Title: When Halos No Longer Fit
Fandom: One Tree Hill
Pairing: Brooke and Haley; one-shot
Summary: Haley wants Brooke to want her, because she wants her too. What Haley doesn't realize is that she is the girl that Brooke Davis loves, will she or won't she act on it?
Word Count: 1,123
Author: a href"http/ target"blank" xjoiefulx /a
Beta: a href"http/ target"blank" Tej /a
Disclaimer: The lyrics contained within this little ficlet come from one of Joie Lenz songs, "Leaving Town Alive" and are not being used for monetary gain. I do not own any of these characters or storylines except those that are original. This was written soley for my own amusement with a concious awareness of the fair use doctrine and respect to copyright that does not belong to myself.
Author's Notes: A special thank-you goes to a href"http/ target"blank" Tej /a for her beta help, inspiration and encouragement in writing this. I 3 my brooke-shaped friend. Thank you so much for making this pretty graphic for my fic, you are amazing. This also was written for those of you who support Brooke&Haley in any way (ie. friendship, romantic), just however you like them...this is also for you.
Sometimes Brooke can't see just how strong she really is, especially not when she feels at her weakest.
There's another pair of eyes that look at her the same way that Lucas should and those eyes -- they don't take her for granted. Actually, those eyes are pretty damn grateful that Brooke was one of the few out of their circle of friends that was willing to cut her some slack. Not exactly cut her slack, but at least give her a place to stay while she sorted things out.
Sometimes Haley wonders why the others can't seem recognize the confidence that Brooke hidden from the rest of them just beneath a smiling face so the hurt doesn't show and her insecurities don't often get to peek out. She figures it's because Brooke's too busy giving so much of herself over to others that maybe they're just a little blind when it comes to seeing the act that she puts on for them to benefit from.
She thinks maybe they don't really care to, just as long as she's the life of the party, the one there with a smile on her face and a drink in her hand. It makes her so mad, but she doesn't say anything afraid that if she were to ever get started she might never stop and it would give everything away and Brooke would know that she knows. Haley knows that Brooke isn't ready for her to know that yet, so she keeps quiet because it's the respectful thing to do.
See something you want, and go after it. That was the old Brooke and it's still the new, only a little different.
This time Brooke wants something more than she's ever wanted anything, but it's as if she's afraid to go after it. Haley's never known a time when Brooke was afraid to go after something she wanted; she was fighting for it last year and it resurfaced again when she came back for senior year and she thought she might try and open her heart again with -- Lucas.
"Lucas. Lucas. Lucas."
Haley wonders if the off-handed comment Nathan made to her last week means anything at all when he noticed how her eyes seemed to follow Brooke's every move in a subtle distracting way. He'd laughed, found it cute, and said something like, "I think I dreamed that once. It was weird," then shrugged it off in his usual manner.
That was obviously a good day because at least then he hadn't snapped her head off or walked away from her like he's become so accustomed to doing lately. Going on tour with Chris Keller had proven to be one of the best and worst mistakes of her life and Haley marvels at the revelation of Charles Dickens; "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
She finds comfort in the mental image of Lucas reciting that quote once before, because this time the comfort is in the irony that it really is. Lucas has always had this uncanny ability to put things into perspective when she wasn't necessarily looking for it. Sometimes his clarity counts for something.
Haley wanted to tell Nathan that he was so close to being right, but she couldn't. She'd exercised more than her fair share of selfishness last year and besides she could no longer deny loving him anymore. That's one thing that would never change; the way she felt about him. It hurts her now to see him so angry and annoyed at just her mere presence alone. Still, she has to try and find some way to make it up to him because part of her feels like she at least owes him that much even if that's all she can give him now.
Haley wonders how they can all be so young and have so many difficult things in their lives.
It is different now, the way she sees Brooke and the way she loved Nathan. It leaves her feeling at odds and warring with herself on her best days, and even on her worst ones -- the days when Nathan doesn't have a nice word to say to her or Peyton has said something bitchy to her -- Haley can always count on coming home to a smile, the warmth of a hug and sharing a pint of Ben & Jerry's with Brooke to ease all of her problems away.
Even during those few stolen moments when the two of them are alone together and Brooke is able to let her guard down and earnestly go with how she's really feeling in that space and time, Haley still notes how afraid she would be if she dared to touch it -- realizing it might break, shatter and go away; dissipate into thin air.
Those are the days that Haley wants to tell her that it won't; that each look she gives her, every smile she sends her way warms her from the inside out -- that Brooke is her own personal little songbird now. She is the very reason that Haley is writing and singing again and she loves it when Brooke stops whatever she's doing and comes to sit down next to her to listen to her sing, "so till the morning breaks go and make your mistakes don't be surprised if your heart hurts life is for the living the forgiven and for leaving town alive."
She knows that if she did it would only cause her to shrink back just a little more, to make Brooke hyper aware of the signals she's been sending off and Haley knows that if she does that she'll risk losing everything that they've accomplished together so far this year.
For the first time in a long time Haley finally likes whom she sees when she's staring in the mirror and her reflection is looking back at her. She's the girl that Brooke Davis wants but is too afraid to let herself love and she is okay with that. She knows what the value of the past history between Brooke and Lucas is to Brooke and what it means for anything the two of them could possibly share together someday, and she understands why it can't happen now.
To the casual eye it might not be so much, but for Haley it has been her saving grace. Sometimes she thinks when Brooke turns and looks her way and gives her that smile that she only has on reserve for Haley, she really sees her for who she is and not someone who has been put so high up on a pedestal that she'll never be able to recover from the fall.