a/n: I was listening to Tsuzuki's dream bgm with his child self and all the roses. I also think I was channeling Poe for a few…
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Sweet Dreams
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I had a beautiful yet frightening dream tonight.
Even now I shudder in both pleasure and fear as I remember the feel of his arms wrapped so tightly around my body that I was afraid I would break.
His eyes, steely gray and perfect in their complexity.
I fell into those eyes and allowed him to take me.
I never understood the idea of pure lust, but that is what Muraki made me feel in that dream.
It is a feeling I both desire and hate.
I hate his flawless body and silky white skin, yet since the first time I touched him I have craved to feel it once again.
These feelings are maddening and I find myself wishing I could run away from it all.
Die for good and let hell swallow me for all my evil deeds...but then I know that he wouldn't be there for a very long time.
Each second awake from that dream feels like an eternity for still I can feel his lips on mine.
Still I feel his warm body encasing me like a beautiful deadly shell.
All I want is to run to him, this second and let him do whatever he wants...as long as he gives me a night that will forever shadow this dream.
Fates above or below!
Let me have this wish, let me go to him and tell him of this dream!
I want to give in so badly it hurts!
I fear him, and I hate him but...I love him too.
Why has my life been so cruel as to deliver me into his hands and then rip me away!
Why may I not just surrender to the need we both feel!
I am torn between what I know is right and what my heart tells me is so wrong.
Oh fate!
Cruel and unforgiving gods of the north, I beg to all who will hear to let me have just one night!
An hour or a second in his arms!
Suzaku!
Carry him down to me and let him take me away!
Byako!
Do not restrain his hands from touching my face!
Touda!
Ignite his passion for my body!
If you will not do these things for me than please do them for yourselves for surely I will go mad!
No.
No I must not let that happen.
I cannot replace love with lust.
Hisoka must never know of these dreams.
He's sleeping so soundly right next to me at this very second.
I can't do that to him.
I must be careful what I think and feel even while he sleeps.
I must go back to sleep and shake this dream from me before it hurts my beloved.
So I will lay here in the dark and beg Suzaku to fill Hisoka with her peace.
This is how it has been for too many years...and This is how it must be until the beautiful silver demon is dead...