Chapter Four: You Bleed Just To Know You're Alive

Hermione felt somewhat proud of herself for taking care of the Muggle incident, but as she said, to her, it wasn't hard. She smiled at Lucien. Lucien chuckled and opened his mouth to speak. "Everyone will be quite impressed, Hermione. It's always good to make a good impression on your first day."

Hermione smiled slightly, sitting down in her desk, shutting her eyes. –Why did it have to be Ottery St. Catchpole? Why?- she thought to herself. She could feel the tears choking her as they rose in her eyes, threatening to fall. –Ron and Harry were the only two that ever really understood me, and now they're gone. That's it. I'm just going to bury myself in my work. But even that doesn't work anymore. It can't hide the pain anymore.-

She felt the tears rising higher and faster, and soon she couldn't hide them. She sighed to herself and pulled up her book, beginning to attempt to read. She couldn't, however, because her eyes were blurry from the tears threatening to fall. She closed the book and just stared at the cover.

Lucien had taken a chance glance at her, his brow furrowing. –How could I have thought this was Draco Malfoy?- she thought. –He's so different. But he looks like him. So much like him. Maybe that would just be one touch of reality. Some touch of my past that's still alive.-

She sighed softly and traced the spine of her book. She didn't even know what book it was she was attempting to read. She could hear Lucien fumbling around in his desk and she looked up. Their eyes met for a brief moment.

"Are you all right?" Lucien asked softly, tossing his long black hair off his shoulder. It didn't look natural, Hermione noted. She hadn't noticed the tears cascading down her face.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, thank you," she said. Lucien didn't look convinced. He kept a steady gaze on her. "I've just had a rough year, you know?"

"So I've heard," Lucien said with a tug of his lips, an upturn on the left side of his mouth. A half smile; it was sympathy.

"Look, I don't need your sympathy, all right? I don't need you!" she snapped, putting her head on her desk. She didn't see Lucien's shocked look, but she could easily imagine it. She couldn't stop the tears from falling. "The assignment was at Ottery St. Catchpole. That was where Ron lived, and Harry too. That was our summer home, and now it's in ruins. Nothing seems real anymore. Death's all around me and I can't fight it!"

She felt a warm, strong hand on her shoulder, and she looked up, her eyes still streaming. Lucien looked down at her with a slight grin on his face. Sometimes he did remind her of Draco, but he wasn't anything like the Draco Malfoy she'd known in high school. –But you never really knew him, Hermione…. Like I wanted to! The slimy git,- she thought.

She watched Lucien glance at the timepiece, and her gaze followed his. "Holy cricket!" she exclaimed. It was already eight o'clock.

"You can leave now, if you wish. Just, keep this on you," Lucien said, handing her a small phone.

"But, it's a Muggle cell phone," Hermione said, astonished, looking at the little piece of plastic in her hand.

"It makes for quick transfer of information and we can easily get a hold of you if you keep this with you, at all times," Lucien explained. She shrugged, buying the explanation for the moment.

"At least I know how to use one, right?" she said, making an attempt to smile and break the melancholy mood that had settled in around them. She tossed her hair off her shoulder, and it landed gracefully on her back. She consciously felt it fluttering on her back. She looked into his eyes again. They seemed like silver, hanging in delicate strands from the deep, jet-black pupils. They were endless, it seemed, like their story could go on forever.

Lucien smiled. They lit up instantly. –I could fall in love with him,- she thought dangerously. –What are you thinking, girl! Could you fall in love so easily again? After what happened?- she thought, and with that she ripped her eyes away from his, focusing somewhere behind him. Lucien looked puzzled; she could see that from her peripheral vision.

He cleared his throat and her eyes focused on him again, but not his eyes. He smiled at her and pressed the phone harder into her palm.

"I suppose I'll see you tomorrow, then?" he said professionally. He seemed very good at that. She wondered if it was some kind of cover-up for a sensitive soul. She smiled, but pushed the thought out of her head.

"Tomorrow, yes," she said politely, turning around on her heel, walking toward the door. She turned around again and tossed him a light wave, which he returned, standing still in the middle of the office. "Aren't you leaving?" she asked.

"I have some extra work to do," he explained. "Research and such. My work's never done."

Hermione nodded and walked out of the office, feeling his stare upon her as she retreated. She took one glance back at the office, just as the door was closing. She could see the dim candlelight shining off his pale, steel-colored eyes. She smiled sadly and walked over to the stairs and began to descend them.

She exchanged greetings with the various witches and wizards she passed on the stairs until she reached the bottom floor. She walked out of the Ministry and onto the darkened London streets.

"It isn't love, it's robbery, I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me©," she whispered under her breath. Her mind ran back to Ron and Harry and she sighed, walking down the streets, her eyes upon the ground. "I miss you guys."

She walked down the streets until the people around her thinned out, and she became one of only a few walking on the street. She lived far across town in a little flat, on the third story. With work, it was about sixteen flights of stairs a day, but she could do with the exercise in her opinion. She honestly couldn't wait to get home and sleep, hoping she wouldn't have another nightmare like she had been having.

She ran into someone as she was walking down the street, bumping her shoulder against what felt like the other person's shoulder blade.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry!" she exclaimed, and glanced back to see whom she'd hit. The person was swathed in a black cloak, and all she could see was a glowing pair of red eyes.

The instant she looked into his eyes, he vanished without a sound, and she was standing there, staring at thin air. She got a chill running up her spine and wrapped her arms around herself goose bumps making the hair on her arms stand straight up.

She broke into a sprint and ran all the way back to her flat, darting up the stairs and unlocking her door in a flurry. She slipped into her living space and shut the door hurriedly. She undressed quickly, slipping into a light pink silk nightgown. She breathed deeply, trying to calm down.

"It was a figment," she said under her breath, pulling her hair up into a messy bun. She went into the lavatory and washed her face thoroughly to clear her head and relaxed a bit.

She yawned widely and collapsed onto her bed. The white cotton sheets threatened to swallow her as she curled into them. She crawled up to her pillows and pulled her comforter up to her chin, shutting her eyes.

The image of the red eyes flashed across her closed eyes. She shut them tighter, and tears began to fall again.

She didn't want to remember anything right now. She just wished for sleep. Blissful, empty, fulfilling sleep. The red eyes wouldn't leave her memory, however.

"Just leave me alone," she whispered, curling into the fetal position and willing herself to sleep, and to forget that events of her first day as an Auror. Suddenly, above all of the heartache and pain, she thought of Lucien. "I'll have to tell him about the red eyes," she whispered, but her mind was saying something completely different. –I could love that man,- she thought to herself, and a small smile crept onto her face, and she finally drifted off to sleep, her body relaxing into the pillowy softness of her bed

(Song Line ©BBMak)