Chapter Two: Just You Wait Henry Higgins
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"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feeling, everything's going my way!" Sang out a tall blonde as she threw open the curtains letting the morning sun into the dim room.
"I'll send something your way!" Growled the bed across the room. The woman in it buried her head under her pillow.
"Are you sleeping, are you sleeping, Sister Lizzy, Sister Lizzy?" The blonde said ripping the pillow off the bed.
"Did anyone ever tell you that you have the voice of a songbird slowly drowning in tar?" Snapped the messy brunette head as the woman sat up sharply, then laid back down clutching her head.
"Elizabeth Luciana Bennet it's the first day you're back in town, you can't be drunk!"
"I'm not so think as you drunk I am…" groaned hiding her smile.
"Elizabeth!" Her sister exclaimed in horror.
"Janie! Janie, I'm kidding. You know I hold liquor better than Fort Knocks. I'm not going to be drunk. But I was in town, that means that the gang's gunna want to party. I walked in the door this morning the time I usually leave for work. I now know why everyone is executed at dawn, who wants to live at dawn!" Jane sighed and pushed a stray blonde hair out or her face.
"Now tell me you have coffee." Elizabeth said, Janie shook her head.
"WHAT?" Elizabeth exploded. "For the love of God you're shitting me." Unfortunately Janie wasn't.
An hour later Elizabeth had finished dramatically shuffling around the house, she was now on her ancient bicycle peddling towards the best (and well only) place for morning coffee, Greta Green's.
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Crawling, on the planet's face. Some insects, called the Human Race. Lost in Time, and lost in space... and in meaning.
Don't dream it, be it.
August 21st, 2005 7:02:23 AM CST
Feeling: Tired
Music: Black Coffee; Ella Fitzgerald
The Best Part of Waking Up is Folgers in Your Cup, Damnit
Janie doesn't drink coffee. SHE DOESN'T DRINK COFFEE! She must have suffered head trauma at some point, who the hell doesn't have coffee? First she wakes me up at Seven am, knowing full well that I was out with the gang last night and didn't get in till five, and then she doesn't have any coffee. She doesn't comprehend that I am now on vacation time. I had to go all the fucking way to Greta Green to get a cuppajoe. And everyone was there and they all jumped me. Life sucks. It naturally leaked that I signed for Broadway. I'm excited, but honestly I come back every summer to get AWAY from people freaking out about "How Famous" I am. I am Elizabeth Luciana Bennet. Really. I like being that, it's who I am. So yha everyone freaked out on me. This was even before I had had coffee. Don't fuck with me if I haven't had my Joe for the morning people!
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Hello. This is Liza Bennet's cell phone, Marvin, and I am so depressed. I have fifty thousand times the memory capacity of my owner but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name, number, and message after the beep. Her come the beep, God how I hate the beep. It's so cheery sounding. Beep
Hello, Elizabeth, this is your mother. What is with your voice mail? Is it suppose to be funny? Why can't it be more like your sister's answering machine, it's so sweet and funny. She sings on it you know. Jane always did have a marvelous singing voice. Not that you don't dear, I'm sure some one likes Bea Author after smoking two packs a day for forty years. But your singing ability isn't why I called. You're in town, why haven't you come to see me? You fly to New York for eleven months for some immoral reason. Then you're in town but not doing anything worth whine just working at the bar. The supper club doesn't approve. Why couldn't you been more like Jane - Beep
Liza! It's Gaye. Just calling to tell ya I'll be home soon. Can't wait. Jessie will be flying out few days after me; he's got some crazy huge trial that will be a while. But he promised to make it out for at least a week. Oh and I abso – fucking – lutly love you voice mail, who ever could replicate the very sexy Alan Rickman's voice? Anywayz, love you lots, kisses buh – bi!
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"Janie, what's your answering message?" Elizabeth asked her sister as they sat on the apartment's balcony. The space was small but perfect for mid-afternoon gab fest between two sisters.
"Why do you ask Lizzy?" Jane questioned. Elizabeth gave her a look. "What has she done now?" Elizabeth handed her sister her cell phone. Janie took it.
"It's a slider." Lizzy told her sister after several attempts to flip the phone open.
"I knew that." Janie said finally she got the phone open. "Code?"
"32623" Elizabeth said, her sister's pink nailed fingers typed the code in. Putting the phone to her ear she listened for a second before sliding the phone shut with a snap.
"I'm sorry Lizzy, I---"Jane began, Lizzy cut her off.
"Its okay, Gaye called after that, he's coming next week and Jessie will be coming after his latest trial." Lizzy informed her sister.
"You shouldn't have to put up with that, my therapist says…"
"Can we talk about something else please, like you, lets talk about you." Elizabeth said.
"We always talk about me, what of you. How is the big apple?" Jane replied on the mention of New York she got this dreamy look on her face. Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
"There's nothing to tell everyone's gossiped enough about it all ready dear. Now what of you?" Jane made to protest her sister's less than forth coming answer but stopped herself, in the years that Jane had lived with her sister, all twenty six of them she learned that Elizabeth did not enjoy being talked about all the time or treated like a celebrity, even though she was one. Thus Jane began her chat.
"Classes and school prep are going fine. I'm very excited for this year's crop of students; I have fifteen for mornings and ten in the afternoon."
"Fascinating. Now I heard it on good authority that somebody bought Neatherfield." Jane went scarlet, not a becoming color on her.
"His name is Charles Bingley. He's a lawyer from New York."
"Oh really, Quel est-il aime?" Elizabeth asked leaning forward pressing for information.
"You know I don't speak French." Janie said although she had an idea about what her sister was asking.
"What's he like?" Elizabeth asked again in English this time.
"Oh, he's taller than I am, blonde, blue eyes, Yankees fan. Went to Harvard, Smells really, really, really nice…" Jane drifted off in her thoughts.
"Smells nice, eh? Does my soul sista have a crush on somebody?" Elizabeth teased.
"He asked me out a few times recently, I really like him." Janie said shyly. "I want you to meet him; he promised to be at the bonfire."
"Of course I want to meet him; he needs the Lizzy seal of approval."
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Later that day found Elizabeth again pelting her wicked witch of the west bicycle around town, this time she wasn't heading to Greta's. Her destination now was Lucas Lodge. She soon parked her bike outside a large log building with a slightly faded sign over the door reading: "Lucas Lodge Pub."
"Hello Lottie." Lizzy said to the auburn haired maitre'D. "Popsicle here yet?"
"Yep, in the usual spot with the usual ordered" Lottie replied nodding towards the back by the pool tables. In actuality Lottie's name was Charlotte Anne Lucas, her father, Bill and mother, Eileen, owned the pub. Elizabeth and Charlotte grew up very close; their parents were the best of friends making them best friends as well.
"'Bout time you showed up Lizard!" Elizabeth's father proclaimed as he hugged his second daughter. Elizabeth and her father, Tomas, were the closest out of the family, except for perhaps Elizabeth and Jane.
"Now I want to hear all about New York, no holds barred." Tomas said sitting back in his chair. Elizabeth took a drink of her waiting draft beer before beginning.
"Nothing exceedingly new since last we spoke. New York is still New York, La Boheme is still heaven. Got the pictures back from Marianna and Chris's winter fairy tale wedding, it was beautiful. Fredrick and Anne are getting married, ending their crazy history happily. Gaye and Jessie flew out to see me Opho's closing night; they then took me out after the cast party. It was how they spent their anniversary. And that's about it." Elizabeth said smiling at her father. They chit – chatted for a short time before Lottie came to them barring their usual.
"Double heart attack with cheese." She said placing a double bacon cheeseburger in front of Tomas. Lottie turned and placed a large chicken fried chicken platter in front of Elizabeth announcing, "And a redundantly named fried food. Oh and Benn, when you get a chance talk to Daddy" Lottie told her friend before leaving. Father and daughter attacked their meals and for a time silken was over them.
"New York still treating you well?" Tomas asked after a time.
"Oh yha." Pause. "Is it safe to assume you were the one who broadcast my good news across Iowa?" Elizabeth said smiling mischievously.
"Well why the hell not Lizard, that's big news. Big, big news. Everyone knows you and they all wanted you to succeed." Tomas replied, Elizabeth looked away. "Now I didn't mean that its-"
"I understand Popsicle, I do." Elizabeth said. "You didn't tell mother did you. You never tell her."
"I know you two don't get along, but I love your mama kiddo." Tomas said. Elizabeth repressed her choice words about her mother and remained silent. The conversation died, and didn't fully rekindle even when the girls, the friends, or her dancing was discussed. Finally silence came and was only ended by the squabble for the check at the end of the meal. Tomas won and Elizabeth in toe he went to pay. Bill Lucas was at the counter.
"Betsy! Good to see you girl." Bill exclaimed, he came out from behind the desk and gave her a hug that lifted her off the ground. Soon Eileen was upon her as well. Eileen gave her a large kiss on both cheeks and clucked about her like a mother hen. It took Lottie to rescue her.
"Feeling like you're being pecked to death by chickens?" She asked. Elizabeth agreed and soon the parents regained their composer.
"Betsy, I was wondering if you'd like to do me a favor." Bill said to Elizabeth. She could never say no to him.
"Sure Bill."
"Our second bartender is going back to school and won't be able to work at the bonfire tomorrow. Will you take her shift?" Elizabeth agreed readily, she had always secretly loved bartenders.
"No problem Bill."
"Capital, capital. If you come with your father to set up we'll get you educated."
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Crawling, on the planet's face. Some insects, called the Human Race. Lost in Time, and lost in space... and in meaning.
Don't dream it, be it.
August 22nd, 2005 4:32:12 PM CST
Feeling: Psyched
Music: Dancing In the Street; Martha Reeves & the Vandellas; More songs from the Big Chill
Pyro's Delight, Bonfire Tonight
The bonfire is tonight and I can't wait! I LOVE the pond. Popsicle and I just got done with setting up it was a Menage a trois production. Maria the brain programmed the music in like a second. Henry would shit a brick if he knew. We spent the rest of the set up rocking out to the music, like The Big Chill. Minus Jeff Goldblum, oh well, we can't always get what we want. Can't wait for the fire. But now that I think about it, why did I agree to work? Kicks self
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The bonfire began at sundown officially; the party was now into its second hour when Jane and a tall boyishly handsome man approached the bar. He was blond and blue eyed and was wearing a very 80's preppy outfit. Elizabeth would've mocked anyone else in such a get up but this man seemed to be too nice to be mocked. Instantly Elizabeth knew this guy was perfect for her older sister.
"Lizzy, this is Charles." Jane said, "Charles this is my little sister, Lizzy."
"I'm not that little, just vertically challenged." Elizabeth said as she shook Charles's large hand, he smiled in a very charming manner; it was enough for girls with Jane's preference to swoon and melt.
"It's totally trippendicular to finally get to meet you." Charles said excitedly. Lizzy couldn't help but chuckle as she said,
"Likewise." He was a ditzy Clydesdale but still ubber nice and attractive. Elizabeth decided she could put up with him. Small talk ensued and it was full of eighties and some nineties slang, some appropriate, some that probably should've stayed back in the day. They left when a 'finger bang your date' song came on.
"I'll take a rum and a coke." Elizabeth's shift was winding down as a tall man in a white oxford came up to the bar. Her inner-self's jaw dropped and a thought bubble appeared in her mind full of ways to describe just how attractive the speaker was. Trying to remain as calm as possible she made his drink and gave him the best smile she could as he took his glass. Discreetly she watched they hottie go over a few feet and stand watching the dance floor. After a few Janie's boy Charles approached him.
"This isn't gunna fly Darc, stop standing around like a jackass and dance."
"No." Said 'Darc.'
"Oh please, I've never seen so many pretty girls in my life, aren't you in the least in the mood to dance?" Charles persisted.
"Pretty girls, pretty girls? You my friend are with the only pretty girl in the state. Go back to her and enjoy. Leave me and my drink alone." Darc said, to make his point he took a drink of his rum and coke. Jeez, how did I miss the pole up his ass? Charles was in thought for a moment.
"That's Janie's sister Elizabeth over there at the bar." Elizabeth's ears focused even more on their conversation. "She's pretty and from what I hear a lot of fun. Do you want me to introduce you?" The man with a pole in his ass spit his drink out.
"The bartender? Sorry Charlie but I'm not going to dance with some hippie who mixes drinks at a hometown party. What's wrong with her?" HULK SMASH! Elizabeth thought. She'd show him what was wrong with a nice left hook right to the kisser. Good looking her ass. What a bitch. Doesn't he know the difference between hippies and Bohemians? I might just have to kill him.
After a while Charlotte cam and switched shifts.
"Lottie, I've got a murder plot to hatch." Elizabeth told her friend.
"Partake of my bartender ear?" Charlotte offered. Elizabeth was about to agree when she heard a call.
"Oy Benn!" It was Matt Ethans, a classmate and best friend of Elizabeth's.
"Maybe later Lottie." Elizabeth said noticing the people Matt was with, in particular "Darc."
"Benn!" Matt exclaimed as Elizabeth joined the circle. They embraced, it was slightly difficult, Elizabeth was on the petite side and Matt was on the football/ basketball player side.
"I see you survived the other night." Matt said.
"You should know I can't die." As the group chuckled Elizabeth observed those present. Meg Ethans, Matt's wife was there swollen as ever at seven months pregnant. Janie and Charles were also there with Darc.
"Now Benn, I think you know my wonderful, beautiful wife. As well as your wonderful and beautiful sister." Matt said, Elizabeth concurred that she knew both women all too well. "This is Charles Bingley, the beautiful and wonderful." Elizabeth smiled and waved. "And this is Will Darcy, the—"
"Beautiful and wonderful." Everyone but the man himself finished, the only thing the fuckwit asswhore was finishing was his drink.
"Greetings." Elizabeth said extending her hand. Will took it and Elizabeth smiled sweetly while she squeezed his hand as tightly as she could causing his knuckles to rub.
"Ignore Matt when he says my name is Benn." She said releasing the large hand, Darcy's now hideous face was showing surprise. What thought that all "hippies" were peaceful and never hurt anyone, Bitch? Conversation soon started, the girls gabbed among themselves and so did the men. During the talk she felt eyes upon her. It wouldn't have been Matt; he'd seen her in every way possible. And judging by Jane's blushing Charles only had eyes for her. That left Darcy. What never seen a hippie before? Elizabeth thought. Fuck you prick. She was miffed for a moment as to how she could get fid of his condescending stare. The answer came when the first notes of "Hello, I love you" began.
"Oy Matt, you owe me a dance. My funk repression is killing me." Elizabeth said grabbing him by the arm.
"Benn, now be nice, he comes back to me in one piece." Meg warned teasingly as Elizabeth took Matt to the floor.
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Crawling, on the planet's face. Some insects, called the Human Race. Lost in Time, and lost in space... and in meaning.
Don't dream it, be it.
August 23rd, 2005 4:32:12 AM CST
Feeling: homicidal
Music: Just You Wait Henry Higgins; My Fair Lady, original cast soundtrack
Just You Wait Henry Higgins
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait! You'll be sorry, but your tears'll be too late! You'll be broke, and I'll have money; will I help you? Don't be funny! Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait! Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, till you're sick, and you scream to fetch a doctor double-quick. I'll be off a second later and go straight to the the-ater!
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait! Ooooooh 'enry 'iggins! Just you wait until we're swimmin' in the sea! Ooooooh 'enry 'iggins! And you get a cramp a little ways from me!
When you yell you're going to drown I'll get dressed and go to town! Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins! Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins! Just you wait! One day I'll be famous! I'll be proper and prim; Go to St. James so often I will call it St. Jim! One evening the king will say: "Oh, Liza, old thing, I want all of England your praises to sing. Next week on the twentieth of May I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day! All the people will celebrate the glory of you and whatever you wish and want I gladly will do." "Thanks a lot, King" says I, in a manner well-bred; But all I want is 'enry 'iggins 'ead!" "Done," says the King with a stroke.
"Guard, run and bring in the bloke!" Then they'll march you, 'enry 'iggins to the wall;
And the King will tell me: "Liza, sound the call." As they lift their rifles higher, I'll shout:
"Ready! Aim! Fire!" Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins, down you'll go, 'enry 'iggins! Just you wait! I have never wanted to kill someone so badly in my life (okay my life for the last six months) and I include MY MOTHER in this statement. Who does he think he is? Coming into town like he owns the place. Then to go calling people hippies? Argh. If you don't dance that's stupid, but fine, but don't be an asshole! But noooo that assholiest asshole of all the assholy assholes in the history of all assholy assholes had to be an asshole. He ruined my evening he did, I was having fun playing cocktail, it was going just peachy until he pissed me off. It takes a lot out of you trying to formulate a murder plot. Do you know what he said? "The bartender? Sorry Charlie but I'm not going to dance with some hippie who mixes drinks at a hometown party. What's wrong with her?" and he spit his drink out at the thought. Doesn't he know a bohemian from a hippie? How superficial can you get? I know hookers and drag queens that are less so than him. He has just been placed at the top of my 'to kill' list. THE TOP. Janie says I'm over reacting, but she's got the only pair of rose colored glasses so she doesn't give a damn. Lottie however is the cynical bitch I know and love and she totally agrees with me. And this is a better friend in low places because she has that crazy uncle with all the guns. Muwahahahaha. Just you wait Will Darcy! JUST YOU WAIT!