The Hitch Hikers Guide to Random Stuff

Part 6

A/N: Sorry about the wait!

Entry ID: 5434235452211378909000: Lampshades

Lampshades are now one of the many , many implements which are now banned. For a full list, you can visit the official planet where the list is kept. Considering 90 of the planet is covered by the list, this is surprising.

The Lampshade was banned for a simple reason, yet even mentioning it is almost taboo.

Many years ago, there was a dramatic meeting of presidents. One of these was a traitor to the Galactic Government, though only one person knew which one. His name is not important, or so he would say, though he was later proved to be wrong by Prak, as there was someone inside his head noting down everything he said. He was told to point at the traitor, thanks to a lack of Babel fish.

At that moment, a supporter of the traitor threw a lampshade at the man's head. He then grabbed several out of a bag and covered everyone present's eyes. While they were confused, he took the traitor away and cleverly arranged the line so no one would notice.

When the court had realized what had happened, they simply went on with their ceremony. One of them began to remove the lampshade on his head, one beautifully emblazoned with a cricket (or Krikkit) bat.

However, the traitor made his last malicious move.

" Justice should be blind!"

He then ran out of the door and had his brains bashed out by a copy of the Sirius Cybernetics Frequently Asked Questions Book, a book over 3,000 pages long which answers most questions with ' Go stick your head in a pig.'

In the court, a Danish Chopped Sausage pointed to the wrong person, leading to a series of Galactic Wars, which ended when they all went home for Fish Sticks.

Entry ID 11294954093905439332: The Lollipop Guild

The Lollipop Guild is a recently discovered race of pacifists. Like nearly all races of pacifists, such as the Fistfuls, they had been quashed for so long that they were slowly driven to immoral, insane creatures. Eventually, like so many other moral races before them, including (but not limited to) the Krikkiters, they decided that warring with the rest of the galaxy would be a good idea. Unlike Krikkiters, they had a special technology to help them. They could shrink down to the size of a molecule.

So they travelled the time waves, with their huge lollipops ready to smash their opponents into Dictator Come. When they got to their destination, they planted some of their number in an infamous man called Prak's brain. They noted down the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the truth, then killed Prak and leaped out of his ears. They then tried to escape the heart of gold, but were crushed by Arthur Dent. The rest of them tried to get their vengeance by shrinking themselves and tried to invade his body, but they were foiled by bacteria (a/n: War of the Worlds, anyone?) when Arthur sneezed and killed all but one. That one then earned a fortune from the interviews, and eventually appeared on play being's Tri-d TV channel. His other star appearances include the Sirius Cybernetics Troubleshooting channel, watched by many who have had one too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.

(A/N: This is a little bonus part, not that good but it came into my head while I was typing this Author's Note.)

Entry ID : 20974983759825039275837637867: The Planet Orwell

There is a planet in the western spiral arm of the Galaxy, (a place which has had a record breaking 42,403,259,860,934,287,673,376,042,061,942 insane and probably impossible coincidences to date) where it seems to have been manipulated by a totally insane madman. These crazy happenings include a part of the planet with an odd dictator called ' Big Brother', who appears on one very primitive version of a two-way videophone, manipulating a civilization into believing some atrocious and almost entirely rubbished facts, such as two plus two equalling five instead of forty-two, as it must. Another land is a huge farm, where animals are ruling, as opposed to recommending various parts of their anatomy to be eaten by people who want to meet the meat. One is even named after a madman who decided to bungee jump of a cliff without the bungee, though he was the owner of a fortune to rival that of Playbeing's owner. We advise everyone to leave such a planet, or be subjected to room 101.

A/N: If you haven't read any George Orwell ( Animal Farm and 1984 especially) you won't have a clue about the humour. But never mind.