Hello again. This chapter is going to be rather short, I'm afraid, but only because it ties together chapter seven and the next one after this. Please enjoy it, however, and stay tuned for updates from me. (Oh, and I don't own Aunt Josephine's Suicide Note. Lemony Snicket does.)

Disclaimer: This fanfiction is free of preservatives, dyes, Sodium Chloride, Tetrochlorophenol Sodium Hydroxide, artificial flavors, and any other thing that is not... natural. Except for the circumstances in which the charicters find themselves. ;) I can't say as much for the food at the Crazy Chicken, though!

"Welcome to the Crazy Chicken, may I take your order?" The waitress stood next to their table dressed in a chicken suit. The Fenton orphans had returned from shopping and found, to their great dismay, not Aunt Josephine, but Count Vlad - or, as he insisted on being called, Julio. He had told them that their aunt was busy (which the orphans did not believe one bit), and had asked him to take the children out to dinner (which of course seems very fishy to the Fentons. They knew that they needed more time and evidence against Vlad, but they just didn't know how to get it.

The children decided to order a large chicken strips basket with ranch dressing to dip the strips in to share, but they planned to eat it later, since they were hungry, but preoccupied with their current situation. Danny thought about this as he stuck a hand into his pocket. It brushed against something papery, and Danny, surprised that he had forgotten about it, took out a small paper bag of malted milk balls out of his pocket, realizing that it was not such a bad thing that Mr. Poe had given them to him, after all.

Danny knew, of course, that if he were to eat even one, he would go into a mild form of anaphylaxtic shock - a medical term for the swelling of the tounge and throat due to an allergic reaction - but at this time Danny was not worried as he opened the bag and deftly - the word "deftly" here means "quickly, skillfully, and silently" - placed one malted milk ball into Sam and Tucker's laps.

Tucker looked at the the small candy and then at Danny, as if to say "Are you mad? You know that if I were to even take one nibble of this candy that I would break out in hives!", but Danny just gave him a serious look and Tucker quickly picked up on the general idea and smiled wryly. Sam also looked at the candy and gave Danny a look that clearly said "Hey, do you want to kill me? If I were to so much as lick this candy, I would have a serious asthmatic attack!" but she, too, picked up on Danny's plan. And so, waiting until the adults had their backs turned, the three children popped the candies into their mouths and waited.

The Fenton allergies - although, in this case, slightly delayed by the layer of chocolate coating - are famous for being fast-acting, and in mere moments the waitress noticed their reactions and called a cab, and soon the orphans finally had time to themselves.

As soon as the children had arrived at the house, they promptly entered the library and knew that something was very wrong. The room was ashambles, but this was not the major concern for the orphans. The window had been shattered to pieces, but, although distressing, this was not what made the orphans fall silent. And they could see the massive hurricane predicted for that evening closing in on them, a phrase which here means "ominously approaching with each passing second", but this was not what made the children shudder and break out in cold sweats. It was a note they had found tacked to the table that had caused them such great horror.

Danny picked up the note and tried to read as best he could with his swollen tounge. Just as he was about to start, however, Sam stopped him by saying "Maybe I -" here she paused to wheeze miserably "- should read it."

"No," Tucker said in his digitized voice, "I'll read it. You two are in no state to speak." With that, he began to read the note.

"My dear children," he began,

"By the time you read this note, my life will be at it's end. My heart is as cold as Ike, and I find life inbearable. Your children may not understand the sad life of a dowadger, or what may have leaded me to this desparate akt. As my last will and testament, I place you three in the care of Captain Sham, a kind and honerable men. Please think of me fondly, even though I'd done this terrible thing.

Farewell,

Aunt Josephine."

"Bluh, no," Danny said in shock. "NO!"

"She killed herself," Sam wheezed, her voice laden with dismay. "She committed suicide."

CLIFFHANGER! Please do review. Yes, that's the actual note from the book, although I may have paraphrased slightly at the end there.