(AN: Dear readers, I bring you my next venture into the world of FOP fanfiction… and that would be a Forrest Gump parody. Why Forrest Gump, you ask? Well, the characters—namely Cosmo and Wanda—fit perfectly into the roles of the movie. And I like parodies, besides. Plus, Forrest Gump is my second favorite movie of all time; only Mary Poppins beats it. And I love The Fairly Oddparents too! I only hope I can do justice to both this wonderful show and this wonderful movie.
It's been hard already, trying to decide how many of the original elements of the movie to slide into my story. I deliberated for days (not all in one sitting, but you know what I mean) as to whether the characters should be left fairies or turned into humans. However, as I'm fitting Timmy Turner into this story, I thought I'd make it easy on myself and decide that they're all humans. Some with very strange hair colors, but there you go. Also, I've heard that the writers, gasp, have created a family for Wanda. (smiles sheepishly and tries to hide her fanfic "A Fish Called Wanda") As I have no clue about any of that, I just decided to have Wanda in this fic live with an uncle. Whatever, it works.
Speaking of "A Fish Called Wanda", however, I will bring in a few cameos from that fic into this one. Be forewarned. (laughs evilly)
The Fairly Oddparents belongs to Butch Hartman and Nickelodeon, the movie Forrest Gump belongs to Paramount, the original novel of Forrest Gump was written by Winston Groom, and I own nothing but this second-rate fanfic. Please don't sue me.)
O.o.O
Fate.
It is a strange thing. At first glance, it seems to be merely another word for destiny… but what is destiny? What is fate? Is it a predetermined course of events? Or does whatever happen just… happen? Just because it did?
The wind plays with a feather floating in the air, blowing it this way and that. Was the feather supposed to be blown in a certain way, or did it just happen, and that's the way it is?
Did fate lead the feather to land at the feet of a man, sitting calmly on a park bench?
The man looked at his foot, noticed the feather, and picked it up, inspecting it. His bright green eyes sparkled as a smile broke across his face. "Wow, this is the prettiest feather I've ever seen!" He opened up his briefcase and pulled out a Curious George book, placing the feather in between the pages. Setting the book back in the worn briefcase, he snapped it shut and resumed his original position of staring straight ahead, waiting for something.
A man crossed the street and sat down next to the green-eyed sitter. He smiled again, seeing that he had a companion. "Hey there!" he said to the new man.
The new man stared.
"My name's Cosmo!" the first man continued, completely unfazed. "Cosmo… uh… Smith!"
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Uhsmith," mumbled the new man, opening a book and burying his nose into it, ending further conversation.
This didn't stop Cosmo, however. "Would you like a piece of cheese?" he asked, zipping the box between the man's nose and his book.
The man shot a quick glance at Cosmo and shook his head sternly.
"Okay then!" Cosmo didn't seem to mind. "More for me!" He grabbed a small hunk and popped it into his mouth. "You know, my mama always said that life is like a box of cheese. You never know what you're gonna get!" Cosmo paused for a brief moment. "Actually, I don't think she ever did. But it still sounds good, right?"
The man grunted, looking for something to throw at his overly-talkative and low on brains bench companion.
Cosmo diverted his attention from his cheese to the man's pants. "Those look like comfortable pants!" he said. The man groaned, but Cosmo didn't seem to hear. "I bet you could walk all day in those and not feel a thing in your crotch!"
For the first time, the man looked Cosmo directly in the eyes. "My crotch hurts."
Cosmo looked a bit taken back, but he still maintained eye contact. "I remember my first pair of shoes," he said suddenly.
The man blinked. "What does that have to do with anything else you've said?"
"You know," continued Cosmo, "if I think hard enough—although any thinking is hard for me!—I can remember my first pair of shoes." Cosmo's eyes crinkled in deep thought, and, just as he had said, it looked like a bit of a strain for him. "Mama said they'd take me anywhere! They were my 'normal shoes'."
O.o.O
"Alright, son, you can open your eyes now." The shoe salesman rolled his eyes nondiscreetly at Cosma Uhsmith, who shot him a glare. "You know, Mrs. Uhsmith, you've gotta teach your kid to not be… afraid of shoes."
Little Cosmo opened his eyes and gasped. "Wow! You put new things on me, and it didn't hurt a bit!"
The shoe salesman shook his head at Cosma. "Your son's… stupid, isn't he?"
Cosma's eyelids clasped over her mint green eyes defiantly. "Stupid is as stupid does."
"What's that supposed to mean?" the salesman asked.
"It means," growled Cosma, "that my son is just like everyone else… except he's far more loveable!" She shoved a wad of dollar bills into the salesman's hands. "Come on, my little Cosmo-lolo, we're leaving!"
"Wait, lady! I need two more bucks!"
It was too late. Cosma and Cosmo were already out the door.
Cosmo was enjoying his new shoes immensely. "Look, Mama! Look what I can do!" He abruptly sat down and dragged himself along on his butt, with his feet sticking in front of him. The shoes made dark marks on the pavement. "Wheee!"
"Cosmo, get up!" cried Cosma, pulling her son up by the wrist. "Now sweetheart, I want you to listen to me. You're just like everyone else. You are no different."
She took a few steps, and Cosmo followed, but she suddenly stopped, spun around, and knelt down to his level. "Did you hear what I said, Cosmo? You're the same as everyone else."
O.o.O
"Your son's… different, Mrs. Uhsmith."
Cosma scoffed at the school principal. "Of course he's different! He's much more loveable, and friendly, and talented than any other of your students—"
"That's not what I meant," interrupted the principal testily. He pulled out a chart. "This is a graph of IQ results. Your son scored a seventy-five, which is riiiight here." With a pencil, he gestured to a spot just below a line that boxed in a large, dark gray area of the chart. "And we require at least an eighty for public school. We're going to have to send him to a special school, where he'll be taught at a pace that he can learn—"
"Absolutely not!" snapped Cosma furiously. "Are you saying that my son is not good enough for your school? He's going to be with every other child his age and get the same opportunities as they do, grow up just like them, and when he's older become CEO of some corporation and give me a share of the profits!"
Throughout all of this, Cosmo was sitting on a bench outside of the principal's office, finding great amusement in picking at a loose thread on the cushion.
"My mama wanted to get me into the best school possible," said Cosmo, stretching out on the bench, pointing his shoes up in the air. "She knew that she just had to get me into that school, even though she was mad at the principal! And she did!"
"Well, I showed him!" said Cosma triumphantly, sitting on the edge of her son's bed. It was night and Cosmo, dressed in his pajamas, seemed eager for a bedtime story. "I told you I'd get you into that school, Cosmo-lolo! Although that principal needs to hit the road, in my opinion. Imagine, refusing to let you in! I think it's time for a very long vacation for him."
"What does vacation mean?" Cosmo suddenly asked. "You know, like where Daddy went!"
Cosma bit her lip. Her mind drifted to her husband and the incident with the flyswatter, the rat poison, the dynamite, the yarn, and the doorstopper… she wondered if they would ever find all of his body. "Vacation's when you go someplace… and you don't ever come back," she finally finished.
"I guess you could say it was just me and Mama," Cosmo continued, "but it really wasn't, since we had this huge house that had been in her family for a zillion years, or something, and she let people stay in them! That's how she made money. If we had a really good week, she'd give me money to go buy cheese! Mmm… I LOVE cheese! Almost as much as pudding! Even more! But not quite as much! Anyway, we were always getting all sorts of different people… some were really weird! I remember one guy, though, and he was COOL! He had a guitar, and I'd never heard anything like it before!"
Cosma knocked on the door. "Mr… Presley, is it? Supper's ready!"
"Okay, thank you, ma'am! That sounds good! I'll be down in a few minutes!" a voice answered.
And another voice… "Mmm, supper! What are we having, Mama? Pudding?"
Cosma swung the door. "Cosmo, what have I said about bothering the guests?"
"Oh, that's alright, ma'am," said the guest with the guitar. "He's just showing me a few moves."
"Oh…" Cosma's lips thinned, but she managed to smile and head back downstairs.
"Now, show me that move of yours again." The guest picked up his guitar and started to sing and play. "You ain't a-nothin' but a hound dog… cryin' all the time… well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend o' mine!"
With the last cords after the verse, Cosmo swung his hips back and forth to the beat.
O.o.O
"A few years later I saw that nice young man on television," said Cosmo. "They called him the King, he was that good!" He bit his lip and frowned. "But I guess that he… sung too many songs, or something! It must be hard being a king. I wouldn't know." Cosmo shrugged and smiled again. "Then again, I hardly know anything!"
Again, the smile left, and Cosmo looked strangely serious. He looked at his briefcase and touched it absently. "But I do know my memories… and you know, it's funny how you can remember some things, and other things you can't?" A look of pure sadness came over his face. "I remember my first day of school. Very well."
O.o.O
"Here's the bus, Cosmo!" Cosma picked up a lunch box and handed it to Cosmo, who was sitting on a stump on the side of the road. "Now, you behave yourself—although I know you will!"
"Mama," said Cosmo, his eyes growing wide, "I heard you and the principal talking, and what if all the kids are smarter than me? What will I do?"
"They won't be," growled Cosma. "Remember what I told you? You're the same as everyone else."
Cosmo looked down at the ground and nodded… although inside, he didn't believe her. He knew he was different… different in a bad way. He had seen the way everyone pointed at him when he was in town, the way they talked in whispers when they thought he couldn't hear. He could hear them now, ringing in his head… "That boy's an idiot." "He's stupid." "He's gotta be the most moronic kid on the planet."…
Feeling a tear well in his eye, Cosmo abruptly stood up and climbed on the bus, not looking back at his mama. He knew that if she even caught a glimpse of that tear, she'd make him stay home… and be more of a weirdo. He wanted to go to school; he wanted, more than anything else, to fit in and be, as his mother said, just like everyone else!
And yet he knew that everyone on this bus, everyone at school… everyone he'd ever meet in his entire life would just think of him as an idiot.
He had scarcely climbed up the stairs of the bus when he stopped, staring at the bus driver.
She turned and stared at him, blowing a big bubble of bubblegum and popping it. "What are you waiting for?"
"My mama told me to never take rides from strangers," said Cosmo, his eyes wide.
"Kid, this is the schoolbus."
Cosmo considered this.
Finally, he blurted out, "I'm Cosmo, Cosmo… uh… Smith!"
The bus driver blinked. "I'm Dorothy Harris," she finally said.
Cosmo smiled. "Well, now we aren't strangers anymore!" he cried. With that, he climbed up on the bus and looked down the rows of kids, all staring at him as if he had three heads. Some were snickering.
Cosmo could feel his stomach tie up in a knot. No, no, no. He couldn't do this. So what if he was a freak for the rest of his life? At least he'd be safe at home with his mama. He couldn't handle the stares. No, he couldn't!
He turned, as if to get off, but too late, the bus was already moving.
He stepped up to a seat with just one occupant. The boy sneered at him. "This seat's taken."
He turned again, to another half-empty seat. The girl shook her head. "Can't sit here."
Feeling more and more panicked, he looked at another boy in a seat by himself. He glared maliciously. "Don't even think about it, Idiot-boy!"
The bus rang with laughter. Cosmo felt tears trickle down his face; the kids laughed harder; Cosmo's face flushed red as he felt his whole body shake with embarrassment.
Cosmo, while recalling the incident, seemed strangely calm. "There's a lot of things that I don't remember," he said slowly and quietly. "I don't remember being born, and I don't remember my daddy, and I don't remember the first time I locked my mama out of the house accidentally, even though Mama told me that she had to wait two hours until someone let her in." Cosmo let a small smile flicker across his face, but it quickly disappeared. "I don't remember any of that… but I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the whole wide world."
"You can sit here if you want."
Cosmo spun around and stared at the speaker. It was a little girl… the most beautiful creature that Cosmo had ever seen. Her hair, curly at the bottom and swirly at the top where her bangs were, shimmered like a rippling sea of pink, too delicate to touch. Her round pink eyes gazed up at him, and a small smile materialized on her gentle innocent face.
"It was the most beautiful sound in the world," Cosmo remembered, almost choking with emotion. "And the most beautiful face in the world …"
Young Cosmo stood and stared at the girl—an angel, she had to be an angel, she wasn't just any girl—completely stunned. Not only had this sweet, gorgeous being directed her angelic voice to him, but she was the only one on the bus who would let him set next to her!
The angel girl's smile faded. "Well, are you going to sit down or aren't you?"
Cosmo finally remembered to breathe.
"Uh… yeah!" He flopped down next to the angel girl and looked to the back of the bus, somehow feeling that if his eyes rested on the girl for too long, he'd somehow scar her spotless beauty.
"I can't believe no one else let you sit by them," said the angel girl. Cosmo's heart stopped—she was talking to him again! "Everyone on this bus is a big doo-doo headed meanie."
For a bus filled with small children, this was quite the insult. All of the kids gasped and stared at the angel girl, looking very much like Cosmo had when she had first spoken to him, except with a lot more anger.
Without thinking, Cosmo grabbed the angel girl's wrist. "They are meanies!" he cried.
He dropped her wrist suddenly—he had touched her, he had tainted her flawless skin! "Sorry!" he said, his lip quivering as he gaped at the angel girl, wondering if she, in all her angelic goodness, could forgive him…
The angel girl shrugged. "That's okay."
Cosmo could hardly fathom it. Now he knew she was an angel, for only an angel could forgive such an unspeakable crime.
"Hey, what's in your lunchbox?" the angel girl suddenly asked. "I think my uncle packed me an apple… he knows I hate them, but that's about all we have. Not like he cares, anyway." The angel girl's face clouded, and Cosmo could feel his heart breaking for her. But as quick as it had happened, it was gone. She turned and looked at him. "Do you want to trade me something for my apple?"
Cosmo liked everything that his mama had packed for his lunch, but he wasn't about to let the angel girl be unhappy. "Sure!" he cried, opening his lunchbox. "Do you want a slice of cheddar cheese, a slice of gouda cheese, a slice of mozzarella cheese, or a slice of Colby Jack cheese? Or…" He bit his lip, not wanting to give away his lunch, but he would rather go hungry than let the angel girl go hungry. "Do you want my cheese sandwich?"
The angel girl looked puzzled, yet amused. "All you brought is cheese?"
"Yeah!" cried Cosmo. He stopped, and looked at the sandwich. "Well, and bread. But still, cheese is the fifth, sixth, and seventh wonder of the world! That and pudding."
The angel girl blinked. "Are you stupid or something?"
Cosmo shrugged. "Mama says stupid is as stupid does!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I dunno," said Cosmo with another shrug. "But Mama tells it to everyone who asks that! I think it means yes." He suddenly looked a bit panicked. "Does that mean that you don't like me anymore?"
The angel girl shook her head. "No, I still like you." She offered him her petite, perfect hand. "My name's Wanda."
Cosmo grabbed the angel girl's—Wanda's—hand and shook it. "My name's Cosmo! Cosmo… uh… Smith!"
O.o.O
(AN: Well, I hope you like it so far. Please read and review! :) I probably won't be able to update until August, as I'm leaving for a three week vacation soon, but hopefully I'll be able to write some more when I get back!)