This one did not come easily for some reason but the good news is I have the next chapter almost written.
Jay sat on the floor of the men's room, knees drawn to his chest in an attempt to get his breathing under control. Will had sent one of the nurses to provide a quick update on Erin, which was basically that there was no update. She was still in surgery. They'd identified the source of the bleed and were working on her, but it would be another hour or two.
Platt had coerced the majority of the unit to return to their respective homes for some much needed sleep, so only Hank and Jay remained. The pair sat in silence as they waited, neither able to acknowledge that they understood what was going on in the other's head.
The minutes ticked by, and with each passing minute Jay felt his heart rate increasing. Even in the late evening, the hospital was as busy as ever, patients being moved from here to there, doctors conferring in the halls. There was noise, so much noise, and Jay could barely take it.
It all came to a head when Al returned to the hospital, wearing his 'I don't know how to tell you this' face. There wasn't a lot about Al that Jay could read, but whenever the older detective had bad news, his face automatically gave it away. "What is it?" Jay had asked immediately, looking up at Al who appeared to be working up the nerve to deliver the news, "Did you get an update from one of the nurses?"
Al shook his head. "Not about Erin, no. Turns out that uh, Charlie, survived. He's in a coma at Mercy."
Jay felt like the wind had been kicked out of him as he processed the information. He had seen Charlie's lifeless body crumple to the ground after Al fired his weapon. "He's alive?"
Al nodded grimly as Hank gripped the arms of the chair tighter, "It's not clear if he'll wake up, but the department already heard from his lawyer. When Erin gets out of surgery, we're going to need to get a statement from her."
"No," Hank replied gruffly, "We're not telling her. Not now. She's been in surgery over four hours now and she's going to be in a ton of pain when she wakes up. We don't need to get her worked up over the scumbag who is barely breathing across town."
Jay nodded in agreement. There was no way he wanted to agitate Erin any further. After seeing her in distress in the back of the ambulance, he wanted to avoid any other type of trauma at all costs. "They're going to need a statement from you, Jay," Al's voice cut through the noise in Jay's head as he thought about Erin, about telling her about Charlie, about watching her relive the fear she'd endured for days.
"W-what?" he stammered, suddenly feeling his blood run cold, "Why?"
"For when we breached the house after seeing Erin's gun on the table. The state's attorney knows it's probable cause, but they're still going to need a statement."
"I-I need a second," Jay managed, glancing over his shoulder for the nearest restroom. He stumbled past his sergeant and burst through the swinging door. Jay gripped the sides of the sink in an attempt to steady himself before sinking to the floor to the cool tiles.
"Jay?" Will called into the empty bathroom, "You in here?"
He didn't respond, he couldn't respond as Will's footsteps echoed off the tile of the sterile bathroom. He'd managed to get himself into a stall after the second embarrassing encounter of another hospital visitor finding him pressed against the tiled wall in an attempt to even out his breath. Jay sat on the toilet lid, his hands folded in his lap as he listened to the monotonous drip of a leaky faucet. Somehow it was making the time pass faster.
"Jay, I can see your feet," Will informed him, squatting down in an attempt to look underneath the stall door, "Voight said you were in here."
"Just give me a second man," Jay managed. He dragged a hand over his face and pushed himself off the lid with a shaky breath. As much as he wanted to hidden in the stall, his brother likely had an update on his partner.
"You alright?" Will narrowed his eyes at his brother's pale complexion under the harsh bathroom lighting, "You look like shit."
Jay narrowed his eyes but brushed off his brother's comment. "I'll be fine," he waved a hand, "Any word on Erin?"
"Rhodes is almost done. He'll be out in a bit, but I left early because I wanted to see how you were doing. I brought you and Hank some food. Platt mentioned that both of you hadn't eaten." Will put a hand on Jay's shoulder, "Look, I know I haven't always been there for you. And I know that you've been through hell every which way til Tuesday with this job and Afghanistan, but what happened to Erin man, I've never seen you like this. And it's worrying me."
Jay gritted his teeth, willing himself not to let the tears build up behind his eyes again at his brother's rare demonstration of kindness. "Thanks," he choked out, "I-I appreciate that. And thanks for being with her during the surgery, it uh, helped to know you were in there."
"Of course," Will shrugged, "It's Erin. Never seen you as happy as when you're with her. And she's gonna be okay man. It's going to be tough, I'm not going to lie, especially given how stubborn she is." Jay cracked a smile, "But if you're there for her, she'll get through it."
Jay, Hank and Will all rose to their feet as Rhodes entered the hospital waiting area. "She's out of surgery and in recovery," Rhodes informed the men, offering a smile, "You should be able to see her shortly, and she'll be awake in a bit." He paused, "Erin was brought in with very low blood pressure and a high heart rate. Given the extent of the bruising that indicated severe internal bleeding, we conducted an emergency laparotomy to identify the issue. We found a tear in her spleen, which we were able to repair without having to remove the spleen. Erin got lucky, because typically we have to remove the entire spleen, but the good news is that Erin should be fine."
Both Hank and Jay let out a breath. "Thank God," Hank mused, rubbing his cheek with his hand, "She's going to be awake soon?"
"In the next hour or so," Rhodes confirmed, "I'll be in later today or tomorrow morning to give her all the details, but the surgery went well. She's in for a longer recovery period, especially since her lungs are pretty weak."
"She was coughing a bunch," Jay told him, and Rhodes nodded.
"It's looking like she picked up some kind of infection from the dust in the basement. Erin was running a slight fever when she was brought in, so we've got her on some antibiotics, and they'll probably send in a neurologist to take a look at her head. Based on her request in her file she's on a very low dose of pain medication, but we'll likely want to increase those once we get a better understanding of how she's feeling."
"She has asthma," Hank said quickly, "They know that, right?"
"It was in her chart," Rhodes confirmed, "We'll know more when she wakes up, but you should be able to see her now." He gestured to a nurse who appeared to be waiting for the conversation to finish.
"Erin is settled in her room now," the young male nurse confirmed, "You can go ahead and see her."
"I'll be in to speak with all of you once Erin wakes up," Rhodes grasped Jay's shoulder affectionately. "She's going to be okay."
Jay nodded, "Thanks man."
Jay had seen a lot in his time on earth. Between his job in Intelligence, his time on patrol, the tours in Afghanistan and growing up in Chicago, there wasn't a lot that could seemingly stop his heart. But seeing Erin lying on the stark hospital bed, nasal cannula at her nose, IV in her arm (covered in bruises, no less) and attached to other monitors he couldn't identify, all coming out from under the pale blue hospital gown, Jay felt his heart nearly stop.
As if on autopilot, Jay approached the bed and cupped Erin's bruised cheek with a shaky hand. "Oh, babe," he breathed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "I am so sorry." Jay took one of her hands in his as he sank down in the chair conveniently located by her bedside, "But I'm not going anywhere."
"You're a good guy, Jay," Hank's voice came out of nowhere. Jay had forgotten that his boss and his partner's father had been beside him as they were directed to Erin's room. "You're good for her."
"She's good for me," Jay replied, watching as Hank carefully approached the other side of the bed and lifted the hand of Erin's that he wasn't holding, "She's good for all of us."
Hank chuckled, "That she is. And look uh, before she wakes up," he paused to meet Jay's gaze, "I know they've got her on some pain meds. I knew a guy who had stomach surgery, and it ain't easy. A lot of it is pain management. And I know Erin, and she's probably going to want to refuse any increase, but I think if you're able to be there for her, it won't be a problem."
Jay nodded, "I'll be there for her. As long as she'll have me." He glanced down at his girlfriend's angelic features. She really was his angel. "And Sarge, I'll be there for her even when she doesn't want to have me."
Jay and Hank waited in Erin's room for her to awake. Jay was struggling to keep his eyes open, the exhaustion of the past week catching up to him as he was calmed by the familiar scent of his partner. Even amidst the beeping machines, the comfort of being beside his girl was bringing Jay a sense of peace he hadn't felt in days.
Hank had settled into a chair against the far wall, allowing Jay some space and privacy with his partner. Erin had begun to stir and was already in discomfort despite still coming out from under the anesthesia. He watched as his exhausted detective gently stroked his daughter's cheek, whispering words of love and encouragement as he waited for her to awake.
"You're safe, Erin," Jay cooed, stroking Erin's cheek gently as she fought to wake up, "You're okay."
Erin's eyes finally opened and Jay's blurry figure swam into her view. "J-Jay?" she rasped, a cough escaping her lips. "Jay?"
"I'm here," he assured her, carefully lifting a plastic cup of water to her lips, "You just had surgery, but you're going to be okay. Hank and I are here." Jay squeezed her hand lightly as she struggled to swallow. The relief from the water was immediate, and Erin's pinched features relaxed.
"I'm all fuzzy," she mumbled, reaching a hand out to touch Jay's cheek, "You're here."
"I am," Jay smiled, tears shining in his eyes, "I'm here."
Erin let out a low groan as she attempted to prop herself up on her elbows, the incision at her midsection and the minimal amount of pain medication proving the seemingly simple action to be incredible painful. Hank immediately stood from his position against the wall in search of a nurse to administer some more medication to ease his daughter's discomfort. "Hey, hey, babe, lie back down, okay?" Jay encouraged, jumping up from his vigil beside her to ease his girlfriend's shoulders back down, "We're going to get you some more meds in a second."
She shook her head, her face contorted in pain as she fumbled with her hand, trying to find Jay's. He reached out and took her hand in his. "I'm here, Er, I'm not going anywhere."
"Hurts," she managed as the nurse hustled in to the room ahead of the sergeant, "S-sorry."
"Don't apologize, kiddo," Hank reassured her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, "You just had a major surgery."
"Don't need more meds," she gritted out, desperately trying to ignore the pain radiating through her body, "Don't want 'em."
"It's okay," Jay promised, "You're in a lot of pain, and Hank and I are here. Nothing's going to happen to you, I promise."
Erin looked to Hank and then to Jay, both men offering nods of approval for her to accept the pain relief. "Okay," she whispered, closing her eyes tightly as another wave of pain descended, "Just a bit."
Hank gestured to the nurse to administer the medication. The relief on Erin's face was almost immediate. Jay glanced to Hank, silently thanking him for his encouragement. Neither one of them could stand to see Erin in such agony.
"Is that…my shirt?" she managed after a moment, running her pointer finger over the sleeve of the worn grey t shirt that Jay was wearing. Erin coughed again, but this time she didn't grimace, the pain medication allowing her lungs to expand further.
Jay chuckled and pressed a kiss to her hand. "Technically it's mine," he teased, smiling as the corners of his girlfriend's mouth twitched upwards, "I was missing you pretty bad, and this one smelled like you."
"'s my favorite," Erin mumbled. She paused as she met Jay's eyes. God, she missed those eyes. The way he was staring at her, his gaze full of love and worry, the way he was gently holding her hand, she had missed all of it. "Thank you," she managed, "For finding me."
Jay swallowed and stroked her cheek, unable to voice a reply. He watched as her eyelids fluttered closed, the pain medication finally allowing her enough relief to sleep.
Hank and Jay spent the night in the hospital beside their girl. Erin slept restlessly, the pain from her stomach surgery and the lingering cough making it incredibly difficult to stay asleep. She was also gripped by the memories of the past week, startling awake and thinking she was back in the basement with Charlie. Jay sat by her side, providing as much comfort as he could as she fought the nightmares and the discomfort.
When the morning finally came, Erin was cranky. Her whole body ached and she was really trying to make do with as little pain medication as possible, despite both Jay and Hank's assurance that she was allowed to have the relief she needed.
Hank was needed back the district due to Charlie's unfortunate escape from death, so it was just Jay and Erin in the hospital room when Dr. Natalie Manning arrived to give Erin an update on her condition. They'd chosen to avoid telling Erin about Charlie until it was necessary, and had put off any type of formal police interview until she was stable enough.
Rhodes had sent Dr. Manning in his place, who informed Erin that she'd avoided a splenectomy but that the emergency laparotomy recovery time was looking like three to six weeks. They'd also determined Erin had a lung infection called Hypersensitivity Pneumonitis, which had developed as a result of the large volume of dust in the basement, complicated by Erin's asthma.
"The surgeon noticed a fair amount of bruising on your hips," Natalie informed her, "I know you mentioned that your memory is spotty, but is there anything you remember about how you got those?"
Erin shook her head slowly, "I mean, I vaguely remember him kicking me," she gestured to her stomach, and Jay squeezed her hand, "So he might have gotten me there too."
"And the bruising on your arms and neck?" Natalie asked slowly, "Do you recall any event?"
"He grabbed me," Erin managed, "And um, kissed my neck really roughly."
Natalie nodded, "Erin, I am really sorry you had to go through that. We were going over your bloodwork from when you were brought in, and it showed that you were dosed with high levels of GHB, with traces of chloroform." Jay sucked in a breath while Erin nodded in understanding. At least it wasn't heroin.
"We recommend a full pelvic examination as soon as possible," Natalie said calmly, "Given that there are extended periods of time that you don't remember, we just want to be sure."
"No," Erin said immediately, "I don't need that. And I really don't want to talk about it okay?"
"I know, and I know you said you don't remember anything, but that's where the risk is. To make sure we can give you the best treatment for whatever happened, it's much safer if we conduct the exam."
"I said, I don't want to talk about it," Erin snapped with as much venom in her voice as she could muster, "He didn't do anything, and I don't need a rape kit, okay?"
"Erin, with the amount of GHB in your system when you were brought in, it's highly likely that you don't remember certain things," Natalie spoke gently but sternly, "To be safe, we really should do the pelvic exam."
"No," she replied flatly, and ripped the pulse ox off her finger. She could feel how fast her heart was racing, and didn't need the constant reminder of the loud beeping machine, "I'm fine."
"Erin," Jay said quietly, unsure about how he should approach the situation. On one hand, he recognized his partner's desire to not know, but on the other, he needed her to be okay, and confirmation from the test would put him at ease. "Once you know, it will be easier for you to move on."
"Easy for you to say," she spat, "I'm sure you just need to know." Erin folded her arms across her chest in anger.
"Yes," he replied quickly, "I-I need to know that you're okay."
"I don't want to know," Erin argued back to both Natalie and to Jay, "I don't."
Natalie opened her mouth to reply, but Jay spoke first. "Please, Er."
"No!" Erin raised her voice. "Stop it, stop trying to get me to talk about it, stop looking at me like that. I'm not a fucking piece of glass, I'm fine." Her lower lip trembled, "Get out."
"What?" Jay raised his eyebrows in surprise, taken aback by his partner's demand.
"You heard me," she growled, "Leave me alone, Jay."
Jay swallowed and got to his feet, wordlessly exiting the hospital room. He could tell how badly Erin was hurting, how scared she was of knowing, and he just wanted to be there for her. He'd promised Hank that he'd be there for her always, but the daggers behind her eyes were telling him that he needed to give her the space she wanted.
"Erin," Natalie tried, "As a medical professional, and as your friend, I just want-"
"Fine," Erin cut her off, "Fine, I'll do it. But get someone else." She glared at Natalie, her heart still thumping wildly.
Natalie nodded and exited the room, leaving Erin completely alone.
Thank you so much to all who have been leaving reviews! Hearing your thoughts is a great boost :)