Return of The King.
"Try and coax the little darling this way would you Harry?"
"Coax? COAX? Hagrid, it's a fucking Chimera. You cannot seriously be thinking of teaching this. Jees, I am not flameproof you blasted goat."
"Now now 'arry, no need a be rude t'lady. She can' 'elp it if she's a wee bit gassy. She 'ad weasels fer breakfast, didn't you Belle me beau'y."
"Belle? You called her Belle?"
"It means Beauty."
"I know what it means Hagrid. I also remember my Care of Magical Creatures lessons rather well too. Didn't you tell us that one of the first known Chimera was killed by a man called Bellerophon."
"Well that aint the least bit the same."
"Except for Belle being the beginning of Bellerophon."
Hagrid appeared flustered and ran a hand through his ragged hair. Being unable to think of an appropriate response he turned back to the Chimera to find that Charlie had tempted her into her enclosure with a bit of dead stoat.
"Hey, that was for lunch."
"And deprive the house elves of feeding you, oh Rubeus, that's just downright mean. Oh look, his majesty's arrived."
"Majesty?"
Hagrid and Harry turned to view the spectacle that was a muggle classic car steaming at full pelt along the new driveway that had been built to allow parents to drop off their children for Primary school. The Panther Lima screeched to a dramatic halt just past the front steps of the main building, creating such a spray of gravel that it clattered against the windows, just missing his brother and friends as they ran up to greet him.
"Oops."
"Ron! What on earth is that?"
"Like it? It's a Series 2 Panther Lima, there were only 300 made, totally British built, no foreign rubbish. I couldn't bring all the cars with me, so I picked this one. Couldn't leave my beautiful little monster at home now could I?"
"Tell me you didn't choose the orange paint because of the Cannons."
"Don't be daft. All my cars have a bit of orange on them, it's the Weasley trademark. I think it goes nice with the black edging, classy."
Harry laughed and coughed over something that sounded like "brassy", but there was too much other noise for Ron to notice. The pebble dashing that he had given the castle had called out the troops and old Gryffindors were rushing to welcome their old friend.
Sirius was naturally impressed with the machine and immediately tried to arrange a race, bike against car. Ron was horrified, explaining that he pushed her to her limits but he wasn't about to set her up like a stock car. It was slightly disconcerting that he stroked the car as he rejected the challenge.
"So, looks like everyone's here except Hermione. Luna! How are you? I haven't seen you since the last holiday on Musha Cay."
"I'm fine Ron. Looking forward to predicting doom and gloom for some poor unsuspecting Gryffindors."
"Oh, don't you dare. What's the use of getting rid of Trelawny if you just follow suit?"
Ron took one look at Luna's screwed up face that was desperately trying not to show her distaste and realised that the lunatic was still in the attic. He groaned in sympathy and scanned the amassing crowd to make sure that he hadn't made an enemy of a fellow Professor the second he'd set foot on school grounds. He was relieved to note her absence.
Dumbledore was striding down the steps, arms outstretched to greet him. Ron managed to duck the hug and soundly the clapped the old man on the shoulder in a manly unhug-like manner before greeting the other Professors.
"Wow. What is that?"
Ron looked at the dark haired young boy and smiled. School was nowhere near to starting, he must belong to one of the Professors.
"It's a car. What muggles use instead of broomsticks and apparition. I'll give you a ride sometime if your parents will let you."
"Oh may I Papa, please?"
Severus came up and reclaimed his eldest son, much to Ron's surprise.
"I have no objections Owen. It would be fair for you to share too though, Ronald might be interested in your broomboards. He used to like flying a lot and if you're getting a ride then he ought to get one too. Let him get settled in first, he's only just got here and the car isn't going to disappear."
Ron recovered from his surprise quickly enough to stick out a hand before the Potions Master disappeared back into the shadows. He was equally as surprised to find it accepted by a sun-tanned counterpart. Looking up he noted the all over suntan, casual clothing and the long clean feminine hairstyle. He grinned.
"Good to see you Sir. You're obviously keeping well. Nice boy you've got there. That must be some woman you've found yourself, she managed to teach the both of you some manners."
The silence told Ron that this time he had visibly put his foot in it.
"Okay, just tell me. What did I say?"
"There is no woman Mr. Weasley."
"Oh? Oh! Merlin, I'm sorry. It never occurred to me that she might not be around, I am sorry."
"You also still talk before you think. I was reliably informed that you had resolved that issue."
Ron grinned again, "In the main, yes but I'm afraid I am still me, so when it comes to greeting old friends, I am just as liable to say the wrong thing. I am sorry you know."
"So I gathered. You are also wrong. There is no woman because there never was. My husband and I managed to produce children without needing to resort to those measures."
"Your husband? OH! Blimey, okay, um, well done. Plural? How many kids have you got?"
"Five."
"HA! Well, I guess I won't be getting any "like rabbits" comments from you these days."
"Oh, I don't know. You could always take it as advice. If my mother-in-law is anything to go by, your mother must be getting awfully desperate for grandchildren by now."
"Don't remind me. Unfortunately, when I get time to date, they don't appreciate that my grown up qualities are all professional. I need a Quidditch loving, prank pulling woman who likes a good adventure. Sadly it's all dinners and opera and the expectation of posies."
Luna suddenly grabbed his arm as he opened the boot to retrieve his luggage and shrunken furniture.
"Hey, do you remember that reading I did for you a couple of years ago?"
"Not really."
"The desired will be found in the familiar."
"You know Luna, I have a lot of respect for you but that stuff all sounds like Trelawny to me. What the hell is that supposed to mean, how do you know it means that and what the bleeding hell has it got to do with my love life."
"Well, the reading was about your love life, remember? You can't get more familiar than Hogwarts."
"Hmm. Yeah, well as long as you don't hook me up with Trelawny…"
Many of the older Professors had begun to move off, secure in the knowledge that the clattering intrusion had not been purposeful and would not be repeated. Many welcomed back their old student, whilst others chose to wait until a later time to introduce themselves.
Ron dumped bags of shrunken belongings into the arms of Sirius and Remus, draping pressed robes on Harry and grabbing the rest of his belongings before beginning to drag it all inside.
Neville was leading the way up to the Professors' Tower when one of the new Professors came barrelling up. Ron stopped as the windswept woman tried to catch her breath, the Dragonforce 10 under her arm was no doubt the cause of that.
"Hi there. Irma Goodwin, Ancient Runes. That was a bloody awesome entrance you just made. Series 2 isn't it? I got to drive a series 1 once but the 2s are much rarer and the box section chassis is so much stronger. Does it still have the original walnut dashboard?"
Ron grinned.
"Hi. Ron Weasley, Muggle Studies. Thanks. Yes it's a Series 2 and yes it has the original dashboard."
"Ron Weasley? THE Ron Weasley?"
"Oh I like you! I've never merited a 'THE" before."
"You were part of the trio weren't you? Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley. That is you, isn't it?"
"Uh, yes and this would be Harry, that I've draped with all my clobber and Hermione's going to be here in a few days. How did you get roped into this then? Look why don't you come and help me find my rooms, we can get acquainted."
"Really? Sure, if you don't mind the fact that I'm all windswept and smell of broom polish. And I got roped in by Firenze. I have an unfortunate habit of going and explaining why people are using their runes all wrong. The goblins are always really good about it, but I forgot how stuffy the centaurs can get. Firenze rescued me from becoming a centaur propelled quaffle and we've been friends ever since. We wrote a paper together a couple of years ago on how Ancient Runes could be used to greater effect in everyday life. Professor Dumbledore let me loose on the creature enclosure, no-one is going to get hurt in there now."
"Shame, the squealing bleeding ferret was one of the best shows we ever saw in that lesson."
Harry shrugged the robes onto one arm and grimaced in sympathy towards Ron, "The squealing bleeding ferret is here, complete with freaky wife and female spawn."
"Are you talking about Draco Malfoy?"
"Yes. You know him?"
"Not very well. He's a nice quiet chap by what I've seen of him. Keeps himself smart despite the fact he's poorer than a church mouse. His wife is a good friend of mine and she isn't 'freaky', she's part elvish and mute, you have to take the time to get to know her."
"Right. Well, we'll see how he behaves and I'll act accordingly. I'm not going to be a prick and rub his nose in our reversed social positions, if he's polite, then I will be too."
"Good. Now do any of you have the stomach for a pre-term prank run?"
Ron dumped his bags through his open door and bowed deeply to Irma.
"My good lady, you must have been sent by the Gods themselves."
She stared at him blankly.
"You like pranking? Harry and myself here are the only two non-twin partners in Weasleys Wizard Wheezes. We have access to all manner of experimental trickery and it is my absolute honour and delight to finally meet a proper woman. No offence to the rest of woman-kind, but they have no ruddy sense of humour. You and I are going to spend a LOT of time together. Tell me, do you like Champagne?"