Chapter Four; I Believe
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I believe that when life hands you lemons you make lemonade, then you find the guy who life handed Vodka and have a party!
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"You can't be serious." Darcy said looking over the morning newspaper. It was a week later, Charles and Jane had spent a lot of time together. Thankfully Lizzy wasn't in the picture; he was in the heat of an emotional war; seeing her again would just add more fuel to the fire.
"Of course I'm serious. Janie's got a cabin and everything, right on the Lake of the Ozarks. She invited you all. It'll be great." Darcy suspected that he and Charles defined "great" differently.
"No way Charles, I'm not going to a lake, ew. I think we all should stay here." Caroline said.
"I don't." Louisa said, "This sounds fun, right dear?" Dick agreed.
"Lizzy will be driving, Janie says she's the only one who knows the way, we'd be SOL without her, that's how—"
"Backwoods that place is." Caroline said cutting off her brother, "you guys go, Darcy and I will stay here." Stay! Abso-fucking-lutly NOT!
"I think I will go with you." Darcy said.
"Well then I should come too, I don't want to be all alone." Gag me with a spoon hag.
"Cool beans, Lizzie will be here at six tomorrow morning,"
"WHAT?" Louisa exclaimed choking on her coffee.
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"Goood Morning! Its 0600 hours! What's the 0 stand for? Oh my God it's early!" The electronically magnified voice of Jane Bennet shattered the early morning.
"Who the fuck gave her a megaphone?" Louisa grumbled holding her head. Neither Lou nor Dick were morning people. Darcy just chuckled and finished his coffee. Soon there came another voice, it was loud enough without help.
"Ya'll better get your asses out here ASAP, or else Janie's gunna sing and we don't need that!" Elizabeth shouted.
"Ey, ey captain." Darcy muttered putting his mug in the sink. There was a general mumbling of obscenities as the rest of the group followed Darcy's lead as best they could in their various states of awake. Darcy, the most awake, was the first one out. Elizabeth was leaning on the hood of a 1964 VW bus.
"Your chariot awaits." She said. With a nod to follow her she led him around the back to help him with his bag. The back of the bus was empty behind the first passenger seat, but someone had stuck two love seats in the space for more passenger space. Elizabeth hopped into the back and stuck his bag in the cargo area, then made to hop out again. Out of a subconscious habit he offered her his hand. She took it; her hand was completely engulfed by his. Even after both her Converse were on the ground he held her hand. She didn't seem to mind though. She was looking up at him. The queer look on her face got queerer as he turned her hand so that it was palm to palm with his. Darcy was able to bend his fingertips over hers. He found that oddly erotic, she was smallerthan him in everyway. They stood like that in silence for a moment. However after that time she broke the spell.
"You have city hands Mr. Darcy; you've been counting money all your life." Darcy recognized the quoted instantly.
"I don't need this working-class-hero crap." He replied. Elizabeth smiled her eyes shown out from under her trucker cap. He could and would've kissed her right then and there but…
"That car is uglier than I am!" Caroline squawked. Elizabeth and Darcy laughed, dropping hands. Darcy rounded the car and found the rest of his group. Dick and Charles returned to the storage with him to help load.
"Good Lord." She exclaimed attempting to more one of Caroline's pink vinyl bags. "I'd hate to see heavy packing."
"Wait there's more." Dick said lifting bag number two into the back.
"Oh God," Elizabeth said, the bus was running out of room. "There's ANOTHER one!"
"Las one I promise." Charles said. After it was situated Charles handed her down out of the back. Darcy felt a twang of jealous that he quashed as quickly as he could. The men and Elizabeth returned to the women of the group, they had finished settling the house.
"Okay, there's shot gun, passenger seat, and two couches." Elizabeth said. "This vehicle was not built or rebuilt for leg room, sorry about that." She then got in the driver's seat and allowed the rest of the group to figure out their own seating. Jane and Charles automatically went in the back and Caroline tried to cling with him. I am NOT spending four hours in a seat with her. Darcy thought and resolutely took shot gun.
"Looks like I'm your co – pilot." He said casually to Elizabeth who was messing with the non-vintage radio.
"You're rather tall; it's probably for the best." She said dryly not looking at him. Her long curly hair was in a thick pony tail sticking out the back of her cap, he noticed that her tiny, delicate hands were attached to thin but extremely well muscled arms. She eventually pulled away from the radio and it began to play Beethoven's "Symphony No. 9"
"Are we all ready?" Elizabeth hollered back at her passengers, Louisa and Dick were directly behind them, Caroline, Charles, and Jane were in the very back. Everyone agreed that they could leave now. There were a few quips about the music made by Caroline, but they were ignored by all and soon the trip began.
Elizabeth was right in saying that the bus was not built for leg room he soon found that his thighs had gone to sleep. In an effort to wake them he jiggled them, his legs falling in time with the last of Strauss's "Pizzicato Polka". Although he didn't see her looking Elizabeth spoke.
"You know the music then?" it was more of a statement than a question.
"My little sister has an affinity for music. She's got me well trained. Although I must say I prefer "Wein, Weib und Gesang" or "Der Zigeunerbaron" from Strauss." He replied.
"She has you very well trained indeed. Now what doesn't this sister play?" She asked. Darcy loved the fact someone was asking about his pride and joy, he felt his chest swell at the happiness about his sister.
"Doesn't play?" That was the only thing that confused him.
"If she has an affinity for music she wouldn't just play one instrument. If you enjoy something to explore all venues." Elizabeth replied. They spoke about Darcy's little sister for a time, about the end of the polka and some of Schubert. Elizabeth's dry manner that had been there when she began the conversation was slowly leaving as she asked questions about the girl. After their conversation died dialogue stopped. After a while Elizabeth leaned forward and fiddled with the stereo again, all the time not taking her eyes off the road. The new song began to play and Darcy watched Elizabeth's giddy display of pleasure at the random choice of the machine. As the singer began the song so did she.
"What is the malted liquor? What gets you drunker quicker? What comes in bottles or in cans? Can't get enough of it, How we really love it, Makes me think I'm a man, I can kiss and hug it, But I'd rather chug it, fill my belly up to here, I could not refuse a, I could really use a, Beer, beer, beer." Elizabeth sang along with animation, bouncing and banging at appropriate times.
"Do you recognize this song?" She asked playing with him. Darcy did in fact, he had been to college.
"Naturally, I'm not that much of a stuffy prick, it was like the fight song, everyone knows it." Elizabeth made a sound that reminded him of a repressed laugh, but he chose to ignore it. To prove his point he joined in on the final part of the song.
"What is the malted liquor, What gets you drunker quicker, What comes in bottles or in cans (beer) Can't get enough of it, How we really love it, Makes me think I'm a man, I can kiss and hug it, But I'd rather chug it, Fill my belly up to here, Golly I adore it, Come on dammit pour it, Do it for me, Brew it for me, Feed it to me, Speed it to me. The most wonderful drink in the world. Hooray!" Both singers erupted in laughter, but as quickly as it started Elizabeth finished. Darcy saw a sort of mask appear over her face and she focused intently and single mindedly on the road. Darcy did the same.
What am I thinking? I can't have any feelings for this woman. She may be pretty but what kind of life does she lead. She lives with her sister and works at a bar? Society hasn't changed much since the Napoleonic era, I couldn't do that. Even though she is funny and charming. And I've heard from Caroline that she has other sisters. Three others. I trust Caroline very little, but even the Hursts agree that the youngest is a slutty little bitch. I can't get involved. Just say NO Fitzwilliam. NO. Darcy thought to himself. And he reminded himself every time that he looked at her that she was a no.
The rest of the trip was like that. Elizabeth still sang along with the music but she was not as lively as she was before. He tried his best to remind himself that it couldn't be. She you are her buzz kill. She's a no. He also pulled a Henry Higgins; Let a woman in your life and your serenity is through, she'll redecorate your home, from the cellar to the dome, and then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you...Let a woman in your life, and you're up against a wall, make a plan and you will find, that she has something else in mind, and so rather than do either you do something else that neither likes at all You want to talk of Keats and Milton, she only wants to talk of love, You go to see a play or ballet, and spend it searching for her glove, Let a woman in your life and you invite eternal strife, Let them buy their wedding bands for those anxious little hands...I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling than to ever let a woman in my life, Let a woman in your life, and patience hasn't got a chance, she will beg you for advice, your reply will be concise, and she will listen very nicely, and then go out and do exactly what she wants! You are a man of grace and polish, who never spoke above a hush, all at once you're using language that would make a sailor blush, Let a woman in your life, and you're plunging in a knife, Let the others of my sex, tie the knot around their necks, I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a woman in my life let a woman in your life, and your sabbatical is through, in a line that never ends comes an army of her friends, come to jabber and to chatter and to tell her what the matter is with YOU, she'll have a booming boisterous family, who will descend on you en mass, she'll have a large Wagnerian mother, with a voice that shatters glass, Let a woman in your life, Let a woman in your life, Let a woman in your life I shall never let a woman in my life. It didn't work, thusDarcy was left with sleep to curb his thoughts. When he awoke Elizabeth was pulling up in front of a small house on a tree lined road.
"We're here." She announced. There was a scuffle to get everything ready to be brought into the house. As Elizabeth and the rest of the crew got out a voice called to them.
"IIIIIEEEEE!" It shouted. Elizabeth smiled and threw her head back and returned the odd greeting. They grabbed their stuff and Elizabeth led the way to the door.
"So Liz, how's life treatin' ya?" The greeter shouted at her. He was standing on his deck with his dog and no shirt.
"Just peachy Ray." Elizabeth replied she leaned against the railing.
"And the company? I heard about your big news! - "
"Ray, I'm on vacation. Talk to me about that, "News" is a four letter word." Elizabeth shouted back. This Ray laughed and replied,
"You speak my language, girl. I'll let cha get settled." Elizabeth waved and headed inside.
"Who was that Bama?" Caroline asked snottily as the door to the kitchen shut.
"Oh, Ray's no Bama; he just lives in a reality that most people just visit." Elizabeth said setting her bags down and moving systematically threw the upstairs opening windows and blinds. "There are two bedrooms up here and two downstairs plus enough hid – a – beds, bunk beds, and inflatable beds to choke a horse." Elizabeth said as she worked.
"Lizzy and I will be sharing." Jane said, as if pre arranged she moved to the stairs with her bags.
"Dick and I will take on of the rooms up here." Louisa said she was obviously anticipating Dick attempting to drink like a normal person again. That left Charles, Darcy, and Caroline to find rooms. Darcy could scene Caroline's thoughts about them sharing a room.
"And Charles and I will share." Darcy said grabbing his friend's arm and hauling him down the stairs.
"You could feel it too, eh?" Charles said apologetically.
"That's why I'm sleeping with you." Darcy replied. The basement of the house was had a low ceiling and seventies wood paneling. Behind door number one was a tiny bathroom it was opposite what made the hall so small, bunk beds. There was only one other interior door. Jane was leaning on the window sill looking through the glass; they could see that towards the back partitioned off with sheets was another bed. Charles and Darcy stood in the door wondering about their next move. It was no doubt going to be an awkward one.
"Maybe we should sleep on the bunk beds." Darcy whispered.
"Make Caroline switch rooms." Charles replied. Jane turned and jumped at the sight of them, startled.
"Oh hi." She said. It took her a second to notice that they were uneasy about rooming in the connected room.
"I guess Lizzy should've told you." Jane said, Darcy noticed the sign over the windows. 'Jane and Lizzy, the goddesses of awesomeness' room.'
"This is your room I take it." He said, she nodded.
"Well roommates never bothered me, hope they don't you." Charles said crossing to their 'room'.
"Oh no. I'm easy." She replied, a blush in her cheeks. Darcy followed Charles with the bags, his mind flying with things to yell at his friend.
Oh no, I'm easy. If this is all to get laid I'll kill you asshole. Darcy's mind shouted at Charles. He dropped the bags and heard the partition being pulled behind him. He caught a quick glimpse of a scowling Lizzy before the vision was completely blocked.
"Everyone does everything just to get laid." He heard her say annoyed. He had to agree but he also felt sorry for Jane, she was just trying to get laid. But if Charles is having sex with Jane where would the other roommate go…?
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From the PDA of F. Darcy
What was I thinking when I agreed to this? She is unsuitable for you Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet is a hippie. You have a public image to maintain. And she will not do. She is a hippie. A hippie who knows Strauss from Schubert and Vivaldi from Mozart. God, its perplexing. She has refined tastes and insight, yet is friends with a bamma, knows the words to the beer song, and talks about a company. Oh the humanity. This is like a movie and I don't have a script.
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The rest of the day was a bust. Everyone kept to a room and said little, even over the off brand stuff they had picked up at a Casey's. Everyone went to bed early.
Fitzwilliam Darcy under every circumstance was an early riser. He was out of the shower by 7:15, dressed with a relocated neck by 7:30. This house was not built for tall people. He mounted the stairs and was tantalized by the sweet yet odd aroma of coffee. Usually he was the first one up for a long time. Elizabeth was in the kitchen, he was taken aback.
"Morning. Hope you slept well." She said. Her hair was in knotted pigtails at the base of her skull and she work John Lennon glasses. It was unexpected and unnervingly attractive.
"Charles hogged the bed." He replied. She laughed and poured him a cup of coffee, then returned to her seat at the table marked by a large mug and comics. He took the business section and his seat at the other end of the table. They sat reading in silence for a time. Then his brain registered a humming sound. He looked up, it was Elizabeth and she was totally oblivious. He recognized the song.
"The Tango; Maureen." He noted casually. Elizabeth's head popped up. There was that queer look again. She suddenly stood up and walked around the kitchen opening cabinets and drawers.
"Can I help?" He asked.
"S'okay. Just gunna make breakfast, I think I'd be safe." She replied crossing to the refrigerator. She opened it.
"Oh."
"Incase you've forgotten, we have no food."
"I see that moto.1" Elizabeth said. She shrugged and returned to the table grabbing the A&E section she sat down again.
"You gunna read this?" she asked.
"Knock yourself out." He replied returning to the markets.
"IIIIIEEEEE!" A voice announced, it was vaguely familiar.
"Door's open Mad-dog." Elizabeth hollered back.
"Can't Liza." The voice said, it was really familiar. Elizabeth moved, but Darcy was quicker. He opened the door and there was Danni bearing a crock pot.
"Fitz-" She began surprised, but she silenced her with a look.
"I'll take that." He said removing her burden.
"Brought you some bisects in gravy." Danni said following Fitzwilliam into the kitchen.
"We were just discussing our mother Hubbard-ness." Elizabeth said nodding to Darcy as she bustled about to start cooking. "That's Darcy by the way." She said Danni just smiled at him. Elizabeth and Danni clucked around the stove and any offer Darcy made they shot down.
"I hate this stuff." Danni quipped.
"That's the city in you talking." Elizabeth replied tasting the gravy. Danni shrugged and poured herself a cup of coffee. Darcy was standing by the sugar and offered her the bowl.
"No thanks, I like my coffee like I like my men; hot, black, and strong." Elizabeth laughed and the girls slapped hands.
The girls worked at the stove and Darcy watched them from the table. Elizabeth wore short cut offs and a tight tee shirt, her legs were amazingly long and toned. His mouth was very dry.
"Good morning." Life returned to hell as Caroline entered. "Who is she?" The bitch asked pointing at Danni who bristled.
"Danielle Maddox." The girl replied tersely.
"And what are you doing here?"
"Who's all over at Connie's?" Elizabeth asked changing the subject.
"Everyone. Down to Chris and Rose, and nobody knows who the hell I am." Danni said, happier than when addressing Caroline, although still not as ebullient as when it had just been Elizabeth, Darcy, and herself.
"Why don't you move in over here, I know who you are." Elizabeth said. Danni laughed and replied that she knew her as well and said she would see. Caroline protested but Darcy agreed.
That afternoon Darcy sat untying the little yellow paddle boat from the aging dock. He had had enough, Charles and have were immersed in their shared world, and Dick was asleep in the shade. Louisa was reading effectively blocking out Caroline, but also blocking out his pleas for help. Elizabeth was adrift out as far as the rope around her ankle would allow. Every once and a while she pulled herself into the dock to refill her margarita glass. Caroline was always with him, clinging to his arm and prancing around in her obscene white one piece that left nothing about her stick skinny body to the imagination. He needed to escape. His only mode of freedom was the dingy. Caroline refused to touch it. Thus he hoped in and paddled out. The bitching from the bitch was drowned out as he paddled, and the exertion was a perfect explanation for why he was breathless as he passed a dozing Elizabeth. It wasn't the fact she was wearing a red bikini top that reviled her toned stomach or the fact that she had the personality to also wear red boy's swimming trunks with it. He was simply winded not in lust. He let his thoughts wander along the lines of her body in more ways than one, and he could've gotten very hot under the collar if he was wearing one. Thankfully he was cooled off by a full blast from a super soaker.
"Sorry!" Danni called swimming over to him as best she could with her water weapon in her hand. She bobbed up and down by the boat and talked to him.
"I was wondering how long it would take you to run." She said.
"What are you talking about? He replied, for a fourteen year old she was speaking to him like a long time friend.
"Me being inside the boat would aid in our tête-à-tête, don't you think?" Danni handed him her gun and pulled herself up on the side of the dingy. It rocked but did not capsize, surprisingly enough. With his help she got into the boat. She was about the weight he expected her to be, not a hardship to lift but no walk in the park either. Once seated in the boat she took off her 'floaty' belt and began to paddle with him.
"Now what do you think of the society in Maryton?" Darcy shot her a look; she wasn't speaking 'American'.
"The society in Maryton?" he replied, noticing his quizzical look Danni blushed.
"Sorry, I'm talking regency aren't I? I finished reading First Impressions and now I can't stop. Any way, what do you think of Iowa?" She shrugged and waited for his response.
"It's not what I expected, thank God, some things are bad, but I've lived through worse." He replied.
"That was cryptic." Danni commented dryly. What was she playing at? He wondered. The question did not bounce around in his head long; she soon came out and said it.
"You met us all at the bonfire, what did you think?" Loaded question.
"It was a nice time, I got to meet Charles' Jane as well as see some of the country side."
"Bull. I know for a fact that you made it clear that you don't dance. Tell me what do you think of Liza now?" Darcy couldn't find words harsh enough to use on himself, someone had heard him and Charles that night.
"I don't dance." He said.
"Truly manly men do NOT dance I take it. I have to warn you, In Iowa, women are more dangerous than shotguns."
"You, ah, heard about that did you?' he asked rubbing the back of his neck.
"I saved you from burning at the stake I think." They turned the boat around and headed back towards the Bennet dock. Elizabeth had pulled herself in for another glass.
"You don't have to wear those trunks Eliza; I know some great thigh shaping exercises that would improve yours." Caroline was saying, Danni choked on laughter and said loud enough for the party to hear,
"At least she's not wearing a WHITE bathing suit." Louisa looked up and hid her laughter, Charles and Jane barely noticed, however Elizabeth did and laughed loudly, the mirth sounding slightly like a dog getting sick. Caroline was too upset to speak, and when she did recover Darcy and Danni were already around the bend and didn't hear her opinion of that "Danielle girl".
"If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass." Danni commented as they paddled. "Or if I spoke like that. Elizabeth has dancer's legs. Hell, she has a perfect dancer's body." Darcy couldn't disagree, nor could he shake the feeling that Danni was inferring all sorts of things from the fact. Elizabeth Bennet did have the body that would make a superb dancer. And from what he had scene she was. They made a return pass by the Bennet dock Elizabeth was stretching on the raft her ass high in the air in 'downward facing dog." Darcy was mesmerized by the sight and forced Danni to snatch the steering to fix their course.
"What a unique device, the human tush." She quipped, bringing his attention back to her and not Elizabeth's butt. "An architectural marvel, one of a kind... actually two of a kind. Designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting, it also has the subtlety to do the samba. And when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when bathing suits are worn can cause some of us to drive our boats straight into shore."
That evening food was in the house and between Jane, Charles, and Elizabeth it was becoming edible. Danni now wearing her normal clothes but still a touch damp was on the floor going through the music collection.
"Liza, when were you hear last?" Danni asked putting a CD back in its case.
"A brief stint of time in the fall, why?" was Elizabeth's reply.
"Just explaining the Chopin, he's not very summery. Fall however is perfect." Danni comment, Elizabeth and Darcy agreed.
"My sister played Waltz for piano No.1 in E flat major for her audition into Julliard." Darcy said proudly.
"I love that one! Your sister is going to Julliard that is sooooo cool." Danni exclaimed turning to look at him.
"Don't let the company hear you say that! TISHieall the way my dear." Elizabeth laughed.
"It doesn't matter, it's all too expensive, daddy doesn't have the money to shell out, and even if he did he doesn't find it a 'real job.'" Danielle huffed; Fitzwilliam sensed her displeasure with her father's sentiments. He understood G would kill him if he ever thought such a thing of the performing arts.
"You play then?" He asked, she was about to answer when Caroline entered the room, noticing that Darcy was talking to Danielle she immediately tried to divert his attention the Chopin CD gave her a topic.
"Oh! Chop-in are we going to listen to Chop – in! I just love Chop – in with the violins." There was a shattering sound from the kitchen as Elizabeth dropped the glass she was holding. Danielle was dumbstruck, as was Darcy.
"That's Chopin. Fredrick Chopin. Show-pin." Danni said pronouncing the name slowly, flabbergasted and amazed that someone was so ignorant. With the violins!
After the Chopin fiasco Caroline went quite and Danni went back to switching music. Darcy sat imagining his sister's reaction to 'Chop-in with the violins.'
"Gumbo YaYa!" Elizabeth announced a short time later, the smell from the kitchen was heavenly and Darcy about floated into his seat. The table was set with a large pot on a pad and martini glasses sporting jalapeños.
"I was in a Cajun mood." Elizabeth said taking her seat on the other side of Louisa who was next to him. Dick was across from his wife, Danni was across from him, Caroline was next to her brother facing Elizabeth and Jane. Dinner began easily enough the Cajun theme was hott indeed, leading all those of drinking age and ability to several martini's. Both Dick and Danni stuck to water. Music drifted around them but was really background until Elizabeth commented on it.
"Danni! Dorian? What did you put in there?" she asked. Darcy stopped to listen, a dark sounding cord sounded and the song ended.
"Dorian, Les Miserables, Jekyll and Hyde, Phantom, and Dracula." Danni replied sheepishly.
"That's not very summery!" Danni simply replied she was feeling gothic, and Elizabeth let it go, blaming the regency she had read. Things passed and "Master of the House" began.
Master of the house.
Master and a half!
Comforter, philosopher
Ah, don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor. Butler to the great.
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse.
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!
"Oh is this Le Miz! I just love Le Miz! The French Revolution and all." Caroline squawked as the song ended. She was prompted to make such a statement by Danni and Elizabeth's hearty sing along with the recording. Fitzwilliam looked at Danni who was about ready to kill.
"Les Miserables isn't about the French Revolution. That was in 1789 through 1799, this takes place in 1832, trying to kill a general." Elizabeth said patronizingly.
"It's the same thing." Caroline said looking at Darcy.
"No its not." Danni said, Caroline turned her attention to the youngest of the group and said,
"This doesn't concern you, little girl."
"Not nearly as much as your hair does." Was Danni's reply in all seriousness. She then returned to her plate muttering, "Condescending bitch." Darcy laughed into his third Martini; he was starting to feel the affects of the alcohol but not too strongly. The rest of the dinner went well, yet again Caroline was too dejected to do anything but sulk into her martini glass and glare around the table.
"I always thought masturbation was the ultimate act of self-absorption." Elizabeth said, she was sitting on the arm of the couch talking to Danni about something or other. But at that line everyone stopped to look at her. "What? I thought it was." She said.
"Aren't you a horny little thing?" Caroline said, she had had a cocktail too many.
"It's not horny. I know horny. I've taken a lecture series on horny." Danni said, she was leaning against the arm that Elizabeth was perched on. Jane made to say something but Danielle cut her off with the rest of her thought. "And yes there is a lecture series on horny." Darcy couldn't resist this new line of questioning, what did she know of it?
"Do you jerk off?" He asked.
"Does a bear have fleas?" Charles replied from the other sofa he was entangled in with Jane, he had had a martini too many as well.
"No, no, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Elizabeth said laughing.
"Does a bear jerk – off?" Darcy replied, during his boat trip with Danni he got the impression that he was a stuffy person in Elizabeth's eyes, a question like that certainly disproved that.
"You know," Danni began, waving her hand absentmindedly and spoke with total seriousness. "I shit in the woods, but I can't jerk – off." Everyone laughed. Jane playfully covered her ears and said,
"Ahhh I didn't need to hear that. That was an over-share."
"Any one willing to continue that, perhaps in a game of truth?" Louisa asked.
"Truth?" Charles asked.
"Lazy person's version of truth or dare, no moving necessary." Everyone agreed. But for different reasons. Darcy wanted more information on the woman that Charles was falling into love with; Elizabeth wanted a better picture of both Jane's dream boy as well as the dream boy's friend.
"You start Lou it was your idea, ask someone." Charles said.
The games began with Jane awkwardly answering the question, 'Who do you have a crush on?' and play lasted until Danni asked Elizabeth about her period.
"I swear, all night this game's reminded me of a fourth grade sleepover."
Darcy went to bed more torn in his emotions than ever. He had seen her body and herd her mind – 'In fourth grade sleepover terms' he had a crushon Elizabeth Bennet. He fell into a restless sleep and found himself in dreamland.
"And now Elizabeth, I have you in my clutches, to have my wicked way with you, the way I want to." Darcy said embracing a scantily clad Elizabeth, she was beating on his chest and struggling.
"No, no, go away, I hate you" Her fight stopped and that queer look in her eyes returned as she looked up at him. "And yet... I find you strangely attractive."
"Of course you do! Beautiful women are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you know it!" Darcy said tightening his grip on her and bringing her pert red lips closer to his own; his black coat swirled around them.
"No, no, leave me alone!" Elizabeth cried, but brought his face to hers in a searing kiss, when they broke for breath she said softly, wispy, "No, kiss me!" He did, yet she trough him away. "No! Stop!" This time he couldn't, his lust couldn't be contained. He brought her to him in every way he could. His lips crashing down on hers and hips crashing as well.
"Yes, yes! Oh, oh, oh!" Elizabeth moaned. He thrust his hips against hers so she could feel his frustration. "Ohhhh, your "helmet" is so big!"
Fitzwilliam awoke from the dream in a sweat. Elizabeth and… Space balls? What did I drink? He looked around, all was quite, Charles was passed out like a dead man. He didn't take liquor well. Laying back down he tried to think about anything else.
The next morning Darcy awoke early yet again. He was a little worn; the liquor and Elizabeth dream slowed him down a bit. He showered and dressed and went up stairs. Both Elizabeth and Danni were up and making breakfast.
"Morning." Danni said greeting him. Her dark mane was reined back in a ponytail and she was still in her pajamas. Elizabeth was also in her pajamas as well, the top was one of those body shirts so it looked like she was in a corset, along with the over grown cover up she wore cloth shorts with lettering across the butt reading 'Hey everyone, look at my ass.' He tried to focus else where.
"Whattaya think of water skiing today?" Elizabeth asked from the stove.
"Sounds fine, I haven't done that in years." He replied. The breakfast conversation was pleasant, Danni kept it that way and Darcy truly enjoyed himself. Jane was the next one up, she didn't look good at all, her martini hadn't agreed with her.
"Morning dear." Elizabeth said, Jane grasped her head and gowned.
"Not so loud." Was the weak reply.
"You okay honey?" Danni asked helping her to her seat.
"Coffee." Was the choked reply. Louisa was the next out of bed; she was incoherent until her second cup of coffee. Till that time she was like Ozzy Osborne – mumbled obscenities, slurred speech, and shuffling about.
"Good morning!" Dick announced entering the room later than morning.
"Eat shit and die." Was all Louisa had to say.
Elizabeth fluttered about the bass boat – a water vestal built for speed. Danni sat in the captain's chair talking with her.
"Oh water skiing, I just love water skiing!" Caroline's shrill voice rang from in the house. Darcy and Jane both looked at each other in pain. They had been attempting to find skis that fit. Turning to Elizabeth Jane spoke seriously,
"You're going to need a bigger boat."
Everyone had loaded into the pontoon boat, something with more room than the bass had to offer. As she drove out she said.
"Since Mad-dog has never skied before, I'm taking to the cove; we can help her up there."
The cove was pleasant and secluded. Elizabeth stopped the boat and Danni hopped out into the water as did Elizabeth – after giving Jane the wheel. Elizabeth hit the bottom and was able to walk, the only thing above the lake, however was the crown of her head. When she resurfaced Darcy called to her.
"Gidget get back in the boat, you won't do her any good. I'll do it." And to prove his point he stepped out into the water and walked over to her, shoulders about the water. Elizabeth stuck her tongue out but side stroked back to the boat. Darcy stood behind Danni and told her what to do. Once her feet were in the skis and the tips were elevated he took hold of her waist and prepared to set her up. She was wearing a modest blue two piece suit that still managed to show her not so toned stomach. He thought that the suit was prefect for a girl her age. Cute but not jail bait. Danni nodded to Elizabeth like a bull rider in the shoot and the boat took off. Danni managed to pull herself up and was on her way with a great war - whoop from more than one person.
"I don't see why she gets a hero's praise. Skiing is easy; I could probably be a proficient at it if I got on." Caroline said to the party around her after Danni's maiden voyage on the skis. Dick and Darcy looked away, Jane and Charles 'didn't hear her', Danni flipped her the bird when she wasn't looking, and Elizabeth gripped the wheel tightly, pretending it was Caroline's neck.
"You're being an asshole." Louisa whispered to her sister mortified.
"That's her name, sir, Asshole, Major Asshole!" Danni said smiling playfully. Elizabeth caught the joke.
"And her friend?" She asked nodding towards Darcy, Danni cracked a smile.
"He's an asshole too sir." Darcy glared at her good naturedly, another Space Balls reference, "Gunner's mate First Class Darcy Asshole!"
"How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?" Louisa asked.
"Yo!" Replied Charles, Danni, Elizabeth, Dick, Jane, and Darcy.
"I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes!"
That evening Darcy sat on the deck reading a book he dug out of the living room. But his mind couldn't keep the page he was watching the dock where as the sun sat music played; 'Seven Seas of Rhye'. Elizabeth and Danni were still on the dock, Elizabeth was frolicking on the dock – leaping and spinning. Danni was doing her own thing and the girls were having a grand time. This was why Darcy found himself gaping down at the tie up. The song was winding down and Eliza started at the water and ran and jumped, she however did something wrong because instead of sticking the leap she fell forward. Darcy imminently popped out of his seat as Danni rushed over to her. Elizabeth attempted to get up but she was more hurt that a lie could cover. Darcy rushed out to the wharf as Danni and Elizabeth made their way up. Danni was carrying as much of Lizzy as she could physically lift. With not a word to either party Fitzwilliam scooped up Elizabeth and carried her with ease up to the house where Charles and Jane were watching from expressing their worry in a nonsensical manor. Darcy carried her into the house and set her on the counter, Danni brought him a chair and Jane found the first aid kit. The first order of business was looking at her hands. They were scratched up and bruised but not particularly bloody. He was about to hand her off the counter when he looked down, there was blood on the floor; it was rolling off her foot.
"Shit!" he exclaimed.
"What?" Elizabeth cried looking down. Darcy wrapped his hand around her ankle; he literally was able to meet his fingers all the way around. She was tiny, ridiculously so. And sticking out of her right foot was a chunk of wood. Darcy's mind was in full doctor mode as he began to tend her foot. He didn't even notice the fact that the splinter he pulled out of her foot was more of a log. After he bandaged her he handed her down gingerly he realized the size of her foot. She stepped cautiously on her foot, it was a little tender.
"How long till healed?" she asked; now they could tend her hands.
"Depends, a week or two. I wouldn't suggest driving tomorrow. Fact, I won't let you." Darcy said cradling her hand as he cleaned it.
"What are you, a doctor?" Elizabeth jested.
"Actually, I am." Was his dry reply.
"Poker anyone?" Danielle asked producing a deck of cards and chills. Everyone was now inside, the sun was down. Elizabeth and Darcy agreed, as did Dick and Caroline. Does she not have a mind of her own? Darcy thought trying to sit as far away from her as he could. The game began and soon a betting patter was established, everyone doubled, no one really cared, they just always doubled. Darcy observed this.
"The double up poker player, twice the size in everyway."
"He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker" Elizabeth said in a Scandinavian accent as she arranged her cards.
"That goes without saying." Darcy replied the dialogue was very familiar.
"Voof." Danni interjected.
"He's very popular."
They had been drinking again and Darcy had to help Charles into bed. When he returned to the living room Elizabeth and Danni were entangled on the sofa both in their pajamas. They were watching a black and white film.
"What's this?" he asked coming and standing behind the couch.
"I don't know." Elizabeth said staring at the TV.
"What's it about?" Darcy tried again.
"I'm not sure." Elizabeth replied.
"I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." Danni said, Elizabeth concurred. Neither had looked at him yet.
"Like what?" Danni sat up and looked over at him her glasses down her nose.
"You're so analytical." She said before lying back down and waving her hand at the movie. "Sometimes you have to let art... flow... over you." The man on the screen in the hat spoke.
"Springen sie zeit fur Hitler." He said.
"Is that German!"
The next morning Darcy woke extra early, he didn't think it was best for her to be driving on her foot that freshly injured. He would drive; she could like it or leave it. Walking through Elizabeth's room was the only way to the hall and his eyes were drawn to the bed. Jane was looking peaceful and gorgeous, sleep didn't take anything away. In fact it only seemed to add to her innocence and sweetness. Elizabeth on the other hand was sleeping like she lived. Sprawled out, her mouth was open and she had definite gravel to her snore. Like an angel… with sinus trouble. He was drowning in emotion and could not reach the storm, for the best he crept to the stair and contemplated breakfast.
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From the PDA of F. Darcy
Back from Deliverance. It was utter hell. Where should I start? Uh,
First The bitch can now add unholy to her name. She didn't want to go but did. And her bathing suit was hideous. White! White bathing suit and always with me! She tried to impress me, but the only thing it did was make me laugh. She actually said Chop-in and the violins. She was terrible to Danni, the high schooler from the plane.
Danni – she was there. And she knew a lot. While a great ally against the (unholy) bitch she was also Lizzy's advocate.
Lizzy. God, Lizzy. She's utterly stunning. Funny too. God, celibacy is killing me. Charles' happiness with a Bennet makes me crave one too. NO! Elizabeth is her own person. A hippie, I'm in lust with a hippie. No. I'm in love with a woman who is smart and cultured. More like a bohemian. I'm in love with a bohemian. But it could never work. I mustn't do that to any party involved. I will get over this. She slept on the way home, head thrown back. She probably needs a massage. Oh I'd love to giver her one. I can fit my hand around her ankle. She's so small. Stay strong Fitzwilliam, no matter how beautiful and unique she is, she is a no.
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1 MOTO – Master of the Obvious
A/N Longest chapter I think. Hope nobody's too utterly confused yet. Thanks for reading!