here! There's a dancing Keer!

(Hermione and Ron)
You know

(Ron)
You're quite the charmer

(Hermione)
My knight in armor

(Ron)
Wait, did I just admit it?
Will my love go unrequited?
Does your heart lie with that rotten Quiddich Krum?

(Hermione)
He's comic

(Ron)
She's cupid
She's rarely ever stupid

(Hermione)
Which is why I won't admit how I feel inside

(Ron)
I want to say it
But I'm just afraid it
Will ruin this wholesome friendship that we've both survived

(Hermione and Ron)
I've lied
I've said it's easy
I've tried
But these feelings won't quell

(Ron)
Will she set all the house elves free?

(Hermione)
What does he want to gain from me?

(Ron)
Will our lives become too stressful if she's the only one successful?

(Hermione)
Will he run away to Harry if we get to be contrary?

(Ron)
Am I crazy?

(Hermione)
Is this real?

(Ron)
Is this really what I feel?

(Hermione and Ron)
'Cause this relationship was clearly built in hell!
So, thank God, I'll never tell!
I swear that I'll never tell

(Ron)
My lips are sealed

(Hermione)
Nothing revealed

(Ron)
Nothing to see
Move it along

(Hermione and Ron)
I'll never… tell!