Disclaimer: In the former chapter, I had spent a whole paragraph, 10 sentences to be exact, describing the legal specifications of this fanfiction. I was clear, and have not changed my mind, in it standing for the remainder of this story. That includes this chapter as well. Oh, yes, if you wanted to get technical... Upoon reading this document, online or otherwise, you have agreed to accept this as a work of a fan, and surrender all rights to sue for copyright, racial, or harrassment reasons.

A thanks to those who've reviewed. I won't go into anything individually, due to the site's rules, but I am giving a general thanks. It's really appreciated. To the others; I hope that I didn't scare you away that last chapter. Seriously... Come back That lawyer-ish speak was just for props! I would never use it in any other reason. Oh, and as a side-note on movies... I suggest Serenity for all you people out there.

Warning: This, instead of a work in third person, is a journal. It will hold crude mentionings of torture, murder, and genocide if you wish to call that. Sexual content is on minimal description, but is implied. Not suitable for the younger readers, hence the rating. It is not for the faint of heart, and in the character's personal view of events expressed via written word. (Added) Themes, innuendos, and what some may consider racial slurs may be crossed upon. It's within your best interest to only read on, should you acknowledge and accept said warnings.

August 7th
Entry #3

Sometimes I've been wondering what it was that brought me to England, and how my plans were changed so much from the original score. From New York, I was to stay along the top half of the America's, not going lower than the D.C. line but going all the way up to Canada. Sticking to the fact that there were more populated shamanic areas, rather than scattered homes in suburbs and the cities. From that, I went on towards the West coast, and basically going in a zig-zag pattern. At least, till I went from the middle of California, to the southern areas of Japan. Which prefecture was it...? Oh, right, I stopped in Okinawa, which had a nice beach. From there, after continuing my business, I decided to head north. Japan... I think I spent an unusual amount of time there; about a month, really. Not because of the shamans, but from something which caught my interest.

Onmyouji,who worked to keep balance. I had run into a few, while visiting a temple. Alright, it seems somewhat ironic that I, a demon, had entered a temple. They found it strange as well, and seemed to know what I was, but didn't attack. Those looks, however, kept me uneasy. That eventually led to me staying there and learning more about onmyoujitsu, which seemed amazing. The style and purpose was to keep balance within nature, and summon sprites and the sorts for magic and a lot more. That, and I've learned a lot more about energy, or ki as they had called it. It still puzzled me on why they had continued to teach, despite the obvious differences.

After a while, I eventually was going to head on with my quest, which they had yet to learn about. Before leaving, once again the question went up, and the head tutor had given quite a surprising answer. No matter what one was, they held a purpose in keeping the balance of nature in things. Directing me up to actually reach Tokyo, right to a cave, I was to learn more a lot more on myself. Well, he didn't order it, but seeing how one set such a huge field of curiosity in my mind, it seemed like there was no choice.

The cave's tunnels seemed mostly destroyed and filled with plants that had grown in the area. A maze within, I only had the key of scent to guide me through the paths. It led me towards an open and very closed up area with a portal. The portal itself, however, seemed blocked with a gate upon it. Stepping through, immediately the stink had thrown me back. The world itself was so different from the earth I was on before. Almost immediately, I was also stuck upon a fight where I learned that killing and fighting shamans was something completely different from fighting demons. They weren't all stupid; just those who were too weak to do anything other than follow orders. Those I had been able to get out of my way but not without the illusion breaking once more. The glamor gone, scars and signs of talismans having been used, brought the leader to stop the assault. After all, I wasn't a human like he had thought.

There, I was stuck for almost 2 months, learning and training even more. I didn't realize how much I didn't know about myself and my own kind. There were so many different kinds of demons, and levels, and what separated everyone. Those under A class were able to travel back and forth, as they had reached both sides of the gate without unnecessary enemies following along. Not only that, but I learned how to use and hide my energy levels. According to my temporary teacher, it was key in keeping the fights down to a minimum, if desired. Not only that, but a huge separation between those who I have known and these demons came up. Here, while you couldn't trust anyone, there was an unwritten code of honor. Giving one's word was important, but you had to make sure they are giving their word on what you think they were, or else it'd be something of a trick. Few broke such given promises, unlike humans, but few had also given them.

At the end of my 'visit,' I hadn't learned much more on my own kind out of the many different demons. Upon a new gate to the human world, I left on good standing with my temporary mentor, and appeared in the western areas of Europe. It took a while to re-plan the strategy, on where to head to now. Though I decided to deal with those in the countries near me, and head off towards Scotland, Ireland, England and that nice little area.

Now, I'm suddenly stuck in the wizarding world, trying to cram 5 years of studies in less than a month to avoid looking like an idiot in front of others. With what I wrote above, I had decided to at least write a little more on the plans I held, just to get it out of my head. While in this place called Hogwarts, I had to act like Aya Shinimori, the human student. If that was to work, I'd have to get as much of Palin Deathholder out and into these pages as possible. That is also why I put so many spells, charms and enchantments upon your binding and pages. This alone is a confessional, and would be the main link to both sides of my own coin. Should anyone look into this... I don't want to think of what could happen. So the spell, to turn the pages blank upon anyone's eyes who don't hold my permission to look inside, was necessary. Not to mention the special lock, which was activated by the words 'these words are my salvation.' Among the magical protection, I also went with something else. When buying books yesterday, I had also purchased Hogwarts, A History. Carving the proper sized hole along the inside, it makes a very convenient container, and disguised as a normal book, no one would touch it.

With more recent events, I've been mostly studying up on these chapters while having officially rented out the room in this tavern till the train comes in. Mainly Charms, which I seem to be having trouble with. Mainly, it's the words I have to say, but otherwise I think I can get it alright. Transfiguration isn't too difficult if I can get past the Charms books. What gets to me most, however, is that I'd never look at an animal or goblet the same. Turning animals into cups seems like something so stupid, and unnecessary, but has also given me quite an idea for you, my friend. Though trying would risk Nekheny actually hunting and eating you, then she'd end up ill, probably.

Potions was surprisingly simple for me, though I do have an idea on why. Back in school, over science classes, I always had a knack for the subjects. Especially when it came to chemistry, and home economics. Potions wasn't too different, if you knew how to read and measure ingredients and to cut them up right.

Around the afternoon, however, Nekheny had kept me from studying as much as I had wanted to. Though the window remains open, the falcon was persistent in me allowing her to leave, by saying she could go out verbally. After she left, I tried to get back to the books, but found myself distracted once again. This time by my stomach, which thought itself hungry. Heh, it'd just have to wait. I wont eat till I get past, at the least, the 3rd year in most of these subjects. It's a lot of work, but with that determination, I couldn't take too long.

Before closing up this entry, there's something else bugging me. Once again, last night, I had that recurring dream. The train, me hugging its floor, and the constant dangers in the scenes. Still unable to remember what they looked like, the fact that there were cute guys kept with me up. What sucks the most is that I know nothing more will be remembered till the time it's actually happening. These dreams, while normally showing exactly what happens, don't let me remember till the moments they occur in real life. It's started before I had the Spear of Destiny, but since my companion had appeared, they've grown a tad more... vivid to say the least.

Adieu,
Aya

August 14th
Entry #4

My lip has been bitten raw, I think. How can one tell, I always wondered. I wouldn't have known otherwise. One isn't cooked while alive, so technically the whole body is raw. Or maybe it's just some strange state we don't actually realize that's even fresher than normal?

Either way, it's been bitten till sore and nearly bleeding. Why, however, I almost don't understand. It's been only 15 days since I've received the letter, and since then I've been busy. Yet there's this quenching need for something that I haven't done. It'll be a problem, considering that I'll be cut off from my needs for at least months before a vacation allows me to wander for some short time. Unless... Well, there could be possibilities to slip into the accursed Forbidden Forest, which I glanced through over the period of shredding the middle of pages. Of course, I'd avoid the precious creatures, but the more dangerous ones may not be missed. Right?

Still, it doesn't change the fact that, like some addict, I went cold turkey. With this, I let myself into a rut over gaining a higher need to kill something. Despite the fact that I don't want blood on my hands, the lack of such a scene puts me into a state of desperation. I'm glad my newer companion, Nekheny, was able to sense this and fly off with my reply to Hogwarts, otherwise I'd be fearing for her safety.

In relations to my studies, things have gotten to a point where I could relate the procedures and spells to what I have already known from the past, and the recent books that have been finished. At least, enough that I was able to allow myself some food and sleep to avoid passing out, and staying unconscious till September rolled by.

It looks like I won't be putting in a lot of space with this entry. It happens, right? So I guess I'll just state what I plan to do, and summarize tomorrow, or something. My address books say there's a young man who's a shaman in London. If I check this out, maybe I'll not only have a night away from this tavern, but also have quenched my thirst for blood.

Are there any AK's around? Like... Anonymous Killers or something. That'd be beyond perfect for me; especially now. On the other hand, unlike AA meetings, this is about illegal happenings. It'd end up just as a setup to catch us. Bah, it'd never work, which means I'd have to find some other way to handle myself.

Adieu,
Aya

August 15th
Entry #5

Last night...

It didn't go as well as I planned. I guess I was too far in my need of blood shed. With that, I ended up careless, and now my shoulder was as good as shot. Maybe I could try to explain it to someone, like I got hit by the Knight Bus these people in Diagon Alley continue to mutter about. On the brighter side, I not only was able to kill that man, but he also seemed to have a wife and a child. I checked, and noticed it was a young demon-child, and not one of their own. It was too young to have the talismans used on his skin.

Now these are the times that I truly know I'm supposed to do this. No matter how damned I make myself, these other children who were about to come across the same fate as myself to be saved... Well, that makes it better. Having cleaned out the place, and also grabbing some essentials for the child, I came back to the room around midnight to have Nekheny send something out to one of my friends. It wasn't much, but I did have a few people who would help me out when some of the kids are rescued.

This morning, I dropped the boy off, who'd go under something like rehabilitation. With the age so young, and nothing more than neglect being offered before, such a thing wouldn't last long. After the limiters and glamor charms are broken, they'd go about finding out what type of demon he is, and find someone to raise him. Who said youkai didn't hold soft places in their hearts? Sure, I could care less when it comes to most humans, but kids and other demons...

Bah. For a mass murderer, I could really be one heck of a softy. Sometimes it takes something like this for me to realize it.

At the same time, I continue to harbor worries over this upcoming school year. Since that day, I've been away from all forms of an actual school. Yes, occasionally there has been a few mentors to help me along, not seeming to know what I held in my mind, but it wasn't a school. No mass amounts of other students, and teachers. What if I was wrong in thinking there were separate rooms for everyone? Glancing through the same book I destroyed to help hide you, it mentioned dorms back then. Of course things could've changed, but what if it remained the same? I'd have to try and deal with hiding these burns and scars around others, who'd expect me to change around them. Hell, living in the same room, I'd have to be up on my guard constantly alert. The idea of having questions raised about these marks scares me more than I thought it would. Judgment, over something I feel was beyond my control, and them taunting even when the glamor was up. Being back in school, in general, scares me.

These subjects only strengthen my urge to try them all out. Grab a young adult, strap them down, and try this transfiguration book's lessons on him. It couldn't be too hard, and if failed, would provide some amusement.

No, I can't think on this. By the gods, if I'm already thinking and gaining the urge to try this out on someone, how am I supposed to handle 10 months of classes? I'm worried, and don't want to get caught or made fun of. I had enough of that before.

'Sissy' was the good daughter in the family. Popular, pretty (thanks to those glamor charms) and meant to have better grades. No one realized that it was only because I was beaten if getting a single point above her own average. I hated it, and was hating myself for allowing it to happen. Even then, I didn't blame those people I thought were my parents. Instead, I continued to blame myself, which increased the self-hatred that was only growing. That, somehow, my little sister was supposed to, and deserved, to be treated better and have better grades. That I did something to be considered worse than dirt. Not that it changed when I finally stood up for myself, oh no. I still hate myself, and hold blame, but now for different things. Like, it was my fault for never standing up for myself, and accepting what they did without question. So much that I end up punishing myself, it seems. Reopening scars and burns... Not caring, because the glamor would just hide it all.

Now I'll have to keep it up, possibly… constantly. Just as long as I'm around other people. Of course, if there's something like gym where we have to change into different clothes, I can change in a bathroom or something, but there'd never be any relief from hiding every part of me.

Thinking about it now just makes me want to... To... UGH!

I've read and heard about what hiding could do to a person. What else could such huge secrets cause? These people will be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, trying to avoid taking showers at the same time as them, and... I shouldn't be stressing out about this. What happens, happens, and I can't change that. Though, maybe, I could at least be prepared. These are those times I wonder how those superheroes the other kids talk about live. I mean, they have to live double lives, and switch even more. Not even that, but also live actual lives the best they could. Friends, family, jobs, and school, to all be balanced with that of their other being.

However, when I think about it, I was more of the 'super villain,' if anything else. Yet, they never have to live a double life most of the time. They go with the cliché 'destroy/conquer the world' gist, and leave any other bother to the minions. Instead, I have the plan to wipe out a whole branch of magic in revenge, and vengeance, over what they've done to demons and their own children. No minions, no assistance, and I definitely wasn't surrendering the identity I've lived with for so long.

So, maybe, I'm more like a serial killer than a super villain. I mean, they live double lives, to avoid being caught by the authorities. I just do that on a grander scale, and don't have to worry about disappointing my family. Hell, I killed those who I thought was my family, and most likely they were best friends with my blood's killer, or killers. If these were Alchemists, and not Shamans, I'd have used the excuse of equivalent exchange. Unfortunately I get those who claim to know what's best for the earth and her land, or whatever, and destroy the perfect balance that was created. Okay, no one will read this, but that's why I'm going to write it anyways;

Power to those alchemists. You totally 'pwn' the other magical branches.

So, now I've ranted worries over a double life, and barely went over any plans... Certainly this isn't all the bitching that I'm capable of, is it? Nah, too much angst and all that other wonderful emo-stuff that plagues the world. Hell, no one will care if I write like one. Especially when I plan to burn the book before I'd allow it to be found by another.

What else could I get off my chest? Going to an English school, no doubt people are going to question my name. Tease the last name, use the short given name as if it holds relevance to my intelligence. Things which are beyond my control could actually result in the bane of my existence. Not like I haven't heard the 'best' of 'em all. 'Shinimori? You mean Shit-on-me?' or how about the ever 'clever' remark about 'not finding a simpler name than Aya for me to spell.' It's not as if I'm not used to such witty remarks, if you note that sarcasm. However, I do hold an explanation, to explain my name yet American accent.

Those whom I had called my parents hold a Japanese background, but were always raised in upstate New York. Thus, we'll say they're Japanese American (and proud!) despite the possibility of them just having been moved there at a young age. Ethnicity remained the same, and despite my height, they kept that tradition with me. (Wow, something remaining equal in the adoption. There are miracles!) So, despite not being a 'pure blood' as they'd have liked, the old ways stuck through. Apparently they didn't want to explain why someone, who was legally their daughter, had a completely different family name than everyone else.

Should the mention of my sister arise, or slip out to cause questions, an explanation remained for that even. Simply the fact that she wasn't as well equipped with the goods for magic-use, I came alone. Not only that, but should any further inquiry come through, it'll be completely true if I said that I was the only one in the family whom had been invited to Hogwarts.

No one is ever that curious, though. It's an impossibility, even for a cat-demon. The probability of my dead family, or even why my name stood out. In fact, I bet there are those from Japan, or of 'foreign' heritage in the school. I have more worries than a middle-aged man who's reached bankruptcy and has to find a way to feed his 3 kids after the wife had died.

Wow... I just turned morbid. Didn't expect that at all, today. Who would've thought that a killer could turn into someone whom shocked themselves over creating an imaginary, yet seen in everyday-life, situation about another family. Thinking about it, however, I could always pretend they were shamans, and stick in me killing them. Nah, that'd ruin the effect of comparison, probably. I mean, sure, it could equal the amount of worries a little more, but I don't need to insert myself into a fake situation.

Alright, this entry is starting to get more lengthy than I had anticipated. Closing up these pages, I'll slip in my plans for the rest of the day. Who knows? I may end up writing again tomorrow, or even the day after. I could get into a serious roll, and insert something every day soon enough. It'll replace the whole 'killing addiction' that I've been working on.

Anyways, I'll just close up after these last few things. After closing up, I'm determined to get through this book of Charms that'll need to be understood. It's been bothering me for a while. I don't care if I dream and sleep-talk about swish and flicking. That chapter will be finished, with my able to complete the spells at least properly. Hell, I don't expect to be perfect at these, but at least able to perform the spells to avoid looking like some idiot would be nice. There are still about 4 more chapters, but one seems to be dedicated towards one or two spells, instead of a series of related ones. This will, at least, get me finished with Charms on those first four years. History of Magic is boring enough, and I've learned a good part of it before in the basement. Hell, if they go into shamans, I'm part of those stupid books, if they've been updated. Okay, I'm more like current events, but no one else seemed to have went into a killing spree like this before.

I swear, if they did put me in a book, and relate my work to Hitler, there are going to be heads rolling. Maybe not literally, but who knows? I just hate being related to that guy.

Either way, I've only been skimming through the history books, due to how much concentration and memorization goes into such a class. This way, I get a faint idea, should events be brought up again in the studies. I'm not expecting to be an ace at any of these subjects, but there is no way that I'll be living with a terrible grade for everyone to use against me. If these marks remain at a steady average level, then no one will have anything to say to me. Unless, of course, there's some prick in the school that feels like belittling the 'transfer' student was the latest craze on entertainment.

Last night, as well, I had that reoccurring dream again. Guess that's why it's considered reoccurring, ne? Either way, it's been bugging the hell out of me. Good news is that I've been able to piece together a few more bits of the end, to try and understand more about those cute guys. Sure, I never saw anything before, but there's this subconscious knowledge of them which is keeping my interest.

As I said; I was able to piece together a few more bits on the dream. Not all of it as desirable as I had hoped, but there were definitely clues. Though, as I think about it a little more, I think that red hair was from a girl, considering how long it was. That, and there were rather low-class demons in the rather narrow hallway. Other than that, there's darkness with poor ambiance from poor lighting. I mean, there was some light, but definitely not a lot.

So, this means that whatever I've been dreaming, it's about an attack from demons, and a person with long blood red hair. With further investigation, as well, the fact that this was around wizards had become obvious, with those sparks flashing by in the scattered scenes. I just wish that I was able to remember more on those guys. That's me; A one-track mind, when it comes to the right subject. Maybe if I used guys as the carrot, I'll finish this race of learning quicker. Like, if I finish enough chapters under a specific set amount of time, I'll go to find a guy to spend some quality time with.

Right, side-tracked again. On to the subject of dreams... I learned that there are actually several dreams in which a person experiences during the period of sleep. Maybe it's becoming more important, which is why I'm remembering it, but there aren't any specific scenes coming to mind. More like an aftertaste, but in feeling form.

As I said, I can't remember what the dream was specifically, but either way... It definitely isn't good. Almost like there's going to be something huge, and there's no way to stop it. One of those apocalyptic types of huge, too. This truly creeps me out, with the heeby-jeebies or something, if you wanted to use those human terms. Though I can't exactly complain about that which I've been raised to become accustomed to.

Now, it's getting late, and I have studying to do. Which means, this is my cue to head off to the books with that studying thing. Maybe slip in another subject, if I finish quickly enough. Like that'd happen...

Adieu,
Aya

Note: The following entry is not written like the others. It's writing is that of something very light, and shaky, as if there was very little pressure with the quill. Some words may not be legible, but due to lack of font types, I cannot show that in any other way other than making it of bold-italics. Thank you, and have a nice day.

August 15/16th
Entry #6

Can't stop...

Remaining houses shall come together once again...

That which is no longer human remains a threat, yet not the greatest...

Tricks and treats, always a desire to be changed...

One can never see all the days ahead...

Fate's chains can always be broken. Destiny cannot, no matter what costs are spent to delay it.

Everything happens for a reason...

Adieu

End Note: I guess this means, should you be reading this far, that you survived chapter two. It is highly, highly, suggested that you read Kodomo no Hikari's fanfiction, Chaos Chronicles, in order to get the full effect of the last entry. Love ya'll! Please review, for I know that I am getting more than 2 hits people. xD