I tried to bring a bit of levity to this chapter and I'm actually pleased with how the first half turned out. Let me know what you think!
"Almost home," Jay mused, one arm wrapped around his partner's shoulders as she leaned against him in the elevator on the way up to their apartment, "You ready for a good night's sleep in your own bed?"
"'s like three o'clock," Erin wrinkled her nose as the elevator dinged. Jay led her to their apartment door slowly, acutely aware of how gingerly she was walking.
"I know," he offered a cheeky smile, "But you kept getting woken up by the nurses and doctors. Tonight you can get some real rest."
"So you're finally gonna admit that you didn't sleep in the hospital either?" Erin raised her eyebrows at her partner knowingly. Jay had been insisting that he wasn't tired, a statement that was severely undercut by the dark circles beneath his eyes. In reality, he'd barely slept in the past week, the nights without Erin weighing heavily on his mind.
Jay chuckled and unlocked the apartment door, declining to address her comment. "Welcome home, babe."
Erin shuffled in beside Jay, gratefully accepting his help at removing her winter coat. Wordlessly she glanced around, soaking in the familiarity of their apartment. "You alright?" Jay asked softly, setting the duffle bag he'd brought to the hospital on the floor.
She nodded and exhaled, causing Jay to furrow his brow at the whistle of her breath. "I'm okay," Erin assured him, gently placing her hand on his chest, "Just…really glad to be back."
"How about something to eat?" he offered, "I could whip something up while you get settled into bed."
"I'm not eating in bed," Erin wrinkled her nose, "The couch maybe."
"Since when do you turn down a snack in bed?" Jay joked, "I seem to recall something about…goldfish crumbs?"
"When I'm hungover," she emphasized, following it up with a sharp cough, "I'm not eating like an old person, in bed and before five o'clock."
"Okay, okay, couch it is then." Jay led his partner to the couch, which had already been arranged to provide comfort, featuring a new tufted footstool so Erin could recline.
"Where'd you get that monstrosity?" Erin asked as he settled her against the cushions and started lifting her legs to place on the offending ottoman.
"This?" Jay gestured innocently to the new piece of furniture where he'd placed his partner's legs, "Since I moved in."
"No way," Erin shook her head, "I wouldn't have let you bring that thing into our apartment."
Jay chuckled. "I know. I knew when I saw it that you'd hate it. But my guy says it functions as both a footstool," He paused to move Erin's feet back to the floor and lift the top of the ottoman, "A storage cabinet," Jay produced a fluffy blanket, which he spread across Erin's lap, "And a cooler." He reached in again and held up a can of ginger ale and a bottle of water.
At that, Erin laughed. A real, honest-to-goodness Erin Lindsay laugh escaped her lips, and Jay could have cried. How he'd missed that sound. There wasn't anything like it in the world.
Unfortunately, the laugh was short lived, as the motion aggravated her stomach, and Erin placed her hands on her belly with a pained hiss. Immediately, Jay was pulled back to the reality, the reality in which a laugh from his partner resulted in her unfortunate pain. "Oh, Er," he said apologetically, rising from the floor to sit beside his partner, "I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking and-"
"I'm fine, babe, promise," Erin assured him, removing her hands from her sore stomach and placing one on Jay's cheek, "Really. I love you for making me laugh." She glanced down at the ottoman, "I don't love that thing though."
Jay smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Maybe we order another footstool online?"
The first few hours of having Erin home was everything Jay had hoped for. While she'd insisted she wasn't that hungry and only ate a few bites of the grilled cheese Jay concocted, she snuggled next to her partner on the couch, basking in the comfort he provided, all while keeping her body properly positioned, thanks to Jay's heinous piece of furniture.
"Maybe we should keep it," Erin mused, "The cooler you put in there is kinda handy."
"Could be good for keeping the beers cold during a Cubs game," Jay replied, "Or Ruzek's spiked seltzer."
"Oh please, you love those more than he does," she poked him, "But I was thinkin' this would be a good addition to the bedroom." Erin gave a mischievous grin when her partner looked at her incredulously. "You know, for when I'm not all laid up. Might save some time if we don't have to go back to kitchen in between rounds."
Jay nearly choked, "That-that would save some time." He paused, "Could come in use out here though."
"Or in the bathroom."
He bit his lip and nodded, unable to keep the smile off his face. "God, I really missed you."
"Me comin' onto you while we're watching Netflix on the couch?" Erin rasped, "Or me turning your balls blue when I know we can't do anything?"
"Just you. Being here, all of the above." Jay threaded his fingers through her hair gently and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Erin's eyelids drooped as she settled closer to her partner, his warmth luring her into a light slumber. He glanced at his watch, and then down to his drowsy girlfriend. She'd taken the two evening doses of medication and it was rapidly kicking in. "How about you let Nurse Halstead tuck you into bed? The meds are making you sleepy."
"I'm not sleepy," Erin retorted with a cough, "I like it here."
"I know, but you're falling asleep, and the doctors said you really should be lying flat whenever you can. It'll help your stomach heal faster, and it's better for your lungs."
"Fine," she mumbled, rubbing her eye with her fist, almost like a child, "There better not be any ugly furniture in there."
"No ugly furniture," Jay confirmed, carefully helping Erin to her feet and leading her to the bedroom, "Just the big bed, all to yourself."
"What?" Erin looked up at Jay, surprised, "Where are you sleeping?"
"The couch," Jay pointed to the living room, "Since the doc said you needed space."
She shook her head. "I want you to be next to me," Erin admitted almost shamefully, glancing to the bed and then back to Jay, "I-I need you to be."
It was all Jay could do not to let the tears that built up behind his eyes cascade down his cheeks. His strong, independent partner appeared so small beside him as she held fast to his arm, the exhaustion barely allowing her to stay upright. "I know," he swallowed thickly, easing her down on the mattress, "But the doctor said that I could hurt you if we get too close. And that is the absolute last thing I want to do." He squatted in front of his partner, looking up at her swollen eyes. "I can sleep right next to you, on the floor here."
Erin shook her head again, "You won't hurt me, and you're not sleeping on the floor. Please, Jay." She tugged at his hand, "I really want to sleep, and I don't think I can do it if you're not in bed next to me."
Jay was quiet. On one hand, he was desperate to sleep beside his partner again. On the other, he didn't want to inadvertently injure her during the night, especially given her tender stomach and overall aching body. "You're gonna make me beg?" she tried to joke, reaching for his scruffy cheek as he crouched in front of her.
He responded with a smile. "I can't say no to you, can I?"
She shook her head again, a smile playing on her lips as he got to his feet. "Alright. But we're going to do this carefully, okay? That means the traditional Erin Lindsay pillow wall is back in action."
Despite the pillow wall, Erin found her way to the middle of the bed and into Jay's arms. They'd gone to bed incredibly early, so he lay awake, caressing her hair, smelling her, memorizing her skin on his. He'd missed everything about her – talking to her, holding her, seeing her smile, listening to her laugh, listening to her soft sores, Jay missed it all. He fell asleep with a smile on his lips, and his girl at his side.
Jay awoke to a knee in his side and a sudden chill as Erin stumbled out of the bed toward the bathroom. "Er?" he mumbled, reaching to her side of the bed, his hands meeting damp sheets amidst the mound of pillows. "Erin?" Jay sat up quickly he heard a painful vomit echo through the bathroom door.
He shed the sheets and hurried to the bathroom. "Babe?" he called softly, knocking lightly on the door, "You alright?"
She answered with a cough. "I'm going to come in, okay?" Jay pushed open the door to reveal his disoriented partner slumped against the toilet. "Oh, babe," he murmured, sinking beside her and immediately gathering her hair in his fist to pull it off her neck, "Not feeling so good, huh?"
Erin shook her head, tears trickling down her cheeks as she regarded him with glassy, unfocused eyes. She retched again and groaned feebly, the motion seriously straining her tender stomach. "I'm so sorry," Jay stroked her hair back as she wheezed, her pale and waxy complexion turning his stomach. His poor girl.
"'s the meds," she choked out, "I-I'm not used to it and," Erin cut herself off with another painful heave, followed by a cough.
Jay winced and placed a comforting hand on her back, feeling the dampness of the t shirt Erin had worn to bed beneath his fingertips. "I wanna shower," she groaned, pushing herself away from the toilet and attempting to remove her sticky shirt, "I'm all gross."
"I know, but your stitches can't get wet," Jay reminded her gently, wincing again as Erin let out a squeak of pain when trying to take her top off, "We can cool you off though. Let me help."
She grunted in defeat, allowing Jay to methodically pull the t shirt over her head. Tears welled in her eyes again as she caught sight of her bruised body. "Did I hurt you?" Jay asked immediately, eyes swimming with concern.
Erin shook her head and shivered, the cool bathroom air chilling her exposed skin. "I can grab a cloth or something-" Jay started, but stopped as Erin shook her head again.
"I-I don't wanna move," she managed, her teeth now chattering slightly, "Feels good in here. Cold."
Jay swallowed and nodded, leaning back against the tub, Erin in his arms. She settled against him in a shivering heap, her head lolling against his bare chest as he stroked her damp hair back and held her close, hoping that her nausea would subside and he could get her back in bed, and in a position that wouldn't compromise her stitches.
"Babe," he murmured after he felt her dozing off, "Let's get you back in bed, alright?"
"You better stay," she mumbled in reply, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend's neck as he stood.
"Of course," Jay whispered back, tears welling in his eyes. Carrying Erin like he used to from the couch to her bed felt like a million years ago as he lifted his considerably more fragile partner in his arms, "I'm not going anywhere."
In the early hours of the morning, Erin finally slept, the exhaustion and pain catching up with her. Jay kept his promise and remained next to her, his fingers intertwined with hers. She slept fitfully, plagued by nightmares and pain medicine-induced dreams while Jay lay awake beside her, watching as her chest rise and fall, and feeling grateful that although she was in pain, she was back in their home and healing.
After comforting her from a particularly gut wrenching nightmare, complete with desperate wails and pleas for Charlie to stop, Jay needed a break. He departed her bedside for the bathroom and set himself on the floor, just beside where he'd found his girl hours before. It was then he let the tears fall from his own eyes – tears for Erin's pain, for his, for the exhaustiveness of it all.
Jay remained on the bathroom floor for almost two hours, allowing the coolness to ground him as he listened intently for any noises of distress coming from the bedroom. The last thing he wanted to happen was Erin to find him in the midst of his own breakdown, or for her to be caught in a nightmare and not be there to pull her out.
Suddenly, his phone chimed and Jay cursed, hoping that it hadn't woken Erin up. "Halstead," he answered, not recognizing the number, "Who's this?"
"Jay, it's Dr. Grier from Chicago Med, calling to check in." The doctor's calming voice immediately lowered Jay's heart rate. "How are you doing? How is your partner?"
"Hey, um, thanks for calling." Jay rubbed a hand over his face, unsure of how to really answer the therapist's questions. "Uh, she's alright. We're home now and um, made it through the night."
"Good," Dr. Grier replied, "I'm glad to hear that you're both home. And how are you doing? I know our conversation ended quite abruptly."
"I, um," Jay stuttered, still not really sure what to say, "I'm hanging in there." He let out a snort, "I'm kind of on our bathroom floor right now."
"Rough night?"
"Yeah, uh, yesterday when we came home things were alright. Lighter. And last night was pretty rough and I really couldn't help her. And I'm there for her, probably almost too much since I'm sure she'll be pissed at me today, but it's been rough. And if I'm going to be honest doc, I just really don't want her to see me like this." Jay exhaled, the words just tumbling from his lips, "I-I don't mean to sound ungrateful that my girl is home and okay but just hearin' her nightmares are…"
"I'm sure it's very triggering for you," Dr. Grier spoke calmly, "You mentioned that you had friends who were kidnapped while you were overseas?"
"Yeah," Jay breathed, the realization dawning on him. "I-I guess it is triggering."
"You might look into one of those veteran's support meetings," the therapist suggested, "You said you'd attended a few times, but especially when trauma resurfaces, it can be good to meet with others who've gone through something similar."
Jay swallowed and nodded before realizing the doctor couldn't see him. "That's a good idea, doc, thanks. I appreciate you calling to check in."
"Any time. Happy to chat," the doctor hung up and Jay exhaled again, feeling like a weight had been lifted.
Cuddly and sleepy Erin had been replaced by achy, grumpy and exhausted Erin. After waking up in pain, struggling to take her meds and feeling overall disgusting, she was spent. Erin spent the day uncomfortably laying on the bed, trying to find a position that didn't tug at her stitches while Jay sat patiently in the living room or on the bed beside her, depending on her mood in the moment. She was apologetic and moody all at the same time, and the emotional whiplash was taking a toll on Jay as well.
Thankfully, she slept much of the day, a welcome side effect of the strong pain medication that Jay was keeping track of. Jay distracted himself in the kitchen, preparing Erin's favorite foods in the hopes of getting her to eat something. His famous spaghetti and meatballs had turned her stomach, but she tentatively ate a few bites of his beef stir fry, much to Jay's surprise.
When he broached the topic of having Burgess come over to visit while he attended a meeting, Erin balked at the idea, insisting that she'd be fine for a few hours alone. The suggestion alone turned a good moment sour, and she left him alone at the kitchen table while she retreated to the bedroom.
At a loss, Jay called the only person who he knew would be able to help.
"How's she doing?" were the first words that Hank uttered after Jay dialed his number. Jay could have almost smiled at the over protective father voice at the other end of the phone if he hadn't been so exhausted.
"She's alright," Jay chose his words carefully. He didn't want to delve into Erin's business when it was her story to tell, but he also needed the support of his sergeant and his girlfriend's father. "She's um, sleeping now. It was a long night."
Voight was quiet for a moment, "Are you alright?"
"Me?" Jay was taken aback, not realizing that his boss would be so concerned with his wellbeing.
"Yes, you. You barely made it through the last few days, Jay. And if you're going to take care of Erin, which I know you are doing, this isn't about that, but I want to make sure you're taking care of yourself as well. Just over the phone I can tell that you're exhausted."
Jay opened his mouth to reply, still stunned that his boss cared so much about him. "Erin is my family, and that makes you part of mine," Voight continued gruffly, "I know you took the weekend off, but I'm putting you on medical next week with Erin. Don't try to argue with me."
"Uh, thank you," Jay stuttered, "Really sarge, thank you. I-I just want to be here for her as much as I can be you know, she's been through hell."
"I know," Hank replied, "Keep me updated, would you?"
"Of course, but uh, the reason I called," Jay closed his eyes for a minute before continuing, "I was wondering if you could come over for dinner tonight, to be with Erin. I-I've been thinking a lot about her and taking care of her but like you said, I also gotta take care of myself. And with everything that's happening, I think I need a veteran's meeting tonight. But I don't want to leave her and -"
"Say no more," Hank replied, "I'll be there at five with dinner."
"Thank you," Jay repeated, "I really appreciate it."
"You're family, Jay. This is what families do." Hank hung up the phone and Jay exhaled heavily, thankful that there would be someone with his girl while he got the help he needed.
When Erin answered the door, Hank resisted the urge to suck in a breath at her appearance. She was dwarfed in a sweatshirt of Jays', eyes dark and sunken like she hadn't slept. His girl, who was normally fit and strong, appeared fragile and small. "Hey kiddo," he offered a warm smile, "I thought I'd stop by with some dinner."
"You could have called first," she mumbled, stepping aside as Hank entered the apartment, "Wasn't expecting company."
Hank's heart ached at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes. "Halstead told Mouse he was headed to one of those veteran support meetings tonight, and Mouse let it slip to me. Figured you could use a home cooked meal and some company."
"Jay's been cooking," Erin informed him, folding her arms across her chest defiantly, "I don't need a babysitter."
"I know," Hank shrugged, setting the food he'd prepared on the kitchen counter. He turned back to Erin, "I just missed you, kiddo."
At that, Erin's lips quirked upwards. "Hey, Sarge," Jay greeted, emerging from the bathroom freshly showered for his meeting.
"Hank brought dinner," Erin gestured to the food sitting on their kitchen counter, "Know anything about this?"
"Uh, I know he's a better cook than I am. Maybe he'll get you to eat more than two bites." Jay offered a lopsided grin, to which Erin replied with an eye roll. "He's probably better company too."
"Can't believe you got me a babysitter," Erin grumbled, "I'll be fine for a few hours."
"I can leave," Hank offered, sharing a glance with Jay. No part of either of them wanted Erin staying home alone, but wanted to remain on Erin's good side.
"You came all the way down here," she huffed, gingerly settling herself on a chair in the kitchen, "It's fine." Erin turned to Jay and gave a small smile, "I'm proud of you. For going to the meeting."
Jay dropped a kiss on top of her head, "I have my phone if you need anything, alright? I'll be back around ten I think." He glanced down at his watch, "I left your 8pm meds by the microwave."
She nodded gratefully. "I'll be fine. Promise."
"You've barely taken a few bites," Hank said gently, trying to meet Erin's gaze as he sat across the kitchen table from his detective. After Jay headed out, Hank busied himself preparing and plating the food he'd brought while Erin sat on the couch. She had reluctantly joined him for dinner after the initial claim that she wasn't hungry. "Are you feeling okay?"
"It's really good," she mumbled, taking a tentative bite of the chicken Hank had prepared, "I'm just not super hungry."
He narrowed his eyes as he watched his daughter take another bite. The ordeal with Charlie had taken a significant toll on her, both mentally and physically. While some of the visible bruises had faded, her eyes were dark and her cheeks were sunken. She'd lost a lot of weight while being held in the basement, and despite Jay's best efforts, hadn't been eating enough to regain the strength she'd had previously. "Kiddo," Hank reached across the table and gently placed his hand on her closed fist. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? You're looking a bit pale."
"I'm fine," she gritted out, swallowing the bite. "The meds, uh, they aren't really great for my stomach. But it's fine, really."
Hank raised his eyebrows, "Have you mentioned this to Halstead? Or any of the doctors?"
"I'm fine," Erin insisted, "I'm not used to all the pills and stuff. Really, Hank. I'm just tired. Will said that the meds might have that effect." She shifted uncomfortably on the chair, "And sitting up for a while makes my stitches stiff."
"Why don't you lie down for a bit?" Hank suggested lightly, "I'll clean up here, and then we can watch the game. It doesn't start for a few hours."
Erin thought for a moment. Lying down would feel better. It would also take her mind off the fact that Jay wasn't next to her, and might help settle her stomach. The meds, while they helped alleviate the pain in her stomach, were making her nauseous and if she was being honest, a little grumpy. God, she'd been such a bitch to Jay today, and he was only trying to help. She coughed slightly, "You sure?"
"Of course. I'm here for whatever you need, kiddo." Hank stood to collect her plate, eying the mostly uneaten chicken breast. He'd have a talk with Halstead later. "I'll be out here if you need me, okay?"
She nodded and accepted his hand to stand from the kitchen chair. "Thanks Hank."
Erin startled awake, immediately grappling for her partner in the bed beside her. When her fingertips met cold sheets, she felt her heart rate accelerate. Where was Jay? Why wasn't he beside her? She pushed herself up on her elbows and ignored the screams of protest from her stomach. The surgery had been about two days ago and the incision was still incredibly sore. Erin took a shuddery breath as she looked at the clock on Jay's side of the bed – it was only 8pm. Hank had encouraged her to close her eyes after she confessed she wasn't feeling well from the painkillers, and Jay was still at the veteran's support meeting, not due back until 10pm.
She exhaled and shuffled the covers but paused when she heard a woman's voice. Maybe Hank was watching TV. Erin swung her legs over the side of the bed and froze again. The voice was louder, frantic, and countered by Hank's measured tone that he only reserved for when he was really angry. Who was he talking to, and why was there a woman in her apartment?
Erin hoisted herself off the bed, curiosity getting the better of her. As she shuffled toward the living room, the frantic woman's voice got louder. "He told me I had to finish you!" she screamed, sending all the hairs on the back of Erin's neck straight up. She knew that voice.
"You don't have to do this, Bunny," Hank's voice replied, "Think about Erin."
"I am thinking about her!" Bunny shouted back, "Charlie said that if anything happened to him, it was on me to finish you, to make Erin my daughter again." Erin started moving, as fast as she could. If she could barely protect herself, how would she protect Hank? She couldn't let Bunny get to her almost father, not after Bunny's admission that she had been the person to bring Charlie back into their lives.
A shot rang out and Erin let out a strangled scream. "Hank!"
Eeeeek!