Welcome back! Jycellaemynthia is happy to see that you have wisely decided to read the next chapter. For now, not only shall you make the acquaintance of one of the most phenomenal beings to have ever graced this simple Planet with her existence, you shall also enrich yourselves by partaking of my sagacity…

Cloud-kun: Jycei-chan? Nani? What does "sagacity" mean?
Jycei-chan: Baka Cloud! -smacks him.- It's a big word. Jycei got it from her thesaurus. It means…smartness, I think. Or something like that.
Aeris: How dare you hurt my Cloud-sama?
Jycei: Hey, I'm the one writing you guys. You muses sure are pesky. -burns them all with a blowtorch.-
Sephy: AAAH! My hair is on fire!
Cloud: Hey, why is Sephiroth back?
Neko the Cat-Muse: Meow.
Jycei: What's that, Neko? I'll be sure to teach Tifa a lesson this chapter.
Tifa: HEY! -starts fighting Neko.-
Neko: -scratches Tifa's eyes out.-
Leprechaun: They're magically delicious!
Pig: -flies away.-
Barret: Cheese!

Aeris: Anyway, Jycei doesn't own Final Fantasy VII.
Cloud: But I wish she did.
Jycei: Aw…you guys are so kawaii. HUGGLES!
Sephy: Don't forget to review this chapter.
Tifa: OUCH! GET THAT CAT AWAY FROM ME!

"Hey, #&#&ing Vincent," said Cid. "#&#&ing pass the &#&#ing baked beans." He pointed toward a plate of beans, which were more charred than baked.

The gang had gathered together in the Costa del Sol Villa to celebrate the fact that Aeedfris's lungs and heart were now in working order. They had given the resurrected Cetra a day off from housekeeping, and they were enjoying the meal, although the food was terrible. Since (smelly) Tifa had been too lazy to take her place, the task of preparing the homecoming meal had fallen to Yuffie, as she was the only other female in the party, and it was part of the natural order of things for the woman to cook.

"Oh, you mortals," sighed Vincent, "always concerned with such physical matters as eating. If only you were to understand that the flesh is naught but an albatross around your neck, weighing you down to this cruel half-existence, and that by indulging your appetites, you are merely prolonging this unrelenting agony for a few unbearable minutes."

He then turned red, as he saw Yuffie looking in his direction.

However, the dinner was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I wonder who it could be," remarked Red XIII. He walked to the door, and opened it with his front paws. He opened his mouth in shock.

Standing in the doorway was the most gorgeous creature they had ever seen. She had elongated, sinuous, evanescent, palpitating, and punctual hair the colour of ebony, which danced in the light of the room. She was clad in a silver shimmering robe that flowed to her ankles, at which assorted fauna gathered. Her blood red hair framed her flawless and luxurious visage, made all the more striking by her hazel eyes. In those sparkling violet pools, there was a mystical and ethereal quality, but also a certain sadness...

"Please," supplicated the girl. "I am weary and hungry. May I come in?"

They gaped at her. For an instant, the gang stayed frozen, unsure of how to react. But it was Aarsdos who first saw the kindness shining behind those azure oculars. She sensed that there was something about her aura, some purity, some goodness, that meant that this mysterious woman was a kindred spirit. The Planet told her to trust her instinct, so it was with a broad smile that Aises extended her arm toward the stranger.

"Come in," exclaimed the Cetra warmly. "We certainly have a place for you."

"What are you doing?" hissed Tifa. "You don't even know who she is. For all we know, we can't trust her."

"That's enough, Tifa," Cloud stated with consternation. "It's time you learned to be hospitable to strangers. Besides, if my darling Aearish trusts her, then that's good enough for me. Come in, madam."

"Thank you," whispered the enchanting goddess of beauty. She lowered the silver hood of her cape, and her voluminous auburn curls tumbled out. With a wistful expression in her unmarred pupils, she motioned to the animals who were tagging along behind her. "Sorry, guys, but I'm afraid you'll all have to wait outside."

"Don't," cried Aesrith. "Your friends are most welcome here."

(AN: Aecxasils is so sweet! It's a good thing I revived her, because imagine if someone so great stayed dead.)

The raven-haired maiden smiled, her amber orbs dancing in joy and thankfulness. "How generous of you," she responded.

And she walked majestically through the front door, the furry little critters scampering behind her. She stopped and turned around. "Now, now, Bluebells," she coaxed. "You know the vet told you to stay off that leg. Let me help you." She picked up a cute little kitten that was lagging behind.

(AN: See? I told you that you wouldn't be disappointed! But who could this stranger be? ;))

Around the dinner table, all eyes were on the beautiful girl. Although she had said that she was hungry, she did not eat a bite. It was almost as if she were an otherworldly spirit who had no need of food or drink.

"So," asked Cid. "What's your &#&#ing name, anyway?" He extinguished his cigarette, because, for some reason, his nicotine addiction had disappeared in the mystery girl's presence.

"My full name is Jycellaemynthia Tinfania Crystalwind," whispered the young woman. Her voice was like an exquisite, enchanting, narcissistic, and cromulent melody.

"&#&#, that's a beautiful name, but it sure is a mouthful!" Cid joked.

She smiled, a joyous light leaping into her jade eyes. "You can call me Jycei for short."

"But why are you here?" asked Cloud. "Where did you come from?"

"Oh," stated Jycei melodically, precariously, and exponentially. "I'm afraid that I have amnesia. You see, I woke up on the beach of..."

(AN: I'm just taking a break to remind you all to review. I don't care if you haven't read the whole chapter. Review this half, read the rest, and review again!

...Did you guys review, yet? Good.)

"...Mideel, with no recollection of how I got there. But a mysterious voice in my head told me to come here, for some great task whose purpose I do not understand."

Everyone was spellbound by Jycellaemynthia's luminescent personality, her entrancing and lively sapphire eyes, her silky strawberry-blond hair, and the halo of light shining around her head. Only Tifa seemed to be less than thrilled by her presence. She eyed the new visitor with suspicion, and scowled.

Finally, the meal was over, and Jycellaemynthia pulled out her chair. "Well," she said solemnly, "though I may not have tasted any of it, I sensed that your cooking was delicious. But I'm afraid I must go, before I burden you good people any longer. Off to living in an alley, alone except for my blessed animal companions, where I shall sing on street corners to make money to buy pet food, during a thunderstorm, as my poor animal friends freeze, and I pray for their health…" A perfect, crystalline tear slid down from her copper-hued eye.

She turned around to leave, when Cloud stood up. "Wait, Jycei," he cried. "Please don't go. I…I wanted to ask you something."

Jycellaemynthia turned to the gorgeous bishounen, that rugged SOLDIER with the glowing Mako eyes and rippling muscles, and thought she would swoon.

"What is it?" she said, her heart racing in her chest.

"I was wondering…if you have no place to go, why not stay with me, in our mansion?"

Jycei's eyes grew wide. "You mean here…with you? Oh, Cloud, I didn't realize that you...well, you know."

"Yes, what a brilliant idea," squealed Ariel. "I would just love to have you live here. We could be like sisters to each other, for I can sense that we both share the gift of hearing the voice of the Planet, although the Force is stronger with you."

"Someone as beautiful as you must be as beautiful on the inside as on the out." Cloud touched her shoulder, his blond hair reflecting the light, his musky, masculine smell like my favourite cologne--the one this really hot guy in my Math class wears all the time. Ew, Math is boring! But I like Math class, just because the hot guy is in it. So Cloud smelled like that. Because he's way more attractive than that hot guy who's always making fun of me or ignoring me. Anyway, Cloud touched her shoulder, ever so tenderly. "Please, bless me with your presence." He grabbed her delicate hand in his own strong, smooth one. And Cloud's sapphire eyes, so beautiful, and which were like twin gems, glittering energetically with ethereal quintessence, were brimming with emotion.

A faint blush came to Jycellaemynthia's soft, ivory cheek. "Well, if you insist." She reached toward his face with hergentle hand, and…

"Oh, you'd be doing me a favour," Cloud uttered passionately. "Anything that brings joy to my beloved Angela, my soul mate, whom I love with every fibre of my being, will also bring me joy. You know, I believe that you will be enriched by witnessing our blessed union. Rare are those who, in their lifetime, see two people who share such a bond. Perhaps it will be an inspiration to you, and a sign that love still exists in this world."

Jycei's face fell, and she lowered her hand. "That's...wonderful. I'd just love to witness your…your blessed union."

(AN: Hmm…on second thought, maybe Jycellaemynthia shouldn't have made this fic a Cloris. Stupid Amy! This is how you repay me for bringing you back to life?)

"So it's settled," Ashley announced. "You'll move in with us."

"Wait a minute," protested Tifa. "Don't I have any say in this?"

"Welcome to the Villa, Jycellaemynthia," Cloud uttered.

And everyone, with the exception of selfish and rude Tifa, cheered.

(Grr…how come Jycei-chan doesn't have a boyfriend, too? She's way hotter than Arlene. Now she's unhappy...HEY! Jycellaemynthia has just noticed that no one has reviewed this chapter, yet. Now Jycellaemynthia is really unhappy! That's it, no more sap for you this chapter. On to the boring stuff.)

Tifa sat in the corner and watched Ariane, who was dusting the mantelpiece and humming sweetly to herself. "Perfect," she thought. "That brat might have thrown a wrench into my plans to seduce Cloud, but it doesn't matter, now. Reno's scheme is foolproof. Why, he even got his organized crime syndicate involved. There's no way we can fail. Soon, Azriel shall return to the grave, and Cloud will be mine once more!" She did her best to stifle her maniacal laughter.

"Oh, Arthur," called (slutty) Tifa, in a voice that was dripping with honey. "Could you do me a bit of a favour?"

For a second, Arabella was a bit surprised to have been addressed so politely by Tifa.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Well...you see, I'm dying to have a Popsicle. Could you go and buy me one from that stand on the beach?"

"You mean the one that Reno works at?"

"Yes, as it just so happens, totally by chance, that one. Now, normally I would go myself, but I, uh...need to help Jiss or Jyce or whatever unpack her belongings."

"It's Jycei, but sure!" Anna was always happy to help people (AN: Isn't she great?). "What flavour do you want?"

(Hideous and repulsive) Tifa grinned. "Believe me, it doesn't matter."

Andrea gave her an odd look, but decided not to press any further. "Okay, then, I'll go get it now..."

"NO!" cried Tifa. Amelia turned around, mystified. "Uh...now it's only 11:58, and...it takes roughly five minutes to get to the beach, so...why don't you wait until around 12:10ish to leave? So that, um...the popsicle doesn't melt."

Aston secretly doubted Tifa's sanity, but she tried not to show it. "Right," she said. "If you say so."

Tifa waited for Ashcroft to turn the corner before she grinned evilly. "Ah, yes," she cackled, her shrill voice like that of a seventy-year-old banshee with strep throat. "All goes according to plan. But what she doesn't know is that at 12:17, one of Reno's messenger parakeets will fly towards the coordinates exactly eight and a half inches to the left of the ice cream cart…and peck its target to death! MWAHAHA!"

(AN: Oh, no! Poor Aphrodite is in a pickle. Will Tifa's evil plan work? What will happen to Arbour? How will she escape from...

Actually, I didn't feel like writing this part, so make it up yourself. This part is too hard. It's boring. So somehow, Aryan is at the stand. But she escapes. And Reno messes up. I don't know how. Just say that the parakeet missed her and or something. Jycellaemynthia is tired. And bored. What is this, school? It doesn't matter how. It's fanfiction.)

When the clock in the kitchen struck 12:17, Tifa held her breath in anticipation. By 12:20, she was jumping for joy. "Excellent," said Tifa gleefully, rubbing her hands together. "Awning is dead, and Cloud shall be mine at last! Now, on to seduce Cloud. Hmm...perhaps it would be a good idea for me to bathe for the first time in two years. I have to make a good impression, after all..."

"I'm back!" sang a cheerful voice.

Tifa turned around, where, to her horror, Artichoke was standing, a Popsicle in her hand.

"Here you are," Architecture chirped chirpingly. "I wasn't sure what flavour you wanted, so I got you a cherry one."

"But...but how did nothing bad happen to you?"

Guileless and pure-hearted Armour, who was always willing to bare her soul, answered without suspecting that there was a sinister intention to foul Tifa's question. "That's easy," she said. "Because the beach is a block away. What could have happened to me?" Almost as an afterthought, she added: "It was really weird, though. Reno was there with Elena, and they kept on muttering to each other and babbling about 12:17. And then this parakeet came out of nowhere and attacked Elena." Arrow's forehead creased with worry. "I do hope she'll be all right. It looked like she'll need quite a few stitches, as well as a blood transfusion. That parakeet was vicious."

Tifastamped her feet and crossed her arms, looking like a spoiled child. "Damn it," she cursed. "My plan is foiled again. No, no, NO! UNFAIR!"

Tifa screamed and smashed a porcelain vase against the floor, shattering it into countless pieces. "AAARGH! You'll pay for this, Apostrophe! Mark my words! Next time you won't be so lucky!" And she gave the wall a good hard kick. Her foot went right through the plaster.

"What did I do wrong?" whimpered Anatomy, flinching as Tifa screamed some filthy words at the top of her lungs, some of which virtuous Alkaline had never even heard before. "Should I have bought her a grape Popsicle instead?"

See? Look what you all made me do. All those boring Tifa parts...and boring scheming. They're boring. Jycellaemynthia is bored. She deeply hopes that there will not be such a long wait for the next chapter, as she knows that some of you cannot breathe without her updates, and that the next chapter will have lots of Jycellaemynthia and lots of sap...provided, of course, that you treat her with the respect that she deserves. And by "treating her with the respect that she deserves," she means that you review. So review. REVIEW, or else Jycei will send Neko after you!

By the way, in case you were wondering, here's a pronunciation guide to Jycei's name:

Jycellaemynthia: Jilh- Zyle-A'y (this sound is halfway between ay and i) - Ma'n - Shy'ea -A'h
Jycei: Hexadecimal