You can't hide beautiful,
you can't hide wonderful
Chapter 2 Just like me
The sun has always been a strange thing for me, and i am often looked at strangly when i attempt to explain myself and the small theory i have of it. I just wonder why it is, the fact that the sun goes away when we are most scared. The time in the night when we seem to be completly lost and alone, there is no light or guidance to lead us through.
And plus, as blond as this might sound, the sun always comes up when im trying to sleep! So really, it's in my presance at all the wrong times!
Often, when i am sitting in chem staring lifelessly out the window i come up with thoughts like this. It's on a regular occasion and i do some of my best thinking while Miss. Hitino is blabering on, and only God knows what she's talking about! I copy most of the notes off Tomoyo, i can study but can't despise the lessons.
This thought always strikes a cord inside my mind (the sun), but right now i am shoved out my own little dibate with myself because the bell has rang. It's time to go leave this school, i can't wait for Tomoyo. It's already been too long, too long since the first day she had left when i wore my pretty black daisy dress. To long since i had my last ciggeret this morning and to long since i was lulled by the quick fix of meaningless sex.
Everything around me is slowly crumbling, i can't say i didn't warn myself. But with my best friend gone, it's been hard for me to keep my composure and really put on the act. Every one is seeing slowly through it, and now they are begining to get a glimps of the real Sakura.
I wish i could still see the real Sakura. I don't know her any more, then again, i wonder if i ever really truly knew her in the first place.
Rika is talking one hundered miles a minute when she catches up with me in the hall, 'our' friends are behind us, listening in contently. I smile fakely and nod my head every once in a while until she finishes with a huge grin. I manage to get a few words as she say's her good bys, "I can't believe that he got kicked out of school. Any way, i should get going i have to catch the bus." She smiles brightly, and it hurts my eyes, she waves and walks away. I reply with a lifeless "Ja!" and she is gone. Leaving me standing alone in the slowly deteriorating corridor.
Glancing over my shoulder, i make sure that no one is watching and i dart for the door that leads out side from the band room. No one is supose to use it, but right about now Mr. Galianta is going to have his egg salad sandwitch with brown bread, and isn't in his class room just just like every other day. The door that leads out is a short cut straight to the garbage can where i know i can bum a ciggeret off a random person walking past.
I push the door open, and the afternoon sun hits me like a hang over after only three hours of sleep. I squint my eyes, and pull my oversized thick white rimmed sunglassess to shade me from the sun. I glance around, there's no one here, it is Friday i supose. Every one has gone to meet their dealers or go to a pre-party before the party and the after party.
But i do hear some sort of human signs, around the corner, a small enclosed ally way that use to be part of the school but was torn out and made into a spot where student council promised picknick tables. So far, all there is, is old needles and condoam rappers. Some student council we-
My mind shuts off as i peek around the corner, i hear intense yelling, shouting, it sounds bitter and cold. Then i hear another person, in a squeeky voice begging, i manage to get a quick picture of him in my mind on his knees grabbing some ones feet.
I listen closley as the four people in the back go on about thier buisness. "Who sent you?" "I-i can't tell-" he's cut of and i hear a hard thump and a wimper following shortly. "It was, it was part of the Dragon flys. I didn't get the orders directly they were just handed down."
This is to crazy, i hear some more whimpering and alot of swearing, and then some crying. And then it shocks me, the man who was on the ground is up and running so fast me i think he should be on the track team. I can't help but let out a small squeek, and i know that is the end of me.
Two men come out from the shadows and grab me by the arms, pulling me into the small enclosed space that the member of the Dragon Flys had just been beaten in. I glare darts at the two men, one is short and ugly with dark hair, kind of old with a big build and a mustash that needs to be trimmed. The other isn't half as bad looking, but not pretty either. He has long black hair that is braided all the way down his back, and very Asian features. The older man is much more rough than the younger one, the only differance is the younger man won't look into my eyes.
At first i struggle, but when they release me and i drop to my knees, i am now at the feet of a man. A real man, one with great power and great looks and great responsibility. Sayoran Li. He is romered by few to be part of the Journey, but it's never been actually proven...hey what is he doing here? He's just been kicked out of school.
"What do you think your doing Princess?" He hisses, grabbing hold of my wrist and yanking me to my feet. I stand looking him up and down, hands on hips, eye brow raised. I will not let him make me feel inferior, even if he would kill me right here on the spot.
I only shrug my shoulders, and then cross my arms standing there very hostile and with alot of attitude. "I think the real question here is what your doing here beating up people with some grose guys that don't shower. I mean really-" he cuts me off my putting his hand tightly over my mouth, i try to continue talking but he pressess it there with little force until i stop my rude chattering and let him speak.
His voice is cold and has no emotion what so ever, probably what i sound like. "You know to much." It's a simple sentance that could mean anything, but it doesnt mean just anything to me. I know exactly what it means, and it means eveything inside my pretty little head will be blown clean out blood guts and all.
Gulping down, i stare hard at him, not letting him see the fear in my eyes. I can hide it well, all my emotions and feelings; and i think for a while he is fooled. "You have three choices-" he pauses and waits for me to losen my body, which i do. I am some what relieved that there is a decishon.
"You may fight one of the members of the Journey that are rooted here in Japan, you may kill an assasin of our rival gang The Dragon Flys or you may 'pleasure' one of the male members." My jaw drops, he's letting me live? But at what price? I could die doing the first two tasks, and the third i would lose what very little dignity i have left.
I stare long and hard into his sad and distant golden eyes, and i sight. "This means im inishiated, does it not?" I know that's what it means, i was a Freshmen once i know what it's like to become inishiated.
He nods, slightly belittiling me. "Or, you lose your life." My mind is racing, i got sucked into this much faster than anything in my whole entire life. Then again, a black whole did just come and swallow my heart when my mother died, taking everything that ment anything with it.
The world of gangs and sex and killing is not far from what i am living right now, i really have no choice. "Come with me," whispers Sayoran, blinking once or twice. I only nod my head, i don't want to seem like a child to him. But God knows i feel like one.
I just want to get down on the cold hard dirty pavment and cry until i can't cry any longer. But instead, i sit on the back of his motercycle, watching as i drift further and further away from the little comfort and home i had left.
XXX
I always knew that Sayoran was rich, then again im considered rich too. Compaired to the newest member of my life i have absolutly no money, no material possions. It's like making Paris HIlton stand next to The Veronica's.
We drove for about ten minuites to the out skirts of town, places that i would never even dared to go half hour before. I excpected it to be all gangster and grubby, but it's some what breath taking. Beautiful gardens of different color daisys (i know ironic) surround the main entrance, it's held up by two huge white pillars. It reminds me kind of England, like the Queens house. With the big gold gates at the front and the small gardens and path ways bending and twisting around the house.
Sayoran parks inside a small garage that's detatched from the large mansion, and we walk up a large flight of stairs after exiting the garage. My heart stopped pounding and trying to escape my chest about five minuites ago, im not dead yet so that's a good sign i supose. It probably would have been harder, and alot more nerve racking if Sayoran or the other four men with him had tried speaking with me. But it's almost as if im invisable, or some kind of rag doll. That's all right though, it suites me just fine!
I follow behind Sayoran and the four men seem to disapear as soon as we enter the huge oak door, it slams tight behind me and i shake a small amount. That is until i see what's going on around me, and something inside me changes towards the group that i have convinced myself 'kidnapped' me.
The room i am standing in is completly open, only two long corridors shoot out to the right and left of me. Then facing directly in front of me, is like one great big common room. A huge big screen TV is playing hockey, there's a pinball machine and a foseball table, there's even one of those gum ball machines. Then to the left of all the comoiton is a long banquet table, there are a few people eating so it seems to me like it's a come and go meal plan.
There's a whole bunch of different colored bean bag squishy chairs through out the room, people making out in them, people sleeping in them a few people even reading in them. It reminds me a bit of school, when we're all on our break and we just kind of lounge around being lazy teenagers. (Something we all must do once in a while!)
I don't like the sudden fact that i am starting to feel at ease with Sayoran in front of me. I liked it better before when i was hostile and wanted to snip off his balls, but now i feel like he's a real human being. That's called weakness, something i don't like feeling.
Through all my mixed emotions, i manage to find a voice. It's quiet and cracked at first and i thank God for the loud people drowning it's shaky tone out. "Wha-what are we doing next?" He swings his head back and glares at me, i stick out my tong but he doesn't see it, unless he has eyes in the back of his head that is.
We walk to the end of the room, people staring at us as we go. I hear some whispers and i really don't like what thier about. "Maybe she's one of his girlfriends" "It could be a hooker" "No, no, no! It's most likely a DragonFly member..." I gulp down air, looking down at my shin high lace up boots, im glad i didn't wear the 'cute' dress i had picked out for today. They porbably would have thrown things at me and laughed me out of the house.
Sayoran leads me through a door i didn't see at first, through that door is a long twisting stair case, i climb it with no objections. That is until we get to the top, my heart goes into over time when i see the two large black men dressed in navy blue attire, holding big fucking ass guns! We walk clear past them and they don't shoot me, which is a good sign.
He opens a door, it has no windows or glass like the other ones, all i can think about is him cutting my eyes out with those little manicure sissors my mother always use to have in the nail polish basket. The picture of spraying blood fills my head as we enter the room and he pushes me into a lumpy green chair in front of a desk, and goes to another side.
"This is way to much like the God father" i mutter, he hears me but only roles his eyes. "All your things will be moved into a room here. On the conditions that you are still in school, it is manditory that you do not live with your family." I can't help but snort and he looks at me annoyed. "Do you care to elaborate?" I only shrug, not wanting to get into detail, so he continues.
"Before your things get moved in here, you must first become inishiated. Did you think of what task would suit you best?" It's my turn to roll my eyes, and i sigh heavily. I know Sayoran is waiting for an answer even a simple yes or no, but i don't like him very much and i don't want to strain my voice box. Imiture, yes, bitchy, no.
I watch as he arches his eye brow and then groans, "Fine, fine. You can have until the end of the day to decide. I will get you set up with some one to show you around. Probably my cousin." I stand and turn on my heal, stomping out of the room past the gaurds. I hear him call over my shoulder, "Wait at the banquet table she'll be there in less than-" i can't hear him finish because i am already down the stairs to pissed off to hear the things that every one is saying behind my back.
What the hell kind of fuck up have i gotten myself into? It's a gang that has an imature and leadership skill retarted 'master,' and a common room that seems as though it should belond in a book club instead of a gang. None of this makes scense to me. Every one seems so normal, how can they go about killing people having wild sex and enjecting heroin night.
And then it comes to me. Not quickly, like a bus hitting me or anything. More slowly, as i sit down in one of the old wooden chairs waiting for Li's cousin.
These people live behind a mask, probably numuros masks, who knows. They are just like me. Walking, wondering, scared and lost. Hiding and pretending to be some one thier not, because it's just easier than actually putting up a real fight for selfhood or individuality.
You can't hide beautiful,
you can't hide wonderful