A/N: Thanks again to LandUnderWave, and me of course.

The Hitch Hikers Guide to Random Stuff

Part Seven Entry ID 768098309530-903965-9397: Scotch Eggs

Scotch eggs, thought by many to be a desirable treat, actually had a sinister beginning. The race of Scotia began to collect art. They collected so much art, their gallery would make a grown man weep. And that was not only because they were slicing onions next door. You see, the Scotia were also very good cooks, almost as good as the Dentrassi. They made money which they used to buy paintings. It was all wonderful and blissful in their little world, but outside there were plenty of jealous money collectors ( an odd little race of people who were taking up more and more planets in their vain attempts to collect a Pu) and of course, art collectors. You may imagine at this point there would be a huge interplanetary war, but the allied Money And Painting ( MAP) people were a lot smarter than that- they had got A's in their Sabotage Alpha class.

One brilliant young member of MAP decided to simply invite them to a cooking competition. He sent an invitation for them to taste each other's food. Now, as the Scotia were also very smart, they came up with a plan. And so they day arrived.

There were grand golden platters, fish swimming, and of course all of the best paintings the Scotia had collected in their Great Gallery were prepared. And when the MAP people arrived, they sniggered and laughed out loud at their evil plan to kill all the Scotia. Meanwhile, the Scotia were marvelling at their wonderful plan to destroy all of the people at MAP. So the Babel Fish took naps inside ears, and the dishes were unveiled.

At the MAP table, a thousand and forty-two Money collectors and painting persons, frogs, amoeboid and small blue furry creatures from Alpha Centurai, (who travel across the galaxy more than the red ones gave them credit for) discovered a terrible sight. They had been given an odd ball covered in breadcrumbs. They stared in horror, and then slowly ate them, so as not to break the rules of the Galactic Politeness Code.

As soon as their tongues came into contact with the inside of the breadcrumbs, the Scotch eggs exploded. They were ripped apart from the inside, which is generally very painful, and then causes death, which can be fatal.

On the Scotia table, a similar thing happened, except the grenades made a chain reaction which blasted the Map people, the Scotia and the paintings into the space time continuum. The fact that the Scotia didn't realize that even if their plan had succeeded, they would have blasted the entire population of their race into the space time continuum proves that the Galactic examiners were right in failing them for common sense when they were children.

Entry ID: 193809025240964840865075407897-8687: Petunias

Petunias are simply another protrusion into this world from the dimension where Brokian Ultra Cricket is played. Only a few are immune to its smell, and those few are dead or dying. You see, the petunia is a sick creation made by people in the higher dimensions who like to muck about with ours. The petunia is called the war flower for a simple reason. When they are smelt, they make the smeller(s) go completely power hungry and often drive them to war. So far, these have been kept to wars within races own planets, but many poor people are still having their strings tweaked by these evil flowers.

Thus, the Petunia Killers were formed. The PK people wanted to kill every petunia there has ever been, ever will be and is. So, they go round shooting flowers until they have burnt to a crisp. Eventually, due to all this flower power that they destroyed, they too inhaled the petunias maddening scent. They then went on a mad rampage until they realized that no one of their number actually had anything that could kill anyone, so they decided to give in and drink some tea capsules, newly rediscovered and one of the main reasons that the Nutrimatic machine went out of business, leaving a very annoyed Martian who liked the rubbish, who then turned his head into a bomb and blew up the planet Mars.