Chapter Twenty-One: Illuminated
They landed in the forest, where they left in the morning, and Hermione let herself be dragged along by Harry until they were several minutes away. Then they Apparated again. They fell into her living room with a heavy thud that knocked one of the picture frames off the walls.
"Hermione." Harry was shaking her gently but she couldn't respond.
She could still feel the Dementor. She trembled with a phantom chill, and Harry began to look frantic.
"Hermione!" Harry shouted again, with a stronger shake.
"I'm going to bring you some hot chocolate," he said, wrapping her with one of the throws on the sofa. "Stay here."
Once the hot chocolate was consumed, and feeling returned to her extremities, she could feel her mind slowly return to her from the brain-numbing fear and despair.
"What is wrong with me?" she gasped, as soon as she felt herself again.
"Nothing. It's—Dementors are difficult, and well, you've always...you know...had difficulty with that spell," Harry said awkwardly, rubbing his neck and avoiding eye contact.
"It has never been so difficult for you!" Hermione said, suddenly very irritated with Harry's competence.
"Remus spent the better part of a year walking me through that spell," Harry said seriously.
Hermione groaned. "With all these Dementors hunting you down, I really need to get better at this spell. I can't keep failing anymore. I did just fine when we were doing defence lessons with you in fifth year!"
Harry eyed her carefully. "It's different when it's done in battle. I had practice with a boggart that was a Dementor. Just practice. You're Hermione Granger. If you don't get something right on the first try, you don't give up."
Hermione shoved down her irritation at Harry's complete belief in her abilities, as well as the fondness that his announcement stirred up.
"But I think you should get some rest before you try again," Harry said. "Practicing the Patronus Charm is exhausting work."
They had a few days until they met up with Bill, so she spent that time practicing her Patronus Charm. It was an awful idea, but she practised it with an unwarded Horcrux in the room, the closest approximation they could find to a Dementor.
For days, her Patronus refused to form into anything visible.
Then, finally, when they were close to the day they were to meet Bill, her Patronus formed its clearest image yet, which was a mostly amorphous ball of silver, with four distinct legs and paws.
"Your Patronus has changed," Harry said, surprised, as he looked at it.
"Yes," Hermione said faintly, not sure of the reasons herself. She had never done very much reading on the Patronus charm, as there hadn't been much written on it in the library when she had looked.
Harry looked at her carefully. "Remus once said that Patronuses change after great emotional upheaval—when I asked him why Tonks' Patronus changed into a wolf…" Right. Because Tonks and Remus had matching wolf Patronuses after Tonks had fallen in love.
The joy Hermione felt at the sight of a more formed Patronus was suddenly dashed. "It's not because of him."
"Of course not," Harry said. What Harry suggested was not possible, because she never had a matching Patronus with Ron anyway. The idea was ludicrous to begin with, though she could see how Harry got that impression.
"We've all been through some pretty major emotional upheavals recently," Hermione said, ignoring Harry. "I've changed since my parents went away and we were handed this impossible task by Dumbledore. I'm not the same girl who had a playful otter as a Patronus anymore. We've all changed."
Hermione turned around to look at Harry. "Except you, and your stag."
"Yes well. I've... always wanted family, and been driven to protect my family. Thank you for taking me to my parents' graves, even though it had ended like that."
Her heart warmed. Perhaps her next attempt at a Patronus would be better.
That night, Hermione spoke with Harry about their plan to meet with Bill. There was a touchstone maze at the Blackmuir Woods; they had visited the strange gravel labyrinth with the ancient ritual casting stones the day before, and both had commented on the eerie presence of left-over magic.
"Do you think he's heard from Ron?" Harry asked, after Hermione finished explaining. It was the first time Harry had used Ron's name, and the first mention that wasn't his oblique reference to Ron earlier. Ron's absence had left them with an oppressive silence that had become a presence of its own.
"I don't know Harry," said Hermione wearily. She was tired of being angry at Ron. She was tired of being caught in the middle each time the two could not sort out their differences, because Ron had his family but Harry only had her. Though this time Ron had been upset with both of them. It was exhausting to think about their broken friendship in the midst of a war.
"You've made contact with William then?" Severus asked, easing his joints as he sat down on the couch in the study. Students had been fairly quiet but the Carrows were still out for blood, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to protect the students from the Carrows. Severus had heard that Alecto had been using the Cruciatus on Longbottom the week before, and there had been nothing that he could do. No one deserved that, not even Longbottom.
"Yes, we're meeting with Bill tomorrow," Hermione said. Her face was distorted on the shiny silver surface of the inside of his pocket watch, and he resisted the urge to get closer.
"You'll be careful?"
"Yes, I'll be careful," she huffed. "Any new ideas on how to give us the sword?"
He sighed. "None of the books I've found have been forthcoming on how to hand over the legendary sword of Gryffindor. Only that the sword can be called by a feat of valour. It's worse than the Arthurian tales you keep chasing." Severus absent-mindedly scratched the back of Crookshanks' ears as the cat had crept closer to him during their conversation. Potter and Hermione were still camping and so care of the cat was still with him.
Hermione frowned. "Why don't you just get him to pull it from a stone then?"
Severus paused. "That's a good idea," he said.
"Are you serious?"
"Some people believe that stories repeat themselves in the world, and that legends are to be studied because one day they may come alive again. Who am I to say that Potter isn't the second coming of King Arthur?" Severus steepled his fingers in front of him.
"Seriously?" Hermione gaped at him.
"No, not particularly. There are some interesting parallels, but this is more in the wheelhouse of Trelawney or the former Headmaster. There is no truth to fairy tales. But perhaps the sword can be persuaded to go to Potter if it was given in a challenge." Severus cleared his throat. "Make an excuse so that he is on first watch tonight—I will be there soon."
Her lips parted in surprise. "When will you come?"
"Now," said Severus, feeling a sense of satisfaction for this small vengeance.
"Of course now," she muttered under her breath. "All right. I'll go tell Harry. What are you going to do to him?"
"Nothing that would hurt him...permanently." Severus smirked. "Go now."
Hermione sat still on top of her sleeping bag, hardly daring to breathe. She had been listening carefully so that she would be alerted when Harry left the tent, but all she could hear were sounds of the forest: the occasional call of an owl, the rustling of leaves, the odd crackle of leaves as some creature or another moved through the forest floor.
Harry had readily agreed to take the first watch. He was silent; Hermione could barely hear him shift in the quiet of the night.
Then she heard him gasp. A silvery glow appeared from outside the tent flap. The light began to bob away slowly followed by the sound of Harry moving. Quietly, she opened the tent flap and followed at a distance, steps muffled and body Disillusioned. The silvery light was a barely distinct Patronus in the shape of a doe.
For one moment, she wondered what magic Severus had conjured to mimic a doe Patronus, a shape that Harry would instinctively trust, as it would remind him of his father. Her mind went back to the conversation about Patronuses she and Harry had several days back, about "great emotional upheavals" and matching Patronuses, because it made sense—a doe Patronus to match the stag of James Potter—and then she realised that it was his Patronus.
She could feel the uplifting effects of a real Patronus as it passed by. The breath left her lungs at this realisation—she could not imagine the years of devotion it symbolised, how strong his feelings for Lily must have been for his Patronus to keep this shape all along—because what else could Lily Potter's Patronus shape be aside from a doe? It stunned her to see the shape of Severus Snape's heart, that he had a heart—before she realised that the doe was leading Harry deeper into the forest.
Hermione took care to soften her footsteps, but she didn't need to worry, as Harry was loud enough for both of them.
The doe had dissolved into an amorphous ball of silver light at this point; her heart seized at the thought that Severus was so badly off that he could not maintain his Patronus charm. It guided Harry to the front of a frozen pond, and paused in the middle of it.
"I can't believe he went for Lady of the Lake," Hermione muttered under her breath, and crouched down low behind a bush while Harry walked onto the icy pond surface. She looked around for any signs of Severus, but could not see him. It would've been hard to, as Severus always dressed to blend in with the night, but she still wanted the reassurance that she and Harry were not alone.
She nearly screamed when a hand clamped down on her shoulder. Whirling around, she found herself face-to-face with Severus, eyes impossibly dark in the moonlit forest. She was suddenly aware of the mass of his body, and the heat that rolled off him in the autumn evening chill. Her heart raced from the adrenaline coursing through her veins.
Harry stopped when he reached the light, and then knelt down when it vanished below the surface. Hermione could not make out what he was doing until she heard him say "Accio sword". When that did not work, Harry cut into the ice with a Diffindo. She felt a creeping sense of foreboding when she saw Harry walk back to the shore, and began to remove his clothes. To her relief, he stopped at his boxers, and then her relief rapidly turned to horror as he walked up to the hole in the ice and dived in.
Hermione frantically went over CPR procedures and how to treat hypothermia in her head when Harry didn't immediately emerge from the water.
She moved to go rescue him, but Severus' grip tightened on her shoulder.
"Wait," he hissed. He was crouched by her side, and his outer robe brushed against her leg. She found herself leaning against him, curling into the heat of his body, almost unable to bear looking on any longer.
Then, a dark shape moved out from the edge of the clearing and dived after Harry. She prepared to duel a possible hostile but Severus held onto her still. The figure emerged from the ice, and then came the unmistakable voice of Ron cursing as he dragged Harry to the edge of the water.
A soft crack and the sudden absence of warmth alerted her to the fact that Severus had disappeared. She was slightly unsteady on her feet as she rose up to follow Ron.
Her heart raced as she reached Ron and Harry. She cast a Warming Charm on Harry, and watched, stricken, as he gasped for air.
"You," Hermione swung around to face Ron.
"Um...surprise? I'm back," he said, lifting his arms weakly.
Hermione shrieked in rage, and before she knew it she had punched him on the shoulder.
"I can't believe the nerve of you—"
Before she could go on a tirade, Harry interrupted her. "Got...the...sword," he said through chattering teeth.
She forgot about Ron then, and looked past him. There, gleaming softly under the dim light of the moon was the sword of Gryffindor.
"Do you have the Horcrux?" Ron asked, not making eye contact with Hermione.
She swallowed down the rage that was threatening to boil over deep inside her, and trained her wand on Ron.
"What did you say to me to make me cry in the girl's bathroom in first year?" Hermione asked. She knew it was Ron—only Ron would be brave and stupid enough to dive in after Harry, always following after Harry even though he would leave sometimes—but she was still hurt, and wanted him to hurt as well.
"I said you were a nightmare," Ron said, shoulders slumped. Hermione dropped her wand at that.
"All right, it's Ron—thanks for the rescue by the way—can we focus on the Horcrux now?" Harry asked, having dressed himself during their standoff.
Hermione wordlessly summoned the biscuit tin containing the Horcrux, and began dismantling the wards she had cast on it.
Harry whistled lowly. "Those wards weren't in the Standard Book of Spells."
"I did some extra reading," she said stiffly, as she unravelled the last layer of protection. Immediately a cold tendril of fear crept down her spine as she levitated the Horcrux out.
"I think I have to open it," Harry said. He looked intently at the locket, and then hissed something in Parseltongue.
The locket swung open, still floating in the air, and a pair of malevolent red eyes glared out at them.
"Harry Potter...the boy without a clue...here to endanger the lives of your friends again?" the locket hissed. The hair on the back of Hermione's neck stood up.
Harry stiffened, and turned to Ron. "You stab it—you got the sword—it's yours," he said, ignoring the locket completely.
Hermione made a sound of protest, and immediately regretted it when the locket swung her way.
"Ah yes...Hermione Granger. I've seen into your heart and all the secrets that you guard. Do you think you could hide your thoughts from him forever? He would be disgusted." Hermione froze, unable to do anything but listen to the dreadfully seductive voice. Her Occlumency seemed to do nothing against the dark despair seeping into her from the locket's presence.
"Do you think your books and cleverness will help you this time? All you were ever good for, yet now you are failing—failing your friends, failing your role in the war...you threw away your parents for nothing...but I can help you with that..." She could barely breathe, unable to turn away from having every awful thing in her heart laid out.
"Stab it, Ron!" Harry shouted.
Ron grabbed the sword and lunged at the locket that deftly swung out of the way. Hermione felt her feet move with no input from her mind, and found herself clutching the locket to her chest.
"Hermione drop that locket!" Harry had drawn his wand, but looked as if he did not know what to do.
Hermione could not move her hands, could not stop staring into the blood-red eyes.
The Horcrux continued to mock her. "I've seen all your foolish dreams. Did you think you could end something even Dumbledore couldn't? Do you think yourself clever? Do you think anyone really likes you for yourself, overbearing, book-obsessed, bushy-haired Hermione Granger?"
"HERMIONE!" Harry shook her; the jolting action made her teeth snap and broke her out of her reverie. She flung the locket away from her—it landed against a rock.
Ron lunged at the Horcrux again; glass shattering and an unearthly scream dying out as soon as it started. Harry gaped at Hermione, who had started to shiver. Ron was carefully not looking at her, shoulders heaving from his exertion.
Harry carefully knelt down and picked up the mangled remains of the Horcrux.
"C'mon," he said gently, wrapping a hand around Hermione's arm. "Let's get back to the tent."
Back at the tent, Harry rummaged around Hermione's bag until he found two packets of hot cocoa mix and made the warm drinks with the only two mugs they had.
"Here," he said, shoving the mugs at Ron and Hermione. Hermione took a deep sip; a rush of warmth spread throughout her body and her thoughts finally began to slowly come together.
"Harry! You should be the one who's drinking this," she said, suddenly realising that Harry had not dried off or changed since the lake.
"I cast a Warming Charm." Harry shrugged. She pushed her mug into his hands regardless, and Harry frowned briefly but started to drink out of the mug. Ron watched the interaction with a resigned look on his face.
"How did you find us?" Harry asked Ron after he drained his mug.
"It's a bit of a story," said Ron.
"Tell us." Harry nudged him, an encouraging look on his face. Hermione could not look at how normal the boys were with each other, at how happy Harry was when the extra mental strain of isolation and silence was entirely the fault of Ron to begin with.
Ron took a deep breath and shuddered. "I needed a way to check up on my family so the first thing I did was find Bill. I couldn't face going back to mum—" Hermione scoffed, "—and I knew where Bill and Fleur were hiding out, so I went there. I went back to your house as soon as Bill chewed me out for leaving and told me that everyone was fine, but you weren't there. I've been checking back every day until Bill got your message from Tonks."
"So...you got our coordinates and found us by searching the forest?" Harry asked, ignoring the way that Hermione was studiously avoiding looking at Ron.
"You know the silver lighter Dumbledore left me? It lets me hear your voices when you mention my name. When I clicked it when I was close a glowing light came out of it and guided me to where you guys were, or close to. I wandered around this camp for hours before I saw Harry come out and follow the doe," said Ron.
"I see," Harry said, pushing up his glasses. Hermione tightened her fists. Harry then caught Ron up to their plans for the next day, and on how they were going to ask Bill to help them break into the Lestrange Estate to search for a Horcrux, and Ron seemed to accept it even when he was told that their lead came from Hermione's Slytherin friend.
"You two sleep, I'll keep watch," said Hermione, not able to bear being in Ron's company for a moment longer while he and Harry pretended that everything was fine. Harry seemed to have forgiven Ron, but Hermione couldn't find it in herself to forgive that easily. She knew some of it was irrational—if her parents were not safely out of Britain and she had no way to contact them she would have been constantly worried out of her mind as well, but she could not get over the fact that Ron had walked out on them after saying such hurtful things.
"You two take turns keeping watch?" Ron asked, voice strangely strangled.
"Yeah. So we don't miss the Lost Woods showing up, if it shows up," said Harry, looking at Ron oddly.
"I thought...never mind," Ron stumbled over his words. He took a look at the two sleeping bags, one obviously belonging to Hermione, and seemed to make up his mind about something. "I'll just kip in my coat, don't worry about sharing your sleeping bag," he said.
Hermione stared at him for a moment, pulled his coat off the ground from where it was, Transfigured it into a sleeping bag, and threw it at him.
"Erm, thanks," he said, holding the sleeping bag in his hands. She knew it was petty of her to reject his gesture like that, but she could not help it.
Ron cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it—-you know I didn't mean it, right?" He looked at her beseechingly.
Hundreds of words went through her mind, but she bit her tongue. He never meant it, but he always said it. But sometimes, no matter how much he said that he didn't mean it, she knew that he did mean it, at least in the moment.
Hermione stared at him a moment longer, not responding, and then ducked her way out of the tent. She tuned out the murmuring conversation of Harry and Ron until they fell asleep, and read through the seventh-year Transfiguration text by wand light as she waited for Harry to wake up. When they relieved her of her watch she crawled back into the tent to sleep alone.
AN: So. Ron's back, and Snape finally smirked for the first time in this fic while someone was around to witness it. It's been a difficult three weeks, but all the lovely reviews that I got helped fuel me while I wrote more of this fic. Thank you all so much!