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What a relief it had been to get her back, after all that time. Since that day we haven't been apart for more than three or four days, we have spent every day together and every night we can sleeping next to each other. Her beautiful face is still relaxed, still sleeping. I know that the lack of sleep has been taking a toll on her, and I truly wish that there was something I could do to help her. But there isn't. Not really.
I have the most beautiful wife in the world, and I know that. I've known that all along.
Just as I'm about to slip off into another flashback, I hear a noise coming from the other side of the room. Lifting my head slightly, I look and see the source of the sound, and a smile crosses my face. Carefully, I slip out of bed and tiptoe to the opposite side of our bedroom, peering over the side of the crib at my daughter. The beautiful little girl looks up at me with familiar blue-green eyes, and a smile crosses the infant's face, matching the goofy grin I know I'm sporting.
"Hey baby," I whisper, reaching into the crib and lifting my little girl out carefully. Holding her close to me, I glance over at the bed to be sure that Marissa hasn't awoken, and with my daughter in my arms, I tiptoe out of the bedroom, making my way down the hall to the kitchen.
"You hungry, Liv?" I ask my baby, watching her big blue-green eyes light up when I speak to her. She smiles widely at me, and it kills me to see how much like Marissa she already looks. The baby in my arms is tied with Marissa for being the most important person in my life. They're the best things that have ever happened to me, and I would do anything for either of them.
"Come on, baby, let's get you fed," I say, getting a bottle of breast milk out of the fridge and putting it in the microwave to heat up a little bit. After it's finished, I take it out and squirt some on my forearm to be sure that it's not too hot for my baby. It's perfect, and still cradling the baby in my arms, I smile and give her the bottle, letting her eat as I hold it for her. She's only four months old--not quite old enough to be holding the bottle herself.
Olivia Rose Kelly came to us after many stressful months of appointments at the artificial insemination clinic, then after nine months of Marissa gaining weight and waddling around the house, our baby was born in the hospital in Newport Beach with all Marissa's side of the family there. The Cohens were present as well, along with Summer and Seth's kids, Savannah and Connor. When I came out of the delivery room in those damnable green scrubs, grinning like an idiot, telling them that Marissa had just given birth to our seven-pound, eight-ounce daughter Olivia, everyone had laughed and clapped and hugged and it was one of the sweetest things I had ever seen. It was great to have a support group like that.
As my baby drinks from her bottle, I walk over to the picture window overlooking the ocean. The house we live in isn't far from the first apartment that Marissa and I had lived in together, and overlooks the ocean that I surf every day. Olivia and I look out the window at the sunlight reflecting off the water, and both of us are silent for a few long moments. I would like to think that even at four months old, my daughter is starting to inherit my love of the ocean.
"The beach reminds me of your mommy, Liv," I say softly, looking down at my baby. She looks just like Marissa, down to the crooked little smile on her beautiful little face.
Marissa and I had our first kiss on the beach...I officially proposed to her on the beach, we got married on the beach. All on the same beach. Newport beach holds lots of memories for the two of us.
"Hey, how are my girls this morning?" Marissa's voice coming from behind us startles me a bit, and I turn away from the window, looking at my wife with an instant smile on my face. She's looking absolutely gorgeous with her hair mussed up from bed, wearing only a thin robe over her spaghetti-strapped top and panties.
"Morning, mommy!" I say in the baby-voice that I save just for when our daughter is around. Marissa grins, looking at our baby with the most beautiful look on her face.
"Morning, Livvy! How is my sweetheart? You didn't wake mommy up this morning, did you? You're such a good girl," she coos at our daughter, approaching us and kissing Olivia on the forehead. The baby smiles widely at her mother, who looks into my eyes and gives me a completely different smile than she just gave Liv a few moments ago.
"Morning baby," she whispers, leaning toward me and, careful of the baby between us, kisses me lightly.
"Morning, beautiful...we tried to let you sleep, what are you doing up already?" I ask her. She raises an eyebrow, reaches up and tucks some hair behind my ear.
"Baby, it's nine-thirty. This is the latest I've slept since my second trimester...thank you girls for letting me sleep," she murmurs, kissing me again. I nod, rocking the baby a little bit as she starts to fuss.
"No problem honey...we tried our hardest. We know mommy needs her rest, right Liv?" I say in that baby voice again. Marissa grins at me and Olivia starts calming down, and I can't help but look at the two adoringly. These two are the loves of my life.
"Why don't I take Livvy, and mommy can go have her surf for the day...the waves are looking good today, babe," she says, carefully taking Olivia out of my arms. I smile and hand her over, kissing my wife as I do. Marissa's lips are soft and taste just as good as they did the first time I kissed them, just as sweet as when we got together again after our ten-month seperation.
"I love you Liv," I say, kissing my baby's forehead. Then I can't help but look up at my wife, who is holding our daughter in her slender arms, "and I love you Riss." I kiss her again, unable to keep my eyes off her. She smiles and holds Olivia up a little bit, taking one of her baby hands and making the baby wave to me. I grin at the adorable sight before me even as I back toward the bedroom to change.
"Have fun surfing, mommy!" Marissa says in the baby voice, smiling brilliantly. The butterflies that course through me at the sight of her with our daughter are incredible, even after twelve years of the same woman, I haven't gotten used to her yet.
After changing into my bikini, I grab my boardshorts and rash guard and walk out into the living room on my way out of the house. Marissa and Olivia are nowhere to be seen, and I'm puzzled but not worried--it's a big house and they could be anywhere. Stepping out onto the back deck, I put on my shorts and rash guard, grabbing one of my boards off the rack on the wall. Just as I'm headed off the deck, I spy my wife nursing the baby in one of the deck chairs on the other side of the deck. I smile at her as I walk off the deck onto the beach, blowing her a kiss. She smiles softly at me and blows me a kiss right back, waving with two fingers as she holds Liv with her other arm.
Wading out into the water, I get on my board and begin paddling, getting out toward the breakers and forcing my way past them. Once I'm in the clear zone waiting for a perfect set, I'm able to slip into that state of meditation and deep peace that comes only from being out here or being with my wife and daughter. It's a wonderful sort of mellow time for me, when I just sit and think about everything and nothing all at once. Whenever I'm out here, I think of when I first moved back to Newport from Laguna.
------------Flashback------------
After giving my two weeks' notice at Aqua and training Britt to do my job, I moved back to Newport. Britt and I parted tearfully, but with promises to visit each other often. I made her promise me that she would ask Lori out before the end of the month. She had, after all, been lusting after the girl for months.
So I went back to Newport, moving into an apartment near the Bait Shop (where I got my old job back). The first weekend that I was back, Marissa and I stayed in all weekend and made love, ate takeout, and watched tv. It was a great forty hours that we got to have alone together...we both turned out cell phones off and I locked the doors, closed the blinds. We were completely and utterly alone together the entire weekend.
Monday Marissa wanted us to hang out with her friends, so we left the apartment after about eleven-thirty, headed to meet Summer and Seth for lunch. It was the summer after their senior year of high school, so they were enjoying the time they had before college, hanging out every single day and trying to make the most of the time they still had to be kids. They were nineteen--I understood. And I still had to buy them liquor, so...
"I'll drive, babe," Marissa said to me, kissing me on the lips and grabbing her keys. I nodded, kissing her back and getting into the car. We drove to the Crab Shack, where Seth and Summer already waited for us.
"Alex, hey! How the hell are you?" Summer asked me, hugging me (yeah, shocking).
"Hey Summer! Nice to see you too," I said to her, hugging her back and laughing. Marissa laughed and stood to the side as Summer hugged the hell out of me, then when she let me go my girl grabbed me back, wrapped a slender arm around my waist.
"Come on baby, you're with me," she said, gripping me possessively. I smiled at her and watched the look on Seth's face as he observed the closeness between Marissa and I.
"Wow," he mumbled, wincing as Summer punched him in the ribs. Marissa and I laughed, and she leant over and kissed me softly...the kiss deepened as we stepped in the door of the Crab Shack and we stumbled to the table we were to sit at, sliding into the booth without parting lips. Marissa's hand was hooked around my neck and she was holding me as close as she possibly could, considering the setting we were in, as we kissed. Summer looked at Seth and Marissa.
"Why don't you guys go order our food? Alex and I will wait here for you," Summer said, surprising all of us. But instead of saying anything, Marissa kissed me softly and got up, went with Seth to the counter to get our lunch, harassing him all the way about being a perv. I looked over at Summer, who was watching me with a smile.
"You make Marissa really happy, Alex," she told me, her serious tone of voice startling me slightly. I nodded, bit my lower lip and looked intently into her eyes.
"She makes me really happy too. I'm glad we're together again," I said. Summer nodded, looking at me carefully.
"You know...she was a wreck after you left. The whole time you were gone, actually...I think today is the first time I've seen her smile since before you left Newport," she said. I raised an eyebrow, having been unaware of the fact that Marissa was apparently miserable when I was gone.
"I...wasn't happy without her either...but I didn't know things were that bad for her," I said. Summer nodded, looked briefly at the tabletop. Then her eyes turned back to me.
"A lot of stuff has happened since you've been gone...things with Ryan and his brother Trey. You should ask her about it. I think you're the only one she'll let help her. She's been through a lot and all I know is that she's not talking to me about any of it," she said, looking worried. I frowned, now incredibly concerned about Marissa and what had happened while I was away. Guilt shot through me, I should have been there, should have protected her.
"I'll talk to her about it. But...why are you telling me all this? Have things really been that bad?" I asked. Summer looked more solemn than I had ever seen her, and she nodded.
"Yeah. They have. She...she cries for you at night, Alex. When she's sleeping...she like sobs your name. Then when she wakes herself up she's looking for you in the bed but when I'm there I have to tell her that you're gone. Coop cries herself back to sleep," Summer said, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. She was so choked up at the pain Marissa had been going through...and Marissa had been going through so much pain. A brief second of panic hit me and I thought that Marissa and I needed to go get married right that second, to solidify the fact that I wasn't going anywhere ever again and I would always be there for her. Summer looked up at me, wiping the tears from her face.
"I don't know what to say, Summer," I told her, looking her in the eyes. She nodded, took a breath.
"You don't have to say anything. Just don't leave our girl again, okay?" she said, more than asked. I nodded, eager to let her know that I wouldn't be repeating my mistakes from before. She was concerned about her best friend, just as I was concerned for my lover...but with both of us looking out for Marissa I knew she would be okay.
"I won't. I promise, I'm not going anywhere ever again unless she's going with me," I said, with all the seriousness that Summer had shown earlier. She smiled a little and nodded, satisfied. Just as she did, Marissa and Seth came back to the table, carrying drinks. Marissa put my Coke down in front of me and slid into the booth beside me, looking at me adoringly with those beautiful blue-green eyes. I smiled at her weakly, still thinking of what Summer had said. What could have happened with Ryan and his brother that was so devastating?
"Are you okay?" she asked me softly, reaching a hand up and caressing my cheek. She looked concerned. I nodded, tears beginning to come to my eyes as I thought of the things she had gone through in my absence--sobbing my name in her sleep, looking for me in the bed only to find that I wasn't there anymore...it was almost too much.
"I'm okay, now that I'm with you. I love you," I told her, looking directly into her gorgeous eyes. She smiled widely at me, leant forward just a bit and kissed me delicately on the lips. I kissed her back, wanting her to know exactly how much she meant to me and that I would never leave again. A conversation about all that would come up later, but for that moment kissing her would have to be enough.
When we seperated, she looked at me a bit oddly. Probably because I had just kissed her passionately in the middle of a restaurant, in front of Seth and Summer, who were sitting there trying not to watch us.
"I love you too, Alex. I love you too," she told me, that soft beautiful smile at the edges of her lips.
------------End Flashback------------