I Don't Know What Time It Is Because I Lost My Watch But It's Dark And I'm Still On My Bed And I'm Going To Thoroughly Go Through The James Situation , Tuesday, September 13th, 1977

Top 10 Reasons James Should Be With Me And Not HER

10. He was mine first.

9. We were like, each other's first kiss. Ok, about a second later he became the first boy I ever slapped, and I became the first girl to slap him, and then we didn't talk for a week, so it wasn't exactly romantic, but you know, we were ELEVEN. (This was after he dated Nat, by the way) Anyway, at ELEVEN, I thought it was romantic if a guy smiled in my general direction. Even if he was a seventh year and his seventh year girlfriend was right behind me. I still maintain Amos Diggory was smiling at me. The fact that I told him I couldn't date him because he already had a girlfriend didn't count. Luckily, I wasn't embarrassed then because I didn't figure out until later that he was talking to James, who was next to me, when he said "You're pretty cool, kid." James laughed at me for days. Actually, that's what made us start talking again after the kiss/slap incident.

And then I told him he was just jealous because he had a crush on me, or why would he have kissed me? James said that, no, he just wanted to be good at kissing when a pretty girl came along.

We stopped talking again because I slapped him again. I wonder if he remembers that. Oh go I'm going to cry again. Oh no wait I AM crying. Oh shit, I'm totally out of tissues.

8. I stole some of Jenny's tissues. Reason #8: Me and James have had the whole chemistry thing going on for like ever.

7. I would so try to overcome my fear of brooms if he really wanted me to come flying with him. Now that's commitment.

6. What kind of stupid name is Caroline anyway?

5. If he was with me, there wouldn't be any tension before Ravenclaw/Gryffindor Quidditch matches. Well, not between us. Maybe between me and stupid Quidditch obsessed, boyfriend stealing bitches.

4. James and I have common interests. We both fully agree that toffee ice-cream is the greatest invention by mankind. I mean, the wheel was useful, yeah, but can it really compare?

I heard she actually likes chocolate ice-cream. I mean, hello, conformer.

3. His mum totally likes me. I mean, James and me go over to each other's houses ALL THE TIME during the holidays. She's really cool, and agrees that Quidditch is stupid. So, if Caroline ever tried to marry him or something, she would have the bitchiest mother-in-law ever.

2. I actually have a chest, and she is like, flat as. Not that James is shallow, but hey, he's a guy…

1. Because I really, really, love him, and I really, really don't think I could bear seeing them together again.

Top 10 Reasons James Should Be With Caroline

10. He's hers now, and he's so happy (please say he's faking it)

9. She was never stupid enough to slap him. AND I bet she is organized enough to keep spare tissues in case of crisis.

8. Judging by the over-the-top spit transferring I say just before, they have a bit of chemistry there too.

7. She totally wouldn't embarrass herself on a broom, which I would so do. (but you know, if I really hurt myself…he could take care of me…there are so many possibilities here..)

6. It's not like it's cool to be named after a flower either. For a grandma, maybe. A teenager? So not.

5. Let's face it, the tension could add spice to their relationship. What would add spice to me and James? Fights over pumpkin juice?

4. Ok, we like toffee ice-cream, but we disagree on pumpkin juice, Quidditch, pumpkin pasties, schoolwork, pumpkin soup, the advantages of floo powder (THERE ARE NONE!!!!), pumpkins in general etc. etc.

3. His mum may like me but his Dad thinks I'm a total airhead. He likes Quidditch too, so would probably prefer her over me. And whenever I have dinner at his house or something, he always makes comments on how well one of his rich friend's daughters would suit James. As opposed to his mum, who I'm 99% sure has started planning James and my wedding.

2. He's athletic, maybe he likes girls with athletic bodies.

1. He really, really loves her, and he really, really doesn't love me. Not anymore.

That's it, I'm taking sleeping tablets. I can't handle the James talk anymore.

Goodnight.

Lily

On My Bed, Wednesday, September 14th, 1977

Dear Diary,

I have had an amazing revelation while asleep.

I am an intelligent, funny, individual, gorgeous woman of the 20th century.

I should not depend on a MAN for my own fulfilment.

Therefore, I will dedicate my future towards improving myself as a person, not because I want to impress a certain someone, but because I want to achieve self-actualisation.

Top 10 Steps To Becoming A Self-Actualised Individual

10. Accept James Potter's apology. The New Lily Evans will be above petty grudges.

9. Don't act mean to Caroline. The girl is only a hopeless pawn caught up in the charms of a boy who manages to do that very easily to perfectly intelligent people (eg. me). However, actually being nice is not necessary, as I am certain that at some stage she knew exactly what she was doing.

8. Give up chocolate. I should not have to depend on it to brighten my life. Instead, I will take pleasure out of life's simple, calorie-free pleasures, i.e. the chirping of birds, the dew on the grass in the morning, the delightful sound of a spider dying…

7. Accept pumpkin juice as the thorn among the rose that is my new life. Be glad that the thorn is not fatal (as far as is known)

6. Be patient, accepting and kind to those less fortunate than myself.

5. Let the next boy who asks me out down gently, instead of laughing in his face as I have done on previous occasions (other than with James). It's not my fault; the concept is just so damn funny. I mean, it is so cute of them to ever think we would work out. I need someone who can share my creative and artistic visions, and help me explore my need to express myself, not guys who think that tulips are the new roses.

4. Become perfect role-model, avoid doing schoolwork the night before it is due, pay attention and take detailed notes in class, (actually on the class topic, instead of notes with Nat on the Joey and Rick's latest break-up). This will remove the need for James's tutoring sessions.

3. Find deeper inspiration then boy bands, which, although very good-looking, are not intellectually stimulating.

2. Avoid doing things purely to annoy others. Do things only for the inner sense of satisfaction they bring, not for any material benefits I get out it. (eg. the time I volunteered at the animal shelter because the guy who cleaned the dog cages was hot)

1. Be true to myself.

Bye! Off to enjoy my first day of truly living!

Lily

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sorry it's short, I just wanted to get something up, and I'm so sorry its been so long, and I don't have enough time to reply to reviews, but I promise I will next time. ok?

love,

tori

P.S. review!

P.P.S. SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!