Disclaimer: View prior chapters for details. It's been covered plenty of times, and I honestly don't feel like doing so any more.

Warning: This, instead of a work in third person, is a journal. It will hold crude mentionings of torture, murder, and genocide if you wish to call that. Sexual content is on minimal description, but is implied. Not suitable for the younger readers, hence the rating. It is not for the faint of heart, and in the character's personal view of events expressed via written word. Themes, innuendos, and what some may consider racial slurs may be crossed upon. It's within your best interest to only read on, should you acknowledge and accept said warnings.
August 29th
Entry #10

You know what sucks? The fact that it's still raining. Sure, things have let up today, but there's been absolutely no sun for the last several days. It's such dreary weather, I'm starting to think that the Makai's climate had been more cheerful. At least that place had some actual light, instead of the dusk-like darkness with the rain clouds blocking what opportunity of light there had been. It's almost started to affect my internal clock. Who knows about the wizards, but I grew up used to seeing the difference between daylight and nighttime.

Now you see why I haven't put anything in the journal for the past few days. All there was, was rain! Rain, studying, eating, getting new supplies, and repeating the same damned process. It's making me go crazier than Nekheny has been for her inability to stretch those developing wings in fresh air. While grudgingly she had gone out in the rain before, the weather's gotten dreary enough to make her torture herself with being in the room the whole time. Instead of hunting, she's been waiting for me to get more rats and small animals to bring. I didn't have trouble doing so, as it was my responsibility to take care of her, but the fact that I know she truly wants to hunt wild creatures for a meal makes me feel, what I think is, pity for the hawk.

With trips outside having been extremely limited, the studying had progressed even further than what was planned before. I'd stay downstairs after meals for an extra hour or two trying to get a little experience with the studying, almost like quizzes. While a few of the other guests looked slightly unusual, they were kind enough to help me out. Occasionally they'd even give a few tips on what was better, compared to the textbook information.

I'm not going to stop, and end up rusty with this knowledge, however. It's the same way with the spear; While I can't practice in open spaces, or attempt that wonderful attack again, there were still a few unofficial routines that I was able to use. Forgetting how to use my partner in a time so close to leaving towards yet another unknown destination where an attack could spring up from anywhere. It'd be far too reckless to even think about, much less allow happen. That'd be a mistake that would have gotten me killed on my year-long 'crusade.' Not that there were many opportunities to practice with the traveling, but there had been enough stops to keep me from having fallen too far down the skill ladder.

Now, some would wonder why I don't practice in any element. Any weapons master would claim that training in the rain would do the body good, in fact. There was just one small issue that I didn't want to risk dealing with. The attack mentioned before? It's a strange lightning attack that I've been able to accomplish when angry enough at the shamans. So wickedly awesome, with the huge bolt of light, and then so much of the grounds are either destroyed, or in flames. Sure, I haven't exactly developed a good grasp of that ability, but I know it's from the spear and not myself. That, at least, has to be of some improvement, right?

Right, information-wise, I haven't really been developing much of a scope on the situation. Naturally staying in this place, I've been able to hear about the biggest of news, and read the papers that others were finished with. Now this is where things get really screwy, and it made my wonder which practitioner's world was truly insane.

A bunch of years ago, there was this really 'dark' wizard, who's name I couldn't figure out, because these people were far too afraid to say it; Even today! Apparently there's some superstition about mentioning his name brings death to the speaker. Anyway, I kept listening to these people. He did a lot of bad stuff, trying to get more and more power, while killing those that stood in his way. Eventually, there was this one house that the 'Dark Lord' hit, where he tried to kill a baby after his parents. The curse rebounded, hit the guy, and he 'died' for about 11 years. Either 11 years, or 10, as I can't be so clear on that information.

After those '11' years, the boy started to attend Hogwarts after having lived with some part of his family. In the same year, he was attacked by one of the professors who was after this Philosopher's Stone. Next year, he saves some girl, and stops the attacks on the school, by this huge 'basilisk,' that was actually controlled by a book of some sorts. Really weird, in my opinion. The year after, he was sought after by some high-security prisoner from some place called Azkaban. The year after that, he ends up in a tournament where a friend of his was killed, and brought the community to start accepting that this 'Dark Lord' was back. These people said that for the next year, people still didn't really believe the situation, and it wasn't accepted till later. The idiots were ignorant enough to feign ignorance to the point their ministry was attacked by the guy and his followers.

That's all I was able to gather, as the person that had given me the scoop actually went to Hogwarts in that time. I never got his name, but I'm pretty sure that he's either going to graduate soon or already had. He had said far more than that, but I may have tuned the guy's words out every now and then. Not that he wasn't interesting, but there was just too much to the story, and I had other interests. It's not like this wizard was going to bother going after me, and shamans were more of a priority than anything else. I should have at least pretended to have shown interest, but it was his own fault for going about like it was some football game. I didn't even like hearing about those, so why would I listen to a story about some wizard gone wrong talked about in the same exact fashion?

Needless to say, he wasn't happy about the lack of attention. We separated ways, and I resumed some studies. That, and did something to keep Nekheny occupied. Sure, it was something done with dogs, but it gave the poor girl a chance to fly about the area. It was just a stuffed toy that I would toss about the room for her to dive at and catch. Not exactly a favorite past time, but I think she had appreciated the fact that I was trying to make her feel better. It's hard to do that, when you didn't speak 'hawk.'

There is other news. This is pertaining to those dreams, however, and not what was going on while I was conscious. The first one, while there were small breaks in the screening, didn't have any more fuzzy parts. The sound isn't exactly the best, but when there was screaming, it'd come through clear enough. Like this boy who was screaming for the others to fight. Anyway, I was able to figure out just what was going on. As I said, there are several time breaks, and lack of sound, but there were a few things that I didn't need ears for to understand.

Just as I had been thinking before, this all does, in fact, take place on the day everyone is heading off to the school via Hogwarts Express. I mean, even getting there was something wicked; Walking through a false wall that none of the non-magical folk were supposed to recognize. It just seemed like some hologram to myself, but apparently the wizards around still thought of it as a solid wall that let the confident phase right through the mass. Anyone would've been able to breach such a small barrier, but it was expected; They needed something to protect themselves against the normal people, and allow the new students to go through. At least it makes the '9 ¾' station hold some sense, with it being in-between platforms 9 and 10.

Back on the subject, though. Apparently, the reason for the demons I saw attacking was due to the fact that some barrier broke. That was the only explanation on why a human device was in a place that had the sky of a typical Makai day. Not that I was in Makai very long, but it only takes a short time to notice what was considered typical. It all makes sense, now that I was able to receive that part of the 'vision,' or whatever that repetitive dream should be called. With the train going through there, full of vulnerable, tasty, children, of course the local color would be attacking. It's a buffet on very fast wheels, that if going at full speed, would be enough to splatter a C-class demon, I think. That's a pretty tricky scenario to accurately predict, in my own opinion.

Though that opinion is by someone who only knew for about a year that she was a demon. The entire power class system is one of those factors that I haven't understood completely; Mainly on figuring out how to identify someone's class. I have trouble controlling my own energy level, so it's no surprise that the classification of another's power wouldn't be simple to myself. In time, the technique will prove more natural an action to go use in every day situations.

Once again, having trailed off, this is my attempt to get back to that first dream/vision/thing. There was this barrier breaking, the train going through Makai, and somehow it ended up making it into the human world once again. How exactly, I'm not sure. The dream refuses to give any actual sound to the event. Whatever did happen, there ended up being a race on getting to the right side, which worked pretty well. Then the last cab started to fall off, which was pretty awesome to watch in this view. That hot redhead was the one who gave everyone extra time. He was on the main part of the train, using this whip to hold the falling cart together, which gave all of the students chances to on a safer cab. I think I was the last person, because once I was over, after having held on to the other side of the whip, he collapsed into my arms. It was actually pretty cute, despite the 'sleep' being caused by exhaustion. That was probably the only reason why he was willing to collapse into me, instead of stubbornly going to one of those rooms. Still, what strength he had to have in order to hold on to that whip for so long. He was amazing, and somehow I felt like we had something in common. At least on some level, which I still can't understand myself.

The vision ended, basically, after having gotten him over to his friends, and taking him to rest on a couch. They were all pretty cool, from what I was able to see, and unable to hear. One definitely had this vacant expression, though, which was a little freaky. That, and the hair style not suiting him one bit... Ugh, a huge fashion risk, in my opinion.

While that was how the first one ended, it was considered the first dream for a reason. The other seemed so cryptic, mysterious, and intriguing. I wanted to grasp and pick it apart, analyzing the short scene; Just like I had with the train sequence. Though that one was actually lasting longer, and I was given so much more in the beginning. This one held familiarity, though. As if I had 'experienced' it all before. Which is strange, because there was no way in the 9 hells that it already happened to me. If it did, and I don't remember, than those years of talisman abuse hit me harder than what I originally thought. That's something I seriously doubt, too. There would've been signs of it earlier in the year away, or even before then.

Either way, it's how this went about. The whole vision in itself was approximately 4 seconds long, and had some flash of a similar scene in the middle. Originally, while I think it was me holding something, the figure was blurred. All that I could make out was all of the lightning. The figure had my structure, hair, and I could've sworn that it was the spear I was holding on to. Thing was, the detail leads me to be extremely skeptical over who's who, and what's what. But after the first couple of seconds with the lightning flashing, the person holding the item changed. I couldn't tell who, but there was this whole regal presence about them, and this gorgeous silver hair that was illuminated by the lightning. I couldn't see anything about the rest of them, however; Not even the gender. Definitely wasn't my demon form, though, as the hair was too perfect.

Me? Even my demon form seems to have taken a blow from the years of talismans that were used on my. While still silver, there's a definite grayness in the color, and less of a healthy shine. It's thick, but holds a near-dry feeling, as if I never took care of it. Alright, that's technically true, but I did my best considering how long I've even known about the appearance. Undoing a decade and a half of damage can't be completed within a year, no matter how persistent one is. Unless they shave their head, but that's something that I refuse to go about doing. It took far too long to get my hair this long, and if I have to hide the damage with messy hair styles, then so mote it be.

He he... Mote is a funny word. Sounds the same as moat, with those crocodiles swimming around to make intruders into a meal. Maybe this is just a sign that I'm in desperate need of sleep; Finding words that aren't used as often to be amusement. By the gods, I need to get laid sometime soon. This is going to drive me nuts if I stay holed up in this dive. There's got to be some guy willing to have fun with a stranger out there tomorrow.

Alright, seeing as I doubt anything would be happening between now and Hogwarts, I'll leave you till then to stick an entry in. If something interesting does come up, I'll jot it down, as I should, I suppose. Too many 'I's' in that sentence. Either way, I'll see you anytime between a few days and a week from tomorrow. Then I'll have something amusing to report. Something far better than the dreams and how far I got in my studies. That's because in that time, I'll be in Hogwarts, sorted into another house, and with an explanation to the train ride. Till then, right?

Then again, one never knows what's in store for the future. I never really understood the concept of divination, despite what I've read in these books. Did they ever bother to make sense of everything, with premonitions, astrology, time travel, and all of that other fei-wu? Yeah, I said 'crap' in Mandarin Chinese. Traveling around, having lived with a Japanese-American family, and other circumstances allowed me to pick a few things up. Naturally, all of those few are actually profanities, instead of something productive. Better than saying something everyone else would understand, and I would only end up in trouble for. With this, I could attempt to get away with a lie, instead of claiming they heard me wrong. How many people could know Mandarin, anyway, right?

Now, for some reason, I'm dragging this out longer than originally thought. Probably due to the fact that I can't find myself getting drowsy enough to fall asleep so quickly. What is the trick for those that could go out like a light the moment they hit the mattress? I know it's not a case of thinking about school work, or something terribly boring. Definitely not overdosing on some kind of drugs, and I refuse to attempt any sleeping potions from this lazy world. While I may not be able to fall asleep right now, it's a low possibility of me falling asleep in a far enough time to complete those tonics. They never taste good, anyway.

I know! I could just read that stupid "Hogwarts, A History" book that I purchased- No, wait... Gou-shi, I just remembered. Just after getting it to the room, while skimming through the pages, I had cut open a hollow for your hiding space. Looks like I'll have to find another book. Yes! There's that history book I could try reading. Nothing to help you fall asleep like a book on some war you never heard of, will need to worry about, or had been connected to. Now with that out of the way, this is for real. The entry will be stopped, and you will be put away in the proper place.

Adieu,
Aya

September 1st
Entry #11

By the gods, I was given a gift yesterday that was close to orgasmic to hear about. Something that I acted out on today. First, the guy and what happened, just to keep things up to speed. He was more than hot enough, and had these crystal clear blue eyes. If it'd been any other girl, he'd have someone easily fall in 'love' with him. Now this whole love thing... I don't really understand the concept. How different could it be from lust? If that was the case, then I'd have been wet between the legs once given the chance.

This isn't supposed to be an entry based upon what I think people mistake as love, though. It's about the fact that this guy was someone who had some prime information. Perfect, for being so close to that train ride. It'd keep me mellower than usual for that day, which also meant less of a chance for me 'snapping,' as some have called it.

Now, he definitely wasn't a shaman, which was a good thing for his sake. It's always possible that he was just another demon, and I hadn't noticed. You're around them for as short of a time as myself, it's natural to not be used to recognizing other demons. So, whether he was a demon masked as a human, with information on where some shamans lived, or just a human that had enough magical ties to know, I couldn't tell. He was good in bed, at least, and didn't give a fuss when I decided to leave after having a drink to refuel my energy reserves. As usual, I never caught his name, and he didn't seem to mind that he had just screwed around with a girl that was underage, who also never gave out her name either. This happened in a lot of places, though. Especially over in the U.S., despite those laws. In fact, part of me thinks it's more of a temptation, to try and prove you can outsmart the law and do what you want. I managed that well enough, but also kept going about and changing direction everywhere I went. They didn't understand where I went over in the time that disappeared out of their precious country. Not only that, but shaman-infested towns weren't very common in the States, so the attacks seemed very random. One was actually an Indian Reserve, which threw those agents for a loop, I'm sure.

To them, it was a tragedy, while I saw it as someone putting a balance in this long war. It's been going on for a long time in human lifetimes, but I'm not sure about demons. Back in Makai, when I had stayed there for a short time, I remember them calling me a toddler because of my age. Which didn't actually make sense till I had found out most were at least in their hundreds at that point. They weren't mocking me for my age, however, considering what war can do to anyone, even youkai. Okay, they may have teased me a little, but nothing too serious in my opinion. I lived in a school that thought I didn't know any personal hygiene habits, when they hadn't realized it was just because I couldn't thoroughly cleanse my body. Yes, I had done my best with a sponge, but some areas couldn't be irritated, which meant there'd be a slight stench before. Not anymore, at least, as everything has closed up enough, and seems to be healing quite well. It would continue like that, if I kept with applying a certain scentless lotion on the areas.

So, after the fun and information, I immediately went out of London to visit this small plot of land. On the way, I had passed a strange property that felt funky, but ignored it for my goal. It was something like those spits; You know, where there was this one house, and 4 Latino families were shacked up there, mounting to over 20 people in the place. This was similar, but the land was larger, and they seemed to be with 6 families instead. They didn't understand my purpose there, but after giving a little spell, from my adoptive family, they welcomed me right away. Accepting the tea, but never drinking, and then waiting for the right moment when their guard was truly down. That was all I had to do before starting the slaughter. The first I just ended up ripping their faces off, while a handful of others ended up killed by those talismans.

It must really suck to have some demon coming about in your house, act like a fellow shaman, and end up killing you with your own attacks. Especially when it's the very species you're at war with. If I actually cared about that possibility, instead of finding it humorous, I suppose it could be considered psychopathic and disgusting to think about. At least I'm kind enough to give them a cremation; Just burn the whole place to the ground, and avoid having evidence about showing what killed all of those people. Those 'normal' weak humans always had a habit of sticking their heads into suspicious activities like this. No one wants exposure, because that causes trouble for all sides of the 'order,' which keeps us from leaving obvious signs. It's the reason why demons take the guise of a human, despite going into their public to cause mischief. Those Salem Witch Trials must've been one of the most recent exposure repercussions in history. Not the only one, but one of the most recent, at the least.

Not that I'd be stupid enough to leave obvious tracks. If anyone, I'd be the least likely to try and leave a trail as to who and what I am to the normal humans. Shamans... I'd rather they know I'll be coming for them at some point, but expecting to see an actual demon with amazing strength, and not some scrappy teenage girl at the front door.

So after all of that, I reached the tavern again this morning, where that tender, Tom I think his name was, politely asked where I had disappeared to. A natural thing to expect, which led me to say that I was out on business, but didn't forget to thank him for keeping the room the same, as I hadn't expected to be gone over the night. He took it well, and was also kind enough to bring up some tea. Because of the rain, I was inside yet again for the majority of the day. This honestly had to be one of the wettest summers of my life. Seriously, I heard that England was a rainy little place, but didn't take it so literally. These people are lucky to not be raisins!

Alright, so most of the day was spent indoors, I already said, but for studying on this stuff. The main focus wasn't to attend the classes, the school said, but I figured it'd be pretty nifty to learn all of this stuff. If anything, it'd make my 'clean up' far easier to use. Though the wands are a tad on the flimsy side, and could shatter with a little too much energy sent into the stick, they were still handy. There was no way that I could do so much with my bare hands, after all. So, these wizards and witches had to be give their props. Thing is, I'm worried that there will come a time that using this simple form of magic will end up biting me, or even those wizards, in the ass at some point. It is a short cut, after all, which would be balanced out at some point, if my views are correct.

Oh! You're probably wondering why I seem so mellow in this chapter, as well. It's pretty simple to explain, and will be noticed at a later point in the year most likely. Due to the fact that I'm not accustomed to this high level of energy that demons normally have, it's easier to build up to the point that it affects my way of thinking. With the buildup, snapping is far more likely than before, and people would associate me with the psychopathic patients in those mental wards. That's how I normally am, at least. How to fix it, to remain somewhat stable throughout the day? Well, there's always the sex thing, as I never seemed to be stuck with those diseases that people normally do from promiscuity. That's the shorter of fixes, when also using this journal. The most effective of methods is to go out, kill shamans till I'm somewhat exhausted, then travel back to where I'm staying. With this, I'll be pretty calm for about a week, if there wasn't that train ride.

When I'm at such a serene state of mind, it's easier to get along with people. There are less triggers on what would cause me to snap; Anything that reminds me of my adoptive parents has always caused me to react in some way. Brought down to a sane level, my plugs are a little covered, but not completely. In other words, the reaction has varied, in what I remember.

There was this one time, I heard some guy yelling at his daughter for almost causing some huge accident. Now, it wasn't in Japanese, or about something meaningless, like almost dropping eggs. The girl actually was playing with her ball, and it almost rolled off into the streets. He had a right to scold the child, but it didn't keep me from tensing up, hunching my back and hurrying off to someplace dark. I was a little messed up at that point, having stayed still and muttering to myself about being a good girl. Not exactly sure when I snapped out of that consciousness, but it was before the next day that I was already out of the town. Also not positive on this, but it is possible that I was crying at some point. This wasn't too long before I went to Makai, so there are a bunch of events clouding up that memory. On the other hand, it could've been longer ago in time, and I'm mixing things up.

Another time, I reacted violently. Yelling, attacking, and I think I saw my adoptive parents in place, with an image of how I saw the two while I was a child. It's normal for a kid to look at their parents as giants, considering how much taller and stronger they were.

Moral of the short stories is that the risks are varied, on how I'd react to those small triggers. Occasionally, it'd be an actual day of the year, which was related to a past event, that'd get me to one of those exceptionally unstable states. Even flashbacks, where I ended up reliving a few moments. Not able to tell where I really am, and only stuck seeing the related scene, and reacting just how I did back then. Most of the time, I'd like to think of my appearance being somewhat neutral enough for people to not think much on the situation.

If I remember, I should jot down the dates of those 'sensitive' times, that doesn't include the time of the month, and forward it over to the headmaster. I mean, if he gets the news, he could pass it on to the professors, and they'll have prior waring before I destroy the place. It's always the end result of either destruction of some sort, or me breaking down to the point that it's just pitiful. Seriously, it's the most random of breakdowns, where I curl up and mutter to the person that I mistook for the adoptive father, all in Japanese. It's one of those freaky things, ya know. Something that would only be connected to a psychiatric ward's prime target. The doctors there would foam at the mouths with the possibility of prying open a specimen like me.

That wasn't even an ego trip! Just... I hate those mental hospitals. Full of crazy people, and those whom are more psychotic, trying to fix everything by jamming pills down the patient's throat. Those damned people claim they could help those unstable people, to only make it worse by adding a chemical dependency. Rutting humans that use synthetic gou-shi to solve problems. In turn, it only causes more problems, because those people end up addicts to the meds, and become a health risk.

Boy, humans are such logical creatures, looking at things in that way. Can't fix something naturally, or properly, so they dope the patient up. Yes, I know that demons also have been known to use artificial fixes, but I've yet to actually see a youkai addict. No medication to be hooked on, but I have seen mechanical limbs. It's pretty awesome, when you think about it.

Oh gods, not to mention those resuscitation pods! From the word of another demon to me, those pods could revive a person and bring them up to health. I don't know why exactly, but they seem to only use that in extreme measures. That, and is only exclusive in territories where these older rulers used to be. Such a shame, though, that it wasn't used as openly; Otherwise, that technology would do well in the war against shamans. Those choices aren't mine, however, and there's little I could actually do to help the youkai side.

Other than thinning the ranks of those shamanic amoeba's, that is. Every one of those pieces of scum that I get rid of, the easier it is for my 'kind' to gain some kind of advantage. As long as they don't use this as an opportunity to relax, thinking I would handle things long enough by myself. No, there's no way they'd actually go about doing that. It's an action most likely in humans. Lazy, selfish, monstrous, sacks of flesh.

Great, these thoughts are getting me riled up. That was something I had attempted to avoid. It was the purpose of going out for a shag, and all that great stuff. It's only been little over a year; I shouldn't be used to the method, to the point of it's reactions wearing off quicker, already. Though, I suppose it's always possibly that I'm just getting mentally riled for the simple reason of those shamans being brought up, despite the exhaustion. Which means it's time for a change of subject!

Er, what haven't I gone over yet, though? Oh, right, I almost forgot! Over the days that I hadn't written anything down in here, I jotted snippets every day over what I could remember from those dreams. There are actually a few that I've gone through, so maybe that would be an improvement. Who knows? This could actually be some ability, instead of strange dreams. Humans with heightened spiritual abilities have been known to receive prophetic visions in their sleep. I can't wield pure energy in attacks, or anything like that, like all of the other demons. If it wasn't for the fact that I could handle Makai, and also had a second form with blue skin and a tail, I'd start thinking that I wasn't demon either.

Maybe, in actuality, I haven't been able to do so because I really wasn't strong enough. Those youkai I met before had claimed I was pretty strong for my age, considering those accomplishments. Maybe it's time to take those as pretenses instead.

Bah, back to the dreams, instead of the pity-fest.

As you probably have been able to guess, the train sequence came up over the week. Not as long, but definitely more vivid. Sound remains out of the scenes, but the smell and pain are coming through. It's strange that I'd feel so much pressure in my back, as if something really had landed there, or thrown my across a distance. There was also taste, which was nice in some ways. A little blood, from having accidentally biting my cheek, I'm guessing, but something better. That kiss I mentioned? Well, the redhead definitely had a sweet mouth. It's possible that I found it sweet for other reasons, because it didn't actually seem to be from what he had consumed lately. It'd gotten so vivid, a couple of days ago, I woke up with an actual bruise showing under the glamor charm. After that, it hadn't appeared again; Not last night, nor the day before.

The other dreams were so much shorter, however, and no where close to the level of realism as the train sequence. While one had that 'incoming' feeling to it, the others were like short glimpses of badly recorded events. Really bizarre, honestly, which would be due to the fact that I couldn't understand what they meant.

First, let's get to the one that reminded me of those Colosseum fights you see reenacted in human films. While really foggy, and blurring with the backgrounds, the shape and appearance of a stadium from the fighting grounds still came to mind. That sentence didn't make much sense, but that's what I was able to make out in there. The rest... It was like a dome of fog and lightning. It cleared some, and started to show two figures. One was a small person, who was possibly a demon, while the other had to be one of the most gorgeous men I've seen; Youkai and human. That silver hair, golden eyes, and cut body... Alright, I couldn't see how cut he was, or if he really was a he, but I was going on instinct here. Those eyes were probably the clearest thing in the whole vision. Ancient, but also clouded in secrets. How I could tell, I'd never guess, but that's what I was able to conclude. Just as the figure started to come into focus, the vision sadly ended. All of it, though... It felt like it had happened already. More like an old memory, or constantly copied scene from a show, than anything else. No sound, smell, taste... Nothing but sight, which was barely enough to use for confirmation.

The other had more action in it, but held the fuzzy memory feeling to it. Two beings, and what looked to be a young girl. On the other hand, it was also much shorter, and paused with the last 'scene,' if it were from some movie. The girl, what looked to be a large lion with wings, and an angel completely in white, landed on this unusual golden circle of light. Stars, a moon, a sun, and symbols of some language; Either Chinese or Japanese. They were all on this circle, and around them... I couldn't tell. The scenery was far too blurring. Would a giant blue penguin-ish thing, with a crown on its head, even make sense? I don't think so, but there's nothing else to describe the giant blur as. Behind them, though, I could tell no matter how blurry everything was. That was definitely a full moon, and by the gods... I've never seen it look so large.

Thing is, I don't understand the purpose of these dreams. Aren't 'dreams' supposed to be messages from the subconscious, telling you and getting certain issues out so you're aware of them? Which means, when you do remember a dream, there's meaning behind it... Right? Then what's the purpose of things I never really cared for, with the after-feeling of an old memory that belongs to someone else?

Thinking about it all is giving me a headache; A strange one, in fact. It's right in-between my eyes, up on my forehead. As if something was starting to push its way to the surface, then decided to pull back once again. How that works, I don't know, considering the fact that I know the brain itself holds no nerves to process 'pain.' It's too hard to explain, and now I'm getting even more exhausted than I had planned. This will make things difficult tomorrow. Ah well, night... Write in ya tomorrow, as it'd be the night before that rutting train ride.

Adieu,
Aya


September 5th
Entry #12

Let me tell you right away that this had to be one of the strangest days ever. Considering who, and what, I am, that's really saying something. A few days ago, I put how I was going to expand my search, if the rain stopped. Well, it did, and I went along with my word.

What I didn't expect was that everything would have been skewered out of normal bounds. I know that I'm not the smartest person in the world, not by a long shot, but there are some basics everyone should know. Unfortunately, the finer details have been lost to the modern magic world. Not to everyone, mind you, but the majority. Now a days, people use similarities on how magic is used, not realizing how close they are to the truth. Which is kind of sad, considering how much work it must have been to realize the webs of reality, and how magic flowed along them. I thought I knew, not only the basics, but all that we could know about the subject. With today's events, before you sits a very confused little demoness, who still has no way to actually understand what had happened.

See, how I've basically learned it, is that reality is 'spun' with webs intertwined with each other. Each set similar, but it's own completely. I don't think it's possible, so there could be a barrier keeping someone from taking an element from one web, and sticking it in another. Naturally, they can interact and influence one another, but they aren't upon the same 'webs.' Magic even has it's own web, with the threads set in certain ways around the world. In order to use magic, it has to be used within those thread lines. It's basically what keeps wizards from using it to distort reality in itself, though there are situations where they could bend those lines just a little. A wizard's form of apparating is grabbing hold on some of the flowing magic, and letting go right away when reaching the destination. It's the whole reason for them having to wait for a certain age, training, and then an actual test, before being allowed to take such a direct form of travel. Portkeys are similar, but instead of the being latching on to the thread, it's a certain item chosen to link on and carry the passengers to their chosen destination.

This is why I don't understand what had happened in today's events. Having gone to some of the hotels, where that strange energy was sensed lately, I found them having already been dissipating. Instead, it felt like one of the presence's had been about in the air, where no one could see them. Almost like a ghost, in fact. Personally, I don't like ghosts, due to how messy so many have been. That's not the point, however. The whole day was off, in one way or another, which didn't do well for my mood.

Back to the events, though. I had even went to the hotel's front desk, just like the establishments nearby. It's stupid that they think it's against the privacy policy. What if I actually had an important message, and in order to relay it to the person, I had to make sure that I was in the correct hotel? With such a rude refusal, the man could've ruined the world for all he knew! Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but considering how the world really is, how many times has the planet been in extreme danger? It's a surprise we weren't all annihilated. These people held no appreciation for those who've saved their asses too many times to count. Not that I'm one of those people; far from it, actually, but they don't know that. Naturally, I gave up and left the place, with a nice loud comment about rats in the hotel. That had to drive away, at least, a few incoming customers. Gods, I can be such a brat when put in the wrong mood. If that really was their hotel, then I'd have to admit that the strange sources of energy had great taste, and deep pockets.

Due to the residue that could only have been left by some powerful beings, I was almost certain that they were spending the time there instead of all the other hotels in the city. With the days of rain, the people had to stay in their room, which makes the leftover signature grow in concentration. That way, even if they left for a day, there's some 'after-taste' of the group. With the various 'flavors' that identified a single person, I easily determined that there were several males; Males, because I've been around enough guys to tell the difference between females. Maybe there was at least one female, but the masculine scent overpowered the feminine far too much.

Now, the only reason why I was able to tell the difference to all these other beings in the city... That's the fun part. The strengths of these people- It was amazing! No need to strain and pick them apart. It was like a roman candle in some Feng Shui shop of those elemental candles. While they burn normally, you could imagine how the roman candle is in comparison. Did they attract any unwanted attention from their energy, or am I just lucky enough to sense the potency? It's always possible that everyone didn't notice, and these people knew that because of how ignorant westerners have become over the years. Not that I'm any better, but with so many lingering signatures, and the potency... It's just so unusual. Unless this really was a normal occurrence, then the whole day has only confused my poor mind.

Continuing on with the day, after having left the hotel, I wandered around. Not really paying attention to the final destination, but following the whims that came up. If I wanted to turn left, I turned left, and if I turned right... Well then, I don't need to explain that, now do I? There wasn't much choice, considering I had no idea on where to go at the time.

Unfortunately, that only ended up with constant wandering, without fruition. Yes, there was this one area where I had passed by someone who looked familiar, almost like the redhead in my vision, but seemed to out of place. That kind of 'out of place' that you'd see with those who are supposed to be there, and without the choice but to be in something so unusual. In this case, it was a white suit. That, and I think he had glasses on; It's a bit fuzzy to remember the details. Thanks to that headache from remembering the visions, it's a bit difficult to focus on everything today.

The day didn't really have much progress past that. The twisting continued for a good part of the evening, and the day was just event-less. Staying up extra late to write out those visions and such really wore me out, thanks to the other activities before that. So naturally, I returned to the Leaky Cauldron, to relax. After a nap, which had me waking up in another daze, I went around Diagon alley once again. Not for a particular reason, but it was nice to wander aimlessly.

I think there was some squabble in one of the stores at that time. Pity, considering the weather. These poor blokes are drowning in rain over the season, and the day that they get to dry off, they start fighting. Now, while not having stayed, or attempted to find things out, I did hear from the others in the alley. With their casual tones, it was obvious these people were used to those fights. It was a 'pureblood' insulting someone that was considered a mudblood. These people really know how to confuse a gal with those terminologies. Simple enough, though, it figures this was something about the history of their blood determining what was considered pure.

It's like that everywhere, it seems. With youkai, they hate it when their kind 'breed' with humans and actually carry along offspring. To me, it really doesn't matter on where a person came from. Of course, save for those from shamans. That would be the only case that I couldn't forgive, knowing the war and what those bastards did. They still put others through the same thing I do, and refuse to take my killing as a hint that they'd be receiving punishment for those choices. Do they think that it would aid their purpose? Thinning youkai numbers by killing the children makes sense, but to take them in, raise them like their own children, and kill them at the age of 15... It makes practically no sense at all. An inexplicable perversion of the rules, thinking their choices wouldn't be turning around to bite them in the ass.

With this history, on what they did, it's poetic justice that I came around and started slaughtering them all. Torturing, raising, then killing demon children, and expecting no repercussions, was a foolish thing. Kill, and expect to be killed at some point. What those monsters did only increased the hatred between our two kinds.

Heh; Kill and expect to be killed. You must think that I don't think the same. No, I don't plan on living a full life, or even to what a youkai could consider middle-aged. If I die for these actions, then so be it, but that doesn't mean I won't go down without a fight. Especially now, when I have this feeling in my chest that there's something I must do first. Something is almost willing me to continue on, and refuse death, till that 'task' is completed. Whatever it is, I have yet to figure out, but have a feeling that I will know when it does come around.

It'd be amazing if I lived to the age of 20, actually. If life was something represented by candles, just like what I read in poems, then my wick must be incredibly short and fast burning. Now, I don't mean to turn angsty, but this is something I should be looking towards, right? Sure, it's depressing, and I'd honestly rather not go through those emotions right now, but it can't be avoided forever. All of these years, I was reminded that I was nothing, and stayed in a basement when not improving my adoptive sister's status, and going to school. Now, in a year, I've accomplished more than those sons of bitches had imagined. Not only killing them, but continuing on with the shamanic slaughter, to the point that I reached Japan. Then, I actually was able to visit the realm I was supposedly from, and learn a little more from that. Now, I'm here, getting ready to head to this Hogwarts place with the spear, Nekheny, and a chance to learn a lot more.

Despite that, I never really lived, did I? Everything was for this vendetta against those people, and never to celebrate my freedom to it's fullest. I went through mountains, but never climbed them, or spent time in a ski lodge drinking hot cocoa. Never a day at the beach, sunbathing, and taking a dip into the ocean. On the other hand, with a lack of confidence on my glamor charms, I wouldn't want to be caught in a bathing suit anyways. That, and I've never really took to the cold back in New York, so a skiing trip wouldn't do much good either.

Alright, apparently I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself, even if I tried. Gods, why does this have to be so difficult!

Sure, people would say that my flings with these strangers would count as enjoying my freedom. Thing is, it really isn't, because the reason is for expending energy, and to avoid pain. Not because I really enjoy the person's company, know them, or want to be with them for a while. It's just that they looked good, knew how to bath, and were willing enough.

Those other teens back in the alley seemed happy. Just walking around, window shopping, and chatting with each other. I think they were all friends with each other, and not lucky strangers whom crossed paths. They were relaxed, with the only worries of school, boys, and pimples, on their minds. I'd never be so relaxed, but while it'd be really unusual, part of me wants to try what they were doing. Being with friends, and enjoying each other's company for a little while. Alright, I'll have to actually try to make friends to try that in the first place, but that doesn't change the fact that I want it.

Maybe it is, in actuality, too much to hope for. To survive, and go as far as I have... Maybe I should be content with what I have gone through already. It doesn't seem fair though, I want more than that. Selfish, sure, but it's expected. I don't care about the age I die at, but with so much unaccomplished in that time, where people have done so on a casual day... It'd be like I never actually lived in the first place. I'm only 16, and should be having the worries and life of the others in this realm. Not being one of the many victims in a war, to turn violent and go on a killing spree, and end up in a wizards school. It's too bizarre, and I just...

It's wrong, and also the right thing for me to do what I am, but that doesn't mean that I'm content with this life. I know what I'm doing is good for the balance, but I don't want it. That doesn't change the fact that this is how things are, and what I wish happened is only a dream. Others would probably say that I have to make the best out of what I have, but it feels too hard to do so. Anything that would be considered fun, I've tried when younger and was punished, because it wasn't my place. I was considered below everyone, and shouldn't have tried to be on equal ground as my 'sister' and the other kids that I knew from school.

This is depressing me too much. If it were possible, I'd probably be crying right about now. So, that means I need a sharp change in subject. Like... Plans, and dreams. Those work out quite well. Quite well indeed. Just need to work on what I plan... Oh, right. I'm a bit of a fool, forgetting that already.

Tomorrow is the big train ride, where I'll see if the dreams really were visions. If so, then I get to deal with treating bruises and bitten cheeks all over again. What joy... After the train ride, I'll be sorted into the right house, and head to bed. Though, of course, I'll be writing and catching up on everything within these pages before going to sleep for the day after. Seriously, I hope that I don't need to worry over stupid roommates. Anyone who snores will find themselves splattered across the nearest wall. Well, their ghosts will find the remains of what used to be their body splattered upon the wall, at least.

That had to be some of the shortest plans set forth. Dreams foretelling part of the day really ruins that segment of this entry. Segment? Almost sounds like a variety show with that word.

Now, having learned about the sorting, I've been hoping for other things. Like that hot redhead, who was in the train dream, turns out to be in the same house that I end up being in. Obviously, I couldn't tell if he was new or not, but if we turn out to be house mates, then that would be very spiffy. Who wouldn't want to be in the same 'house' as a guy who would easily win an award for the most attractive. With the long hair, though, they may accidentally put the poor student in the female's section, and still win. That'd be embarrassing, though amusing at the same time. So, naturally, I have no idea which I'd rather have happen, should it even be possible.

My dreams took the strangest of tolls, and I have no idea what they mean. Forgive the vagueness, but I just can't solve this puzzle. Straightforward dreams were simple enough, like the train ride going on, but symbolism has to be my weakest recognition point. There are a bunch of different fields, separated by what look to be gates, but out of strings made out of strange light. Walking along the gate, well, on top of it, I noticed something after passing the 4th field. Just about all of them are being blown by the wind in the same direction. All, save for a single one, where the long grass seems a little more dead. It's strange, I never had to deal with such a conundrum.

I suppose it'll just have to wait for another day. If someone turns out to be extremely good at figuring out dreams, I'll put on the charms to have them answer. Just sweet talk, and bring up the dream, asking if they're able to crack the code. If not, then it'll be trashed; Simple as that.

Now that I think about it, there really weren't any other dreams that hadn't been covered. The ones that felt like a badly recorded memory repeated themselves. Other than that, there weren't any other sequences at all. It's a shame, as I was hoping my subconscious, at the least, could be somewhat exciting in this dull period of time. I mean, stuck studying for all that time, with only the hopes of finding out about shamans to excite me. Okay, not just that, as there were guys in the city as well.

So, with nothing left to jot down on paper, that concludes tonight's session of sleep deprivation. It's about an hour or two after midnight, I gather. Which means there's around 5 hours of sleep for me, with everything packed up. Just need to load it up into some taxi, and head over to Kings Cross Station, and relax on a train till things go bump. What fun...

Adieu,
Aya