Leave My Body by Florence The Machine.
The next morning, Honey woke up to the mouthwatering smell of pancakes wafting into the bedroom and the sound of a fuzzy radio station playing oldies. She arched her back, grimacing as her sore body immediately punished her with a sharp, shooting pain, then sighing as she rolled over and swung her legs to the floor to stand. Her bare feet made soft pattering sounds on the cheap linoleum flooring as she made her way down the narrow hallway and into the open doorway of the kitchen where Kozik stood over a pan of pancake batter, spatula in hand.
"Mornin', Honey-Bee!" He grinned at her, nodding towards a steaming plate of pancakes and bacon already plated on the worn table shoved into the corner. "Eat up, we have stuff to do."
"We do?" She yawned before plopping down into the chair and digging in, nearly moaning as she took her first bite. 'Nothing beats Kozik's pancakes.' "I thought I was supposed to get sober and sane."
"You are, which is why we're going out on the town. We can do anything you want, my treat." Kozik turned the stove off as he finished his own stack of pancakes and came over to join her, sitting across the table from the girl and digging in.
Honey thought about it, mulling it over in her mind as she slowly chewed her breakfast. Her eyes traced the small lines of syrup that ran from the raised edge of her plate, down to the flat middle where the golden, fluffy pancakes sat half-devoured by the time she decided. "What's the nearest hair salon?"
o-o-o-o-o
"So, what you're telling me is...you and my daughter, my 16-year-old daughter, have been screwing around behind my back? Under my roof?" Clay stared across the reaper table at the prospect, glaring directly into his soul as he forced himself not to cringe away. 'I owe Honey this much, no matter what it costs me. An open, honest restart, if she lets me.'
"We were just friends, and I really, really liked her. I didn't know how old she was, or that she was your daughter at first." At Clay's warning glance, he quickly backtracked as he looked back and forth from a seething Clay to a thoughtful Jax. "Not that it makes it okay! I agree, it was completely uh...dishonest, and messed up, and I'd understand if you want to cut off the rest of my nuts and bury me with the clown in the woods."
"Look, Half-Sack. I know more than anyone the hell Honey has to go through most of the time, so I see why she latched onto you. But why go through with it? You could've turned her down easily, saved yourself all this trouble." Jax leaned back in his seat, tapping his cigarette on the edge of the ashtray as he glanced at Clay to make sure the old man wasn't about to slit the prospect's throat. Almost all of the club members had had their suspicions, between the prospect's attitude shift, Honey's newfound fondness for being at the clubhouse, and the way Honey had attacked Cherry and gone off the deep end, but he wasn't about to let the prospect off the hook so easily, and Clay was nowhere near calm either.
Half-Sack sighed, looking down at the reaper carved into the table as he mumbled honestly, "I tried. So many times. I'd turn her down, she'd pout or get upset and try harder. I'd tell her we had to just be friends, I'd go to my room and find her drunk in my bed. When it started to go a little too far, I cut off all contact. Ignored her for weeks. She came to work looking like a corpse, I couldn't do that to her again. I promised her I would never do that to her." He cleared his throat, tugging gently at the edges of his cut awkwardly. "We were going to hide it until she turned 18. I would be patched in, she would be legal, it would all work out."
"So maybe you can explain why my daughter had a breakdown at the same time you brought home a pet sweetbutt." Clay growled, leaning closer to the man as he clasped his hands on the table top.
"That was my mistake. I met Cherry that night and Honey was busy, we started talking. I thought we hit it off and it gave me doubt. I could be with Cherry, you know? We could kiss in the clubhouse and I wouldn't have 8 guns aimed at my back. It was the easy way out, and I knew it was mistake but...As soon as I saw Honey's face when she saw me with Cherry, I hated myself. I took it out on her, said a lot of nasty things and uh...she lost it. I thought the best thing for her would be for me to just go, try things with Cherry. Let her find someone better." The words made his stomach turn as he remembered the utter devastation on her face when he left Cherry's hospital room. If he could only fix things, start back fresh and start mending all the things he had broken with her once she got back, it would be worth whatever beating Clay was brewing for him.
"That doesn't change the fact that you lied to this club and blatantly disrespected not only me, but every one of us." Clay leaned forward, gripping his gavel as his hands began to ache and he tried to hide the pain behind his anger. "Did you fuck my daughter in this clubhouse?"
Half Sack swallowed harshly as his eyes flickered from Clay's steely, furious gaze to Jax's guarded, neutral expression. "I...uhm…"
"What about under my roof? While I was asleep right down the hall?" Clay nearly snarled as Half Sack shrank back into his seat.
"No! Never under your roof, I swear!" He nearly shouted before the blood drained from his face. 'Oh, shit, I just admitted to fucking Clay's daughter. I'm dead. Oh, shit.' "I-I mean uh..."
The muscle in Jax's jaw was ticking as he nodded to Half Sack. "Get out before you get an AK in your gut."
Half Sack nodded, standing and pushing his seat in as he felt a strange sense of calm acceptance settle over him, smothering his nerves. As he stepped out of the chapel and into the clubhouse, all the members dropped their conversations and turned to stare, some in anger and others in curiosity. "I uh...beer?" He offered, letting out a haggard breath as he stepped over to the bar for what could be his last night in the club- his last night alive. It was out of his hands now, and whatever Jax and Clay decided would be the final decision. There was no use trying to run now, even if he wanted to. It was time to own up to his actions and hope that he'd still be around to fix things when Honey returned.
o-o-o-o-o
"You're sure about this, Honey?" Kozik gnawed on his lower lip as Honey hopped off the back of the bike and stood in front of the vivid sign that said Salon and Piercings.
She nodded, playing with the strap of her crossbody bag as she smiled at the man who looked positively green with uncertainty. "I'm positive. I'll be out soon, I promise." Before he could say anything else, or even give her any cash, she bounced her way inside and left him at the curb alone.
Inside, Honey approached the counter where a woman stood, flipping through what she assumed was the appointment book. "Excuse me, but do you accept walk-ins?"
"Sorry, sweetie-" The woman popped her gum and looked up, her bored expression quickly turning to curiosity as she gave the girl a critical once-over, from her battered converse, up her hunched over, still bruised body to her tired, gaunt face and messy bun. "Oh, dear."
Honey managed a sardonic grin, shrugging her slim shoulders as if to agree. "I know, right?"
"Break up?" The woman jotted something down in the book and shut it, then stepped out from behind the counter and gestured for Honey to follow her.
Honey nodded although the woman couldn't see her as she followed, reaching up to pull the claw clip out of her hair and letting the dark, wavy mess fall around her shoulders. "You have no idea."
It was almost two hours later when Kozik felt a small tap on his shoulder and he spun around to face the girl. "Honey, what- Woah." His jaw dropped as he stared into the bright, excited eyes of his teenage cohort. Her long, wavy, dark chocolate brown hair that she had had since she was in diapers had been lopped off and bleached to an ashy, dirty blonde, contrasting heavily with her rosy lips and cheeks and sparkling emerald eyes. Her new hair fell just past her jawline in loose waves and had been fluffed expertly to frame her face. "You're a blonde."
"I hear they tend to have more fun." Honey retorted cheekily, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she gnawed on her bottom lip nervously. Kozik didn't say anything more as he stared at her hair and she started to feel uncomfortable, squirming under his expressionless scrutiny. "If you don't like it, just say so..."
Seeing her cross her arms as if trying to make herself smaller snapped him out of it and he chuckled easily, throwing an arm around her waist to pull her closer. "I fuckin' love it, Hon. Very Courtney Love of you."
"Thanks, Kozy." She grinned, relaxing once more as she grabbed his hand to pull him into the piercing side of the salon.
o-o-o-o-o
"Sack." Jax spoke, startling the young man sitting at the bar with his head buried in his hands, fingers pressing against his eyes so hard he saw colorful swirls. "Time to vote, boys." Half Sack stood, waiting for the other members to enter before he followed, feeling the dread and regret of his actions burning in his stomach like a hot iron anvil.
Chibs paused at the door, turning to clap the young man on the back as he sighed heavily. "You did the right thing, telling the truth."
'I wish I could believe that.' Half Sack forced a small smile, nodding just once to the kind older man as they entered the chapel. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to do it."
Chibs clapped him on the shoulder once more, giving the younger man a supportive shake before he took his seat at the reaper table. Half Sack stood by the door stoically, hands clasped in front of him as he made eye contact with the men that he had pledged his loyalty to. If they were going to vote on his life, the least he could do was show he wasn't afraid of the consequences of his actions.
"We all know why we're having this vote. The prospect- your prospect, I might add," Clay sent a meaningful glance towards a stony-faced Chibs who scoffed lightly but said nothing. "Has been lying to us. He's been fooling around with my daughter, our baby girl, for months. God knows where he's fucked her or what he's done to her, but it ended with my baby getting hurt and leaving. I can't stand for that; I won't stand for it. Especially from a brother."
Tig snarled at the sullen man as he smacked the tabletop as if to echo Clay's sentiments. "You're fucking right, man. Do we really want to share a patch with a tot-banging, lying asshole?"
Piney spoke up at this point after pushing the oxygen tubes back up his nose from where they'd slipped down. "Honey is hardly a tot. We've all watched her grow up; hell, I'm proud of the woman she's become, and I know damn well JT would have been too."
"So that makes it okay? What if it had been your daughter, huh, old man? Would you have been fine if he was dick-first in your kid?" Clay retorted, glaring over his shades at the old man.
"That's not the point!" Piney thundered, his eyes boring into Clay's. "I'm thinking of what's best for Honey, and I say that it was her choice. We all saw her kissing the prospect when she left. Clearly, she's working it out in her own way. Do you really think that she'll come running back to the club if she finds out you took her personal life, broadcast it to the club, and voted on it without giving her a choice? Especially if we vote against the first man she ever loved?"
The club remained silent for a moment, each member mulling over what the elder man had said. Half Sack cleared his throat, stepping forward as his eyes dropped to the tabletop. "Can I say something?" He waited for Clay's begrudging nod to proceed. "I know that it was wrong to be with Honey. That was a major part of us breaking up- I couldn't take the club looming over us. But I want to say that it wasn't about sex. From the moment I saw her, heard her laugh, saw her smile, I just wanted to know her. We tried to be just friends. She said she didn't get many of those, what with the club and all, and that she would behave if I would just be her friend."
Clay leaned back in his seat, taking a long puff from his cigar as his eyes bored into the man he wanted to strangle. "And to you, friends means sleeping with her?"
Half Sack swallowed harshly as he shook his head, playing with his fingers as he sighed. "She would get drunk and come into my room during parties. I'd go to bed and she'd be there drunk and wanting to cuddle-"
"So, you took advantage of her while she was drunk?" Tig shouted, standing up as he made as if to lunge at the younger man before Clay motioned for him to stand down.
Half Sack didn't waver as he looked up at the man, shaking his head. "Never. We fooled around, sure, but most of the time it was just sleeping together. She just liked not sleeping alone; she told me I made the nightmares stop."
"Nightmares?" Jax spoke up, rubbing the stubble around his mouth as he leaned back, brows furrowed in thought as he started to understand his baby sister just a bit more. Part of him wished she had trusted him enough to confide in him; maybe he could have helped prevent this entire mess.
Half Sack nodded, clearing his throat softly and hoping Honey would forgive him for speaking her truth in her place. "She had nightmares about what that sick asshole would've done to her years ago if she hadn't fought him off. We stuck to fooling around and cuddling until the night the Oswald girl was raped. We went to my apartment and she told me that she didn't want that to happen to her, that she wanted the choice of who to share that with and she chose me." He glanced around the room as he spoke honestly, feeling lighter with each word as he finally let go of the weight of secrecy and guilt. "I couldn't say no to her. She was terrified and she told me she was certain that this was what she wanted; I wasn't going to reject her and destroy her again."
"You slept with my daughter when she was vulnerable and not in the head space to make that decision." Clay murmured, terrifyingly calm as his eyes glared into Half Sack's through his dark sunglasses.
"When would have been better?" Half Sack finally snapped, staring at his president defiantly. He had already let the club ruin his relationship, he owed it to Honey to defend her choices. "We had gotten close to doing it several times before the day at Funtown. Would it have made it any better if I had fucked her during a party, or at the streams? Or do you just want an easy way to blame me because you're pissed off that you couldn't control this, couldn't control her?"
"Watch it, prospect!" Clay stood, pointing one crooked finger at the man who had the balls- metaphorically speaking, of course - to challenge him. "You're a step away from getting a bullet straight through your mouth."
"Clay, calm down!" Jax stood as well, glancing between his stepdad and his sister's...boyfriend? "Half Sack, stop antagonizing him before you end up in a shallow grave." He knew that Clay was angrier than he had been in a long, long time, and he felt obligated to keep some semblance of peace, for Honey. She'd never forgive them if she returned and found the prospect dead.
"What the hell do you mean 'calm down', VP? This man lied to our club and snuck around with your sister, and you're fine with that?" Clay's chest heaved as he and his stepson entered a staring match. "I need to know that you're able to do what needs to be done for the good of this club." The words, no more than a bitter hiss, struck Jax like a punch to the throat.
"This is not a conversation about the club. This shouldn't even be club business, but it has to be because you think that the reaper holds some sort of power over your daughter. You want what's best for the club? Jax spat, his gaze never wavering, as if you say, 'yeah. I know'. The implications seemed to be lost on everyone besides Clay, who flinched nearly imperceptibly. "You know that the only way mom is going to be happy is if Honey marries a Son. Carrying on her legacy and shit. Well, she tried that. The only reason they had to hide it was because they knew that you would be the first one to aim a rifle at his head, no questions asked. We've all heard what she's went through, what she's given up purely because the club bleeds into her life. There was no way this was going to end well, but it didn't have to end with her being broken."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Clay muttered, whipping his sunglasses off and letting them clatter to the table as he stared face to face with his stepson. "Are you trying to say this is my fault?"
Jax stepped closer to his stepdad as the club watched their exchange, enraptured by the power struggle and instinctively choosing sides. "Honey has no chance of having a normal relationship. You know that, everyone here knows that. No normal man is going to come into this and survive, and she deserves to be happy for once. If the prospect proves himself, shows that he can take care of Honey the way she needs and be a valuable club member, do you really want to rip that away from her because of a mistake they made while they were scared of some unwritten club rule?"
"He fucked my 16-year-old daughter behind my back!" Clay shouted, spittle flying from his mouth as he slammed one aching hand down on the solid table, immediately regretting it as pain shot up his forearm.
"And he wasn't the only one Honey has fucked! You gonna go around Charming gunning down all those guys too, or just the ones she cares about?" Jax shouted back, running a hand through his hair in aggravation as he implored whatever God existed you let his stepfather see reason. "If you had just let them date normally, they wouldn't have been sneaking around- you know damn well that isn't what you're angry about. What do you want from her, for her to be alone all of her life?"
Half Sack stepped up to the table to interrupt, but Piney paused him with a hand on his forearm and bellowed, "Would everyone shut the hell up and let the boy talk?" Half Sack afforded the man a grateful glance before turning his eyes back to the two men fighting over his life.
Stepfather and stepson stopped arguing, sitting back down uneasily as Clay glowered at Half Sack. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I never meant to hurt Honey and I know I'll never make up for it. But if you'd let me, I swear I'll spend every day making it up to her and the club. Honey is a beautiful, special, loving girl and I wouldn't do anything to damage that again." Half Sack's voice trailed off as he found himself remembering her dimples, her tiny, crooked smile, the way the sunlight glinted off her chocolate colored hair, and the way her laugh made him smile just hearing it. "I want to be a part of this club, and I want to be her old man for as long as she wants me."
o-o-o-o-o
"Honey, are you sure you're okay?" Kozik stared down at the girl's pale body as she sprawled happily on the seat at the guy's piercing station. "I mean, I know you wanted something new but..."
"Koz, relax. I know what I'm doing." Honey mumbled, holding her newly cropped hair away from her forehead as the man swabbed the tail of her eyebrow with alcohol. "I'm not gonna freak and get my nipples pierced or anything."
"If you ever want to, we do a two for one special on Friday nights." The piercer supplied helpfully, getting the needle ready as Kozik scoffed and Honey glanced up at the man thoughtfully.
"So, both nipples for one? Or two sets of tits for one?" Honey held back a cringe as the needle pierced her flesh and she tried to keep from squirming as the jewelry was placed.
"Two nipples." The piercer chuckled as he helped her sit up and handed her a hand mirror to check out her new jewelry.
Kozik could tell by the gleam in her eye that Honey loved it. For a second, he saw that familiar spark that she used to have as she preened in the mirror and admired how the light caught the silver barbell and how her hair fell in loose, effortless waves across her face.
Maybe he could let her get away with a few changes.
o-o-o-o-o
"It could be an advantage to have him get back with Honey. If she's serious about cutting the club out, he might be the only one she'd maintain contact with." Bobby glanced around the table at his brothers, ever trying to be the logical one.
Jax nodded, eyes flickering up to the younger man who stood in the shadows at the end of the table, far away from the men who posed the most threat and closer to those who had been his fiercest defenders. "That's true."
"She told me she wanted to talk when she got back." Half Sack murmured, slightly relieved when it didn't earn him another venomous glare from Clay's dark, beady eyes. All he needed was approval from them, it didn't matter the reason. As long as he was certain it was safe, and as long as Honey was willing, he would work to prove himself to her.
A beat of silence passed.
"There will be rules," Clay spoke quietly, with an air of authority as he reached his decision, feeling a fleeting sense of guilt for manipulating the two, but it fled as quickly as it came. He knew what was best for the club. Honey knew the life.
o-o-o-o-o
There was no shortage of abandoned, rundown buildings in the city, and she had taken to doing some urban exploration when she found herself home alone; the only time she allowed herself to sink into that dark, hopeless place was on nights when she knew Kozik would be gone until morning. She used that time to mourn. She mourned who she used to be and who she could have been, she allowed herself to feel the pain, the shame, the utter hopelessness...then she dragged herself into the dingy shower stall and scrubbed herself until she was too raw to recall the feeling of his touch. By the time Kozik returned, he always found her curled up in the center of her bed, no trace of her breakdown present. If he knew, he didn't let on.
But during the day, she tried to occupy herself. Exploring abandoned places, dipping in and out of little cafes and storefronts, busking for change at bus stops and under awnings to protect her guitar from the near constant mist and drizzle in the air. It was a lot of being alone, sorting through the mess and the white noise in her head, dealing with things as best she could. It was almost nice, being able to mull over her choices and her life without being rushed or pushed or lectured.
And then she found it. Ducking into one of the aforementioned abandoned buildings to escape a sudden downpour, she was surprised to find what looked like the beginnings of a dance studio. There were places where the walls were torn down, bare insulation and support beams peeking out at her as she roamed the open room, her worn converse leaving faint prints in the dirt and dust coating the hard wood flooring. Graffiti adorned the remaining walls, including across the full length mirrors that lined one side of the room. Trash, most likely left by some of the city's shadier inhabitants or drifters, littered the area and she kicked a few cans and wrappers out of her way before she stopped in front of one of the mirrors.
She barely recognized herself. She felt lost within her own body, like the ties that had anchored her had snapped and she was just existing, but this wasn't her body anymore.
She refused to let him take that from her too.
The colorful bucket bag she had been carrying as of late thudded to the floor as she imagined a beat for herself, gently swaying as she wondered if she could still do this, and what was even the point?
Before she could let that lingering hopelessness consume her too much, she spun on her heel, rolling her hips to her imaginary beat as she turned her back to the mirror. A soft hiss of pain escaped her as her bruises and cuts protested, but she powered through. She ran through all the moves she remembered from dance class, and even made some up before she plopped to the floor, panting softly and trembling from the exertion but grinning bigger than she had in months.
o-o-o-o-o
He heard the footsteps and knew what was coming. He didn't look up as a heavy fist collided with his face, the large rings tearing his face as he was knocked from his perch on the picnic table.
"You hurt her again, I'll kill you myself." Jax's icy blue eyes softened as he shook his hand out, watching as Half Sack stood up wearily, blood oozing from the cuts on his cheek. "Thank you, for standing up for her."
Before Half Sack could contemplate the sudden mood shift, Jax strode off towards his bike. The prospect watched him leave, suddenly feeling bone-tired as he realized what lay ahead of him was just the beginning, not the conclusion.