I got the nicest DM requesting a bit more Will and more angst - so ask and you shall receive :) Let me know what you think!
Trigger warning for mentions of assault and rape
Erin gripped Jay's arm tightly as Dr. Satterfield (she finally remembered her name) continued with the exam. Having her partner close helped distract from the invasiveness of the situation, but didn't slow her heart rate. "You're safe, babe," Jay repeated into her ear, the soft wheezes of his girlfriend ramping up his anxiety with each struggled breath, "I'm here."
"My stitches hurt," she mumbled honestly, "I-I feel like I can't breathe."
"You're doing great," he praised, "It'll be over soon."
"Not soon enough," Erin let out a cough followed by another pained inhale. Jay winced and kissed the side of her head, silently willing the doctor to hurry up so Erin could finally relax.
"I know that wasn't comfortable for you," Dr. Satterfield rose from her position at the end of Erin's bed, "I'll talk to your attending doctor about some additional pain relief, and maybe get you some oxygen for a bit. Pneumonitis can be hard to shake, especially if you have asthma."
"Thank you," Jay supplied for Erin, "Are we done here?"
"We are. I have the results from your bloodwork as well," Dr. Satterfield paused as she looked up from the iPad, "I'm happy to have this conversation at a later time-"
"You can tell me now," Erin interrupted, "Please." She instinctively tightened her grip on Jay's arm. She could feel his rapid heartbeat match hers.
"Your bloodwork still showed traces of Gamma Hydroxybutyrate, which is more commonly known as GHB. When you were first brought in, the level in your bloodwork was extremely high, which is what prompted the exam. There is some bruising on your neck and chest from your assailant, but I found no evidence of sexual assault."
Erin let out the breath she had been holding, "Thank you," she said tiredly, exhaustion settling in as the weight of not knowing was lifted. Jay kissed the side of her head again and let his lips linger. God, he was so glad Charlie hadn't gotten that far.
"I'll send a nurse in with some additional pain medication," Dr. Satterfield offered a kind smile. "Be well, Erin."
Jay offered a thankful smile to the doctor as she exited the room, finally giving him some privacy with his partner. "How are you doing?" he asked finally, reaching a hand to stroke her cheek. He could feel the trails of dried salty tears beneath his fingertips.
"Better now that you're here," she replied honestly. Erin lifted her gaze to meet his eyes, "I-I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize," Jay murmured, continuing to run his fingers across her warm cheek, "I shouldn't have left."
"I'm just glad you didn't get far," Erin reached a hand out to touch the scruff on Jay's cheek, "You did let your beard grow out though."
He chuckled softly, "I know. Just for you, since I know you like it." Erin managed a slight smile, only the second time since she was rescued. Unfortunately, the smile quickly turned to a grimace as she coughed.
"Someone should be coming by soon with some pain reliever," Jay assured her, stroking his thumb across her forearm as she took a shaky inhale, "Dr. Satterfield mentioned some oxygen as well, just to help a bit."
She nodded, not in the mood to fight the prospect of more medicine or oxygen. Jay swallowed at her silence, knowing that an Erin unwilling to fight over help was an Erin who really wasn't feeling well. "Do you want to try to rest a bit?" he offered, noting her heavy eyelids and dark circles.
Erin shook her head and tugged at the hospital issue gown. "I hate this fucking thing," she mumbled, "'s not comfortable."
"I was thinking that maybe later today I could run back to the apartment and grab some clothes for you," Jay said lightly. He watched as fear crossed his partner's face and immediately backtracked, "Or maybe Hank could stop by."
The second Jay mentioned returning to the apartment, Erin felt her heart rate accelerate. Jay was going to leave her? Her partner's soothing voice was replaced with loud buzzing in her ears as her heart thumped wildly. Why would he leave her again? "Babe?" Jay was staring at her worriedly.
"S-sorry," she stuttered, unsure of what to say next. His eyes were knowing, like he just knew she was terrified to be left alone, but she didn't want him to think she couldn't handle it. He'd be back. He wouldn't just leave her there. "My-my stitches just started tugging, that's all," she lied and failed to stifle a cough, letting out the breath she'd been holding. "What were you saying?"
Jay resisted the urge to raise his eyebrows at his girl's attempt to quell his concern. "I was saying that maybe Hank could stop by our place and pick up some clothes for you. Might be more comfortable to be in your own clothes rather than the hospital gown."
"I just want to go home," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes before she could stop them. God, what was wrong with her? Erin shook her head as Jay's eyes softened, "Sorry, I'm just really tired and sore."
"Stop apologizing," Jay leaned forward and kissed the crown of her head, "You've been through a lot. Plus, you'll need something to travel home in. Unless you want to wear that gown out of the store," he teased, hoping to bring a smile to his partner's lips. It worked – Erin's lips twitched upwards and the tears abated. Thank god. He couldn't stand to see her cry again. His heart broke a little more each time, and the past few hours had been tough.
"I-I don't know if we want Hank going through my dresser drawers," Erin offered a shy smile, her eyes twinkling with mischief instead of tears, "He might kill you if he sees what I'm wearing for Halloween."
"Why would he kill me?" Jay asked, and then it dawned on him and heat rose to his cheeks as a grin spread across Erin's, "Oh," he swallowed, "Not Hank."
"Not Hank," Erin confirmed, showing the first sign of the old Erin, the Erin before being kidnapped. "And not Ruzek."
"Definitely not Ruzek," Jay chuckled, toying with the ends of Erin's hair as he gently ran his fingers through her snarled locks. "Okay, maybe your stuff can wait a bit. You said your stitches were hurting?"
She shrugged and coughed slightly, settling into her boyfriend's touch, "I'm okay."
"Dr. Satterfield was going to send someone to get you a bit more pain relief and some oxygen," Jay realized, glancing down at his watch. He wasn't a doctor, but he knew that his partner's oxygen levels were lower than they should be. "You're also due for some more antibiotics."
Erin widened her eyes, "You memorized my meds schedule?"
Jay nodded, almost guiltily. "It wasn't hard. Every four hours."
"Maybe you should have been a doctor," she mused, attempting to stifle another cough.
"Puh-lease, only one Halstead could pull off these scrubs, and it certainly isn't Jay." Will poked his head into Erin's hospital room, "How's my brother's better half feeling?"
Jay rolled his eyes but was grateful for the levity his brother brought into the room. Erin coughed loudly and winced. "Fine," she choked out, receiving skeptical eye raises from the Halstead brothers. "Okay, aching a bit."
"And still coughing," Will pulled the stethoscope out of his coat, "Do you mind if I take a listen to your lungs?"
Erin responded with a weary nod, the last few hours contributing to her significant exhaustion. She leaned forward gingerly so Will could listen to her lungs, biting down hard on her lip due to the pain from her incision. Instinctively she squeezed Jay's hand as Will informed her that he'd need to part her gown in the back to make it easier to hear her lungs. "'s okay," she consented, receiving a comforting squeeze back from her partner as she dug her nails into his palm.
Jay had seen glimpses of his girl's marred skin from her experience with Charlie across her stomach, arms and neck but had to stifle a gasp when his brother carefully adjusted her gown to place the stethoscope on her back. Her shoulders were bruised and scratched, and Jay could see darker bruises down the middle of her back. The bastard had done a real number on her. "Can you take a deep breath for me, Erin?" Will asked, pulling Jay back to the present.
Erin complied with the doctor's request and the air whistled painfully through her lungs, followed by a strained cough. Will furrowed his brow and adjusted the stethoscope, "One more breath, okay?"
She took another shaky breath that dissolved into a coughing fit. Jay shot a look at his brother as he brought a cup of water to his partner's lips. "Sorry," Erin gasped out, taking a thankful sip of water.
"No need to apologize," Will assured her, stringing the stethoscope around his neck, "I'm going to up your antibiotics and get you some additional pain medication. It looks like the bruising on your ribs isn't allowing your lungs to expand, and they need to heal. Additional oxygen should also help."
Erin nodded, too exhausted to argue. The coughing was becoming annoying and it didn't help her forget about the stitches on her stomach. "You alright babe?" Jay asked quietly, stroking his fingers over her hand.
"I guess my ribs hurt too," she replied honestly, "I-I thought it was just my stomach."
Will offered an apologetic smile, "Your body's been through a lot. You will heal, it just might take some time. The medication will help, and I'd recommend taking them with a nice nap." He winked as the nurse entered to deliver the prescribed IV medication to Erin.
"Don't try to fight it," Jay coaxed, moving his fingers from Erin's hand to her hair in an attempt to lull his partner to sleep, "You're exhausted. Some oxygen and medicine might actually let you get some rest."
"Mm," she replied, her eyes at half-mast. "Thanks Will."
"Superior Halstead, at your service," Will took an exaggerated bow, earning a grunt from his brother, along with a thankful smile as Erin managed a snort of appreciation before the medication had the desired effect and she slipped into a dreamless sleep.
Erin startled awake with a pained gasp. She wasn't in the basement, but she wasn't at home. She was in a hospital bed. She'd been rescued and had surgery, and Jay promised she was safe. Jay was –
Not next to her.
She pushed herself up, ignoring the searing pain from her stitches, ache in her arms from the bruises and crackle of her lungs from the infection. On auto pilot she swung her aching legs over the bed and stumbled toward the open bathroom door, feeling like a baby deer learning to walk for the first time as she tottered across the linoleum.
Erin braced herself on the sink, the cool porcelain on her raw hands providing a semblance of purchase as she struggled to control her breathing. It dawned on her that she hadn't been upright in days, nor had she seen what Charlie had done with her own eyes.
She took a shaky breath before lifting her eyes to look in the mirror. Erin grimaced as she took in her appearance. Her hair was dark and greasy, matted to her head yet also sticking out awkwardly in a few places. Her eyes were dark and sunken, like she hadn't slept in weeks, yet also bruised from Charlie's fist. Tiny scabs were already forming on her cheek from the grit on the floor, having been painfully cleaned out by the nurses.
She felt her stomach do a backflip as she glanced down her body. There were bruises on her neck where Charlie's lips had been, standing out starkly on her pale skin. It was all she could do not to vomit into the sink as she fought the memory of him pressing his face against hers. Erin couldn't bring herself to part the gown to see her stomach, the dark finger shaped bruises on her arms enough of a reminder of the trauma she'd endured.
"Ms. Lindsay?" A nurse called into the hospital room, causing Erin to jump, "Ms. Lindsay, are you alright?"
"I-I'll be out in a minute," she replied, pushing herself away from the sink and tearing her eyes away from her haunted reflection.
"You should call a nurse if you need to use the restroom," the middle-aged woman chided as Erin shuffled out of the bathroom. "You've had major surgery not 24 hours ago. You could rip your stitches."
"Well I didn't," Erin snapped, instantly regretting her tone. "Sorry, I-I'm just aching a bit."
"Quite alright," the nurse smiled kindly, "If it's alright with you, I can help you get back into bed?"
Erin nodded, not realizing she'd been standing in the same position for a few seconds, contemplating how she would maneuver herself back onto the hospital bed with her incision. "Thank you," she replied gratefully as the nurse helped her back into the bed, "Sorry, again."
The nurse waved her hand flippantly, "Please. You've been through hell, my dear."
Erin glanced to the door. Where the hell was Jay? She could feel her heart beating quicker as she fiddled with the blanket the nurse had spread across her lap. He wouldn't just leave her. "H-have you seen my um, partner?" Erin asked quietly, unable to keep the question under her tongue any longer. "He-he was here when I fell asleep and…" she trailed off, unable to finish her thought. Where was he?
The nurse offered a knowing smile. "Candace might have kicked him out. She works through the night and is a pretty big stickler for visitor hours, especially if she catches you after originally flying under the radar." She looked down at her watch, "Good news is, visitor hours start up again in about ten minutes or so."
Erin managed a nod and jumped at the knock on the door. Her heart leapt – maybe it was Jay.
Instead, it was the red headed Halstead. "Hey, Erin," he greeted, "Sorry I'm not Jay." He smiled cheekily, "I thought we'd be able to keep him in here past Candace's eagle eye but she caught him. She almost called security on him, but I convinced him to go grab a few things for you from your apartment. I also told him to take a shower."
Erin cracked a smile, "Thank you." Jay hadn't left for good. He'd be back, hopefully sooner rather than later.
Will's pager let off a shrill beep. "Shit, I gotta run. I'll be back in a bit to check on you, alright? Don't go chasing down any criminals now."
Erin rolled her eyes as the other Halstead dashed away. She kept her eyes trained on the door, wondering how long it would be until Jay returned. Erin bit down on her lip. Since when was she someone who needed her boyfriend at all times?
"He should be back in about ten minutes," the nurse piped up, reading Erin's mind, "If you'd like, I can wait with you until he comes back?"
"You don't have anywhere else to be?" Erin glanced down at her hands shamefully, "I-I don't want to keep you."
"Not at all," the nurse smiled kindly, "My name is Beverly."
"Nice to meet you," Erin replied, toying with the edge of the blanket Beverly had spread across her lap.
"Now, you mentioned you were aching a bit. Part of your recovery is going to be pain management, and the last round of pain medication might be wearing off. I can go check with the doctor to see-"
"No, it's fine," Erin cut her off, "I'm okay."
"Are you sure?" Beverly narrowed her eyes skeptically.
Erin nodded and let out a short cough, "Um, when did Jay say he'd be back?"
"I was hoping to be back before you woke up." Jay appeared in the doorway, and a flood of relief washed over Erin. He gave a crooked smile, "Hi, babe."
"Hi," she replied softly, still fiddling with the edge of the blanket nervously. He'd left her, but he was back now. What if something had happened to him? What if something had happened to her without him? Erin shook her head slightly, trying to rid her mind of the unpleasant thoughts.
"I guess you heard I got kicked out by the nurse who hates Will, " Jay slowly approached the bed, bearing a duffle full of Erin's favorite things, "Good news is that I stopped by the apartment to pick up a few of your things to make you a bit more comfortable."
Erin nodded. All she wanted to do was cry, bury her head in Jay's shoulder and forget the bruises on her neck, arms and entire body. She wanted to tell him how much she'd missed him in the minutes that felt like hours where they'd been apart, how worried she was when she woke up and he wasn't there, but somehow, she couldn't.
"I want to take a shower," were the words that escaped her lips. Erin swallowed, "Please?"
Jay raised his eyebrows at his partner's comment but started to nod. "Your stitches cannot get wet," Beverly interjected, "But we can get you some towels and washcloths. If you'd like, one of the nurses can help-"
"I don't need help," she growled, ripping the blanket off her lap, "I'm not a fucking child. I can bathe myself."
"Er-" Jay started, confused by his partner's sudden agitation.
"I was fine in the bathroom earlier," Erin argued, "There's a chair in there. I'll be fine."
"You sure?" He didn't love the idea of letting his girlfriend out of his sight, even if it was just to the adjoining bathroom. The previous nurse almost had him dragged from the premises when she'd found him on vigil next to Erin's bed, and he wasn't about to leave her side anytime soon. Not after she'd almost torn her stitches during the pelvic exam.
"It's right there," she gestured angrily toward the bathroom door. "I'll sit down, I'll do whatever you say, but I'd like one goddam minute of privacy."
Jay sat next to Erin's empty bed, replaying their interaction over again in his head. He had run into Will on his way back into the hospital, who'd informed him that Erin was awake and that he'd relayed the news about the other nurse kicking him out. Jay silently cursed that nurse before immediately taking it back. She just was doing her job, but god, it killed him to be apart from his partner after getting her back.
He sighed. She'd woken up alone. The Erin he knew wouldn't think twice about the empty space beside her, especially given that she loathed being woken up for morning workouts. But this wasn't the Erin he knew. This Erin had spent days in confinement, inflicted with trauma that he still didn't have the full picture of. She felt like he abandoned her.
Jay rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand. Of course. His poor girl. She needed him, and again, he wasn't there. Watching her totter to the bathroom defiantly, unwilling to accept any support or a hand to hold made Jay feel like he'd failed. She was angry, and rightfully so. Ugh. Two steps forward, one step back. She was finally starting to open up after suffering through the pelvic exam, and now they were back to square one, with Erin pissed off and Jay waiting for her, unable to be at her side. At least this time she hadn't kicked him out.
Beverly, the nice nurse who'd sat with Erin while she was waiting for him, had left to tend to other patients, leaving Jay so close, yet so far to his partner. She'd kindly advised he not take his girlfriend's anger personally, similar to Will's advice earlier that day. Jay could only manage a nod.
Erin had been in the bathroom with the door closed for nearly ten minutes, and Jay hadn't heard a sound. He promised himself he'd wait fifteen minutes before checking in on her, her annoyance with him be damned, but the minutes were passing far too slowly.
A squeak from behind the bathroom door pulled Jay out of his own head and brought him instantly to his feet. "Erin?" he called out nervously. His palms started sweating as he was met with silence. He was quiet, listening intently for any other noise. "Are you alright in there?" Jay asked finally, unable to help himself from crossing the hospital room to stand by the bathroom door.
Silence.
Jay swallowed, knowing that a thousand things could go wrong, especially with his partner who had just gotten out of surgery not twenty four hours ago. "Erin?" he tapped lightly on the door, "I-I know you wanted some privacy, but if you could just tell me that you're okay, I'll-"
"I'm not," a tired and plaintive voice mumbled, "I-I'm not okay."
And Erin still doesn't know about Charlie...