Welcome back, loyal readers! And now, I have a brief message to my loyal reviewers (Its to the tune of the Canine Advantix™ song The one with the puppy):

Hello, reviewers.

How are you-ers?

Here's a song that

Is brand new-ers.

If you don't like it,

Well, that is that, then.

Guess I'll just have to harass defenseless chickens.

If you continue,

You'll get something

And you'll like it,

'cause it's yummy.

If you review this

Story that's great,

I'll give all of you guys some digital pancakes!

Disclaimer: I do not own ASOUE, DP, The Marvelous Marriage, or Canine Advantix™ . I do, however, own Sugary Snicket's Homemade Digital Treats, inc. (Yes, the pancakes have chocolate chips in them. I hate it when people ask me that.)

If you have ever been backstage at a theatrical production before, you can understand how strenuous and hectic it is, especially if you are the one about to perform. The Fenton children, however, had never been backstage before, and had very mixed feelings about their situation. On one hand, it was fascinating to see how the actors could be changed into their characters simply by changing their make-up and clothes, and if they had not been the ones performing in the play, they would have been awestricken by the pandemonium of people trying to set the stage, practice their lines to get them just perfect, and stagehands trying to hasten the actors by yelling that they were on in five minutes or less. The situation was, of course, a dreadful one, because Sam may actually be married, but although Danny and Tucker were dressed as a horse, and although Sam had put on a frilly white dress to discover, with mild horror, that she was now in a bridal gown, there was a certain thrill to being on stage, but the Fentons had no time to be star-struck. They needed to figure out a way to end Vlad's vile plan before it was too late.

"Hello, what's this?" Vlad sneered, noticing that the children were not anywhere near the stage yet. "Horse, you are due on stage in five minutes; bride, come with me."

As the two walked on stage, and the sinister performance began, Sam reluctantly – 'reluctantly' is a word which here means "against her will, because Vlad had a firm hold on it" - offered her right hand, the hand that she usually used while writing down her poetry and stories. She glanced at the judge – being played by Justice Manson, as Vlad had said – and silently pleaded that she would prevent this from happening. But alas, although I wish it were so, she did nothing but start her lines, which she read directly from her judge's marriage ceremony.

If you have ever been to a wedding before, much as I was forced to do several years back, then you know how the ceremony goes, with the bride and groom exchanging their vows and promising that they shall not leave each other until they die – which, as you and I both know, doesn't really stop the from getting divorced if they really get on each other's nerves. Then they usually say "I do," and there's this big kissing scene, of course, and the guests usually leave with tears in their eyes from sheer joy, if not from boredom. This is why, if you have ever been to a wedding (or IN a wedding), then I (thankfully) have no reason to describe the scene to you. The only thing that I must tell you, however, is that Sam had signed the document with her left hand – possibly saving her life. Vlad, however, did not know this yet.

"And so, there is now no reason to continue our performance," Vlad announced, "for its purpose has been served. This has not been a work of fiction. I am now Count Vlad Fenton, and therefore in control of the entire Fenton estate. My marriage to Samantha Fenton is legal; it was in the presence of a judge, I have the legal document, and there's nothing that any of you can do about it."

"But Samantha," announced a voice who was none other than Mr. Poe, "is fourteen. She's not old enough to marry anyone."

"But law implies that she is allowed to be wed if her legal guardian – me – allows her to. The fortune is mine and Samantha is my countess!"

"Actually," Sam said, "I'm not. At least I don't think so, anyway. The bride is supposed to sign in her own hand, but I signed with my left."

"So?" shouted a crowd member.

"I am right-handed. I therefore didn't technically sign in my own hand."

"Well, then," Justice Strauss said, "this marriage is NOT legal, Samantha is NOT Vlad's countess, and YOU, Vlad, are under arrest for child abuse." With that, she swiftly tore the document in two as the angry audience advanced.

Suddenly, the lights went out, plunging the crowd into darkness and panic. An image of a light switch flashed in Sam's mind suddenly, and she began to search for it, groping along the walls. Just as she felt the lever, she felt a pair of eyes on her and a hand on her shoulder. "I will be back," whispered Vlad menacingly, "for you and your fortune. I am a master of disguise. I can follow you anywhere, and you wouldn't even know it until I struck! And once the fortune is mine; THEN you will truly have something to fear, Samantha Fenton!"

Sam cried out in terror and flipped the switch, but Count Vlad and his cohorts, a word which here means "Henchpeople", were long gone.

As Mr. Poe loaded the children and their things into his car and drove them off to their new home, the orphans wondered exactly where they would go next. They soon would find out.

Wow, that was short. Well, TBB is done; now to work my insane and twisted ways on TRR… Mwahahaha… Is evil

Review please!