This chapter's song is Lips of an Angel by Hinder.
Sorry it took so long for this chapter, I'm trying to catch up on all my stories I have going on now.
It took nearly an hour for her to sober up enough to get dressed and head downstairs, throwing on a pair of lounge shorts and a baggy tshirt she had stolen from Jax long ago. She crept down the stairs and let out a small sigh of defeat when she sees her mother seated at the dining room table, coffee mug in hand and her lips pursed as she watches her only daughter struggle to keep her head up.
"Guess you had a rough night." The cold, accusatory tone made Honey flinch before looking down at the chipped red nail polish on her toenails.
"I just went to a party, mom." Even Honey cringed at the sound of her voice, hoarse and cracking like a prepubescent boy. In an effort to look normal, she turns away from Gemma to peer into the cabinets searching for something she thought she could eat and not regret. Her eyes stumble upon the box of poptarts and she reaches for it only to be pushed aside as Gemma shuts the cabinet.
She crosses her arms, staring down at her daughter with something akin to disappointment before scoffing. "Get dressed and get your ass to work."
Honey looks down at her bruised thighs, vaguely remembering someone's sweaty hands gripping them while she grinded to the beat of whatever song was pounding in her head. "Actually, I was going to take the day off..."
"Like hell you are, the garage is swamped." Gemma glares at her youngest child, crossing her arms. "If you aren't at work in 20 minutes, I'm taking your car keys and your phone away until you start acting like you give a damn about this club."
"The club." Honey mutters, too hungover and fed up to hold back her emotions this morning. She glares up at her mother, her hands clenched in tight fists at her sides. "It's always about the club, when are you gonna act like you give a damn about me?"
"This club is the only family we have." Gemma leans in until their noses are almost touching, murmuring, "The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be on all of us."
Honey shakes her head, laughing humorlessly. "I didn't realize I was such an inconvenience to you." She shoves past Gemma, walking towards the stairs as she tries to stop the tears trying to escape her eyes. 'He was the only one I could escape with and now he's gone.'
-o-o-o-o-o-
After throwing on a blue tshirt and some denim cutoffs, she trudges downstairs and out to her car with her head down and her black Ray Bans on to block out the hot summer sunlight. Her car was still haphazardly parked in the driveway where she had left it after that night. It was a wonder that the neighbors hadn't complained considering one of the back wheels was firmly planted in their flower bed.
On the drive to the clubhouse, she tries to close her mind off, already feeling the panic and anxiety tightening her chest. 'Juice probably has something, Xanax or maybe just some weed...I can't take this feeling anymore, not this time...'
All too soon for her liking, she arrives at the clubhouse and parks in her usual spot, ignoring the white Dyna parked down the line of bikes as she gets out and walks towards the office. She managed to make it to the office before collapsing into the desk chair, swiping her fingers along her undereyes to gently wipe the stray tears away. 'He's everywhere. Everywhere I look there's a memory.'
The knot in her chest grows tighter and she gasps, struggling to breath normally as she slowly starts gathering the paperwork Gemma had piled up for her. Her hands tremble slightly as she hears a knock on the door and she looks up, thankful her sunglasses hid her red tinged, watery eyes. 'Please, let it be anyone but him...'
Thankfully, Happy steps inside and frowns immediately, crouching beside Honey's chair and, with uncharacteristic gentleness, removes her sunglasses and lays them on the desk. As soon as the weight lifts from her face, she closes her eyes knowing she wouldn't be able to hold the tears back now.
"Honey." His low gravelly voice was softened in concern and she lost it.
Her head drops down and she covers her face with her hands, sobs wracking her body as she feels the knot in her chest tightening up even more and her thoughts race so quickly she can't focus on anything. His warm, calloused hands wrap around her waist where her shirt had ridden up and he picks her up, sitting on the couch with her in his lap and his arms wrapped tightly around her holding her against his chest as she sobs.
She wasn't sure how long he held her there, letting her sob as he rubbed his large hands up and down her back, massaging the knotted muscles beneath her skin, but she was thankful. The knot in her chest was slowly loosening, leaving the familiar feeling of holllow sadness behind. 'Just like freshman year all over again.'
As her sobs quieten to soft sniffles and the occasional hiccup, he gently lifts her chin up to look into her shining green eyes. "Honey, what's wrong?"
She hesitates a moment before shaking her head, wiping her eyes as she looks away. "Nothing, Hap. Just a bad week I guess." She felt guilty lying to him, especially after he had just held her through a breakdown, but she couldn't tell him the truth.
He stares up at her, his dark eyes unreadable as his hand keeps rubbing her back gently as if he had forgotten he was doing it. Finally he hums under his breath and sits up, kissing her forehead softly. "You on anything?"
She shakes her head, whispering truthfully, "I thought about it."
He runs his fingers through her hair as gently as possible, smoothing out the tangles as he lets out a quiet sigh. "You said you quit the pills."
"I did," Honey sniffles softly as she sits up, straddling his lap as she looks down at him with her hands pressed against his chest. "But it hurts, Happy. I can feel my chest tightening up and I can't breathe and I can't think-"
He cuts her off, "Did this help?"
She frowns, tilting her head in confusion slightly. "Did...what...did you help me?" He nods and she bites her already cracked bottom lip before nodding hesitantly. "You did. A lot, actually."
He nods as if he's made himself a resolution and says, "Find me whenever you need it. I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing."
Honey shakes her head, her fingers gently playing with the edge of his cut out of habit. "No, Hap, you don't need a basket case on your hands. You have enough to do already."
"Honey, shut up." She frowns, making him crack a tiny smile. "I'd rather have a basket case than a broken junkie."
She slowly nods, her eyes cast downwards as she whispers, "Thank you, Happy." She wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as she murmurs in his ear, "I love you."
He nods, patting her hip softly before guiding her off his lap. "You okay now?"
She nods, smoothing her hair before reaching for a tissue from the desk. "I think so..."
He nods and presses his lips against her forehead, making her smile softly as she watches him walk out. 'I guess I can do this. I just need to stay in the office and avoid them as much as possible.'
She tried to do just that, stay in the office and keep her mind on the paperwork. It worked until the end of the day and as she gathered her stuff, she felt proud of herself. 'I only cried once, maybe I'm going to be okay...'
That hope was dashed as she walked out of the office and saw the couple wrapped around each other by his bike. His hands were cupping her nonexistent ass and her fingers were fisted in his shaggy hair, just like she had done just a couple weeks ago. It was like she had tunnel vision, even though she could feel her feet moving towards her car, all she could stare at was the scene in front of her that broke the fragile facade of hope she had begun to build.
Her mind worked on autopilot. She got into the car and started it, driving off of the lot and towards her house, her mind forcing her to remember everytime he had held her like that.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Half Sack broke away from Cherry as he heard the slam of a car door and an engine starting. He could feel his heart leap into overdrive as he saw Honey's face, tears pouring down her cheeks as she drove away from him. 'I did this to us.' He swallows hard before glancing down at Cherry as she kisses along his neck, her fingers running down the front of his cut along the zipper. 'This should be her.'
His mind seemed to shout it at him as he climbed onto his bike wordlessly and let Cherry climb on behind him, her skinny legs wrapping around his waist and crossing in front of him. The only thing he could do was pretend it was Honey instead.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Honey knew there was no party tonight. Justin had told her last night that his parents would be home today, so she wouldn't be able to go to his house until he texted her again. Still, she stripped naked in her bedroom and glanced at the bruises on her thighs from the overzealous men grabbing at her while she was dancing. 'They wanted me.' She could feel a sad smile forming on her lips as she slips into a pair of cotton panties then crawls into her bed, letting the air conditioning chill her as she stares up at the poster of Johnny Depp she had pinned to her ceiling when she was 13. 'They wanted me like he used to.'
Flashes of memories tore through her mind like tiny daggers. The way he smelled, an addicting mixture of Axe body wash and cigarette smoke. His eyes that always lit up when he smiled or laughed. The way his hands held her hips perfectly, holding her against him as they kissed or whispered amongst themselves. The feeling of him inside of her, his warm body on top of hers, the weight making her feel safe.
She rolls over onto her stomach, pulling her pillow over her head and pushing her face against the mattress trying to stop the movie playing in her mind.
-o-o-o-o-o-
As he watched Cherry walking naked into his bathroom, he felt no urge to follow her for another round. He waits until he hears the shower turn on before sitting up and pulling his jeans on, not bothering with boxers as he hears his phone ring.
Grabbing his phone from the pocket of his cut, he steps out the front door and looks out at the road, leaning against the balcony as he sighs heavily at his thoughts and checks the caller ID. He frowns, his thumb hovering over the answer button as his thoughts go in a whirlwind. 'I should ignore it. We can't keep this going on.'
Still, he hits the little green button and murmurs, "Hello?" A moment of silence and then, "Are you alright?" She could hear faint sounds of traffic and figured he was outside. 'Meaning Cherry is probably on the inside.'
Shaking her head, she feels her eyes starting to water for what seemed like the hundredth time today as she finally answers truthfully. "No." He stays quiet for a long while and she checks the call, wondering if he had hung up on her.
Finally he murmurs, "I miss you." It's so quiet she could barely hear it but her heart still flutters.
"Does Cherry know you're talking to me?" She whispers, afraid if she talks any louder her voice will crack.
"No...She's in the shower..." He admits and she can imagine him clearly running his fingers through his hair just like he always does when he's awkward.
"Oh..." She bites her bottom lip gently and sits up, pulling the blanket up to cover herself as though he could see her through the phone. "Shouldn't you be in there with her?"
"Probably, but I don't want to be." He sighs and mumbles quietly, "Honey, I'm so sorry I messed it all up."
"Don't...don't do this." Honey swallows hard, a lump forming in her throat as her heart races, her mind struggling to contain the sadness and hope that were fighting in her mind.
"I mean it though." His voice held no trace of dishonesty but she knew better. She had trusted his honesty before and it had only gotten her hurt.
"You told me I was a child, Kip." She blinks away a few tears and turns to stare at her bedside lamp, not wanting to start crying again while on the phone with him.
"I didn't mean it..." They both knew that was a lie as soon as he said it. "I mean...I did mean it, but that's my problem. I shouldn't have blamed you."
"Tell me why." She takes a deep, faltering breath and closes her eyes. "Why am I a child?"
He stays quiet for a moment before murmuring, "I don't mean that you're a child...you just don't have a lot of life experience. Have you ever had a job that wasn't at TM? Have you ever gone anywhere that wasn't Lodi or Stockton?"
"What does any of that have to do with us? You knew I was sheltered when you met me and now you're punishing me for it." She frowns, hurt that he was holding something she couldn't control against her.
"I'm not..." He sighs softly and she hears a woman calling out in the background. "I gotta go."
"Wait." She stares up at the ceiling and murmurs decisively, "You want me to have life experience, fine. But when I find a guy who loves me and wants me as I am and you're stuck with your sweetbutt, I hope you remember it's all your fault."
She ends the call and curls up in the middle of her bed, her eyes darting back and forth between the two contact numbers. She knew Happy would most likely still be awake but she didn't know if it would be what she needed. On the other hand, she knew that Justin could sneak out and they could go to his dad's lake house or something.
Honey: bring a bottle of something and pick me up
It was only a few minutes later when she got the reply.
Justin: what'll you give me in return?
Honey rolls her eyes and sighs, hesitating just a moment before typing and sending her reply.
Honey: I'll do whatever you want, just get me drunk please
'He's such a dick...do I really wanna do this?' She sighs as she stands up and slowly walks over to her closet, fidgeting with her phone. 'He's also my only escape at the moment though...'
Sighing, she puts on a clean pair of tiny, denim cutoff shorts and a flowy black tank top. She grabs her black velvet Doc Martens and slips her feet into them, not bothering to tie the laces as she grabs her phone and starts her descent out the window.