Warning: This story is rated M for a reason
A Work in Progress
Chapter twenty five
I woke that morning, the feeling of nausea drifting around inside me; I guess it was due to me being nervous. Looking around I remembered where I was and sighed. The previous day I had moved to a temporary accommodation due to the fact that Haldir's talan had suddenly become overcrowded with all the wedding preparations. Right now I was lying in a talan nearer to the forest floor, which was close to the one I was supposed to go to later this morning with my Naneth and Dolenmir to prepare. I didn't even know exactly what time they'd be arriving here, though they did reassure me it would be quite early. Going over to the wooden desk across the room I sat down, and couldn't help but wonder what Haldir would be doing at this precise moment.
It was then that there was a gentle tapping on the door, in opening it I was greeted by the over radiant face of my mother, and similarly, a happy Dolenmir, who literally dragged me out into the open.
"My! What a beautiful day for your wedding!" My mother exclaimed excitedly, as we walked towards the other talan, I couldn't help but notice that my Naneth was already dressed, and ready. All she had to do was pin her hair back.
So with the birds singing somewhere in the canopy above, and the sun gently shining through to the forest below, casting dancing shadows as we walked, I wondered for the first time that day, what my life would be like after the ceremony. With a brief silence between all three of us I was able to ask my self questions and attempt to answer each, before I was interrupted by the over excited voice of my Naneth.
"We are here!" She exclaimed, "Lady Galadriel has told me that everything we need has been supplied. Your wedding dress is already there, obviously. I do hope they haven't creased it. I can not wait to see it for the first time." I frowned a little and began to wander what she would do to it if she didn't like it. Then again, what could she do but let me go through with the wedding wearing my own choice of dress? After all this is my day…Haldirs and mine. "Oh, I do hope you've chosen a nice one. I remember my wedding dress, not that I wore it for long. Your Ada wanted to get it off me right away, though I suppose you do not want to know that."
Cringing I looked over at Dolenmir for support, though there was a glint of amusement in her eyes as I replied, "no nana that was just a little bit of an information overdose."
"Perhaps we should go inside?" Dolenmir suggested, perhaps saving me from an oncoming lecture. In my head I began to muse with the thought of whom I found bolder, my naneth, or the two March Warden's wives.
"Of course! Come now Laingalad," My naneth exclaimed pulling me by the hand into the talan almost causing me to lose my balance.
"Naneth. Calm down, we have plenty of time on our hands!" I told her as I looked around the room. To one side there was a screen, and in the centre was a table with various accessories and brushes.
"Time? A mere four hours! Just a blink of an eye before an eternity of bliss!" Naneth stated as I spotted my dress on the far side of the room, this too was the first time I saw it in its completed form.
Noting what naneth had just said I muttered, under my breath, " Bliss…what bliss?" hoping that no one had heard, though Dolenmir did look up for a brief moment from the various things on the dressing table. "Four hours is more then enough for me to get ready nana." I carefully started to take my dress from the hanger causing my naneth to screech:
"What are you doing? You have to bathe first! And then we shall do your hair and then you may put the dress on! You must not crumple it."
Frowning slightly I looked over to Dolenmir who had now seated herself down and was watching us contentedly, "If you wish it so," I replied to my naneth, before mouthing to Dolenmir 'help' which cause her to grin ever so slightly.
"Yes, perhaps you need a nice relaxing bath. I believe they already have a bath filled with hot water behind that screen. You go and relax while I discuss what to do with your hair with your mother." She said taking a deep breath as though this was going to be a tiresome conversation.
I smiled and nodded before disappearing behind the screen, slipping into the warm bath I took the chance to relax and let the water calm me, half listening to the conversation on the other side of the screen.
"I have spent centuries thinking of what to do with it!" My naneth exclaimed her voice suddenly having a dreamy breathless quality to it, "I imagine flowers, for Laingalad loves them. They will be braided into her hair and shall be all the colours of the rainbow, particularly pink for that shall go with her hair well" I cringed slightly, all the colours of the rainbow…?
"Wouldn't niphredil and elanor suit? And perhaps the blue flower of Imladris, to represent what she is and what she shall become. The blue would also go very well with her eyes." Dolenmir replied. I nodded approving of the choice, hoping that my naneth would somehow come round as well. "Though, then again, we could leave her hair simply…" Dolenmir added.
Hearing my mother take a breath as though she was about to suggest something I quickly said, "Naneth I think you have spent too many hours planning this, shall we just see what suits the mood after I come out?"
"What? Are you suggesting that we shall just see what we feel is best?" yes…. it would save me from a headache… "No! This is the happiest day of your life and you shall have the best!" Which is why I am overcome nausea rather then being over filled with joy, but I wasn't going to ruin this little fantasy for her.
"We don't want anything too complicated, Lady Doldaer" Dolenmir reminded her; thankfully somebody was on my side.
"Yes I suppose it shouldn't be too complicated with too many pins. I'm sure Haldir will not want too wait to long to consummate…" My naneth suddenly blurted, causing me to sit abruptly up, splashing water out the side of the tub.
"Nana, please do not talk like that in front of my friend...and too many pins would be uncomfortable," I said slightly annoyed that she would embarrass me like that, though I should have suspected she would.
"Come now. Lady Dolenmir knows what is going to happen. After all she has done the same thing her self," My naneth replied, to my horror, making me almost trip coming out from the bath. From the other side of the screen I could hear something that sounded like a small chocking noise, which I assumed came from Dolenmir. Wrapping a towel around myself I re-emerged from behind the screen and proceeded towards the dressing table saying,
"Nana, that was inappropriate. Now what do you plan to do with my hair?" I hoped to change the subject.
"A lot. Lady Dolenmir, would you be so kind as to go and fetch those elanor and niphredil you were speaking of?" Nana asked.
"Of course," Dolenmir said with what sounded like forced cheerfulness, "I will go and do that right away," and with that she left.
Taking a deep breath I sat down and muttered, "I didn't quite imagine it this way…"
"I have something to give you," Nana suddenly said pulling a small box from her robe. Taking it from her I opened it to find a mithril pendent. Its design was delicate, yet sturdy. It was a drop pendent, a mithril flower encasing a white jewel with a frame of mithril twisting from the top of the flower head to the bottom.
"I had this specially made in Imladris as a wedding gift for you. I would like you to wear it during the wedding. Do you like it? I think it is simply divine!"
I brushed my finger against the metal and smiled genuinely before replying, "Nana it is gorgeous, and I would be honoured to wear it at my wedding." I stood to give her a hug.
"Good!" My naneth suddenly exclaimed making me slightly concerned as she smiled what looked to be quite a menacing smile, "for I want you to wear it for eternity, you must never take it off," She added, I knew there had to be a catch to this. Though I didn't mind because it was a piece of art.
"I wouldn't dream of taking it off, a gift from you means more then the world to me. I shall wear it and think of home." I answered letting her go.
"Good, now let me see your dress. Don't pick it up mind you." She said, back to her normal motherly tone.
"Nana, how am I supposed to show you my dress if I am not permitted to pick it up?" I reasoned, not really wanting to pick up the dress or indeed put it on, those little butterflies were still fluttering around inside of me.
"I mean do not man handle it like you usually do with your dresses. The only thing I have ever seen you touch delicately is a flower, though I don't suppose I will be seeing much of that any more." She pursed her lips and walked over to the dress. She was right; she would miss some major changes in my life, changes that she had imposed upon me. "What tailor did you use?"
"Oh, one recommended by Dolenmir. She's really good, extremely talented. Did exactly as I asked. I'll point her out to you before you leave." For some reason part of me wanted her to be pleased with the design I had picked, her having a keen eye for dresses.
"I am sure you will be too busy performing your duties as a wife," She smiled, "I had been so worried as to what we were going to do with you, what you were going to amount to. I am so glad to see that you have found love, and so happy that your ada and I could contribute towards your happiness." She replied.
Love? Hardly. I've simply taken this act to heart and learnt to deal with that fact that there was no leeway in this situation. Surely she couldn't be convinced that I would be truly happy like this? I sighed and picked up the dress, asking, "Well here it is. What do you think?"
"It is beautiful, though I shall reserve my judgment until I see you in it. Now you should sit down while I try and see what we should do with your hair. Ahh and here is Lady Dolenmir with the flowers," she replied.
Pleased I sat down and let myself be pampered upon.
Oooo0oooO
I gulped and swallowed the air, there I was standing in the middle of the forest waiting for the cue that I should proceed towards the ceremonial area. I was so nervous now, as I held a posy in my slightly shaking hand.
It was then that Dolenmir popped her head around the corner and waved at me to come, before disappearing again. At first I did not move, I took a deep breath once more to calm my nerves. Then I counted to five, just to tell myself there was no going back now, before I took the first step.
Less then a minute later I entered the clearing, everyone was silent as all eyes turned to me. I blushed slightly and tilted my head towards the floor as to not have to look into so many eyes. I felt was though there were a thousand expectations and pressures behind them. "Pull yourself together." I told myself, before smiling and looking up, my eyes locked on Haldir now.
This way, at least, I could pretend that everyone else wasn't there; it calmed me slightly.
Standing beside him now I turned to face him, to see how he was feeling at this particular moment, though as usual his expression were unreadable.
I was finally here, with the Lord and Lady before me, seeing me off, yet I couldn't help but yearn for the past, with my two best friends who were glowing somewhere slightly to my left.
I smiled at Haldir, and watched as he turned to the Lord and Lady as though to tell them to start. So that was it, he just wanted to get this done with. I felt now, more then ever, that marrying me was more of a duty to him then anything else.
I half listened as Lord Elrond made his opening speech, I wanted to turn away right now, but then the Lady's gaze fell upon me and she smiled. A smile that reassured me that everything was going to be fine, such a simple thing, but yet it was the best that anyone had done for me all day. My uneasiness settled slightly, yet still simmered at the pit of my stomach.
We exchanged our vows soon after, neither saying a word of lie, we had both worked around that somehow, promises which we would try to stay true to.
Orophin then approached with my ring, I shot a vague glance at it, seeing the blue of sapphire, a moment later Haldir placed the ring upon my finger. He had good taste, and surprisingly, the same taste as me, well as far as the ring goes. For I loved it, loved it as much as the pendent my naneth had given me.
I now turned to Dolenmir who was standing behind me, Haldirs ring resting upon a cushion in her hand. I picked it up and turned back to him, not looking him in the face. Now it was my turn, I had picked his ring with practicality in mind. It was a simple design, yet an elegant one, as I didn't want something protruding that he would catch it on, or have it get in his way when he was out in the boarders. But most of all I had picked one he could forget about. It was made of mithril so it was very light, the weight barely noticeable. I wanted him to be able to forget about being married to me if he wanted to. It would just be an ornament upon his finger.
All too quickly we were at the exchange of gifts, having no parents Haldir had chosen Rumil to stand in for him. Rumil made a little speech before handing me a box, I smiled and thanked him, for some reason I couldn't help but feel that he still disapproved of me. Yet I knew that he did not dislike me. I opened the box to reveal five small silver bangles.
My mother then approached Haldir, and I had this gut instinct that I shouldn't have left her alone to pick out his gift. Yet she had insisted, so I could do nothing but agree.
She handed him the box, which contents revealed to be a metal clasp and some other accessories for his hair, it was fine, a little dull perhaps, but none the less fine, until she added: "I would so hate for your hair to impair your sight and lead to your death."
I shot daggers at her, not being able to believe what she had just said. No I lie, I do believe it because this is my naneth, but it was so absurd and on my wedding day as well. She just had to embarrass me in front of all these people. I looked at Haldir who had his lips pursed, Rumil looked less relaxed behind him, and somewhere else I heard a cough from Orophin. Great. My mother made an idiot of not only of herself, but also me. I sighed and looked away, hearing the twins giggling in the crowd.
I heard him thank my mother and her stepping down again, before feeling the softness of his hand taking mine. I turned to him attempting for the second time that day to read his thoughts, though with his body language it was near to impossible. It was now the hand fasting, this part had got me the most worked over, I had stressed over to which colour cords would work. But I had managed it. All I had to do now was let the man I supposedly love tie himself to me, and me to him. Catching Haldirs gaze, I smiled and squeezed his hand to make sure once again that this was all real, that the whole thing had been real up to now. If it was a nightmare I would love more then anything to wake up now, but it was far from that, the hand in mine was solid, as solid as everything else I saw around me.
I watched as Haldir picked up his cord first, a pink one…for unity and friendship, well there was a good sign. I then picked up mine, an orange one for adaptability and encouragement. I had picked this as much for me as for him. I wanted him to be able to adapt for me, and to not always to be so stuck in his way. I also wanted this for me, because I knew I had many flaws, I wasn't exactly the ideal wife, but I wanted to change and be able to adapt so that our lives would be easier. But for this I needed encouragement, and for this only he could give it.
A few more chords and it was all over, in the eye of the public we were now married, and there was no denying it. We turned towards everyone, and I tried to keep a radiant smile on my face, yet a little part of me kept creeping in with sorrow. I was telling these people a lie, and I was going to live that lie for eternity.
However, as I caught the eyes of Elladan and Elrohir I couldn't help but let out a small laugh, they were pulling faces, and the most odd ones at that. They were my friends, the best friends anyone could ask for, and I was grateful I still had them, even if we couldn't spend as much time together now.
We made our way to a pavilion, put there for us to change our clothes; I entered and waited for Haldir to close the door. The bindings of our hands had left us that ever so slightly more vulnerable to even the simplest of activities. We needed each other more than ever now consciously having to work together, aware of each other's moments always. I guess it will have to be like this from now until eternity.
We still had tonight to go through I told myself, wondering, worrying about how that would go. In all honesty I was tired, and had given up to the idea. Today I felt like I wasn't myself. That someone else had been walking around in me all day, talking and moving for me in my place, as though I was haunted, possessed even.
"Orophin thought the pink would suit my hair," said Haldir breaking the long silence, slamming me back into the here and now. "He was most disappointed when he found that the dye had completely left my hair." I couldn't help but smile. The fact that he was trying to ease the tense atmosphere set on us was genuinely touching.
"Trust him to note the humour of the situation." I replied as we sat down and he began to pull at the cords around our wrists.
"Could you pull at that loop in the orange chord please?" He asked, I nodded and began to pull at the cords with him, his slender fingers colliding with my own once, and then twice.
"Why did you pick such a strange combination of colours?" I asked, distracting myself from the feel of his touch. I needed to know the reasons behind his significant choice cords.
"Strange? They do not have to match I chose them on their meanings. I hope for tranquillity, patience, wisdom and truth. These are represented in the blue rope. Unity, happiness and friendship are in the pink. I thought these to be good attributes." He replied smiling, fair enough, I thought we we're going to need all of those things if we were to get through this at all, not just luck one its own. Not that I believed in that much.
"Orophin said they were good colours…for a nursery. Thinking about it now I probably shouldn't have brought him with me." I laughed nervously, children? I hadn't thought about us having children. Was he? I hope this wasn't his attempt at a hint. I wouldn't bring children into this relationship anyway. These were no condition to raise a child, even if we both would love it unconditionally. What good would it be if its parents did not love each other? The mere thought was absurd.
"But even if you didn't want to bring him he would have come. He wouldn't miss his older brothers wedding would he?" I replied, changing the topic.
"I did suggest sending him to the borders but, alas! The lady would not allow it, perhaps she thought I was joking." He said, as we pulled another cord out, as I placed another one onto a table beside us. "I did not think you would hope for a marriage of balance, harmony and joy. No, I lie, you would hope for joy. A sad life is something no one would yearn for." He added. I had the distinct feeling that he was still trying to test my resolve towards this union.
I nodded "Precisely. I doubt that we could live together were there not some sort of harmony between us. When I chose the chords, I chose them for their meaning. Harmony is not just something that I want out of the marriage but also something which I will try to give, as hard at times as it may be." I told him, not undoing the cords anymore. Thoughtless as to how my hands were now resting on his.
"Then a lot has changed since out first clash of wills in Imladris." He told me, shifting his hand and now pulling out the last cord, causing me to bring my own hand back to my lap. I watched as the blue cord dropped from the table to the floor. Blue for tranquillity, of we have never had, and patience which we have never had for each other, and the wisdom which we have never fully exchanged, or truth…the truths that we never managed to admit to ourselves and least of all to each other.
"There! We are free." Yes I was free but felt unwilling to move apart from him all of a sudden. I tried with all my might to wave away all previous thoughts and preconceptions of the March Warden… my husband. Both of us stood still, holding a steely gaze into one another's eyes, professing subliminal messages into the depths of our beings which I knew not how to translate. What was this unfamiliar feeling building up inside of me? Fear? Excitement? Longing? Surely not. I didn't say a word; there was nothing to say.
"Would you like me to help you with the fastenings of your dress?" Haldir's offer trailed off at its end, as if he regretted letting such a request escape his lips. Nevertheless I did need help loosening the many ties that kept my dress so firmly in place. It was actually quite thoughtful to offer his services to help me, but how long would this new found chivalry last for?
I turned around, "Thanks. Things have to change whether we like that or not. Fighting it just makes things difficult. I have grown weary of trying to fight every second of the day." I admitted.
Upon hearing my words I felt him stop very suddenly. I was about to turn back towards him and ask what the matter was before he replied, "if I knew marrying you would bring about such a change I would not have put it off until we reached Lothlorien." He continued to undo my ties. "I'll turn around now for you modesty." He said as he finished, which I was thankful for. We were married now and would be seeing a lot of each other in a very immodest way in future. Yet, he still had the decency to allow my confidence in that knowledge grow before enforcing his marital rights on me, his lowly wife. I felt a pang of admiration deep within me for him I couldn't help it. This was just, yet another feeling towards Haldir that I knew I would eventually have to deal with. But not now. Later. Perhaps.
I crossed the room and picked up a light blue dress, one that my naneth had picked out for me. So it was the usual lace and such, and showing as much of my flesh as possible without being too skimpy. I sighed and slipped on the dress and realised I couldn't do up the cords for this one either. 'She set this up' I suddenly thought, paranoid.
I shook my head and turned towards Haldir again, who was half dressed. The large expanse of his bare shoulders and back clearly visible to me now, with his muscles tensing all the way down to his equally firmly sculpted behind. The curve of which was just as visible beneath the thin, single layer of tightly fitting leggings. Why was I taking such notice of these things all of a sudden?
"Erm…could you?" I asked, tapping his shoulder as lightly and as quickly as I could, simultaneously clutching my weighty dress which threatened to pull itself from my grasp at any moment.
"You want me to do up your ties?" He asked.
I nodded and replied. "I can't do up formal dresses myself." I turned around and waited for him to do my ties up this time.
"Your wish is my command, my wife," he said out of the blue. Surprised, I turned and looked directly at him, was he teasing me? Or was he genuinely pleased that my first demand as his wife required us to be at such close proximity to one another. The naughty elf! Deciding to not dignify him with an answer, I ignored it and turned away from him yet again.
"Tell me if I pull it too tight," he said as he began. The feel of his weathered fingertips tickled, and I couldn't help but tense as not to laugh out loud. I was used to my mother doing up my ties, but this was Haldir, a stranger to the sight of my exposure.
"Sorry, I haven't had to do this in a while." He was slightly struggling with the bindings now. I took a deep breath and reminded myself, 'this is a new start, a new start. No more quarrelling.'
"It's alright," I mumbled, not trusting myself to say more.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that." he reassured as he moved my hair out of his way, and did the last of my ties as speedily as he could, perhaps not wanting to touch me any longer than he already had to.
I turned around and looked at him, feeling thankful for some strange reason. At least my paring was a superior one, I wouldn't be degraded amongst society, nor would I have to labour myself dawn till dusk. Maybe these were shallow observations on my behalf of me, but I wasn't getting married to an ogre, the only fault was that he didn't love me, and I didn't love him. How could I? I don't even know what love truly is!
Perhaps things would have been different had I not dunked him in the lake back in Imladris well, that was one thing that I would never know.
It was then that I noticed that his naked chest lay exposed a hands breadth away from my face. I gulped, not being able to help but look down, but not completely away, only to notice the faint silvery blond trail of hair running, tantalizingly, beneath the front of his waistline. The flash of him vainly looking at himself, that part of himself, back in Imladris came flooding back to me. I looked up at him as appropriately as I could muster, with such salacious thoughts drifting further and further into the forefront of my mind. Blushing I said, "Haldir...your top."
"What's wrong with it?" He asked, his hand taking my chin slightly to turn me to face him.
Still not being able to look at him, nor rid myself of that image, and the many others I had fabricated since then involving the both of us, I decided to look over his shoulder, "Put it on," I implored.
"Put it on? What?" he asked slightly confused, as he looked about, before looking at himself, "I am sorry Laingalad." Only just realising that he was still topless. His bashfulness would have made me laugh at any circumstance other than this one. I crossed the room and left him to dress, as I brushed down my hair, and re-arranged the circlet that made it look as though dewdrops had come to rest on my hair.
"I know. I know we may not love each other but I still meant what I said in our vows." His words comforted me.
"Thank you that means a lot," I glanced at him in the mirror to see if he was done dressing.
"Earlier Rumil tried to persuade me that marrying you was a foolish idea." He told me abruptly.
"He did? I thought he was over the idea that I was trying to force you to marry me." I asked. Thinking back to that look he gave me as he handed me the box of bangles, the bangles that were now jingling as the hit each other on my wrist.
"As did I. He got quite worked up about it. I was quite surprised." He replied, I couldn't help but think what I had done to make him feel that way about me. As far as I was concerned I had tried my best to be pleasant to the brothers, more pleasant than I had ever been to Haldir, not that it ever proved that difficult as they were charming themselves when they weren't being spiteful, like our first meeting at that disastrous dinner party.
"Maybe I should talk to him later." I mused knowing how much his brothers meant him, sometimes it seemed that his family was his whole life.
"That is not needed. He respects my decision and he cannot change anything, can he?"
I placed my brush down before saying, "True…but…oh never mind." it wouldn't make a difference now that he was set about it. And it was true we were married now, he can't change that, no one could. Not even me.
"How long do you think we are expected to be here? Orophin suggested at least an hour. Then again, he thought that we would have different things on our minds." Was that meant to be a joke or an indicator towards your disappointment that I'm not jumping all over you? I sneered to myself. "I'm not sure. Until someone comes and calls for us I guess."
"We should get used to it I suppose. We are to be left alone in our talan for three days." he took pleasure in reminding me.
"This is going to be awkward," I muttered a little too loudly.
"Aye, it is. It is somehow quite different from living in the same house where we have out own rooms; our own beds."
That was no understatement. Things had changed, and would continue to change, because they have to. Time can be so cruel sometimes.
I stood up a false smile on my face as I set a distance between us by standing by the window, which gave a wide eagle eye view of everyone running round outside preparing for our banquet.
"Everyone is so happy today." I told him…everyone…everyone but me…and perhaps him I suppose.
"And why shouldn't they be? They are at a wedding. These occasions do not occur frequently, do they?" He said now standing directly behind me.
"Nay, a rare event for them to celebrate, though I didn't quite picture it this way, then again not everything works out the way you want it to." Half wanting to cry, the day was straining on me. I was an actress at the centre of all these theatrics, and the pressure was building inside me, I wondered how much longer I would be able to hold this happy pretence.
"I'm sorry," Haldir said softly, placing his hand on my arm. The sudden, unexpected contact made me bite my lower lip. I willed myself not to cry, not to collapse against his chest in a flood of tears.
We stood there in tranquil silence, staring out of the window, watching the joyous people below as we waited for someone to come and get us. I wanted to turn around and hug him. Hug him for my own reassurance, to hug in gratitude for his every attempt to quell the unease that surged within me. He was the only one who would ever come close to knowing what I felt at that moment. We had both lost our bearings. At least I would never be as alone as I once was; I at least had that to be thankful for.
Oooo0oooO
Although ever dish lay before me looked nothing less than delectable, as well as imaginative in their colourful presentation, my appetite failed me. I was too nervous from the many pairs of luminous eyes staring at me, gawking at me.
The words said to both Haldir and I by numerous speakers had been very kind and cordial. None the least Lord Elrond's speech that had brought every elf, both eating and attending to the banquet, into a fit of laughter with his rendition of the first time he had met his wife-to-be. Apparently, his attempt at gaining his beloved's attention and admiration failed when he misplaced his step along a slippery pond edge. He not only fell in the water leaving him looking like a drowned rodent, but he managed to knock his side with such impact that he bruised two ribs, which she had mercifully attended to quickly and deftly with naught but affection in her manner towards him. At least she noticed him he had admitted, with a wide grin. As Haldir had noticed me when my trick had backfired all that time ago, but mine and Haldir's dynamic has shifted greatly since our first full encounter back then, something I'm sure Lord Elrond had purposefully set out to remind me about as he spoke.
Last of all was my father, who purposefully postponed his speech to the very end, so as to be the most memorable speech in the minds of all whom had been listening all this while. He rose from his seat near mine at the head table, tapped the side of his goblet to gain everyone's attention, and began in his most ominous and baritone of voice's "I'll admit to you all and to myself now that on second thought I had actually dismissed the idea of Haldir being a suitor for my daughter." That certainly gained the whole banquet's interest, including my own. Silence fogged over every guest. Every eye was on my father. All eagerly anticipating what he could say next to justify any doubts that he dared to have in their precious March Warden. "You see, I had thought that Laingalad wasn't nearly enough accomplished, or conventionally beautiful for that matter, to ignite a genuine interest from such an honourable ellon like Haldir."
I should have seen that coming. There I was thinking that my father would actually be proud of me for doing as he wished for once. Even on this most momentous of occasions he could not resist humiliating me in front of all these elves, with his intense disappointment of my very existence.
"I asked myself if she had any chance in uniting with such a fine ellon. She had not the wit, the feminine charms or indeed, the maturity that would attract an elf of such high standing." The unease radiating from Haldir at my Ada's words was palatable. Don't over do it with the compliments now will you ada you may hurt yourself! Oh, how I bet he wished that Haldir had been his offspring instead of pitiful me. If I could just get through this speech without breaking down into tears I'd show him. Show him how grown up I am now, how much I don't need, and will never need him ever again.
"And I thought this question over long and hard, and now", he drew in a deep breath. "… and now that I see her sitting here before me my answer to my own question is a resounding and undisputable yes." WHAT? I almost screeched out loud, I was so shocked. "I would never have thought that my Laingalad would turn out to be such an admirable elleth and for that I am no less than ashamed. I'm ashamed that today, of all days, I did not have faith enough in my own daughter to stop myself thinking that she would not get through with this union after all".
Stifled gasps could be heard from amongst the guests, least likely from the knowledge that my own ada doubted my honour and most likely from the fact that I had not been totally besotted with the idea of making Haldir my husband. "But here she is hand in hand with a partner that I can find no fault with." When had Haldir taken my hand in his? It felt good, his warmth, his thumb softly sweeping caresses against my wrist, a hidden source of support that had been secretly comforting all this time. "She is no elfling any longer. I have done all I can for her now and it is the turn of Haldir to best advise and direct her now, as I have tried my best to do over the centuries. I raise my cup to them both." Everyone raised to their feet, their cups held high in their hands, all arms extended above their heads and mine and Haldir's "May the Valar bless you with all the marital bliss that this life we lead allows. I pray for the happiness of my daughter in the home, and for the protection of the March Warden on the borders"
"Here, here," cried the crowd, just as I realised that I was also crying…bountiful tears running down either cheek. "I love you, my daughter and am proud to be your father this day, for you truly are Aglarebwen, a most glorious maiden." He said, with his last words sounding a little rugged, as he struggled to contain the swell of emotions in his chest. He had said he loved me…and in front of an audience for all to hear! Just when I thought I had him figured out my ada he goes and pulls a stunt like this! With no motivation I could think of for him to lie, I believed him and showed my gratitude to him with a firm hug that seemed to have lasted an age. At last, the words from him that I had always longed to hear, he was actually proud of me, and all it took was to marry a complete and utter stranger!
Everything after that moment was an entire blur. With my Ada's words still buzzing round my head I was sailing on a cloud on contentment for the rest of the night. No amount of dancing, feasting or musical interludes could distract me from my own personal triumph that my parents finally approved of me and saw me as a responsible adult for once in my life.
Nothing could distract me until the sun began its decent.
Haldir had leaned over to my ear so that no one but myself could hear his next words "Are you ready to retire to our talan now? The time draws near to make our exit." I was very abruptly brought back to reality at his restrained enquiry. What he really wanted to say was 'are you ready for love-making as I cannot take exchanging pleasantries with any more of our guests while you are sat there staring off into space.'
Deciding against teasing out his obvious tedium at our own wedding celebration, I nodded offhandedly, twining my arm around the bulge of his bicep and forearm, as he escorted me from the head dining table, across the dance floor to the nearest exit. "Three cheers for the newlyweds!" I heard over my shoulder, what seemed to be the drunken voice of Orophin. "HIP, HIP," he cheered. "Hooray" the guests bellowed. But it was the first and only cheer I heard as we continued to walk briskly away from the festivities to the talan that had been formally prepared for both Haldir and I in amongst the forest. We had reached our destination. It had grown darker now, twilight enveloped all around the tall trees, the talan's rough edges, the loose strands of Haldir's silvery main of hair. "Are you ready to enter?" Did I truly have a choice!
"Yes Haldir. I am ready. Take me inside." Without any hesitation Haldir, strode to the door, opened it and gestured for me to come to him. Uncertain, I walked toward him; his arms choose then to sweep me off of my feet. Clenched tightly against his chest and looking deep into my eyes, gauging my response, he manoeuvred us both over the door's threshold. With one tradition out of the way, there only left the final and most definite marriage rite to perform with one another. With a swift nudge of his leg the door closed behind us, shutting out the sights and sounds of the world as I once knew it. I would not be the same once that door would be reopened to me again, once I had returned from the forest's hidden depth back into civilised society. I was completely alone from here forth, alone with my husband and his swelling urges…the mere thought of what was to come terrified me.
"Thank you Haldir. I can walk from here." But he seemed hesitant to let go of me. After a delayed pause he set me on my feet and I turned to take in the sight of our lodging for the next few nights. It was not a large room as a huge meticulously carved; four-poster bed took up most of the space. There was a kitchen to the left and a small bathroom to the right; perhaps I could hide in there for a while? Maybe even the whole entire evening! "Excuse me a moment." The door didn't have a lock on it, damn! Maybe I good jump out of the window and escape back to the party, except that I didn't know the way back, I was far to nervous to concentrate on which direction we were travelling, double damn!
"Is everything alright in there?" oh go away you horny elf!
"Yes, thank you. I will be with you momentarily." Sex was no longer an if, but or maybe it was a certainty, and since my parents and family thought me to be a mature elf I couldn't exactly have Haldir getting back to them and complaining about my childish prudery. Or could I?
"Laingalad, will you please come out of there I have something to show you." I BET YOU DO! Slipping out from behind the door, the first thing I noticed wasn't Haldir sprawled out nude before me as I had expected, in fact he was still fully clothed minus his outer tunic. He had actually bundled a few of the bed's many blankets together in front of the now roaring fireplace. "Is that for us?" my nervousness clearly evident in my faint murmur of a voice.
He actually laughed at me "No. This is for me. You can have the bed, I left you plenty of coverings, besides I am more accustomed than you are to sleeping on the floor, as the softness of your back suggests. We've both endured a long day. Goodnight, Laingalad."
Was that it? Didn't he want me? I mean…this is a relief…but why then did I feel a twinge of disappointment wash over me?
"Goodnight Haldir and thank you," I curtsied, "sweet dreams." I didn't mean to say that but he kindly smiled down at me a small grin.
Climbing into bed, I undressed clumsily as I fought to untie my dress's fastenings under the sheets, the last thing I needed was for this situation to escalate into a seduction, and draped my dress down the far side of the bed. Haldir, however held no such humility or perhaps he thought I lay asleep already for in one swipe his under tunic was off, and there it was again that broad expanse of naked chest and back, only this time the fire's light danced honey coloured hues across his taut muscular frame. His thumbs hooked beneath the waistline of his leggings but he paused and looked towards me, huddled as I was underneath a heap of bed linen. Could he sense I was still awake, watching him? Nevertheless, he continued his undress, slipping the silky fabric from around his narrow waistline, letting it fall and gather around his ankles and then onto the floor. Then quite unexpectedly he twisted himself, all of himself, directly toward me. "Is this view more to my lady's pleasure?" my heart skipped a beat. He had seen through my sleeping charade.
"Don't take another step forward!"
"Well do you not think it unfair that whilst you have so lovingly observed my naked body I have not even been given a peak at yours?"
"Lovingly, indeed, you brutish elf! Do you think so highly of yourself that you deem me impressed by your form, do you?"
"Yes, my darling wife, I do think that. On the contrary, I did presume that you would be too indifferent to pander into possible physical pleasures with me this night, but your keen curiosity toward me belies your previous intent."
"Trust me, I am entirely dispassionate towards the likes of you, on this night and on every night!" I was sitting upright and shouting very loudly by now.
"Tell that to your blossoming assets. They seem very keen to go ahead to say the least," he smiled, his eyes tilted downward.
Oh my goodness, in my fit of rage I had let the covers slip from my bare chest, revealing my bosoms, and my areolas response to his masculinity, for him to see. Clenching the sheet back around me I threw him a hateful gaze. "My shame amuses you does it?" he stop laughing abruptly.
"Sexuality and sensuality are nothing to be ashamed of. None the least between consenting partners such as ourselves."
"Consenting! Speak for yourself!"
"I see. Well, I and your pert nipples seem to have gotten you wrong."
"Yes you both have…YOU have, not my nipples. I mean…forget my nipples!"
"I'll try but that may prove more tasking than you think," he was provoking me, yet again!
"Just shut up and leave me alone!" with that I shifted my gaze, and my whole body to the other side of the room, as far away from Haldir as possible.
A short time had past but fury still held a firm grip on my better resolve. I want to settle this once and for all. "How many women have you had?" it sounded like my voice saying it, but how could such an audacious question come out of my mind. Haldir seemed equally taken aback by my unusual forwardness.
"I have no wish to disclose that information to you, my honourable wife, especially in your current state of unease."
"I just wondered why in all the land any elleth in her right mind would want to bed a malevolent elf such as yourself. I'll never be yours, I can assure you that."
"But you are in fact mine."
"And for your information in your presence I am always in a state of unease!" he was laughing at me again; a full and hearty laugh this time round. I disrupted the silence for a second time. "So you're implying that you were never shy about intercourse with the opposite sex at any point in time?"
"No I am not," he huffed. "I'm trying to sleep Laingalad, so if you don't mind."
"Well, I do mind. As your wife I demand that you answer my question."
"Oh really…so, you are disgusted at the thought of me casting my marital rites over you, yet you feel free to exploit your own over me." All of a sudden the sheets of the bed were lifted and I felt Haldir's weight strain the bed's mattress behind me, not far from where I lay.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"All this shouting across the room to each other is very uncivil. Much better that we share the great breadth of this sturdy bed if it is your wish to continue disturbing my reverie at whim, don't you agree?"
"I CERTAINLY DO NOT!"
"Pity. Now where were we…Ahh yes, my first sexual experience."
"Stop it, Haldir! Just, please stop." Tears swelling at the brim of my eyes, "Don't you understand? I'm scared, alright," I blurted out. "It's hard enough for me to be a dutiful daughter after these many years, let alone being the perfect wife and the perfect lover as well."
"It is not perfection that I am asking of you, Laingalad, I never have and never shall. How could I when I myself fall short of such a feat. As for being my lover, you have every right to be nervous. You are delving into the complete unknown. But I am here to guide you, if that is what you want."
"I want to be able to please you Haldir. You are my husband. That is what I am supposed to do."
"No, you are wrong. You are supposed to be yourself; in actual fact I forbid any false charades or biting doubts from here on in. Do you understand?"
I was trembling now and Haldir knew it. Cautiously, he wrapped one arm around my waist and his other hand rested itself above my brow. "Don't cry, dear heart," he soothed, his hand stroking my hair loose of pins and ornaments. Once the last pin had been freed and tossed to the floor, he fanned my tresses onto my shoulders and down my back. "Beautiful. You are truly a glorious elleth."
"Haldir?"
"Do you wish for me to stop?"
"No," I said, rather too eagerly, "it's just…no one has every thought I was beautiful in the way you mean. Please don't stop."
"Don't stop which, the compliments or my touching you?"
"Both." My curiosity was getting the better of me. I wanted to hear how beautiful I was, nay needed to hear it above anything else. I had felt so inadequate and unworthy for so long, but here was an ellon paying me unadulterated attention for just being my inexperienced, unsophisticated self.
"As I did the ties of dress this afternoon, all I could think was how magnificent the silky suppleness of your back was", as if to confirm his admiration he moved my hair aside and skimmed feathered kisses down the column of my neck all the was down my spine, which tickled under the foreign feel of fleshy lips caressing my skin. Kneading the curve of my behind he confessed, "Do you realise how many times my eyes have gorged on your splendid behind and the subtle sway of your hips." His trail of kisses leaving the small of my back all the way round to the flat of my stomach, where a fire inside was igniting just for him. I can't believe I'm enjoying having this done to me, having Haldir doing these erotic things to me. And how natural it all seemed, as if I needed him right now as much I as needed food to eat or air to breathe, I wished with all my might that he won't stop, that this wasn't all a dream.
"And I love your breasts. Not to small and not to big, faultless," Haldir's hands ran slowly up my stomach, cupping one breast in his palm and capturing the others nipple in a seductively searing kiss. Then another kiss this one was even wetter and more firm, savouring every moment. His lips parted, "Laingalad, if you've changed your mind and do not want me to carry on, tell me now before we go on any further. I have almost reached my point of no return, you have bewitched me and I won't be able to stop myself very soon."
"I don't want you to stop," my voice husky with desire. "I want you to kiss me and I want you never to stop this feeling."
"That's all I needed to hear, dear one." I weaved my fingers into the silvery softness of his hair, steering his lips to mine. Eyes closed in anticipation our lips met, a light, warm meeting of flesh. Leaning up I forced the kiss to become firmer. He opened his mouth slightly and I did the same, allowing his tongue's tip to flicker in and out of my mouth. His hands holding my face, he deepened his strokes, slowly tasting me, I whimpered. Taking my repose as an invitation to precede, his fingers slithered down past the cleavage of my heaving chest, across the stretch of my abdomen to the tousled hairs of my feminine folds. Stroking ardently, but gently, he delved into me encouraging the seeping slickness of my arousal. I would never have imagined he would touch me there like this, but with every caress more and more of my self-consciousness drifted into oblivion, a wave a sensuality crashing against my every sense. Then I faintly heard Haldir's voice saying something in my ear. "Wh-h-hat, what did you say?"
"I want your completion to come before mine. I may hurt you when I enter you for the first time and I want nothing but intense pleasure at our first union, so I will take you where you are rearing to go, dear one, and then I will take you there again and again and again…" Before I could think of what to say, he had captured my mouth again, an urgent demand that felt both right and natural, the rhythmic stroke of our tongues blending more than just our mouths. I could have sworn our souls had met, secretly pledging eternal gratitude to each other for these tantalising moments of paradise.
His dextrous thumb working my feminine centre fuelling the fire inside of me, internal flames blooming brightly, climbing higher and closer to the shattering conclusion for which I unconsciously yearned.
I screamed out his name, that beautiful name…my lover. Aftershocks seeping out of my every pore from that explosive feeling that had been more wonderful than I could ever have imagined, "Are you ready for me now? All this gets better, trust me?"
"I trust you."
He smiled sweetly down at me and shifted to a kneeling position between my legs. Feeling more exposed than sexy under his scrutinous gaze he rubbed either side of thighs in reassurance. "You are beautiful Laingalad, especially there," and his thumb returned to my aching nub. With renewed passion I felt that familiar cavernous yearning wash over my body all over again. Looking down I almost gasped at the menacing size of his sex poised at my opening.
"You are to big, you won't fit in there!" I panted.
A broad smile lit up his every facial feature, "I assure you that I will fit perfectly, and I thought you trusted me."
"I do but…"
"…then trust me, wife." Pressing a light kiss to my lips and then at the tops of each of my breasts, he placed a single hand beneath my knee, raising it up slightly. "I will go in easier this way," he said in response to my quizzical brow. His other palm resting against my hip, I swallowed hard as he began to edge into me. He felt, long and thick and hot and hard all at the same time, and as his shallow strokes began, my fears waned as my pleasure was rekindled by the unfamiliar meeting of organs. "How does it feel?"
"Wonderful…"
"I'm going to fill you with all of me now. You can hold me closer to you if you like."
Taking this as an order more than as a request, I gripped hold of his tensed shoulders, which were covered in a coat of sweat. His brow in a concentrated contort, my female intuition telling me that he was holding back, but in complete control. I was more than glad at that, because at least one of us knew what we were getting ourselves into.
His stroke delved deeper and my feelings grew more intense, half wanting to soar back to completion and half afraid at the beckoning unknown, was I even doing this right?
"Relax, my dear. Anxiety will bear no fruit. Just stay in the moment with me, I will guide you to were you want to go I swear." Then came an acute piercing pain from the breaking of flesh tissue. He had tied to distract me with his words but I still felt it. "Stay with me," he rasped, his movements becoming more uncoordinated.
"Don't hold back, Haldir. Do you not trust me? I want all of you, just as you are, don't stop, don't ever stop, yes…that's it…oh…yes…oh, Haldir…Haldir…oh!" All coherent thought lost as he half closed his eyes, and the sounds vibrated from his throat in an almost savage fashion, governed by primal instinct and desire. He was shaking, shaking every time that he surged into me again and again with a force and lustful urgency.
Then I heard my name being said as a cry of release, pure undiluted heat pulsing deep within me as he came to his own completion. I clutched to, holding him tightly, my hands on his back, feeling the relief of the muscles, his back arching erotically and then the boneless relaxation as he spent his love fluid inside of me, ragged hot breath against my ear, yet he still held presence of mind enough to shift to the side as far as her arms would allow before collapsing. Our breath mingled into the fog of our lovemaking, aftershocks of the climax shuddering through our very core.
Oooo0oooO
A/n Yes, we are very late. Yes, we apologise. Yes, the next chapter is nearly finished and yes, this story will be completed, by the end of the summer if I have my way. I will answer any further questions in the reply section; so that's a good incentive to review.
Thank you for staying with us.
Love and hugs
PiXiE xXx