Chapter Fifteen; Indecision
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
Fitzwilliam Darcy stood staring at his reflection in the mirror of his bathroom several days later. He had missed work for all of those hours that he had been gone. Finding Lydia had been easy enough that it was already done by the time Darcy had arrived back in Maryton. However George took longer. But with Richard and about half the guys at Offutt who were owed money it got done. Darcy knew how to reason with him and the negotiations were painful but brief. For 4,400 dollars George would marry this girl, no charges for her being a minor and they would receive an allowance of 180 dollars a year on top of it all. Darcy was glad that he could really get away with spending so little, but with the threat of putting him in jail for twenty years George accepted anything. And of course this was after Darcy let wax on and wax off do a little talking.
Now Darcy was home staring at himself until his face didn't make sense anymore it was all just shapes. And in those shapes he began to see Elizabeth's face. He was seeing her everywhere. He loved her more than measure but with this laid at his door he had no idea where he was standing. Well he never knew where he stood with her, but now he was even more unsure. He supposed that his departure without a word was a bad idea, but what could he say, 'I'm going off to meddle in your personal life because I love you too much to stand have anything cause you the slightest distress and I've got to make everything right.' That wasn't going to cut it, he was sure. With a sigh he headed into work. He had to go back but would just play it by ear. He didn't know whose court the ball was in, but he wouldn't dare steel the thing if it was in hers, he would just wait.
Elizabeth was a wreck for days there was not a word from him, and only a few more than that from her family. She was going crazy. Any second where her mind wasn't fully engaged she worried. Thus Elizabeth threw herself into dancing and exercise, she skipped meals and didn't sleep a lot this was becoming too much for her. She worried about Lydia; the girl was stupid, had no job skills, was seventeen and was pregnant. She worried about the rest of her family. Jane would take this hard and blame herself for not doing something or other, and Elizabeth wasn't there to slap her and tell her to snap out of it. Hopefully Charles would do that; although more than likely there would just be a sexorcism and it would be the same. But her poor father, the guilt of it all, the worry, and the fact that his wife would be less than supportive. Then there was Mary, she would feel bad, even if she was not them most favorite sister to Lydia she still had a heart. And Kitty, she was stuck with that group; it must be driving her mad. This all pressed in upon Elizabeth like a boa constrictor. Then there were her doubts of Darcy, he had just left, with nothing. No good – bye no nothing. It was obvious he was severing all ties as he could. To think that he could ever love her was stupid. She was stupid. It was best that he was gone; she could now take her broken delusions and throw them away. Dreams were wisps of smoke anyhow and the wind was blowing.
The company began to worry about her on day three, she was tired and slow, her movements were perfect as usual but she was lacking her spark. And she didn't eat all day then apparently went to the gym right after practice. Elinor was determined to have Darcy speak to her as soon as he got back from whatever business he was attending to. She seemed to be happy with him, but not now. The one time he was brought up she about cried. Elinor didn't match make more than the next woman, but this was romantic mystery that she wanted to solve.
Darcy came back as out of spirits as Luciana had been when he was gone. Unfortunately Luci didn't get better so there were two downers in the company. Elinor had tried to talk to Luci but that woman could stonewall better than Jackson, she was sad and longing for Darcy, that was clear, but she wouldn't admit it. Thus Elinor went to Darcy, she wanted to know if his sorrow was the same, and she wanted to know if he could get her to eat. She went down to his office and knocked on his open door, he was sitting with his feet propped on his desk looking at something. His head popped up at the sound and he tried uncomfortably to hide whatever he had in his hand.
"Got a sec Doctor?" she asked.
"Last time you asked me that you almost had to get stitches" he replied standing up, expecting more blood.
"No gore, just a worry." She said, he went back to his seat and offered her one opposite him.
"How do you girls put it? Oh, yha, spill." He said smiling.
"It's about Luciana." she said, the smile disappeared. There was something in his eyes, that look was the same look her Edward had given her in the beginning of their relationship, when things weren't as good as they were now.
"She's hurting herself." Elinor said slowly. Darcy blanched and swore under his breath. "She's working out twice as much as her sleeping and her eating time. She's going to get sick…" Darcy got paler and began to shake a little. That was when Elinor noticed the picture he had been looking at. It was the one from PEOPLE. She looked back up at him.
"I never saw until now how much in love with her you are." She said.
"I'll get over it." Darcy replied the look in his eyes certainly didn't appear that he would.
"Why would anyone want to get over the one thing you hope for from the minute you're born and remember until the day you die?" Elinor said looking him straight in the eye reading everything that he was truly saying. He was in love, but he was afraid.
"I'll get over it."
"Why? Because it's the greatest reward that woman or man can have on this earth? To love and to be loved?" She was trying to make the fool understand. Everything was clicking. He was in love with her. She was in love with him. His leaving for even a few days was enough to scare her into this unsafe behavior.
"It's over. It's over with her. She doesn't love me." He said. This was insane. Her response was out of sorrow, not hate. She snapped at him.
"Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!" Darcy laughed, but it didn't ease everything. But hopefully it planted a seed of something in his mind.
Elizabeth had been sitting at home by the phone waiting for some word from someone. She had already gone to the gym she was now just worrying, the only other thing she seemed to do. She stared at it willing it to ring. And finally the Gods smiled upon her, it did ring.
"Hello!" Elizabeth said excitedly into the phone.
"Elizabeth? This is Charles." Charles's voice said.
"What is it?" Elizabeth asked worriedly, if something happened to Jane it would be the last straw and she'd just throw herself off the fire escape.
"Lydia's back home, and George, the father of her baby has comeback as well. He's married her." Elizabeth was stunned and the phone slipped from her hands. George had actually taken responsibility. Something else was going on here. Someone had shelled out a lot of money. Elizabeth dissolved into tears of joy – everything was relatively alright, sorrow – Darcy wouldn't touch her now, Wickham was in her immediate family, and shear weight that was being lifted and added. She fell asleep crying.
The next day, Sunday, There was a knock on Elizabeth's door. She got up off the coach where she had slept and opened the door. There was Fitzwilliam. A wave of emotion flooded over her. Love and hate. She loved this man with all her heart, but hated him because she was sure he didn't love her.
"What do you want?" she asked him. You. She wanted him to say you and then take her and kiss her morning breath and all, and say he loved her and ride off with her into the sunset.
"The company's worried about you. What have you eaten in the last twenty four hours?" he asked. Not what she wanted. He kicked himself as well, that was an affectionate thing to say. Elizabeth felt her anger rise at the question, the company not him was worried. The stress of her life and what she was doing to herself was too much and she snapped.
"You don't give a damn about me!" she tried to slam the door but he blocked it with his foot.
"I think that in this room I am the only one that is giving a damn about you. You're being stupid, and it's unhealthy. You're going to collapse; you're going to get sick." He said evenly.
"Right now I wouldn't care if I died. So leave me the hell alone!" she was crying and pushing him out of the room. Before anything else could happened the door was slammed in his face and locked. Darcy stared at the door in disbelief and wonder. What just happened? He didn't understand. In frustration he laid his forehead on the wood of her door and took calming breaths. He then left and headed home to call Richard. He needed to get drunk badly.
"I'd like to see Elizabeth Bennet, please." Col. Richard Fitzwilliam said to the sleepy doorman.
"We'd all like to see her, but she doesn't want to see anyone. Sorry sir." The man replied.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive." Richard wasn't going to take no for an answer, Darcy was being stupid and Elizabeth stubborn and it was surly killing them both.
"Listen, my cousin is a man madly in love with Elizabeth, but he's being a dumbass and she's being stubborn. I can't take this anymore, I know they love each other, but their pride is ruining their lives and mine – I'm sick of listening to it." Richard said, the doorman thought and let him up with a small chuckle.
"Col. Fitz – Rich – uh, hello." Elizabeth said when she opened the door. She was paler, haggard looking, with dark circles and tired features. She was still lovely, but Richard could tell this was taking a toll.
"Elizabeth, we need to talk." Richard said entering her small studio. "You must be aware of why I am here." He began.
"I can't say that I do." Elizabeth replied offering him a seat.
"I know that Darcy has been a complete fool. But it's because he loves you."
"He's got a funny way of showing it." Was Elizabeth's reply, he loved her?
"I'll start from the beginning, but mind, I learned this last night when Darcy sucked the worm out of a bottle of tequila – so it may be a little off." Elizabeth nodded stonily and he began.
"When Darcy first met you he was still harboring false impressions of Iowa, as well as eight odd years of Charles trying to set him up. He wasn't in the best mood when he met you." Richard started with, Elizabeth didn't react. He continued. "But you intrigued him. He fell in love with you. He still loves you."
"If he loves me, he'd be here." Elizabeth said coldly.
"He's being a moron. He's convinced you hate him."
"I do hate him." She snapped, but tears were in her eyes.
"No you don't. He loves you!" Richard said Elizabeth huffed.
"Then why did he leave!"
"You don't know?"
"Enlighten me."
"George came back for Lydia, did he not?" Richard said, Elizabeth thought for a second before realization dawned.
"How much did he have to pay?" she asked voice small and astonished.
"Not too much, the threat of jail was an incentive." Elizabeth buried her face in her hands.
"What he's done for us…" she said softly.
"There is no 'us', only you. His only thought was you." Elizabeth Dissolved into tears.
"I've been a fool." Richard patted her back and reminded her Darcy was a fool as well.
Richard left soon after, leaving Elizabeth to her own sorrowful devices. She cried, cursed herself, him, George, Lydia, and a plethora of other things.
Crawling, on the planet's face. Some insects, called the Human Race. Lost in Time, and lost in space... and in meaning.
Don't dream it, be it.
December 1st, 2005 7:02:23 AM CST
Feeling: Hollow
Music: Broken, Evanescence
I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor.
You're a little late, I'm already torn
I am a fool. I am an ass. I yelled at him after what he did for my family – he was thinking of me! God how could I be so stupid. I love him. I love him, but was terrified when he left. But now what do I do? I love him, he's back, I love him. I don't know what to do!
From the PDA of F. Darcy
Richard went to see Elizabeth today. Apparently he told her everything. And she loves me. SHE LOVES ME! Richard has taught me to hope in a manor I have scarcely allowed myself for a long time. She loves me! She. Loves. Me. Me she loves. She loves me. Elizabeth Luciana Bennet loves me. I love her.
120 pages. AN: Thanks for sticking with me. First, the money is the modern translation to US currency, I didn't know exactly what a shot gun wedding was going for these days. The indesision line is a Jimmy Buffett and the lines between Darcy and Elinor are from Guys and Dolls with a dash of Animal house. I'll take this time to point out that if the line sounds good or is funny it ain't mine. I love all my reviewers and I hope they know that by now! Thanks again!