A/N: Hello all! Thank you so much for the awesome reviews of last chapter
. . . . .
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. - Unknown
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"Tell me if I'm right." Laura folded her hands, collapsed on the footstool in a fuzzy pink robe. She stared with tired, unblinking eyes. "So the guy you like-"
"No! Don't say that."
She blinked.
"I'm tired of it, alright?" Kris shook her head. "Every fifteen-year-old pompom girl does this over the captain of the local football team. Like."
"Okay, 'like' on the ban list." Laura stared. "What am I supposed to use then?"
Nothing.
"Well let me get the story straight, anyway! You and this guy, Luke, started getting hot and heavy on the couch. You got scared. You ran a two hour drive by freeway to get to my house."
Kristy looked down, fidgeting, feeling ashamed. "I…I wasn't scared. I just had to get out of there, that's all."
Laura groaned, throwing her hands on her head. "Why? He's cute, right? You like him?"
Kris winced.
"What's wrong?"
"It's not like that! I'm afraid he doesn't know, l-like he doesn't care what happens. I know what will happen. He'll leave me! And I don't want that. I can't take it. I know I can't…not with him. Not again."
"Then don't let him. Simple."
"It's not simple. He's…" Kristy trailed off.
She wanted to say he's a damn prince from another world. That he's a warrior. It wasn't possible for someone like him and someone like her. But she didn't.
"I have no chance with him." She said quietly, "Not anything real. He has somebody else Laurie, besides." Kris grimaced, before saying cynically, "And she's a lot better suited for him. I mean she's gorgeous! A-and Le- I mean, Luke is leaving the country. He's going back with her. He's going into a warzone. He'd never let me follow him, even if I did belong there."
"Well sorry Kris, but you don't exactly belong hereeither! How long can you stay around our place? I have Mark to take care of. And you have work."
She sighed. "Mark. Where is he, by the way?" Kris glanced around. It was good not to see him of course, but she was curious. She'd been talking to Laura for a solid hour, and it was nearing midnight.
"Asleep." Laura said, before grinning. "I tuckered him out again. Low endurance, that one."
She looked away. "Ah… right."
Laurie blew back the tangle in her face with a huff. "Okay. So you don't want to get more involved with him."
She nodded.
"But you don't want him to go either, because you think you lik-"
"Don't say it!" she hissed. It was maddening. It made her sick.
Legolas wasn't someone you…liked. You loved him. You adored him, hated him. He was the center of the world, the skies, everything. Or nothing. You despised him, something. Never something so insipid as 'like'.
"So really, you're not actually mad at him." It wasn't a question.
"No," she whispered.
"Then who? Who are you so angry at?"
"Me. I'm mad at me." Kris said adamantly, "That's why I'm here!"
"You're crazy."
Kristy just sighed. "I know. But I don't know what to do about it. We were such good friends, Laurie. Why did I have to do it? I went and ruined everything! And I can't do anything about it. I try. I really do. He's just-"
Laurie smiled sadly.
"…Everything."
"Get some sleep, Kris."
"I couldn't sleep."
But Laura would have none of that. She got up, tossed Kris a bundle and reached to switch out the light. It was so sudden Kristy jumped, and she saw blind spots in the dark.
"Couch. Pillow. Sleep."
Kris sighed, trying to think of something to say, something to bring her back or explain her own ridiculous, inexcusable behavior. But she couldn't. Kristy was left staring at her sister's retreating form, and the woman paused in the doorway.
"Things will be better in the morning. They always are."
Kristy disagreed, but she didn't say so. "Thanks Laura… goodnight."
"Night."
. . . . . . . .
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 6 January 2024 3:24 am
Dearest Kristine,
I behaved as an imbecile last night. I was, for lack of a better word, a fool. You were beautiful, I was jealous, and I lost my head. I am profoundly sorry. Please accept this apology. Will you come home?
.
Kris cracked her eyes open and the first thing she noticed was the couch. She was crumpled up in it, and she drew her knees to her chest, shivering on the cold leather. It was around ten o'clock in the morning, Sunday. Mark and Laurie were in bed.
And then, a gnawing crawled up her belly and she grimaced. Breakfast.
With all last night's happenings, she never did get to eat. She sat up with a huff. Warm sunlight streaked through the shades and it made her feel better somehow. The creamy walls, the flat-screen, the bookcase in the corner. It was all so normal.
Kristy was part-way through a bowl of cereal when she noticed the 'alert' light on her phone. She wanted to ignore it, sitting at Laura's kitchen counter, eating and staring through the bright windows.
It could be Corby getting back to her. She didn't want to talk about work. Then again, it could be Alice…and she certainly didn't want to talk to her. But why would either text her? Why not call?
Finally she couldn't stand it and she flipped it on. It was an email, not a text message. She blinked.
Legolas. Kris whipped her eyes over the message in surprise, and then again more slowly. Legolas.
He sent this? An apology letter? Via email?
Kristy couldn't think of a reply. She knew she shouldn't at all. It was just stirring the fire, making things worse. And she needed a break from him if she was going to let go, a day or two at least!
It was too hard this way. She shouldn't even talk to him. Not at all. But she couldn't resist.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 10:45 am
I didn't know you had an email account.
She went back to eating, expecting that to be an answer good enough. But fifty seconds later, to her further shock, a bleep came from her phone and there appeared text.
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 10:46 am
I made one. Is that a yes?
.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 10:48 am
That's an 'I didn't know you had an email account.'
.
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 10:49 am
Oh.
A few minutes passed. Kristy glanced into the living room. Laura stumbled out of the bedroom, carrying a bundle of clothes to the bathroom. On the way past, waved cheerily. Kristy just smiled a little, before glancing down.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 10:55 am
I got your letter, by the way. And I don't know what goes in your world, but around here, and to me, flattery doesn't get you anywhere. - She smiled. Ha. So there. That would make him leave her alone.
.
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 10:46 am
Flattery how, dearest Kristine?
.
Kris frowned, before typing.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 10:51 am
I mean 'beautiful' is not something you call a girl like me. Models are beautiful. Guys call girls like me 'hot' if they wanna give a compliment. Be nice, not a sycophant just to get what you want, whatever in God's name that is. And I'm eating breakfast, so please leave me alone.
Legolas sat on the balcony, staring at the laptop screen. And writing what he had to say was helpful. He didn't have to face those piercing Kristy eyes this way, and his tongue wouldn't cleave to the roof of his mouth and it wouldn't go dry. He could say precisely what he wanted to so badly say.
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 11:02 am
'Hot' connotes a sexual longing. Despite what it appeared the other night, I find more than your body attractive, Kristine. Beautiful connotes more than that: such as mind, spirit, presence. Therefore you are beautiful.
Kristy groaned, raking a hand through her hair and staring at the screen. He didn't just say that. Why did he play these games? For surely they had to be… What else?
He was a prince, used to supermodel she-elves and warrior girls, for God's sake.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 11:05 am
You said Galadriel was beautiful! Tauriel's beautiful. You said that elf girl you're 'betrothed' to is beautiful. Those aren't me. I'm not like them and you know it.
It took longer than she expected for his reply. She thought he'd quip out some retort, some compliment that rolled off his tongue like quick-silver.
Like the last weeks, as if deliberately playing with her, toying with her. But somehow, for how long it took, she imagined him typing each slow…reluctant, agitated key. And another five minutes hovering over the 'send' button.
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 11:15 am
That is what I adore about you, Kristy.
.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 11:16 am
I'm not yours. And you don't adore me.
Her answer was immediate. Legolas grimaced in frustration, and he used two fingers to slam out.
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 11:18 am
It has taken me long enough to thrust down the fool in myself who couldn't see it. I do not need you to whisper lies in my ear, too!
Kristy scanned her eyes over the words one, twice…three times. God. He was serious. He wasn't joking. Was he? What then.
He meant it? This fight conflicting in him was real?
And she sent stupidly:
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 11:20 am
I don't know what to say.
.
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 11:20 am
Say nothing. Come home. Tonight.
Kris shook her head.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 11:25 am
I'm sorry Legolas. I really am. And even when I do, if I do tonight or any other night, I mean this. I don't want to talk about what happened. It happened and we can forget it. Agreed?
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 11:27 am
I cannot agree to that. We have to speak of it, else I fear you will stew on it. It will become a nail driven between us and we won't go near that place again, a place anywhere near lovemaking. And I want to. I know you. And I know you will let your own self-doubt, guilt, or childish temper tamper with your true feelings. We have to talk of it.
Kristy glared, staring at the screen. Childish temper? Self-doubt? And a minute later, a second message appeared.
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 11:29 am
Please? Please try. That is all I ask, Kristy. When you wish to stop, or when you've had enough discussion, I will stop immediately. I swear. Please?
Kris wrote down in a flurry: The minute I want to stop?
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 11:32 am
I swear it upon my honor. The honor of my house. Again I ask you. Can you come home? Tonight?
She didn't know why she sent it, but she did:
From: Kristine Anderson
To: Luke Smith
Date: 7 January 11:33 am
It's a two hour drive and I'm tired. I'll spend the night here. Maybe tomorrow.
She was breathing a little faster when she sent it… A few minutes later, all that appeared was:
From: Luke Smith
To: Kristine Anderson
Date: 7 January 11:36 am
I miss you.
And Kristy's heart sank…or melted, she wasn't sure.
. .
"Kris!"
Kristy didn't answer. She just stared at her cereal. The Cheerios looked so pathetic, drifting around the bowl like that.
"Oh there you are," Laura said, yanking a fluffy belt around her robe. Her black hair was shiny and damp—their mother's hair. Kris glanced up reluctantly, and she caught a glimpse of herself in the toaster. Too little sleep did that to you.
She peered closer.
Kris took more after their father in looks, she thought. Blonde, so dark blonde it was close to brown. It was a soft color, a warm shade, but it suited her. Legolas seemed to think so, anyway. Sometimes, she thought he liked touching it. Maybe he liked her hair the way it was.
"I'm thinking of dying my hair red," Kris muttered spontaneously.
Laura laughed, pouring herself coffee and cereal. "You? Red? That'd be hilarious."
Kristy let out a deep, tired sigh. "Yeah…maybe you're right. I'd look like a hooker."
Laura laughed harder. "Yeah!" she gasped, "Yeah, pretty much."
And Kris looked up in surprise as Mark walked in.
"-Hey hon."
The smile threatened to drain from her face, but she forced it back on. It stayed there. Mark grabbed Laurie from behind and kissed the nape of her neck.
"Hey Mark," Kristy said.
"Yo, Krissy!" He leaned over the counter and ruffled her hair. "How's my favorite sister-in-law? So is this just a pit-stop to mom's place, or is sister-shoulder tough enough for the tears?"
Laurie jabbed him in the side. "Ey!" She glanced at Kristy. "He's just a smartass. Don't listen to him, Kris. And stay however long you like."
Kristy smiled slightly, sliding the rumpled hair behind her ears.
"I'm not crying, for your information. And I'm used to it. Rog's always kidding around too," she said softly.
At that, Laurie started. "Roger? Roger Tenly?"
Kris nodded.
Rog was an old friend of the family. It was a little shocking she didn't know he was back. "But he was overseas, last time we talked."
"Oh yeah!" Kris shuffled up higher on the stool. "But he's back now. They recalled a lot of the troops to handle the situation here in the states, you know. Didn't you hear?"
"No! I didn't know!" she laughed then, before biting eagerly into a sugared bagel. "Have you seen him? How is he?"
"Yeah…he," Kris glanced down. "He's great. And he's really anxious to catch up, actually. We've been kind of going out."
Laurie blinked. "What?"
"You know… dinner a few times, that's all. Nothing serious, don't worry."
"Dinner, like dinner-dinner?"
Kristy shook her head. "Yeah. So?"
And she narrowed her eyes. "You don't…like him, do you?"
"Yeah, I like him." Kris narrowed her eyes. "Notice I use the word 'like', though. And what's wrong with that?"
She blinked. "Kris, Roger's gay. You know that right?"
And the world…that whirling, busy, never-stopping place…stopped.
"You-you didn't know?" Laurie asked again.
Kristy let go of the counter. "Um…what?"
"He's got a steady boyfriend!" she half-laughed, shaking her head. "Didn't you know? I don't think 'going out' is exactly the right words for you guys, Krissy."
"But…" Kristy recoiled, thinking over every look, every movement, every flirtatious glance. And she was panicking. Kris wasn't serious for him, of course. Neither was he. But…but why would he even pretend? He had someone? It didn't make sense!
"But that's impossible."
"Sorry, Kris. He really should have told you, you know." Laurie laughed uncomfortably. "But Donna showed me a picture from just a few weeks ago. They were in Iraq. I doubt things have changed much since November."
Kristy slowly narrowed her eyes, thinking. Thinking hard. She was screwed. Oh, screwed so bad.
"Shit…" She said very, very quietly. And pieces began falling into place.
She was going home. Tonight. And tomorrow, the day after, maybe the day after that…she was going to find out exactly what 'Roger' had up his sleeve. But right now, all she wanted to do was talk to Legolas.
. . . . . . . .
Kris came home expecting…well, she wasn't sure what she was expecting. But as she came down the apartment hall, huffing exhaustedly, carrying a bag of work and her suitcase, thinking over all that she'd learned today, a feeling of apprehension came over her.
She reached the door: #99.
The first thing that struck her, when she came inside…was the dark. She blinked fast, glancing around. It was a little late, nine-thirty maybe. The Christmas lights sent faint, dazzling sparks of light over the walls. Firelight lapped at the floor, warm and gentle. An acoustic guitar played quietly on the stereo.
"Estel?" she whispered softly, a little dazed. Candles.
They littered the couch-side, table, the shelves, the TV stand. Everywhere. They blinked and glowed in the dark. Curtains pulled away, the distant city filled the bay window.
"Hello."
She looked up, still frozen.
"H-hi…" she managed weakly, absolutely stunned.
Legolas smiled at her, standing where she hadn't even noticed him. He was so quiet, hands in his pockets. He lolled his head to the side, smiling at her.
"What do you think?"
"I…" she couldn't even finish. It felt like she was in another place.
She edged forward, looking around. Somewhere in the back of her head, she realized Legolas crossed the room to shut the door behind her. It made her want to turn and look at him, see what he was doing, fidget…something. But she didn't.
Very quickly, Kris regretted messaging him. She told him she was coming, and she wished she hadn't. She just had to talk about Roger.
"Where's Aragorn? And-and Tauriel?" she turned around, dropping her bags on the floor. Legolas frowned a little, and she glanced down, surprised. Quickly she kicked them into the corner. And he smiled just as gently.
"They are downstairs. They wanted some…space."
Kristy struggled to focus. It was so hard. "S-space?"
"Because we are together," Legolas said. It was something she couldn't ignore, or couldn't disregard: like every word he murmured meant more. Like every breath was a message meant just for her, hidden, secret, just waiting to be found.
Kris didn't know why, but the most terrifying feeling struck her. She didn't want to be alone with him again, not tonight.
"How was your day?"
"I…" she looked around, sighing heavily, and the words spilled out without realizing. It was second nature. She told Legolas these things. "I-I'm really tired. Um, I didn't sleep much last night, and I talked a long time on the phone with Corby today."
"Tell me," he offered, walking closer.
Kris almost edged backward, but she didn't. Not quite. She didn't know how to talk to him about anything else, so she jumped on the topic change and said in a rush.
"W-well Corby's agreed to let me run the store while he's gone." She said as he approached. "And-and I'm gonna ask Alice to take on some more hours, so…so hopefully I can manage."
She wanted to tell him about Roger, but the words stuck in her throat.
"Why didn't you tell him no?" He protested, "That is too much responsibility for you at a time like this, Kristine."
"I can't. I mean, I need the money." Kristy clapped a hand over her eyes. It was an expression of weariness, but really she couldn't look at him. "I want the job. It's just today that was so bad. Nothing went right. And Roger, he-he-"
"And be quiet, Kristine."
She blinked.
He came up behind. "Be quiet now. Don't speak of him."
Kris frowned, about to turn around. But hands on her back stopped her. She opened her mouth to talk, about to protest, but a gentle squeez stopped that thought. "I-"
"Do you like it?" he asked into her ear, and he started to knead her shoulders. He did it slowly. His thumbs dug gently between her shoulder blades, and with warm, experienced hands, he began massaging her neck.
"It's lovely," she breathed. And so was the feeling…beyond lovely. It was exquisite.
"And this? How does this feel?"
"Um, it's…nice," she admitted.
"I thought so."
"What is it?" she said, reaching back for his hands. She meant to stop him, gently. But it didn't work that way. She ended up touching him, grazing his knuckles as he moved.
"You mean the candles?"
She could have sworn his voice was closer that time. She ignored it. "Everything. What's the occasion? Is this your version of an apology?"
"No apology. No more apologies." And then he whispered more urgently. "Go take a warm bath, Kristy. You will feel better. Then come back."
"Back?" she said warily.
"Yes." He stilled his hands, and tugged gently on one side so she turned to face him.
"What if I don't want to?" she asked.
And he smiled. "Just come back to me, Kristy."
Come back to me.
Oh, why did he have to say that? Kristy stared, torn, acutely aware of his nearness. She felt every breath he took, felt every whisper of touch as his fingers lingered down her arms. He stared down at her with such an expression in his eyes…longing. Hope.
"To talk about the other night?" she whispered.
"If you like. If you like, I will explain everything."
"We'll see."
He smiled a real, glowing smile. "Then we'll see."
"Okay," she relented, glancing up at him. She was absolutely unsure of what she was doing.
Legolas let her go with an affectionate squeeze. That was all.
Kristy was tempted to linger in the bathroom, inside a looked door. But she couldn't do that to him. She was suddenly so flustered, so nervous, her hands shook in everything she did…washing her hair, toweling it, scrubbing every inch of her skin until it was pink and raw.
It didn't help. She still remembered what he felt like. She couldn't forget.
Legolas paced back and forth outside, clasping and unclasping his fingers. He didn't know what he was doing. A part of him felt so guilty…letting this go on. But he wasn't playing now. Surely it was not wrong to appreciate the time he had left with her?
Kris came back much sooner than he thought. He thought she'd hide in the locked door for half an hour. But she didn't. Legolas turned, fully intending to pace another round… and she was there.
Kris crept into the living room, stiff, forcing each step, glancing around. The room was just as beautiful, just as infectious the second time. It smelled of scented, burning candles.
Her insides screamed at her to back away. But she didn't. She inched closer and closer until Legolas, staring at her, finally snapped and strode over.
"Come on." He grinned breathlessly. "Dance with me."
She jumped. "What? Oh, no. You promised. I don't want to! I-"
"Come on." Legolas urged, and he pulled her hand back. "Please, Kristy. Let me talk to you. Let me explain."
"Then explain." She said faster than she meant. "You don't have to danceto explain you being a complete anomaly to me."
"But I do." He stepped forward. Legolas' fingers slid around her waist, splayed in the small of her back. It made the last of his hesitation vanish. Gods…she felt good here. "Dance with me."
She was so stiff, so furiously distressed it was more like leaning this way and that… But it was something. Legolas tried with all his might to loosen his muscles. Her hand was on his shoulder and she could feel every twitch, every excited, halting breath he took.
"You can explain." She said quietly, so quiet, he almost missed it.
"The room? My actions the other night? Or a simple desire to dance with you?"
"Everything." She said a little stronger, suddenly wanting to know. "…and-and you can start with how you know how to drive, for God's sake."
Oh, that was easy. Their shadows spilled long down the floor. Firelight snapped in the hearth.
"I've driven your car in the parking lots when you shop. I thought it fair compensation for coming with you."
She blinked. "Oh."
Well that was that.
Legolas saw the nervous twitch that she did with her mouth again, and it meant she was becoming less flustered. This was good. "…Well I shop a lot more now you know, than for when it was just Shenzie and me."
Legolas smiled. "And you see, it's simple."
"Simple nothing." She glanced up and down, a little darkly. "Nothing about you is simple. Like why the candles?"
And here it was. Still, this wasn't the worst question she could have asked. She could have asked, why are you holding me so tight? And Legolas would just have to smile harder.
"I…know how hard things have been," he admitted softly.
She didn't answer.
"Kristy," Legolas said, watching her eyes lift. Dancing so pathetically, so nonexistent, he carefully slipped his hand out of hers. He reached to touch the damp, smooth hair falling in her eyes. "…You don't know how much you've hurt me," he confessed in a whisper.
"You?" She blinked. All the days, the looks, the weeks since his friends arrived came crashing down and she hissed a short, jolting breath through her teeth. "I've hurt you?"
"Yes."
"How-how dare you-"
"No!" He shook his head, giving up dancing altogether. He slid long fingers through her hair, snagging a little on the callous of his palms. "No. I forbid it. No more fighting. Please."
Kristy pressed her lips together defiantly. And suddenly a horrid, angering prick stung her eyes and she wanted to shrug his hands off.
But she stayed absolutely still.
"I want us to be…us again. I want us to be friends. At least I can have that," he said, and he drew his arm around her waist more tightly. He stroked her face with his thumb. "Remember?"
Kristy pressed her eyes shut tight. The lump in her throat grew and she tried to swallow it. The last time he held her like this…said things like this, he confessed. He admitted who he was, who he loved, what he cared about.
He said it was Tauriel. Dear…precious Tauriel. She knew what it meant. It meant he wanted home. He still wanted home. She'd been fooling herself when she thought he could be happy here. She already knew that.
"Kristy, I am so sorry," he whispered in a rush. "I've been such a fool. I know I upset you the other night. Can't we at least… have a reprieve?"
"A reprieve?" she laughed out finally, and her voice cracked. "We're not fighting, Legolas, because of you. Don't kid yourself. It's not your fault. You can't help it you're an arrogant arse! And bossy. And you can't help you're a man."
Legolas eyes widened.
"It's me. Yes! Yes, I know it is. And you know it too! I can't stand you. I can't stand looking at you." She began to pull away, but he refused to let her go. She pressed her face into his chest. "Gah! It's me, Legolas."
Legolas stared out the glimmering window in surprise.
"Why did you let him pursue you, Kristine?" he asked. The memory still angered him, even now. Even now, he didn't know if she wanted him. Or if she was thinking of him at this very moment.
"It's my fault." She took in a battered breath. "I can't stand you. That's why I did it… I wanted Roger. I wanted him to help me."
"I can help you." But he didn't know if they were talking about the same thing anymore. He should be quiet. He couldn't be the one to keep her together. If he was, when he was gone…she'd fall apart.
But he had to. It was him who did this to her. She was just fine before he came into her life and ruined things.
"No you can't. I don't want you to." She hit his chest pathetically, sighing.
"Do you hate me?" he dared ask. How could you hate me when I love you so?
Kristy stilled on the intake. He felt her lungs expand under his hands, in surprise. "I don't know!" She threw her head up. "Y-you've always been an arrogant bi-"
"Don't say it," he snapped, a little irritated. "I know what you mean."
"I don't," she confessed, still hanging onto him. "And I just don't think I can handle you. You…" Oh, why pretend? Why keep it up?
But she did. She refused to tell the man…elf, prince, whichever he was… a word more. She was already flustered. She already couldn't stand these useless feelings. Why burden him with them, too?
"You think he is the man for you?" he asked instead. Instantly, he softened his voice. "He is not. Oh, Kristine, he's not."
She started to pull away, but again he tugged her back. "That's just it. I don't need you telling me who I w-want, who I can and can't have. You might have been right about Roger, I don't know yet. But I don't need you, Legolas. You gotta know that! I can't need you."
"But you do," he dared.
And she blinked. Not at his words, but the fierce, protective smolder that shot through his eyes.
"You do need me."
"No-"
"You do," he pressed more softly, and he kissed her forehead, so hard he had to hold her face in his hands. And then, kissed her more gently. "In some way or another, you need me Kristy. Just tell me…tell me?"
She couldn't. She was going to lose him. If not when Tauriel re-captured his eyes, his thoughts, his heart…when he went home. He had to go home. And if he didn't, he'd never be content. It could never work.
Kristy grimaced.
He was hundreds, maybe thousands of years old. Why should he care? Why should he love her?
And there. She said the word in her mind. Love. There it was. Why would he?
"Let us have a reprieve," he murmured. Kristy looked up with burning eyes. "You are tired. We both are."
Legolas started to turn away.
"I love you," Kris said quietly.
Legolas froze.
She stared at his back. "I love you more than anything. I-I'm not in love with you. I..." she bit her tongue.
She wouldn't risk pushing it that far. And she cursed herself for admitting it at all. She should've suffered in silence.
But now Roger was gone too. Her strong, doting, genuine Roger who she thought could distract her. Who she thought could take her away, make her forget how much it hurt. But he couldn't.
And he was playing games too.
Kristy dared look at Legolas. When he went home, somehow, when he left to spend the rest of his life with people she'd never know…with enough years, enough setting suns, she'd forget about him. Yes, she could do that. She had to.
Or she'd die trying.
A tiny smile tugged at his lips. "As a brother?"
She stared at his chest. Then she shook her head guiltily.
"I know," he whispered.
Kris moved forward, captured his face between her hands. And she kissed him.
She had to get on tip toe, had to pull him down a few inches. She slid her arms behind his neck and he didn't pull away. To her further shock, he tilted his head and pushed into it. He used his forefinger and thumb to gently pull her chin down. His tongue delved into her mouth, kissing in slow movements.
"Wait." Legolas broke off and strode away.
When he'd snuffed the last candle with a finger, he pulled her back into his chest. Yes. They could have a reprieve. Kris felt Legolas dropping down in the deep, leather couch on his back and she was pulled down after him. She knew it like in a daze.
She pulled back and unbuttoned his shirt. He didn't say anything, just staring at her in utter wonder and shock. He didn't resist when she pulled it off.
He murmured with a twitching grin, "Are you seducing me?"
She sat on his stomach, tilting her head. "I hadn't thought that far ahead." She leaned forward, planting her palms flat on his carved pectorals. "Do you want me to?"
He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. Her shorts were thin and so was her top. He looked at her dark, muscled body in the dark and found himself admiring it.
"As much as I would..." he reached up, and as if he were in someone else's body, someone who was so close to this creature on top of him that without realizing, he could do anything and she'd understand.
He slid his palms around her waist, resting them on her hips. Exquisite. He felt closer to her than he ever had. Closer than anyone. He felt vulnerable beneath her.
"...desire to," he continued. "I do not wish to defile you in any way. Especially in the...situation we're in. I would feel dishonored."
"I understand," she said softly.
She grinned a little though, and a little nervously. She slid her fingertip up and down his abdomen. "Turn over." Of course he obeyed. She started kneading his shoulders, massaging the knots from his back.
Legolas' eyes rolled. Gods, he'd miss this.
They sat in companionable silence for awhile, Legolas slowly relaxing into the cushions until he felt like liquid. And then her palm stopped under his shoulder blade, feeling his heart beat. The thought struck her that this heart would beat long after hers did. He'd go home, live his immortal life, and he'd be forever.
Legolas felt her hands still, and he shuffled around onto his back, looking at her.
"Oh Legolas…" she breathed, crawling up to lay on his chest. Legolas rubbed her back in slow, soothing circles.
"I am here," he said.
For now.
Kris looked up, inhaling deeply. She stared into the gleam of his eyes. She thought about the years he wouldn't spend with her. She thought about how long it would be until he forgot her completely…until she was just a distant, painful memory that he wanted never to have.
"Will you forget me?" Kristy suddenly said.
Legolas looked at her. "What?"
"Will you forgetme?" She repeated in a hollow whisper. So long a time passed…she thought he might've fallen asleep.
But he hadn't.
And he didn't need to plan. He didn't have to plot it, or what her reaction would be. "Never."
"Well you'll want to," she muttered.
Kris held herself with one arm, the other draped across Legolas' waist. She looked at the apartment in the dark. It was a nice apartment, as far as apartments go… and she scrubbed her eyes. But it was crummy.
"You hate this place. If you ever get back to that magic, leafy woods…you won't want to remember it."
And Legolas touched her chin with a fingertip. "I will not forget you."
"But the years…" she said quietly, so hushed in the dark. "So many years will pass. It'll fade. I'll fade. I'll think about you every single day a-and when I'm gone, when there's nothing left…" Something pressed down on her voice, trying to make it crack. She didn't let it. "Y-you'll look back and all you'll see is just a bump in the road where we were."
Legolas was about to protest…but something made him stop. He was going to say he'd never find another like her. He'd remember this crummy little apartment and the noisy neighbors. He'd remember the tyrannical landlady stomping down the hall, the city lights.
He'd remember walking through noisy traffic and icy sidewalks with the wind in his face, bitter cold and alive. He'd remember Kristy's warm hand in the cold, and fluffy snowflakes in her lashes. He'd remember the taste of her lips in the cold.
An ache grew in his chest.
No. He'd never forget that. He didn't want to.
But he wouldn't say it.
Kris stared into the dark, waiting for something, anything. But it never came.
He didn't know what to say.
. . . . . . .
Tauriel, please be awake.
Kris thought it over and over. She had to talk to the captain, and she had to do it tonight. Please be awake.
With all that psychic persuasion on her side, one would think luck could be on her side for once. But fate was a cruel witch with no sympathy.
As she crept into Reiner's apartment, Tauriel was on her back on a naked couch, just a single blanket enveloping her…sound asleep.
"Tauriel." Kris whispered faintly, "Tauriel, please wake up."
She didn't stir right away. It took a touch to her arm for the captain to jolt upright and with a muffled gasp, reached blindly for a knife.
"No!" Kristy grabbed her hand, "No, no, it's okay. It's just me."
"Kristine." She hissed, eyes wide in the dark, breathing fast, "What in Manwe's name are you doing?"
"I need to talk to you." she said adamantly, "Now."
"I…what? What about? What is it?"
"Where's Estel?" she asked instead of answering. "In there?" she nodded to the closed bedroom door.
Tauriel nodded mutely, wrapping a long coil of auburn hair around her wrist to keep it back. "Yes…but why? Something is wrong. Tell me."
"I just need to ask you something," Kris said in a hushed whisper.
The rustle of shifting blanket pulled up with her legs and the captain stared at her intently. "Tell me."
"I…I," and Kristy froze up.
Well, that's just great. Now that she was here, in the middle of the damn night and finally ready to talk, she felt like a fool. "I need you to help me understand him...Legolas, I mean. I-I just can't. I mean I thought I knew him! I've lived with him for months, every single day. I… guess I don't."
Tauriel nodded slowly, staring at her in the queerest way. Warily.
Kris slowly leaned back, staring into the dark. "I've woken up to him, talked to him, eaten breakfast with him for…for more than three months now. I know it doesn't sound like a long time, at least not to you, but it feels like all my life. I thought I understood him. I thought I knew him. But now…"
"But now?"
Kris slowly dropped her eyes, staring at her knees. "Now I think not even he does."
Tauriel exhaled softly, staring at her from the corner of her eyes. "What is it that you wished to ask, Kristine?"
And there it was. Ever since the strange, silent elf-captain arrived, the question Kristy had thought on, mulled over, rolled over and over in her head. Now was the time to ask…if she ever was.
"Do you," she asked very quietly. "do you love him?"
And to her shock, a sharp crack of muted laughter burst from Tauriel. And she threw her head back.
Kris blinked.
"I?" she mouthed. "Do I?" She wiped her eyes in mirth. "Oh Kristine…"
"What's so funny?" Kris asked, glancing over the captain's face in anger.
She had no right to laugh about something so deadly serious! And despite the fury and the hard shell around her soul, she felt a sting of hurt.
"His heart isn't a plaything you can toss around," she spat without thinking. "Dammit. He loves you."
And still, Tauriel chuckled. "Kristine…I apologize. I did not mean to offend."
"I'm not offended," she said fiercely.
"You know him better than I. Surely you see his situation. Are you really so baffled?" Tauriel curled her fingers and leant closer to Kris in earnest.
"What do you mean?"
"Legolas and I were friends a…long time ago." She said quietly, "But I loved another; he knew that. When my love departed from me, my heart went with him. But Legolas is a child of the trees. His heart is in the woods."
Kristy shook her head. "What does that have to do with this?"
"Everything," Tauriel whispered.
"But…but Legolas told me he loves you. When you arrived, he was ecstatic! He was a different person, w-with Aragorn and you, it's like he wants nothing more."
"But he does." She disagreed softly, "He has lived too long in a city of steel and men. When Estel and I came for him, his passion for our homeland awoke. He cannot stay here, Kristine. Even if not for the fate of Arda resting on their shoulder, on their lives, their choices, he could never remain here."
"I know." Kristy said, "And I know he loves you, too. I just don't know what he's doing, what's wrong with him now. It's like he doesn't want to hurt me, or-or guilt for wanting to go home so much. I don't know! He acts so…so strange."
"He is in love with his home." She shook her head very slowly, as if it was obvious. "You see, Kristine, he is my elder in years. But I have seen much since leaving the Greenwood those years ago. I have learned to live by thought and reason, and not blindly by feelings. My heart feels empty within me, and this is only what has kept me from sailing to Western Lands. Legolas however…"
She closed her eyes, inhaling a long, deep breath. It was a sigh, as if a distant memory of when things were better, more alive. And she smiled faintly, a rare thing for Tauriel.
"He is in love with a memory, Kristine, with what should be his. What you saw when we came here, and could not fathom, was Legolas reborn as he should be. This human flesh weakens us, dulls our senses and mutes the song of what we most love. It helped him remember some of that, upon seeing us. That is all."
Kristy stared at her, lips parted. Of course…it all made sense. Kind of.
Why he couldn't master his feelings, why things were so hard. So difficult for him, and why Kristy couldn't see him clearly, pin him down.
"He's in love with his homeland," Kris whispered. It wasn't a question. "And now that he has you, and-and Estel, he remembers. Really remembers. He wants home more than anything. And-and he feels guilty for leaving me here. He doesn't want to hurt me. He-"
Tauriel shook her head again, "Kristine! Do you not see? Perhaps Estel does, I know not. I am barely acquainted with the man. But he is that, a man. He cannot understand the Eldar way."
"What do you mean?"
"The Eldar are born to give their heart to one, Kristine. One love. One life. One home. It is how we are. Don't you see? Legolas…he is sundered. Torn in two. It's unnatural."
"You mean with this world? This crummy joint?" Kris scoffed. "What's so great about this place?"
"Not this place. You."
"I…" she blinked. "what?"
"You, Kristine." She said, "He is in love with his homeland and his people. He tries desperately to go back to them, in heart if not in body. He is half-Sylvan and one with the Greenwood. But he is also in love with you, Kristine."
Kris blinked.
"I see the way he looks at you." Tauriel whispered, as if a dam broke and she was tired of keeping it in. "Estel worries desperately for him. Legolas is a still madman when you are apart, even if he admits it to no one."
"But-but it's the greenwood, home. It's you," she said, feeling dazed and lost. "It's you. When I told him I... he, I mean I thought it was because you-"
"It was never me." She said almost angrily, "I love another. He is lost to me, but my heart is with him still."
Kris could just shake her head, pulling away. "No. Y-you're wrong."
Tauriel looked at her with a sharpness that made Kristy flinch. She slid off the couch and stumbled, backing away.
But was she right? Was Tauriel a figment of home. A memory? That's it? Of when he was young and whole, when his heart wasn't being ripped in two?
No. She was wrong. Legolas was a prince. He was an elf and hundreds, no-thousands of years old. He didn't love her. Nothing in a world like this could make him regret leaving.
And with her mind reeling, Kristy shut the door behind her and didn't look back.
. . . .
. . . .