Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Clark Gable (the song, not the man... I guess I don't own the man either). I think you know that by now.
Chapter Three
I know you're wise beyond your years,
But do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie
That you tell yourself to help you get by
The instant Ginny walked into the house, there was a pause and then everyone went back to doing what they were previously, just a little bit louder this time. As if Ginny didn't know that they had listened to every word.
"How can I help, Mum?" Ginny asked cheerfully, ignoring the glances everyone kept shooting at her.
"Chop those," her mother ordered, moving aside to let Ginny stand by her. She looked relieved to have help, but Ginny saw the concern in her eyes as she looked at her daughter. "You look lovely, Ginny."
Ginny attempted a smile, knowing very well it didn't look very real. But frankly, she just didn't give a damn.
Ginny spent the next few hours slicing and dicing pears, peaches, lemons, peppers, apples, and a strange fruit that Ginny was slightly afraid of. Harry ambled in a little bit after she did, and she knew by the sudden silence that he was getting the same reaction she had. She kept her head down and stared at the vegetables, not even noticing what she was doing. Her mind was, yet again, elsewhere.
"Ah, 'Arry!" She heard the Gabrielle coo the second he got into the house. "'You must come 'elp me put up decorations. Ees just too 'igh for my little 'ands!"
Ginny heard Harry mumble an excuse as he walked into the living room, and she couldn't help but sneak a peak back at the crestfallen young girl. Gabrielle looked astonished to be turned down. She looked over towards Ginny, and Ginny quickly swung her head back the other way.
"Gin, you're going to cut yourself!" Mrs. Weasley screamed, and Ginny quickly pulled up the knife, which had been dangerously close to her little finger.
"Sorry," Ginny mumbled, returning to her duty. After another hour of her labor, she heard Fleur call from behind.
"Ginny! What are you doing?" she sounded angry. "Making food in zat boot-iful dress? I zink not!"
Ginny dropped the knife quickly, startled. She quickly regained her composure. "I'll just go get refreshed," she muttered, happy to leave the kitchen.
As far as Ginny was concerned, the sooner this wedding was over, the better. She was already sick of having her whole family home, she couldn't wait until it was just her and her parent's again, so she could finally have some peace and quiet. She couldn't believe that just that morning she had actually been looking forward to this! As Ginny powdered her nose angrily, she heard someone approach from behind.
"Hey Ginny," Hermione said, moving in to stand next to the younger girl. "What's wrong?"
Ginny looked over at Hermione, looking so happy in her beautiful dress, and she just couldn't bring herself to tell her all about her problems. Hermione had been doing so much lately, she deserved a night of relaxation. Ginny's woes could wait.
"Oh, nothing, just a little anxious about the wedding," Ginny said, with a false smile. Hermione didn't look like she was buying it, so Ginny decided to change the subject.
"Hermione, I have a question," she said slowly.
"Go ahead," Hermione said with an inviting smile.
"Do you think..." Ginny cut herself off, not sure how to world the question. "Do you think he'll... he'll die?"
Hermione's smile slid off her face, replaced with a look that she had obviously been wearing a lot lately, a look of worry, fear, and exhaustion. Ginny was sure she was reflecting a similar face right back.
"I honestly don't know," Hermione said with a sad sigh. "He could, he could easily. Voldemort has way more practice under his belt, Harry's never killed anyone in his life. He just doesn't have that kind of hate in him, that kind of sheer anger. He can't separate his emotions the way Voldemort can, and that might get him hurt."
Ginny's lip began to quiver, and she looked down at her lap. Hermione wasn't finished, however.
"The thing is, Ginny... Harry's beaten him so many times. If Voldemort could kill him, he would have already been able to. Plus, Harry truly is his match, because as much hate and evil Voldemort has in his body, Harry's got twice as much love and goodness."
Ginny looked back up, a smile on her previously crestfallen face.
"Although Harry may not have the skill to fight Voldemort, he's got the heart," she smiled and added, "And the way he doesn't separate his emotions... that might just win it for him in the end."
"Time to go!" Fred called from behind them, all dressed up in his finest Muggle clothes, which just so happened to include a bright purple bow tie.
Ginny and Hermione got up slowly, and began walking towards the fireplace, their minds exploding with thoughts. Just as they were getting up to the fireplace, however, Ginny's pulled Hermione aside. She gave her friend a huge hug, smiling widely.
"I've missed you," she said into Hermione's hair, and Hermione smiled back.
"You don't know how exhausting it is to spend all your time with boys," she said with a laugh. They let go of each other and stepped up to the fireplace.
"So we're allowed to get into an ashy fireplace, but we can't cut vegetables?" Ginny muttered to her friend, who laughed.
"At least this way we can't chop our fingers off! You know how horrible that dress would look with a bit of red mixed in?" Hermione said with a giggle.
Ginny playfully hit her as they clambered into the smoky pit.
---
Ginny walked down the aisle slowly, walking the way she had been forced to practice for nearly an hour the day before. Her shoes were uncomfortably tight and her dress was too thin in this freezing church. Although she was shivering and her foot was bleeding, she did feel beautiful. Every eye was on her as she drifted down the aisle, the music playing lightly. Of course, the second Gabrielle stepped out from behind the big church doors, all the eyes shifted to her. All the eyes but two, of course.
Ginny was fully aware of Harry's eyes on her the entire time she had been walking down the aisle, much as she tried to ignore it. As she drew closer to the alter, though, she finally succumbed. She looked to her right at the first pew, where Harry was sitting next to her parents, Fred, George, Ron, and Hermione. Their eyes locked for a split second, nearly freezing Ginny mid step. She looked away quickly, but she couldn't deny the pounding of her heart.
She slid up the alter to stand next to Charlie, and as she passed Bill, she noticed how very happy he was. Happy to be in love, happy to be alive. A surge of jealousy passed through her body. All she wished was that she'd find love like that eventually, that someday she'd be so happy she could just burst.
However, she knew that it took a lot for Bill to get to this place in his life. Just look at the way his face had become a mask of his old one, the way his smile seemed odd and awkward on his strange features. The scars covering his face showed the scars of his past, and the scars of his future. The scars of the world's future.
Just then, it clicked for Ginny. She'd been selfish, more than ever imaginable. The way she felt as though her life had been ruined by Harry leaving, by Harry breaking up with her, but look at what could come from him not doing that. Everyone in this room, all the people she cared about most in the world, could all be gone in an instant. She was being stupid, arguing with him for doing this. She decided now that if he felt he could go and fight and be with her, he could tell her, but if he knew that to go and fight, he had to break up with her, she would respect that. Maybe she wouldn't agree with it, but she'd respect it. Because she did, in all, respect Harry.
Ginny was jerked out of her thoughts by Gabrielle. The young girl moved to stand next to Ginny, and while doing so, she stepped, rather roughly, onto Ginny's foot. Ginny gasped out loud in pain, as Gabrielle covered her mouth in fake shock.
"I'm soo sorry!" she whispered quietly. Then she swiveled her heel before moving her foot.
Ginny had tears welling up in her eyes from the searing pain, and she wanted nothing more than to reach over and throttle the little brat. Instead, she turned towards the church doors and waited for Fleur to float through.
The doors slowly swung open and Fleur stepped out on the arm of a devilishly handsome man, who Ginny assumed was her father. A halo of light came from the open doors, surrounding the two in a sort of spotlight. Not that Fleur needed one. Every eye was on her.
She wore a strapless white gown with a long silk train. Tiny sequined flowers covered the bodice of her dress beautifully, and she seemed to be floating on air. Her hair was pulled into a simple yet delicate twist, and a shimmering veil topped it, hanging down to her lower back.
Ginny, despite her feelings towards Fleur, began to truly tear up, and this time not only because Gabrielle had been wearing stilettos. She glanced at Bill and saw his eyes were watering as he took Fleur's hand from her dad. She also saw that both her own parents were crying, her mum a little bit more... dramatically so.
As the ceremony continued, more people began to cry, some hysterically, such as Mrs. Weasley, and others calmly, like Ginny. By the end, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. Ginny even swore she saw George wipe a tear.
"I now pronounce you," the priest said, "Man and wife." The room was filled with cheers as Bill and Fleur leaned in for a kiss. Ginny saw Bill mouth 'I love you' to Fleur, and when Fleur mouthed it back, the tears in Ginny's eyes toppled over the rims.
She walked back down the aisle slowly, pondering if she'd ever find love like this. As though he had been reading her thoughts, Harry suddenly appeared at her side. Her knight in shining armor as a child was now looking at her shyly, and she felt as though the rolls had been switched.
"What do you want, Harry?" she said exasperatedly. She was tired of fighting.
"I don't really know," he said quietly. "I just don't want us to be like this, I don't want us to be angry at each other."
"I'm not angry," Ginny said too quickly. She took a breath and continued. "I really do understand, Harry. You have to do this, and I want you to do whatever you think will help."
Harry nodded. "Gin, if I didn't have to go do this, I wouldn't have broken up with you. It's just... I'm scared."
"I understand," she said, reaching out and grabbing his hand. "I honestly do. When you get back, we can be together."
Harry nodded again, looking away. "What if I don't come back?" he said quietly.
"Well you have to!" Ginny said with a laugh, but he wasn't smiling back. She looked at him more seriously and continued. "Harry, I have pined after you since I was ten. I planned our wedding before I'd even met you. I never really believed, though, that you would return my feelings. But then, this past year, everything changed..." She looked down and he squeezed her hand gently. "I barely got a month with you, Harry."
He reached over and pulled her into a hug, as people gently nudged by them in the aisle.
"It's not fair," Ginny said quietly, holding him tightly.
"Nothing in my life has ever really been fair, Ginny," he said quietly. "But being with you was the closest I've ever gotten to feeling human, you know? It was the closest I've ever gotten to being a real person, to living the life I always wished I could live." He gently began to play with her hair and she nuzzled her head into his shoulder. "I don't want to leave you here, but I know it'll be so much harder if I leave you here without us being broken up."
"But why?" she asked quietly, not pleading with him, simply curious.
"Because I'm afraid that if I don't come back, you'll feel like you can't move on. And Ginny, all I want is for you to be happy," he pulled back and looked at her.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to move on."
He grabbed her hand and they began to walk towards the floo line. "You have to," he said. "The worst thing I can imagine is you being alone."
She nodded, looking away from him. Then she turned back, and she said, a bit roughly, "Harry, why do you always have to be so damn noble?"
He smiled sadly at her, but she still wouldn't look at him. "Why do you always have to fight it?" he asked gently, but she wasn't playing anymore.
"Malfoy and Snape know," she said quietly.
"What?"
"They know about us. They're going to tell him, and then he'll know."
Harry nodded. "But if they find out we're broken up, they'll think you didn't really mean anything to me." He looked over at her, but she was looking anywhere but at him. "They'd be wrong, though. You mean the world to me."
"Stop," she said sharply. "Just stop. Don't tell me how much I mean to you or how much you care about me. It just makes it all so much harder."
"Sorry," he said quietly, looking down. She looked over at him this time.
"Harry, I'm always going to love you, no matter what happens." She threw a handful of powder onto the fire. "If you realize you can love me and still fight, I'll be waiting. But if you don't think you'll ever be ready to love me one hundred percent, let me know. Because after nearly seven years, I think it's high time I move on."
And with that, she disappeared into the green flames.
---
The reception was in full swing by eleven o'clock that night. Ginny had been having fun, dancing wildly with her oldest friends and her beloved family, but her heart wasn't all the way in it. She couldn't stop thinking about Harry, about how miserable he looked. She knew she had hurt him, but she also knew that he deserved it. The way she had felt these last few weeks was all his fault, and he needed to feel even half as depressed as she did.
Ginny moved into the food line as her stomach began to growl. As she was waiting, a loud crack of thunder sounded. She looked at the sky, worried that it would begin to rain. A little bit of rain was all it would talk to send both her mother and Fleur over the edge.
Sure enough, by the time Ginny had finished her meal, a drop of rain splattered onto her head. Following that first drop came a sudden downpour. The guests screamed, the women covering their heads and the men wrapping up in their coats. They all ran inside quickly, hurrying to escape the approaching storm.
Ginny quickly joined her mother in picking up chairs and tables, trying to save what they could. Her hair was matted to her head and her mascara was surely running, but she didn't care. Her mum had worked far too hard on this wedding to have it destroyed by a little bit of water.
"Ginny, go inside!" Mrs. Weasley yelled at Ginny, but her voice was muffled by the winds that had started up.
"Mum, I'm fine!" Ginny yelled back, her voice equally as quiet. "It's no big deal."
They finally cleared everything, but as they were heading inside, Ginny felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Harry, just as wet as her, his wild hair finally staying down with the water.
"Let's get inside!" Ginny called to him and began to go towards the door. He didn't follow. "We'll be inside in a second," she yelled to her Mum. She looked worried but nodded and closed the door behind her.
"Ginny, I need to talk to you," Harry said nervously.
"Harry, we've talked enough. Can't we just go inside?" She began to shiver and wrapped her arms around her body.
"I want to be alone for once," he said, taking off his coat and handing it to her.
"I'm fine," she declined, pushing it back. "Okay, what is so important that you can't tell me inside?"
"Ginny," he said, but looked down and didn't continue. "Ginny, I'm scared."
She looked at him, surprised. The rain on his cheeks was mixed with tears as he lowered his face into his hands. He looked so vulnerable and innocent, so she reached out to him.
"Harry," she said, pulling him to her. She didn't know the right words to say, so instead she just held him, letting him cry onto her shoulder.
"He's taken everything from me," he began to whisper into her ear. "He took my parents, and then Sirius, and now Dumbledore. He's taken anyone who ever meant anything to me. What if he takes Ron and Hermione? What if he takes your parents?" He sniffed. "Ginny, what if he takes you?"
"Harry, he won't," she said, rubbing the back of his neck lightly. "He won't take us. There is nothing in the world that could keep us from you, Harry."
"You're so amazing," he cried softly. "You're so amazing and I can't have you."
"You'll always have me," Ginny whispered.
"No, I can't," he said, pulling away from her. "I can't have you. You need to hate me, you need to hate me so that it's easier for me to leave."
She shook her head. "Harry, you know I won't ever hate you."
"Why the hell not? I've been horrible to you!" The vulnerable, crying Harry of seconds before was gone, and the comforting, loving Ginny had disappeared along with him.
"Because I love you!" she shouted. "I love you and you know it! And I know this may sound a bit egotistical, but I'm pretty sure you love me, too!"
He backed away from her. "I can't do this," he said, shaking his head. "I can't do this anymore. I don't want to fight."
"THEN LET ME LOVE YOU!" she shouted, her words echoing through the rain. She let out a sob and a silence formed around them, shaking them to the core. Her powerful words had struck him, but he wouldn't let her know that.
Harry simply shook his head, the tears forming again. "I don't deserve you," he said, then turned and walked into the noisy house.
Ginny turned away from the house, tears once again forming in her eyes. She was getting sick of this, this crying over Harry thing. But as the tears began to pour, she realized she couldn't separate them from the rain that was dripping down her cheeks. She looked up towards the rain, catching the raindrops on her eyelashes, and peace washed over her.
It was strange, but whenever Ginny felt sad or angry or depressed, and she couldn't find a bit of happiness in her, she would forget the feeling of being happy. It would just wash right out of her body, and it made her wonder if she was ever truly happy.
Ginny had spent majority of her life lonely. She was always alone, she never really had a best friend. Up until her forth year, she had gone unnoticed by nearly everyone at Hogwarts, known as either a Weasley or that girl Harry Potter once saved. When Michael had asked her out, her life changed dramatically. She showed him her personality, she showed him a part of her she'd never shown anyone before.
With him, she had been happy. With him, she had felt beautiful and smart and funny. With help from him, she realized who she really was. Which was why, after breaking up with Michael, she didn't feel horrible. She knew that it was over long before it really was, but she had held on to him simply because of the way he made her feel. When they had broken up, she realized she could feel that way without him, and that was the day her life truly changed.
The rain washed away Ginny's tears as she continued to look up at the dark sky. Without Harry, she was still her. She was still the same girl as she had always been. But part of her had been changed by Harry. He taught her that she didn't need to settle. The way Harry made her feel, the intense love she had for him, that wasn't going anywhere. She knew that she would never be with anyone who didn't give her that feeling, even if she had to die alone. The thought of being with someone for the rest of her life who didn't make her smile or laugh like that, who didn't make her feel like she was floating on air, that made her want to cry.
She heard the screen door squeak as someone pulled it open. For a fleeting second, her heart jumped, hoping it was the only person she really wanted to see.
Instead, though, she heard her mum's voice.
"Ginny, come inside! You're going to get sick!"
Ginny sighed and walked back inside, back to the party. However, she wasn't in a very festive mood.
A/N: I suppose it's a good time to update. Things have been hectic lately and are going to get even more hectic soon, but I'll try to update once a week until you're caught up to my other site. But for now, you'll just have to be happy with my slow pace. Thank you for the reviews and love, keep it coming.