I was so excited by all the comments on my other idea that I got four chapters up - go check 'em out if you're interested :)
Erin finally fell asleep after her two in the morning dose of medication. Hank left to deal with the Bunny situation and Jay managed to get them settled back in bed, but sleep did not come to either of them. Instead, Erin clung to Jay as they laid in bed before she eventually succumbed to the medicine-induced sleep. Even with the inhaler, the traumatic evening left her shaken and fearful. Jay was kept awake by the soft wheezes Erin was emitting, not wanting to miss her if she needed him.
She was undoubtedly the strongest cop, and probably the strongest person he'd even known. Watching his girl come completely undone over and over again was wreaking havoc on Jay's heart. He couldn't believe that her own mother would be so careless and downright stupid to listen to Charlie, endangering the life of her only daughter.
Jay laid awake for hours until the soft morning sun came cascading through the windows and leaving strips of light on the bed. Erin remained snuggled against his chest, her soft breath still carrying a wheeze. He was beside himself with worry for his girl. There had been so much progress in the five days since she was recovered from the dark basement, but knowing Bunny's involvement left a giant pit in his stomach. He couldn't fathom leaving his girl alone after his medical leave expired on Monday, not when she was still so fragile.
He stayed there as long as he could, counting down the minutes until he knew Erin was due for her next round of pain relief and cough medicine. As much as he hated waking up his girl, he hated seeing her in pain more. "Morning, babe," he murmured into her hair, reaching the arm that wasn't keeping her close over to stroke her cheek, "Time to wake up."
Erin let out a moan and turned her face into Jay's chest. "Don't want to get up."
"You don't have to," he promised, "But we do need to get some medicine in you, and hopefully a bit of breakfast, if you're up for it."
She grunted. "How come you're such a rule follower?" she grumbled, shivering at the cool apartment air as Jay shifted in bed to get up, "I just want to go back to bed."
"Soon," Jay assured her, replacing his body with a few pillows that Erin had tossed on the floor in favor of his chest, "I'm going to get some medicine and make some breakfast. Are you okay to have some toast?"
Erin thought for a minute. "I'm actually kind of hungry," she said, "Can I come sit on the couch instead?"
"Of course," Jay grinned. His girl was hungry. That was a great sign. He reached a hand out and helped her off the bed, leading her to the couch. "You cold, babe?" he asked as she shivered.
"A little." Erin shivered again, "Okay, more than a little."
He chuckled and pulled one of the blankets from the footstool to spread across her lap, "Told you this thing would come in handy."
"Yeah, yeah," she scoffed, doing her best to hide the grimace that played on her lips as she shifted on the couch. Too bad her boyfriend was a detective who could see right through her.
"You're aching a bit, huh?" Jay furrowed his brow in concern when she didn't downplay it, "I'm going to make some toast real quick, and then we can get those meds in you. You've got a big day today, too."
Erin looked up at her partner almost quizzically. "I'm not going to the hospital today, Jay. I'm fine."
Jay swallowed, having not expected that. The night before she'd been agreeable, understanding that she needed the x-ray especially based on Will's check up. "What do you mean you're not going?" he asked slowly.
"I mean, I'm not going. I don't need to." Erin lifted the remote to turn on the television, intent on ignoring her partner, but couldn't get the cable box to light up. "What the fuck is wrong with this thing?"
"Babe, I'm saying this because I love you. But you're not making sense. You heard what Will said, and you need to be seen by a doctor." Jay was approaching his wit's end. "We need to go."
"I'm not going," she retorted, folding her arms across her chest defiantly, "You can go, but I'm not."
"Erin." Jay was doing his best to maintain his cool but was rapidly losing it. "You're going, even if I have to drag you there myself."
"You wouldn't," Erin growled. If looks could kill, he'd be dead.
"Try me," Jay replied, "I love you too much to let you be this stubborn. So even if you say you're feeling fine, I know you. And I know you know you need to go."
"I'm not being stubborn. I'm just not going. You can't make me. I'm not a child. I can make my own decisions and my decision is that I'm not going."
Jay paused, realizing that threatening to drag his partner to the hospital after she'd been kidnapped and dragged into a dark basement for a week wasn't the best approach. "You're right," he said simply, abandoning the toast and his previous tactic to sit on the footstool in front of his partner. "I'm not going to make you do anything you really don't want to do."
"Good," she mumbled, "Now can you move so I can see the screen?"
"Can you tell me why first?" Jay's voice was gentle and careful as he tried to meet his girlfriend's gaze. "Why don't you want to go?"
"Because I feel fine," Erin replied, "I don't need to go. I told you, I can make my own decisions."
"I get that," Jay nodded, "But you've been feeling off for the last few days, and it might help to know if there's something else we can be doing to help."
"I feel off because I've got a fucking gash in my stomach." She gestured to her injured abdomen, "And I'm on pain medication that makes me feel stupid and shitty and no amount of trips to the hospital is going to change the fact that I got jumped in a parking lot and now I can't do anything myself without completely falling apart."
Jay's eyes softened at his partner's admission. Her whole life had been turned upside down in a matter of minutes. For someone who almost prided themselves on being fiercely independent, his girl now felt she needed him at every moment. She was scared. "You're right," he said again, "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't make you feel like you don't have a say, because that's not true. I'm just-I'm just really worried about you, Er. I hate seeing you in pain and if there's anything that can help ease that, I'd do anything."
At that, tears replaced the rage in his partner's eyes. His concerned blue eyes peered directly into her soul and she couldn't hide it anymore. "I'm sorry," she whispered after a moment, "I just-" She shook her head, not wanting to finish her sentence. The tears started trickling down her cheeks as Jay leaned forward to touch her knee. "I can't do anything," Erin said helplessly, "And I love you for taking care of me and being there but I can't even find the words to tell you how I feel." She erupted into sobs, "And I keep yelling at you."
"Babe," Jay breathed, moving from the footstool to the couch to take his girl into his arms, "What did I say before? I'm here for all of it. You're allowed to be upset."
"B-but you're trying so hard," she wept into his shoulder, "And I can't get anything right."
"Shh," he cooed, resuming his gentle ministrations of running his fingers through her hair, "That's what I'm here for. You never gave up on me, and I'm never giving up on you."
Erin sniffed and leaned into her partner's touch, now desperately craving his comfort. "I'm still sorry," she murmured, "I-I'm just so tired of being tired."
"I get that," Jay leaned down to press a kiss on her forehead, "Maybe we can talk to the doctor about that? He might be able to help with a timeline so you can see a light at the end of the tunnel."
She nodded, "I-I just want to feel better. And I know I have to go, I just-" she interrupted herself with a painful cough, "I just want to stay here, with you."
"I'd keep you here forever if I could," Jay chuckled, "I never want to let you out of my sight."
"I'm okay with that," she mumbled, "But I hate that I'm okay with that. I hate feeling scared and sick and just…so shitty."
Jay nodded, realizing just how much his girl didn't feel like herself. In any other time in her life, the idea of an intense, dependent commitment would have caused her to run screaming in the other direction. Charlie's words, her mother's actions and Erin's injuries were impacting his girl on the deepest levels of her psyche. "Do you want to talk to someone? Someone other than me?" he offered, as carefully as he could.
"Like a therapist?" Erin wrinkled her nose.
He nodded again, "Yeah. I um, I've been talking to Dr. Grier down at Med for the last few days and it's really helped."
Erin's eyes widened in surprise, "You have?"
"Mm-hm." He gave a small smile. "When you were gone um, it was really hard for me. I didn't know how to put one foot in front of the other, without you." Jay took a deep a breath as he could muster, "And when we found you, I don't think I've ever felt more happy or more scared in my entire life. He uh, caught me in the bathroom when I was just about to lose it and honestly I can't remember if it was before you were in surgery or after but the guy brought me to his office and we just talked. I-I can't really explain it, but it helped." Jay paused. "I don't want to overstep, or make you uncomfortable but I um, wanted you to know it's an option. An option that's been good for me."
His girl was quiet for a moment. "I um, I tried it. Therapy, I mean. Back when Nadia-" Erin's voice hitched, "After my sabbatical, Hank kinda made it a condition of my reemployment. But right now I don't know, uh I just," Erin swallowed, "I um, only feel safe when I'm with you."
Jay kissed the crown of Erin's head again, "That's okay. It's whenever, if ever, you're ready. And I'm glad that I make you feel safe babe."
"I told Will I needed you too much," Erin admitted almost shamefully, "Jay, I – this is really hard for me. I've never needed someone like I need you. Growing up I was always alone or sometimes Teddy was there but Bunny, she just," she waved her hand, "And when I can't feel you, or-or even see you I feel like I'm back there, in the basement." She shivered and instinctively huddled closer to her partner, "This is where I feel safest right now."
"That's okay," he repeated, gently running a hand up and down his partner's arm, "Right now, you don't need to worry about anything else but getting rest. I'm here for you to need me, Er."
"Even when I'm being horrible and bitchy and needy?" Erin's lips quirked up slightly.
"No matter what," Jay insisted, "I'm with you for all of it."
After a piece of toast and another dose of medication, Jay settled Erin into the passenger seat of the Sierra for their big outing to the hospital. He was acutely aware of the continued whistle in her breath and was incredibly glad that Erin had agreed to the journey. He held her hand in his as he drove through the streets, the rest of the world clearly oblivious to the bubble he'd been living in with Erin.
Will, as promised, was waiting at the non-emergency entrance for them as Jay pulled up. He flashed a wide grin. "Hey tiger."
"Hi," Erin mumbled, struggling to unbuckle herself without aggravating her stitches, "This fucking thing."
"You're a regular ray of sunshine today," Will chuckled, earning a death stare from Erin, "Sorry, Er. How's the pain?"
"Not great," she gritted out as she accepted his help disembarking from the Sierra, "My brain's less foggy but I just feel shitty."
"We're going to get you an x-ray and a chest CT," Will explained, helping Erin walk into the hospital while Jay locked the car, "Has Jay been following all my instructions?"
"To an irritating degree," she replied, "He's currently obsessing over my temperature."
"I haven't asked about that once," Jay protested, hustling from the car to walk beside his partner and brother.
"Please. You touch my forehead at least ten times an hour," Erin cast a knowing glance, "You try to disguise it, but I can tell. Even through these pain pills."
Jay grinned sheepishly. "Okay, you caught me. But my brother here, a real doctor, said that if you spiked a fever it could be really dangerous. So I've been vigilant."
"As you should be," Will nodded in validation. "Alrighty tiger, I'm going to ask you to put this on," he passed her a gown, "And I'll be back to take you up to CT."
Erin nodded mutely, holding the hospital issue gown in her slightly trembling fingers. "Can you help?" she whispered to Jay, who was standing beside her.
"Of course," he nodded, taking the gown from her grasp, "Good thing you agreed to the comfy clothes, huh?"
She nodded again as Jay helped her out of one of his sweatshirts and her leggings and into the uncomfortable gown. Jay furrowed his brow when Erin started shivering, the cool air in the sterile hospital chilling her exposed skin. "I don't have a fever," Erin murmured, wrinkling her nose when her partner pressed the back of his hand to her cheek, "It's just cold in here."
"I can't help but check, babe," Jay chuckled and leaned down to kiss the top of her head, "How are you holding up?"
"I'm tired," she exhaled as much as she could, "I'm ready to go home."
Jay nodded knowingly and lifted his hand to cup her cheek, "I know. You'll be outta here soon, and then hopefully have some answers for why you're feeling so crappy."
"Can you come with me? Up to the scan?" She gave a hopeful look, eyes slightly damp. "I-I know Will's gonna be there but um, I would feel a whole lot better if you came too."
"I can ask," Jay nodded, "See if Will can bend the rules. I might be able to be right next to you, but-"
"Even if you were right outside," Erin swallowed, "I would just feel better."
Will was able to pull a few strings to allow Jay to stand with him while the technician proceeded with Erin's CT scan and x-ray. His heart ached whenever the young doctor told his girl to lie still, knowing that it wasn't her fault – she was just incredibly uncomfortable. "You're doing great, Erin," Will had encouraged, casting a disapproving look to the technician who was less than patient, "We're almost done."
"I-I can't breathe in here," she gasped out, panic evident in her voice through the intercom as she laid on the table, "I want to get out, please Will."
"How much longer?" Jay looked desperately through the glass, unable to see his girl's face. Her feet clad in a pair of his thick socks were only visible, and Jay could tell just from them how anxious his partner was.
"Almost there," the technician replied shortly, "If she stayed still, it would have been done quicker."
"She just had surgery, Ramirez," Will snapped, "She's a cop who was assaulted and kidnapped, so I'd really fucking appreciate it if you did your job and hurried this up."
Jay raised his eyebrows in surprise at his brother's statement. He wasn't typically one to lose his cool (he left that to Jay) but he was clearly protective over his brother's partner. "We're done here, Dr. Halstead," Ramirez, the technician, replied, "The patient's got a good amount of fluid in her lungs."
"Damn," Will breathed. He turned to Jay, "It's not as bad as it could be, but she's going to be laid up for a few more weeks at least."
Jay nodded wordlessly. On one hand, he was glad that he'd be able to keep tabs on his partner and that she'd be safe recovering at home, but on the other, he couldn't stand the thought of her being in continued discomfort. "We're getting you outta there, tiger, just hold on," Will called, "You wait here, I'll get her out."
Jay nodded again, consumed by his own thoughts. "I want to go home," Erin pleaded from inside the machine, "I don't want to be here anymore."
"We're getting you out, right now," Will assured her, "You're almost home."
Erin had been less than thrilled at the prognosis of at least two more weeks of limited physical activity and an increase in steroids to kick her infection, but had never been more relieved to be going home. She was absolutely exhausted. "Halstead," Jay answered his cell as they drove along the street. "Um, hey sarge. Yeah, I'm not in this week I've been – really? It has to be today? Okay, I'll um, see you later." He hung up and glanced over to the passenger seat to meet Erin's curious gaze.
"Platt?" she asked knowingly.
Jay nodded grimly, "Yeah um, apparently I need to sign a document or something down at the district. And it has to be today so um I'll have to-"
"We're right by there," Erin interjected, "We could stop by for a few minutes?"
"Are you sure?" Jay was shocked. He didn't think his girl would want to be around anyone, and given how badly she'd been wanting to go home, he didn't want to delay it at all.
"I'd rather come in with you than be home alone," she whispered honestly, "If it's only a few minutes."
"Of course," Jay nodded, "Okay, five minutes and then we'll get you home, sound good?"
She nodded and exhaled as best she could.
"Ay, Lindsay," Atwater greeted, standing up from his desk, "Great to see you."
"Hey, Kev" Erin replied, offering a soft smile as she leaned into Jay, "How are you?"
"I'm good, good. The better question would be how are you? We've all been thinkin' about you, you know, with everything." He grimaced, unsure of how to proceed, "It's um, good to have you back."
"I'm not allowed to stay," she replied dryly, "I just had an appointment and this place was on the way back and I wanted to come say hi."
"Erin!" Burgess exclaimed, hurrying out of the breakroom with a cup of coffee. The hot liquid spilled over the sides in her haste, "How are you?"
"I'm you know," Erin gestured to her still-bruised body as Jay helped her sit at her desk, "Jay's gotta sign something so I'm just here for a few minutes."
"I'll be right back," Jay promised, hustling back down the steps to sign whatever Platt needed him to, "Sit tight."
"What are you doing here?" Hank emerged from his office, "You are supposed to be at home and in bed."
"Jay had to sign a document," Erin replied, "I'm just here for a few minutes. We were on our way back from Med where I had a check up."
Hank's gaze softened. "Everything okay?"
Erin waved her hand flippantly. "Fluid in my lungs or something so I'm still relegated to the bed for two weeks. And I have the pleasure of an increase in steroids so that will be great for my stomach."
"Sorry, kiddo," Hank grimaced, "How are you doing, after last night?"
She shrugged, "Fine."
Hank narrowed his eyes but nodded. "Hey, boss," Ruzek called, "We got Barbara Fletcher, Al's bringing her back now."
Erin immediately paled. "Oh, shit, Linds, we didn't realize-" he stuttered and turned to find the older detective as Hank set his jaw angrily, knowing full well that Erin didn't need to see her mother.
"Get your fucking hands off me!" Bunny's voice echoed through the halls.
"Kiddo, let's go to my office," Hank said, reaching to help Erin off her chair, "You don't need to deal with-"
"Erin!" Bunny shrieked, "Erin!"
Bunny, Bunny, Bunny - she can never stay out of trouble. Stay tuned for the next one!