The song for this chapter is Far Behind by Candlebox.
The next morning was hard. She drug herself out of bed and stumbled towards the bathroom, avoiding the mirrors at all costs. Her head pounds from crying and lack of sleep and as she pats some cool water on her heated cheeks, she closes her eyes and lays her forehead against the mirror above the sink.
After taking a long pause to collect herself as much as possible, she walks back into her bedroom and grabs her phone from the nightstand.
No unanswered calls and no new messages.
With a long sigh, she falls back onto her bed and covers her head with a pillow to block out the early afternoon sun from her window. 'It's a miracle mom hasn't torn me a new asshole for not being at work yet.'
The ding of a text from her phone makes her heart leap with hope then the sadness sets back in as she sees it's only Devon. 'Stop playing the fool. He won't text, it's over with him.'
Devon: hey lets hang out, unless you're busy with the prospect
Honey: just come over
She drops her phone beside her and rolls onto her stomach, pressing her face against the cool spot on her pillow and just laying there alone with her thoughts.
'He told me I was a child.' She tries to hold back the tears as her mind plays last night's events on repeat like a bad home movie. 'I'm going to prove him wrong and he's going to want me back.'
Devon walks in smiling then immediately gasps as she sees her best friend's condition. "Oh my god, Honey. What happened?"
Honey slowly sits up, shrugging as she looks down at her legs. "I'm a child."
"What?" Devon carefully sits on the edge of the bed beside her, brushing Honey's thick, tangled hair out of her face.
"Kip. Half Sack." She swallows hard as she looks away towards the window. "He told me that I was a child, I couldn't connect with him the way he wanted. The way Cherry can."
Devon is at a loss for words, the only thing she can think to do is wrap her arms around Honey. "I'm sorry. He cheated?"
She nods, laying her head on Devon's shoulder smelling the musky perfume she had on. "With a club whore from out of town." Devon rubs ber back gently and stays quiet, knowing talking about it would make Honey feel even worse.
Finally Honey raises her head, sniffling quietly and looking up at Devon with pink rimmed eyes. "I want to stop feeling, Dev. It hurts so much."
Devon nods, sighing sadly as she sees the defeat in her friend's eyes. "I know, Hon. I'm sorry this happened, I really am."
Honey shrugs and looks down at her legs, not wanting Devon to see the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. "I'll get over it."
"Honey-" The venomous stare Honey directs at her is enough to make her mouth snap shut in shock.
"I will get over it." Honey mutters, getting up and walking over to her closet to search the shelf for the shoebox she kept hidden behind some old boots.
Devon nods, not wanting to make her angry on top of being hurt. "Alright." She sighs softly as she watches Honey grab the worn Converse box and walk back to the bed. "I thought you were trying to quit."
Honey shrugs as she uncaps the half-full bottle of coconut flavored rum from the box, taking a huge gulp and barely reacting as it burns all the way down. "I have no one to be sober for anymore." Devon sighs but only watches as Honey continues drinking, both of them sitting in silence.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Half Sack sits at the bar, spinning an empty bottle of beer slowly as he sighs to himself. 'I really fucked up...She doesn't want me anymore. I'm stuck with Cherry.'
Opie walks in behind him, glancing towards the chapel then at the forlorn man sitting at the bar. "Where are the guys?"
Half Sack shrugs mumbling, "Out, I guess."
Opie frowns, walking over to him and noticing his red eyes and the bags beneath his eyes. "You okay?"
Again, he shrugs non commitedly and takes another drink of beer. "Sure." 'I only broke your sister's heart being a dick and regret it now.'
Opie watches him for a moment then sighs as he grabs himself a beer and sits beside the younger man. "Girl problems?"
"How'd you know?" He mumbles as he peels the label on his beer halfway off.
Opie pops his beer open and takes a long drink, sighing heavily. "I know the feeling."
"Have you ever..." He sighs, not knowing how to phrase it and not wanting the burly man to think of him as a wimp.
Opie raises his eyebrow, looking at Half Sack as he nods for him to continue. "We're just men getting drunk, go ahead."
"It's hard to explain...I did something that I thought was right...and I hurt someone I care about. I'm sorry I hurt her, I really am, but I needed to try something new." He runs his fingers through his hair in aggravation, groaning softly. "This is coming out all wrong."
"I think I get it. I'm guessing you had a girl and you and the sweetbutt had a thing?" Opie watches him nod. "And now you regret it because you hurt the girl."
"I could see her falling apart. She saw me kiss Cherry." He swallows hard as he remembers the dull, pained look in her eyes. "She's the sweetest girl I've ever met. She's nice to everyone who doesn't give her a reason not to be...but that's the problem."
"She's too nice?" Opie chuckles softly as he gets up to replenish their beers.
"Too innocent." Half Sack sighs as he looks down at the wooden grain of the bar. "I took her virginity. She's never been on her own, had to fend for herself. I feel like I can't connect to her with real shit, so I would fuck her whenever we were together instead of talking. But Cherry and I could talk, we could bond and understand each other."
Opie frowns as he watches Half Sack staring down at his phone. "If you felt that way, why did you keep seeing her?"
"I love her. Or I think I do. Shit, I don't even know anymore." He sighs and closes his eyes, whispering softly, "It all moved so fast...we met, then a couple weeks later we had sex. We haven't even gone out on a date yet."
"Whose fault is that though?" Opie asks honestly, feeling kind of bad for the obviously distressed man.
"What?" Half Sack frowns as he looks up at the bearded man.
"You said yourself that you just fucked around with her. What made you never take her out, her or you?" Opie finishes his second beer as Half Sack stares at him.
"Shit." He mumbles, rubbing his hands over his face. "I'm such an asshole."
"Do you want her back or do you want Cherry?" Opie sighs as he leans against the bar, grabbing his cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one.
Half Sack stays quiet, deep in thought as Opie pats his shoulder and walks back towards the dorms.
o-o-o-o-o-o
She stayed away for the rest of the week, trying to heal enough to show up and fight for her prospect. She hadn't gotten there yet; the thought of seeing him happy without her was enough to make her cry again. So she stayed in her bedroom, avoiding her parents under the guise of period cramps and head colds. They were busy with club business so they didn't push it much.
Every day, Devon had come by to check up on Honey, her worried eyes taking note of the tired eye bags and the weight she had lost from living off of rum, weed, and poptarts for a week. She knew Honey was close to self destructing and she also knew the only one who might have a chance at fixing it was also the one who caused it.
After making sure Honey was as okay as yesterday, still bundled beneath her blanket despite the humid summer air, Devon drives towards the garage hoping to find the prospect she had only met once. She parks beside the row of bikes and gets out, giving Tig a soft smirk as he winks at her. 'Later.' She mouths to him as she walks towards the bay where she can see red-blonde hair sticking out from under the hood of a white car.
She walks over, her sandals barely making any sound on the hot pavement as she sneaks up behind him and crosses her arms, watching him work for a moment then calling out, "Prospect."
He turns around and Devon frowns as she sees the almost sad look on his face. "Yeah?" He mumbles as he sets his wrench down and leans back against the grill of the car.
"I...you need to talk to Honey." She says quietly, coming to stand beside him. He shakes his head immediately, looking away.
"No. That's over." He says clearly as he turns back to his tools, dismissing her. She rolls her eyes and grabs his work shirt, glaring at him.
"Well she hasn't left her bed in four days and all she asks about is you so clearly it isn't over for her." Devon watches as he slowly turns back to face her frowning.
"Is she okay?" He murmurs, his heart throbbing in pain as he imagines the girl he loved hurting over him.
Devon scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Is she okay? You used her, fucked her over, and broke her. She lives on rum and weed, I try to get her to at least eat a poptart everyday but she's still losing weight. She's hidden all the mirrors in her room so she doesn't have to look at herself."
"Shit..." He mumbles as he runs an oil-covered hand through his hair, leaving black streaks.
"You know where she lives. Talk to her." Devon turns and walks into the clubhouse, walking straight to the first dorm she comes too. She grins as she sees Tig sitting on his bed waiting for her. 'Maybe he'll be up to letting me get my frustrations out.'
Half Sack watches her walk away and sighs as he turns back to the car. 'If I go talk to her, I know I'll end up doing something I shouldn't. I can't, I have Cherry and Honey needs to move on.'
o-o-o-o-o-o
Honey sighs to herself as she hears the door downstairs shut and then quiet footsteps on the stairs. She pulls her comforter over her head, pretending to be asleep. 'It's probably Devon.'
To her surprise, there is a knock on her door. 'Devon never knocks.' She frowns as she slowly peeks out from under her blanket, calling out quietly and hoarsely, "Who is it?"
"It's Half Sack..." Hearing his quiet voice sends a jolt of hope straight to her heart and she sits up immediately, trying to hide the empty bottles of rum in the floor and the burnt up remains of the joints on her nightstand.
"Shit, uhm, come in!" She smooths her hair back as much as she can, trying to pretend he hadn't broken her. He steps into her room shutting the door behind him and she can't help but smile softly as she sees him. "Hey..."
"Hey, Honey..." He pulls her desk chair over to the side of her bed and sits down, playing with his fingers. 'How do I do this?' He can smell the heavy scent of weed and alcohol permeating the room and it nearly makes his stomach turn knowing it was because of him.
"What're you doing here?" She bites her lip softly as she reaches out and gently runs her fingers along the black oil marks in his hair.
He gently grabs her wrist before she can touch his hair, holding her hand in his as he sighs softly. "We need to talk."
She frowns then shivers slightly at his touch as he runs his fingertips gently over her inner wrist, over the ink and the veins that were there. "About what?"
"You have to live." He traces the words on her wrist, remembering the day she had gotten the tattoo at the clubhouse. "You can't just lay here and slowly kill yourself because of me."
"I-I'm not..." She mumbles, pulling her arm away and turning to look out the window as her shoulders slump dejectedly.
He glances pointedly at the collection of bottles half hidden under her bed. "Honey, please. Just try."
Slowly, she nods. Her eyes slowly move down to rest on her thighs as she whispers, "You're with her now, aren't you?"
He frowns as he looks down in guilt. "...yeah. How did you know?"
Leaning forward, she gently runs her fingertips along his neck where a trail of soft hickeys were. "The sweetbutt marked her territory." His hand moves to cover them but she shakes her head. "No, don't. If fucking her makes you happy, do it. I can't control you anymore than you can control me now."
As if to illustrate her point, she grabs the rum bottle from under her pillow and drinks the last gulp, her eyes never leaving his. He swallows hard as he looks down guiltily, knowing he had fucked up more than he had even realized. "Honey..."
"I was waiting for you. To try to win you back." She mumbles, tossing the empty bottle into the floor. "What a joke."
He sighs and closes his eyes, whispering, "We don't belong together, Honey. You know that."
"Actually, I don't. You can't sit there and tell me what is right and what is wrong like you're god." Honey crosses her arms, staring at him with an intensity that surprised him. "What did I do to make you not like me anymore?"
"You didn't do anything-" She cuts him off quickly.
"Then you never liked me. If you can get tired of me that easily then all those times you told me you loved me and that you were gonna make me your old lady one day, it was all lies." She stands up and walks into her bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her.
He sighs and stands up slowly, casting a regretful, sad look towards the shut door before walking back downstairs and heading back to TM.
Meanwhile Honey slides down with her back against the door until she's sitting on the floor, listening to his bike driving away. Tears slowly slide down her cheeks as she closes her eyes, rocking herself slowly.
It takes almost an hour for her tears to finally run out. She slowly stands up, tired of crying but not ready to try to heal yet, and walks back into her room grabbing her phone shakily.
'Do I really want to do this?' She stares down at the contact name, biting her lip as she hovers her thumb over the text button. 'Fuck it, I need something simple. I just need to know something is real.'
With trembling fingers she types out a text she never thought she would send again.
Honey: I'm coming tonight, pick me up
o-o-o-o-o-o
Honey rolls her eyes as she sees the all black 2008 Dodge Charger creeping around the corner and slowly coming to a stop in front of her. 'He thinks he's such a badass.'
She gets into the passenger side, crossing her legs and smoothing her black skater skirt over her knees as she glances at Justin. He flashes her a charming grin as his eyes take in the tight, nearly see through white, cropped tank top she wore.
"I see you dressed up, baby girl." His hand slowly runs from her knee up her thigh as he drives, gradually moving higher as she sits back and stares out the windshield. "We've missed seeing you around the parties. Frank didn't think you'd be back but I knew you couldn't stay away for long."
She rolls her eyes, hiding it behind her hair before turning to him with a serious look, her pouty nude lips capturing his attention more than anything else. "Justin, I'm only coming to get drunk and forget my life for a while. I'm not here to play the dick sucking whore anymore, or let your friends try and grab me when you have me dancing on the table, and I'm sure as hell not becoming a regular again."
He nods slowly, eyes still flickering between the road and her lips as he slowly pulls her hand over to his. "Whatever you say, babe."
'Somehow, I'm beginning to regret this.' She doesn't bother pulling her hand away, turning to stare out the window until they get to the big two story, pale blue house built on one of Charming's back roads. Cars were parked haphazardly around the house blocking each other in and the bass from the music reverberates clearly outside as Honey gets out of Justin's car.
Before she can walk up the short path to the front door, Justin grabs her wrist and she turns to look into his warm brown eyes. "Honey..."
"Just get me drunk, Justin." She murmurs, looking down at her black wedge heels. "Please, no questions."
He nods, his dirty blonde hair falling into his face a little as he leads her inside, through the crowd of people grinding and dancing in the living room, and into the kitchen. "You still drink rum?"
She thinks about it for a moment before shaking her head as she sits on the counter, swinging her legs slowly. "Surprise me with something."
He raises an eyebrow at her but shrugs and grabs a bottle of vodka from the shelf above her head. She wraps her legs around him and he smirks slightly as he looks down at her, taking a sip of the vodka and grimacing at the burn.
Giggling quietly, she takes the bottle and looks into his eyes as she takes one big swallow of the bitter, burning liquid, her face barely showing any change.
"Damn, you're actually serious." He mumbles, his hands coming to rest on her smooth thighs.
"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't." She whispers as she sets the bottle aside and slips her arms around his neck, her fingers slowly running through his greasy blonde hair.
He nods slowly and smirks at her as he glances at the bottle then at her. "Wanna go upstairs?"
She shakes her head and pushes him away slightly. "Not yet." She hops off the counter and grabs the bottle, her hips swaying seductively as she walks off towards the living room. She flinches slightly as the voice that lived in the back of her head comes out. 'What would Kip think if he saw you right now?'
'He isn't mine anymore. He has Cherry, so I'm gonna have my own fun.' She takes another drink of the vodka and ignores the burn that ignites her chest and throat. She smiles flirtatiously as she sees a dark headed guy staring her way from across the room. 'Like him...he looks fun.'
She stays by the stairs, getting drunker and drunker off the vodka until Justin comes up behind her, whispering against her neck. "Honey, let's go upstairs."
She nods slowly, letting him lead her into the bedroom she remembered as being his parents. "Justin, what're we doing?"
"Nothing you haven't done before."
o-o-o-o-o-o
Half Sack is startled out of his sleep by his phone dinging on the nightstand. Cherry tightens her arms around his midsection and rubs her face against his chest as he reaches over carefully to grab it, not wanting to wake her up. He frowns as he sees the messages, some of them sent almost an hour ago.
Elizabeth: I'm gonna forget you
Elizabeth: you're probably fucking Cherry right now anyway
Elizabeth: new picture message.
He frowns as he sees the blurry image of Honey on her knees, her hands out of frame and her tank top pulled down to let her breasts spill out of the neckline. 'Shit, she can't actually...' The voice he had come to despise spoke up from his kind. 'What's stopping her? You dropped her, she's young and hot.'
He continues reading the messages, slowly sitting up and disentangling himself from Cherry.
Elizabeth: i need you kip...i miss you...
As he starts to type a reply, he receives another text.
Elizabeth: i loved you so much...why wasn't it enough?
Kip: it was enough Honey...it just couldn't work out
Elizabeth: it could have if you wanted it to
Sighing as he walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him for privacy, he dials her number from memory.
Her drunken, slurred voice answers after only a couple rings. "What do you want?"
"Honey, you're drunk." He whispers, the guilt in his heart growing more.
"Yeah, no shit." She hiccups and he can hear the sound of a car going by. "I wanted to forget. I guess God hates me cuz all it did was make me feel even more worthless."
"Where are you?" He asks as he leans against the counter.
"At a party." Her vague answer makes him frown even more as he glances at the time.
"Honey, what are you doing out getting drunk at 4am?" He raises his voice a little as he starts to imagine all the worst case scenarios.
She yells into the phone, "Leave me alone! Like you care anyway..." Suddenly she laughs. "You want to know what I'm doing? What did we used to do when I snuck out at 4am to see you?"
Before he could respond, she hangs up. Tucking her phone back into her shirt she continues walking along the side of the road on the shoulder, her heels in her hand and her bare feet aching as she sees the mile marker sign telling her town was 5 miles away.
'This was a dumb idea.' She sighs as she glances down the road both ways, seeing no cars in sight. 'You could've gotten a ride from somebody else even if Justin refused.'
Shaking her head at her own stupidity, then immediately regretting it as she turns and vomits, falling to her knees as she empties the contents of her stomach into a bush. Once she's done, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and struggles to stand up again, then groans as she hears a car stopping behind her. 'Great, now I'm going to get kidnapped.'
A hand on her shoulder startles her and she shrieks as she jumps back, her head responding with a pounding headache as she squints up at the man.
"Hale?" She mumbles as she steps towards him then collapses against him. "Hi..."
"Honey," He sighs as he looks down at her then picks her up bridal style easily. She giggles, holding onto his neck as she squirms in his arms.
"Captain America! Where's your costume? Ooh, can I be Thor? Then I could beat people with my hammer..." Her head drops to rest on his shoulder as he carries her to his Jeep and sets her down in the passenger seat.
"No, Honey. You aren't Thor, and you're lucky I'm not arresting you for underage drinking and public intoxication." He shuts the passenger door and walks around to the drivers side as she curls up in the seat.
"Might as well charge me, Mr. America. Everything else has fucked me over this week, you might as well get your turn." She mumbles, stretching her legs out to lay in his lap.
He sighs as he looks over at her, driving towards town. "Not everything is against you, Honey."
"It feels like it is." She laughs softly and humorlessly. "Don't try to understand me, David. You could never relate."
He stays quiet but she can see the muscle in his jaw jumping as if he were angry. She turns to look out the window as he drives her home, her throbbing forehead pressed against the cool window.
o-o-o-o-o-o
The next morning she woke up with a pounding headache and the feeling of someone watching her. Peeking out from under her pillow, she sighs as she sees Devon staring at her in disappointment. 'Maybe if I pretend to be asleep...'
"Honey, I know you're awake." Her unamused voice makes Honey flinch slightly and she slowly sits up, closing her eyes as her stomach does somersaults. "What were you thinking going to Justin's?"
"I know what he wants. There's no having to figure him out or wonder if he's about to break my heart." Honey mumbles, tilting her head down as she feels the pounding in her temples intensify.
Devon scoffs, shaking her head. "Yeah, all he wants is his dick sucked and a hot girl to han on him so people think he's a badass player."
"And I can do that." Honey says quietly, slowly getting up to walk into the bathroom.
"Have you forgotten everything you used to be?" Devon stares at her best friend in disbelief. "You used to have enough dignity to not be his toy. You hated the thought of him using you."
"I don't care." Honey walks into the bathroom and groans as Devon follows her. "You don't get it. You've never had someone you love throw you away."
"You're right, I don't get it. You know why? Because if someone did hurt me like that, I wouldn't give up on myself like you're doing." Honey rolls her eyes then clutches her forehead as the motion brings a new wave of pain.
"I'm not giving up." She holds her stomach as she slowly kneels to sit on the side of the bathtub. "Please leave me alone..."
Devon stares at her for a moment before shaking her head and turning to leave, slamming the bathroom door behind her.
'You're supposed to be there for me...' Honey thinks bitterly, looking at the door as a tear runs down her cheek. 'I know I fucked up but why does everybody have to gang up on me?'
Carefully, she undresses and gets into the shower as she dreads going downstairs to face her parents.