Okay folks here it is! Chapter no.3, enjoy!

Cloud trudged along the dirt track, leaving four inch imprints behind him.

Why did Aeris always go the wrong way? Actually stupid question; anything sick perverted and generally sexually generated was an Aeris magnet.

Which explained the shop in front of him; it was best described as the colour of primordial ooze. Strange erotic music was coming from inside and Cloud was getting a bit uncomfortable in the nether regions, ah essence of Aeris' flowers.

Aeris had raced ahead as soon as it had come in sight, Cloud deliberately stayed behind, to prolong the inevitable rescue of Aeris' virtues and general embarrassment in front of the eager eyes of young men.

As he drew closer he spied the sign on the front, it read:

Alura's Gifte Shoppe, The Wackie, Wierde And Wonderfulle All Solde Here!

An idea struck Cloud.

"LET'S SEE HOW HE LIKES THIS PRESENT!" He said gleefully.

Cloud entered the shop, and was immediately enveloped in a cloud of strange incense.

His trouser buttons popped and layed bare the disgusting vestiges beneath.

"DAMN YOU AND YOUR INFERNAL FLOWERS AERIS!" Cloud screamed and ran into the nearest rest room, immediately ran back out again, even the inside of the shop was better than there.

Meanwhile Aeris was getting a bit naughty if you know what I mean, yeah of course you do, and don't lie, you want to know what's going on don't you.

Actually Aeris was involved in petty theft at the moment. She had sprinted in as soon as she saw this shop, they were obviously kindred spirits, and had since then been searching for the party that had so blatantly been going on.

When she hadn't found it she became cross and had started taking everything that caught her eye, which was basically everything, and seriously you don't want to know what they were!

When Cloud had come screaming out of the bathroom she chuckled a bit, nicked an um, errr… innocent stick, that had caught her eye and ran into the Men's.

Cloud was frantically grabbing every bit of material in reach and covering his waist.

As he reached for a rather nasty bit of fabric, he knocked a bell of the counter and it rang.

"Yes?" a voice came from behind Cloud "vat can I do for you?"

Cloud twisted round to see Vincent climbing out of a coffin in a rather hippy get up.

"OH HI VINCENT" Cloud said "DIDN'T KNOW YOU WORKED ROUND HERE"

Cloud was suddenly staring into the barrel of Vincent's revolver.

"If you call me that again I will blow your brains across the wall" Vincent snarled then suddenly changed his voice, "My name is Alura now, vat can I do for you?"

"ER… OKAY I CAN SEE YOU'VE GOT ISSUES, I'M HERE FOR A PRESENT FOR SEPHIROTH" Cloud grinned devilishly.

"Sephiroth eh?" Vincent immediately perked up "I've got just the thing!"

Just then an average boy came in; he had quite short black hair and an intent expression. When he spoke it was in a slightly American accent.

"I wish to purchase the complete Star Trek collection" he said

"Preferably in Klingon but I'll settle for English".

Cloud and Vincent exchanged puzzled and slightly worried expressions.

"What- I mean, vat the hell is Starr Treck?" Vincent demanded

He gave them a piercing stare and slowly and deliberately whacked each of them on the head with a ruler (it snapped on Cloud's but you get the point).

"I despise every one of you puny imbeciles!" he stated arrogantly and stalked out.

(If your reading this Wordsworth13, you'll know what I'm going on about!)

Cloud and Vincent stared at each other.

"Anyvay a present for Sephiroth, I have just the thing!" Vincent searched intently.

He came out holding a carton of jelly beans (this was Sephiroth's favourite sweet) and handed it to Cloud.

"THEY'RE JELLY BEANS" He stated as he gave them a brief glance.

"Not just any jelly beans" Vincent, or should I say Alura, cackled "inside it contains the essence of bath water!"

Cloud was now grinning too.

"SO WHEN HE OPENS IT UP" Cloud giggled "ALL THE YEARS OF TWEAKING HIS HAIR TO PERFECTION GONE!"

Cloud was laughing insanely now Vincent stared at him for a while, and then kicked him in the scrotum.

The laughter was replaced with a high pitched squealing.

After Cloud had picked himself up from the floor and bought the fake jelly beans he turned back to Vincent.

"AERIS CAME IN HERE TOO, BY THE WAY" He squeaked.

Vincent went white in the face and started running towards the bathroom.

"Come on ve have some pretty strange stuff here but none as bad as Aeris for Christ's sake!" He screamed.

Cloud walked out the door satisfied of a job well done.

Well there it is chapter no.3, got a couple of ideas well done!

Look out for chapter no.4!