A/N: Thanks for reading!
. . . . . .
Here's how you know if your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive, it's not.
~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~
Legolas slammed the door shut and walked around the front of the car.
"Open the stupid thing." Kris fumbled in the dark. Her fingers were on fire. They burned cold and hot, and she could barely see in the black, underground garage. "Unlock it!"
"It is unlocked." Legolas grimaced, yanking the door open.
She blinked stupidly, before sliding out on legs she could barely feel. "It…it must've been stuck."
Legolas stepped off the curb. "Yes." He agreed dryly, "I'm sure." Before reaching to grab her around the waist.
"No!" Kris stumbled, wincing on her bruised leg. "Leave me alone. I c-can manage."
"Stop it, Kristy."
"You stop." She just managed to stay upright. "I said I can manage, and I can."
"Kristine," he snapped, losing patience. No, that wasn't true. He lost every last trace of that patience long ago. But he fought to reign it in again.
He moved close, so close she had to back up against the car. "You will listen to me," he said quietly, next to her ear. So close her breath sped up. "The power is out in the building again. You are so cold you can barely stand. It may be frostbite. You are injured, and I know not how. You will obey me now."
She narrowed her eyes, fuming at the floor. He was right.
"Come…" he said more gently. He dropped his head, searching her eyes, and his fingers found her chin. "Do not worry about Roger. He will not see you tonight."
"Says who?" she snapped.
And Legolas frowned, before picking her up with a grunt. Legolas pushed the door shut with his elbow, looked at her a moment, and his grip tightened. "Says I."
Twenty-five flights up, Kris couldn't believe he wasn't winded. Legolas climbed up the last step with her in his arms. Either that or his breathing was so fast before, she couldn't tell.
It didn't matter. He had no right to do this. Who'd he think he was? He thought he had a right to order her around. And he was hundreds…maybe thousands of years older than her. She couldn't even protest. He was damn right and he knew it.
Stupid elf.
It was bitterly cold. And she was numb. Kris couldn't feel her face anymore, and in the tiny, emergency back-up lights strung down the hall, she held onto Legolas' neck in both arms. His breath warmed her nose and her cheeks.
She pulled him closer, clung to him like a child and helped support her weight in his arms. She loved and hated the position he put her in. She closed her eyes, resting her head against him in the dark.
"How is she?" a voice broke the hush.
Legolas' throat rippled against her face. "Cold. Get me blankets, please. Stir the fire."
"- I'm fine."
But he didn't listen, and Kris didn't mind.
Kristy struggled to move her sluggish fingers. They were sluggish and stiff. Estel was there, examining her hands. Firelight lapped and licked at the dark walls.
"Please…really, I'm fine." She mumbled, "I j-just wanna blanket."
But she got more than that. A dark, velvety quilt wrapped around her tight. Legolas struggled to pull off her coat and when she was stripped to a spaghetti-strap camis, the only dry thing on her, he joined her under the blanket, pulling her close. Kris grimaced. It felt good in a suffocating, boiling kind of way. She was cold, and still so hot.
"Where is Tauriel?" he asked.
Dammit.
Estel touched her ankle carefully, and she refused to wince. The pain was better now.
"I do not know." He murmured as he did, "She was outside with the dog when the marine called."
Good. That means she didn't know what happened.
Kris reluctantly tucked her head under Legolas' chin, feeling exhausted and a little bitter. That would be all she needed. Tauriel knowing how incapable she was. The elf probably never slipped on a patch of ice in her life.
"She was out running," Legolas muttered in explanation.
Probably never even tripped.
"Does Mirkwood have ice?"
Aragorn didn't answer, instead pushing her pant leg up and feeling for fractured bones. Legolas ignored her too.
"Estel…Is it serious?" he asked instead.
"Of course not."
Kris blinked, a little surprised. Estel's voice was quick and irritated.
Legolas noticed it too. "What is wrong?"
Aragorn placed a hand on her knee, wrapping a strip of white bandage from the bathroom around Kristy's ankle. Legolas' body sheltered her from the fire's raw heat, but it lapped and soaked through the blanket. "Nothing."
He sat up straighter. "There is. Tell me."
"Do not worry so!" he hissed, lifting flashing gray eyes. "You are like a maternal grandmother."
Legolas recoiled a little. And Aragorn glanced down apologetically. "She is fine, mellon. Believe me. It is twisted some, and bruised, that is all. She will be walking again in a day or two."
"Thank you," Kris mumbled, still feeling a little taken-aback.
The dark, haunted expression in Estel's gray eyes wouldn't leave her head. And they both knew it was there.
. . . . . . .
"Thank god Krissy." Roger's voice broke through the phone. "I was so worried when you didn't show! Why the hell didn't you call?"
"Um…I forgot my phone," Kris answered, curled up in the couch. She wished Legolas wasn't so close to the phone. But his chin rested against her head, and she was enveloped in his arms and deep folds of blanket.
"Why didn't you let me pick you up?"
Kris shifted uncomfortably. Tauriel came out of the bathroom, rubbing a towel through her wet hair, and she paused to listen. It made her feel even worse. She knew all about it. It was inevitable that the captain would find out, of course… Legolas saw to that. But it didn't help.
She was perfect.
"I don't know. I wasn't thinking."
Tauriel half-laughed, watching them huddle in the corner of the couch. Tongues of firelight lapped at the walls and his face. She'd never seen Legolas so content. But that seemed to change at Rogers' next words.
"Tonight?" Kris repeated, Legolas blinking his attention back. "Coffee?" she said as Tauriel disappeared into the bedroom. "I-I don't really know. It kind of hurts."
Legolas jumped and slipped a hand over the speaker. "Tell him no," he whispered quickly.
Kris batted his hand away.
"I don't know, Rog. Laura's pretty busy these days with…with her husband. Can I think about it?"
Kristy's family…He wanted to visit her family? Legolas refused to let that happen.
"No." Legolas whispered into her ear, "Tell him no. You want to stay here."
Kris grimaced, trying to shuffle back from him. But she was trapped against the deep armrest and Legolas tightened his grip on her. "Please Kristine." He said and then, when she started stammering something into the phone like 'How about a movie? Up here?' …Legolas reached down and nipped her ear.
"Rog!" Kris hissed, feeling her heart skip and jump in her ribs. "- Yeah, it's my neighbor Luke. You know: the creep. I'm sorry. He just won't leave me alone."
Legolas almost smiled, because she lost her breath. So very easy. He inhaled. She was cuddled impossibly close under his arm. She felt good there. He could handle this.
Carefully, gently, he traced the outer shell of her ear with his lips. Stay, Kristy. Please stay.
Was it just two hours ago that he was driving dark streets? Blind, searching, crazed with worry for this creature? His entire body enveloped her, lending her warmth. She felt so small.
He snaked an arm around the back of her head, leaned forward in the cushions. He combed her hair back from behind, using the tips of his fingers.
"Is-is there any reason you can't call her for that?" she managed to say, pushing a hand up against his chest. She shook her head 'no' at him, as if that could stop it.
Legolas smiled. He knew her hand was to keep him back, but it only upped the prize. He pulled her closer, readjusted himself to nuzzle through the waves of soft hair tucked behind her ear. And he took her ear gently between his teeth. Kris flinched. She struggled to push him away, but he just grinned. He nipped her playfully. Seductively.
"Don't go with him, Kristy. Stay," he breathed into her ear, sinking a faint, generous kiss in the sensitive spot just under her ear.
He spent the last two hours keeping her warm. The heat was out in the apartment again. But he'd keep her hot all night if it kept that Marine from buzzing around.
Kris ignored him. "It's a little late for that. Isn't it too long a drive? -Stop!" she told Legolas. Kristy slid her knees up in a defensive position. But Legolas got his legs beneath them. He was on his side now, playing with her hair. "-No! No, not you Rog."
Legolas lifted his legs under the blanket, so she was practically in his lap, and he smiled at her. Gods, she felt good. So warm, so incredibly real and-he felt around her waist with one hand-firm. Legolas made a soft noise of pleasure, and he slowly buried his mouth in her neck. He parted his teeth...
"Rog, I gotta call you back!" Kristy gasped as Legolas sucked. "I-I-I'll let you know, I swear!" she squeaked. "Just gimme a minute."
Legolas' kiss became a chuckle and he laughed against her neck. "You want to stay. Don't you." It wasn't a question.
Kris gasped again and gulped. Oh, the feeling was incredible. Indescribable. She squeezed her eyes shut, in fury or pleasure he didn't know, inhaling sharply. Legolas was kissing down her neck.
He should have stopped now. He could have…and yet he didn't. He was stirring, becoming alive. He was determined, and aroused at the same time. He was treading dangerously close to something…something he wanted and yet didn't.
"You shouldn't have left this morning, Krissy." He echoed Rog's name for her. Legolas had to do this. He had to and he wanted to. Badly. His hair fell into the blanket and he slid down. Legolas caressed her chest with the side of his face, pushed himself up against her. Her lungs rose and felll, and he felt the swell of her breasts dangerously close to his mouth. So soft, so smooth, like warm silk.
He murmured, "I didn't like that."
"I…don't know what you mean."
The shower was on in the bathroom. Tauriel braided her hair in the bedroom. Legolas knew he was safe.
He reached down, gently slipping a hand down her thigh so he could push one knee lower than the other. He slid his between them. Then he used that leg to pull their hips together. Oh. That felt good. Legolas sat up a little, slowly, and he trailed unhurried kisses up the side of her throat.
"You know very well what I mean."
"Legolas…I want to get out!" Kristy squirmed. "Let me go. I don't need you anymore. I-I'm warm enough."
"Oh be still," he whispered and she went lax under him, panting. Legolas knotted a hand through her hair and pulled it back firmly. "Tell me you really want to go." He said breathily, daringly. He kissed her again, pulling her head back gently to reach her throat. "Tell me you want to leave."
"I wanna-" She blinked furiously at the ceiling, clamping her mouth shut in protest. But it was so dark in the apartment. He was so close…so close his scent filled her lungs: pines, smoke. It was intoxicating.
"I want-" she couldn't finish.
Legolas eased her chin to the side, soaking in the new position. She felt so vulnerable like this. So irresistible. He parted his teeth and slid his tongue up the edge of her throat. He felt her gulp, lose her breath. He slid it even slower along her collarbone…a long, lingering caress. He inhaled deeply. "Tell him, Kristy."
"Tell him w-what?"
Legolas almost smiled. She wanted to play this game. He could play.
"Tell him you're staying. With me. Tell him now."
And suddenly, the bathroom door opened. Kris let out a gasp. Legolas jerked his mouth out of her neck and looked up instantly. She blushed and she wanted to push him away. But deep under the velvety blanket, she could barely even move, much less get out.
"Roger might be coming up!" Kristy burst out to Estel. "I-I think you guys should spend the night downstairs. Can you all go, please?"
Estel glanced at Legolas, surprised, and the elf grimaced.
This wasn't supposed to happen.What was all that for? She couldn't even breathe! Didn't that mean anything?
There was warning in Aragorn's eyes, and he said carefully. "The Marine? …Why?"
"He just wants to watch a movie or something," Kris explained quickly. Under the blanket, her hands were braced up against Legolas' firm chest, keeping him back desperately. "Rog shouldn't be seeing you guys here, not b-before you can find some way back. It'll be fine, I swear. Reiner's apartment is empty. I watch his fish for him. The door is unlocked. Just to be safe, you know? I'm sure he wouldn't mind."
Aragorn nodded slowly, letting his unsettled glare flick Legolas' way. "Very well. We will go. Legolas, are you coming?"
"I'll stay a little longer," he said, feeling angry blood crawl up his neck. He was failing. She was cold and she was reaching out to Roger. This couldn't be happening. Didn't she understand? Couldn't she see him?
Apparently not.
"Go without me," he growled softly, staring at Kristy in the dark.
Kris watched Tauriel follow Aragorn out, throwing a wary, unsettled glance over her shoulder. Shenzie was on her heels, and the door latched shut quietly behind them.
"No," he said, very quietly. "No, Kristine."
"See!" she burst the instant they were gone, turning to him.
Her eyes flashed just like this morning, wet with snow and so wild. Legolas blinked. Alive. Energizing. And he leaned closer. Her lips were swollen from the cold, but parted and inviting now.
"That's your problem." Kris bit out as he examined her lips. "Do this. Do that. You don't own me. Don't you get it? Look at you!" She struggled violently under him to get away until Legolas leaned back, letting her have some space.
A cold gust of air rushed between them and Kristy shivered. "You never ask anything!" She kicked the blanket down with her good leg.
Ask.
"You want me to ask?" he snapped. That flare in her eyes was electrifying. It made his blood rush savagely and he felt stirred. "Is that what you want, Kristine?"
"If you weren't a damn prince and got everything you wanted anyway, you wouldn't even survive!"
Legolas felt a sting. He shouldn't. She was upset. She wasn't thinking. But it did.
"You can't give me one good reason to hate Roger, Legolas. You-" She broke off, and she struggled to get up. But instead of letting her up, Legolas shoved back and sat on his heels, pinning her legs between his muscled thighs. She glowered.
"He doesn't have your best interest in mind." He snapped suggestively, "How about that?"
"Like I should believe that?" she said, pulling uselessly. "I've known him since the eighth grade! How long have I known you? That's not a reason!"
So much for that.
"A reason? You want a reason?" And before Legolas could stop himself, he tilted his head. "What if I'm jealous?"
She stilled instantly.
"Yes," he said, feeling the anger burn hot and real. It was a relentless, cavernous fire. This tactic was satisfying. It was maddening…and satisfying. And it was working.
"J-jealous?"
Legolas stared at her, breathing quickly, before hurriedly releasing her legs. He leaned forward, braced on his knees and grabbing the leather rest behind her, pinning her there.
"Jealous." He tasted the word, like he tasted her. And he liked it. "Envy. Anger. Jealousy." he rolled the words off his tongue like a caress.
Kris couldn't breathe.
"You want one reason? How about three?"
This wasn't happening. Kris leaned back and lifted her chin, trying in vain to rip her eyes from his blue fire gaze. They were dark, hooded. Fathomless. They were Legolas and so enchanting she couldn't breathe.
"I don't want him to have you," he whispered. Legolas lifted a hand, and his fingers shook when they stroked her. He touched her throat with his thumb, remembering how that skin tasted…warm, sweet. Gods, it was exquisite. And he imagined Roger on it. He pictured her shutting her eyes, touching him, sighing in pleasure as his tongue caressed her.
The thought made him want to kill.
"I want you," he said instead, fiercely. "For myself."
Kris was frozen.
"I want you," he said, pressing closer. He was going to kiss her…seal it. Make her safe. Not out of anger, or frenzied impulse. He looked over her face, watching her eyes widen and dilate in the faint light. He whispered, "…so badly."
Kris grimaced.
"And I'm asking," he said breathlessly.
Nothing.
"Will you let me?" Legolas hovered in front of her, waiting. And suddenly, Kristy clapped a hand over her mouth… and she sneezed.
Legolas flinched.
"I'm sorry!"
Legolas blinked.
"I…I'm really cold," she admitted in a rush, breathing fast.
"You're-" he sighed.
Oh dammit! Of course she was cold.
Legolas felt behind himself and yanked the blanket over them both in frustration. He pushed the heat of his body up against hers and captured her face in his hand.
He was declaring passion and she had to sneeze. Of course she'd sneeze.
But there was more. Legolas felt it in her pulse. He dragged his cheek across hers, caressing her face with his. This was how to do it. Yes, she was cold. But she wanted him too. He knew it now as he enveloped her body in his.
"You're really warm." She pressed her fingers up against his chest. The heat radiated off him and she curled her hands into fists.
"Come here." He felt between their bodies and captured her hands. Then he rifled them up his shirt where it was warmer yet. He pushed his bare chest down on her hands.
"Oh dammit," was all she choked. His chest was all hard, lean muscle. His skin was so warm it burned.
"And stay there," he commanded. Legolas remembered her words, and he reworded his request. "Tell him, Kristy. I mean…please."
He took a deep breath of her and pressed his mouth into her neck. Her fingers were like ice against his skin. Why was it so exquisite? This was a duty, not a pleasure. He had to do this to protect her, to keep his friends safe. So why did he let these sensations affect him like this?
Stupid, carnal human body.
"Will you?"
"What the hell do you want me to tell him?" she managed, as he nuzzled her neck with his cheek. His panting breaths filled the blanket. She felt it gust down her bare chest. And it made her fucking crazy.
Legolas felt down her body, searching for the discarded phone. "Where is it?" he said. The wave of fresh air should have helped. His senses should have cleared a little.
They didn't.
"Tell him to stay where he is. Tell him you are tired. Tell him anything!" He found the phone under her legs. He could have worked around her thighs, but he went through.
She was defiant.
"Why should I? Because you want me to?" she asked. "What are you gonna do to me if I don't? Ignore me again? Shout at me?"
Legolas grimaced. He glanced over her face in the semi-dark, the hot flames lapping at her skin. It reflected in her eyes. It made her skin warm perfection. It danced on the walls like a lovers' caress.
"Kiss me," he whispered. Slowly, tentatively…he touched his mouth to hers. In the same moment his fingers curled into her thighs.
Shit. Kris jolted, a sharp noise of surprise in her throat. Legolas felt between her thighs, taking his time, feeling, exploring, and felt a surge through his groin. He found the phone, but he didn't come back up. He didn't feel like it.
"I-" she whispered and he kissed the other side of her mouth, relentless, gentle. Insistent. Kristy clutched at his hair and yanked him closer, scratching the back of his neck gently. "I-I don't know what to do," she panted. "It feels like I'm dying without you. Don't you understand?"
"I understand." He said without thinking, "Let me give it to you."
He wasn't thinking. He was feeling. He should never have kissed her; he should never have had the freedom of this. Undercover, he groped and felt every inch of her, caressing. She lurched and kissed him more insistently.
"Your jeans are so tight," he said breathlessly.
She ran her hands up his back, let him caress his tongue against hers. It was a fight, a constant struggle. She pushed him away like she didn't want him. Then she was locking her leg around his hips and encouraging him to thrust his growing arousal into her belly, and he was going mad.
She clutched his back and he felt her fingers nails dig into the muscle. She was touching him, just as insistently and it made him work harder, burying his lips against her throat. Gods, it felt so good.
Her hands found the waist band of his jeans, slid lower. When she ran her palms down the hard lines of his abs, across his pants, he didn't even think before pushing his erection into her palms. His teeth left a mark in her neck and he was feeling his threads snap one…by…one…
When one of his hands found her breasts the threads snapped faster. She was doing exactly what he needed with her hands and he broke away long enough to get her shirt out of the way. He tugged the neckline down under her breasts; she was panting. He stared breathlessly.
"Sweet Eru," he mumbled. "You are so..." he didn't finish. His throat seized up. Gods.
The only thing he could do is drop his head and use his mouth for more useful things than talking. Beautiful. She was fucking beautiful.
The more fervent he became, the louder Kristy's panting got until she was growling and it made him wild. She arched her back into his mouth. He'd never driven a woman mad like this. This was happening. He wanted her. He was with her now, not Roger. He needed her. So fucking badly—
And suddenly, their lovemaking came to an end.
"No," Kris burst out and she gasped, "Stop."
Her hand ripped out from his pants, leaving him gaping and Legolas let out a grunt. He didn't mean to. He pulled back with a gasp. Sweat broke off his forehead and he pulled away, letting her top slide back into place.
"I'm sorry…" Legolas choked.
He raked a hand violently through his hair.
She struggled back. Legolas looked up wild-eyed. "Damn you!" she hissed, and she clambered out from under him.
Legolas fumbled to get himself under control, unable to pursue her yet. Then he staggered off the couch and chased her. "Kristy, wait!" He wanted to apologize.
What had he done? He wanted to grab her and burst that it was alright… Everything was alright. He was sorry. But she dashed into the bedroom and Legolas slammed face-first into a door.
She was swearing violently.
"Kristy!" He pounded on the door and jiggled the handle. It was locked. "Kristy, you don't understand."
"I understand perfectly." Came her voice.
Legolas shook his head, pushing all his weight against the door. It was useless. He grimaced, before crushing his face to the cold, smooth wood.
Damnit.
What did she think of him? That he wanted a mistress or an empty lover? It wasn't like that… It wasn't what she thought. He knewit wasn't. And-and he couldn't think of what it was.
"Kristy, you have it wrong." He tried weakly, still breathing fast. His body was still in overdrive. "Please forgive me. I...I know we shouldn't. I wasn't thinking."
"Shut up! My God, just shut up." She spat through the door and hit something: the bedpost. He heard it. He heard her muffled, angry noise of pain too, and he couldn't think of what to say.
He wanted to shove the door open, look at her hand and be sure it was alright. Then, he'd capture her face in his hands and stroke her hair. He'd apologize a hundred, a thousand times for instigating it. Precious thing…he wanted to cradle her in his arms and tell her how he felt.
He didn't know how long he held onto the doorframe, swaying, hoping she'd crack the door open. Hoping she'd slip into his arms and he could hold her like he'd done…so many times, living here. He didn't appreciate it. He didn't appreciate her.
It was always like this!
Goddammit.
Legolas grimaced, resting his head on the door.
Oh, how he longed for his woods…his world, all the time. But he was so caught up in his own world he couldn't focus on anything else: anything else important. He was losing her. He knew it. He was scrambling onto the last scraps of what they had and he was losing her! With his own stupidity, his issues and his games, he was pushing her away.
He appreciated the trees. He loved them, longed for them with every fiber of his soul. And the sky, his memories of home, a better life…What were they without Kristy? He didn't know. He didn't want to find out.
"Kristy…" he whispered softly. "Kristy. Don't do this to me. Please."
But she hadn't. He did it to himself and he knew it.
. . . . . .
Legolas didn't know how long he was in the hall, leaning on the doorframe. He was waiting, hoping. Minutes or hours, he didn't know. But when he was so tired and so miserable he wasn't even thinking anymore, not cursing himself, just…waiting, a snapping sound came from within.
Legolas blinked, lifting his head.
A moment later, the door unlatched and Kristy stood there. With a suitcase.
Legolas breathed, looking between them quickly. She stared straight through him as if he wasn't there. Her hair was tangled and falling into her face. It looked like she'd cried.
Legolas reached up slowly, hesitantly, about to lift it away. But she flinched and he withdrew.
"I'm leaving," she mumbled.
"Kristy…"
She didn't move: an empty shell, a cold husk of what she was a minute or an hour ago.
"I'm going to Laura for the weekend." She said even quieter. "I can't take this anymore."
"…This?"
She dropped her head. "You."
Legolas felt his heart constrict. It was a small, sharp sting, but he didn't answer.
"I can't take you," she repeated, as if dead, breathing quietly.
"I see."
"I..." he trailed off, feeling hollow. What could he say? What was there to say?
And slowly, Legolas shifted back. He nodded a little, and let her walk slowly past. "I understand."
Kris got her coat out of the closet and put it over her arm. He couldn't stop her. He didn't want her to think he wished to.
The door was like an empty vat, going to swallow her up. Legolas knew it. And he turned, watched her leaving with a desperation that clenched in his best.
No. Don't go. But she was. Kris pulled the lock open and made to walk into the dark hall.
"Kristy," he said quickly.
She froze and he hesitated. But he couldn't stop the words from pouring out of his mouth. "Don't hate me," he said.
She collapsed sideways against the doorframe, as if deflated. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. Why was everything so hard? Every look, every move, every smile and warm irresistible thing he whispered…it was like torture.
Legolas strode across the room and took her by the shoulders. "You cannot walk all that way on your injury."
She didn't answer.
"Let me," he whispered gently, and when she didn't protest, he hesitantly pulled her legs out from under her.
Kris didn't complain as he carried her and the bag to the cold, windy street. It was bitterly cold out. Legolas got her to her car and set her down in the dark, wet garage. She swung the door open, fumbled with the latch as if she couldn't stand even his presence…like it did something to her.
"Kristy," he said and he caught her in his arms. "I'm sorry. I don't know what we were doing. Our situation it's...I-" He broke off.
Kris looked down. How could she hate him? She never told him what he meant to her. It was her fault and she knew it. She was making their relationship difficult. No, impossible.
Kristy sighed.
Legolas hesitated, before he pulled her to his chest so, so gently she could only exhale a relenting breath. Legolas enveloped her in his arms, knowing she would go to her sisters'. He wasn't trying to stop it. He didn't have to worry about Roger now, anyway…at least for a day or so.
And the guilt for doing what he did to her these past two weeks crashed down on him. He didn't know what he was doing. He played a game that…that he didn't understand. No rules. No boundaries.
And worse, he didn't know what it was doing to them. He should have found a way, a different way. Not this. It was crushing them, the little time he had left here on Earth. But he knew one thing. He'd put it back together.
"Sweet thing, you're more precious to me than daylight," he said, flinching at his own voice. It was cracking and hoarse. He hugged her tighter. "Never doubt it."
Kris trembled against him and he rubbed her shoulders. She felt so tiny, so vulnerable. How could have he done this to her? Deliberately pursuing her, making her want him, only to run back to Arda with his tale between his legs?
It was like a knife in his chest. It would destroy them both if she ever knew. He didn't want to be broken. He didn't want to push her away. He wanted her to be here. Always.
What an idiot he'd been. He couldn't play this game.
They only had a little time left. They would find a way back. They'd part forever. And then he'd let her go because he had to. He had to.
Legolas grimaced. He stroked her back, resting his head on hers, burying his face in her hair. "I don't know what I want from us…Kristy," he whispered.
Kris started to pull away, making a suffocated noise in her throat. But he yanked her back.
"No, not like this." He kissed her hair, knotting his hands in it. "Please…"
Kristy and he lived in two different worlds. This was all they had left. And-and he wanted more.
He realized it like a sudden crash of cold waves. He wanted more, and he couldn'twant it. It was hopeless. Worse than hopeless. It was idiocy.
Estel would find a way home; he knew it. Legolas had a war to fight. It was a fight that none of them would survive. He'd breathe his last out there somewhere, some battlefield, bleeding and alone maybe. He'd never see her again.
The thought made him sick.
But he'd be…with Tauriel, for a time. That should make him happy. She was his oldest and dearest friend, after all, apart from Estel. Memory of her was like a gust of warm breeze…a time so long ago that was innocent and happy. But that's all she was, he realized. Memory, bittersweet like the lonely sound of an ocean.
Kristy was here. Kristy was now.
Legolas opened his eyes and snapped his hands into fists, shocked.
"I love you," he gasped out loud. In Sindarin so she wouldn't understand, he spat the words out like a curse, "Oh…how I love you, precious thing."
She held his beating heart in her hands and they were one. She made it start and made it stop. The sun rose, skimmed across the horizons, sunk in an ocean of pink and purple… for her. Legolas held her in his arms, feeling terrified and alive at the realization.
The moon was her eyes and all the stars, all the chatter of his trees couldn't compare with her laugh. She was everything. She was…she was –
"- my love."
When she pulled away and slammed the door shut, Legolas staggered back and watched the silver car disappear in the night. He saw it and it wasn't Kristy retreating to her sister for a time. It was a glimpse of what would be.
He saw the raw, open portal and felt wind. It was him, looking into wet, blue-green eyes for the last time. It was a realization that made him sink to the floor. It made him grab his knees, utterly shaken, gasping for breath.
It was coming. He could feel it. Every nerve, every fiber burned it into his bones and he knew the time was coming. He was going to say goodbye.
Legolas grabbed the wet floor. Not a memory, not a child's crush. A love so deep and real it hurt. He was so blind. He was going to lose it. Her. Everything. And he was going to move on somehow, fight, live every day…every hour without her.
How? Eru, how?
. . . . . . .