A/N: Yay, thankee for the reviews, everyone! New chappie, but it's the last one before blackout…sniffleh…Oh, and I just realized that all my chapters say "Chapter 1" , that's going to change from now on… o.o'

WARNING: Language!

Chapter 4: p4wned!

Poor Victor was dicing up the beginning of the wedding…badly.

When Victor had tried to light his candle, it kept going out. Finally, he did light it, and he said happily, "Oh, good! There it is!" He giggled nervously, though, and the candle was quickly extinguished, much to his disappointment.

Cricket found it good entertainment, to be honest, but she still found it a bit tedious.

Around 15 minutes into the rehearsal, she stuck her hands into her crowded pockets out of habit.

Lollipop…wrapper…movie ticket…lollipop…

"Hey, look! I didn't know my iPod was in here!" she yelled, holding up the small pink device.

Everyone stared, some irritable, others confused, and some awed. "Er…what is an 'iPod'?" Victor's dad asked curiously, examining it. But Cricket was already diving through her pockets for the earphones that went with her iPod. Finally, she found them, plugged them into the mini media player, and checked her battery.

Good…full fit to bursting.

Cricket, not taking her eyes off the music list, made a shooing gesture with her hand. "Just…don't pay any attention to me," she mumbled absentmindedly. (MUMBLER!)

After a few seconds of staring, Pastor Gaswells broke the silence by saying, "Let's have no more useless interruptions-"

But at that moment the butler, whom Cricket had laughed at when she had walked into the house, came bustling through the door. Wordlessly, he hurried up to Mr. Everglott and handed him a card, then went out of the room without a word.

Mr. Everglott, a confused look on his face, read the card aloud, Mrs. Everglott leaning in to look.

"Lord Barkis Bittern?"

Cricket frowned visibly, a distressed look on her face. She knew who Barkis Bittern was, and she was not going to let him go in peace without a fight…

But at that moment, the butler came back in, and held open the door for a man, who walked in looking extremely smug. Cricket recognized him at once.

There was a silence.

Finally, Cricket popped the earplugs out of her ears and gazed around the room at everybody.

Sarcastically, she said, "Alright, by a show of hands…who here has invited Lord Ass-Chin?"

"I beg your pardon?" Barkis said smoothly, arching an eyebrow.

Ignoring him, Cricket said mockingly, "Oh, look! Nobody! I guess that means you'll have to leave-"

"Well, then," Mrs. Everglott said, cutting off Cricket. "Have a seat, Mr. Bittern-"

"No, no, that's quite alright," Barkis said, waltzing over to a corner. "I can stand. Do call me if you need my assistance…in ANY way."

Cricket stuck her tongue out at him, then put her earplugs back in and turned her focus back to her iPod.

Pastor Gaswells cleared his throat, then said, "Let's try it again, shall we, Master Van Dort?"

Victor smiled a little, remembering what Cricket had whispered when they come in, but the look was quickly extinguished by the cold look he was given by the pastor and the Everglotts.

"Uh…oh, yes…yes, sir. Certainly," Victor stumbled as Victoria used her candle to light his; he held up his left hand.

"Right," Pastor Gaswells said peevishly, glaring at him.

"Right," repeated Victor solemnly.

Cricket, noticing the mistake, said, "Victor…right!"

Victor turned around to gaze at Cricket, a questioning look on his face. Then a look of comprehension dawned on his face, and he whirled around to face the front, flipping the candle in midair to his left hand and quickly raising his right hand.

"Oh!...right!" he said, ignoring Cricket's shouts of, "That was cool!"

Cricket, still smiling, dropped her gaze back to her iPod, chose "Rich Girl" by Gwen Stefani, and leaned back in her chair, gently bobbing her head back and forth to the beat.

"With this…this…"

"HAND," Pastor Gaswells offered, looking up at the ceiling in distress.

"With this hand," Victor said, offering his hand to Victoria, who took it, "I will…"

"Victor, halt!"

Too late. Victor slammed into the table.

"3 steps! 3!" the pastor said angrily, banging his crook (or a cane? I don't know…) on the ground for emphasis. "Can you not count! Do you not wish to be married?"

"No! No," Victor said hurriedly.

"You don't?" Victoria asked incredulously, looking up at him.

"No! I meant I do not NOT wish to be married…that is, I want very much to-OW!"

Pastor Gaswells had just whacked Victor on the head with his crook.

As a gasp went around the audience, Cricket stopped her iPod, quickly looked up, and said, "Do it again, I wasn't looking!"

There was a pause, and then he whacked Victor again.

"Cricket!" Victor hissed angrily.

"Well, I didn't mean literally!"

"Pay attention!" Pastor Gaswells commanded to Victor. "Did you even remember to bring the ring?"

"The ring!" Victor whispered, starting to rummage through his jacket. "Yes…here it is."

He held up the small golden band, smiling.

But his fingers started to tremble, and he dropped it.

There was another gasp as Pastor Gaswells exclaimed, "Dropping the ring! This boy doesn't WANT to get married!"

But no one was paying attention to him, least of all Cricket. The ring rolled under Mrs. Everglott's dress, and Victor reached under and pulled it out.

As a look of shock was plastered over her face, Cricket wolf-whistled. Victor, however, held it up, happy again, and said, "Found it!"

Cricket sniffed the air. "You smell smoke?"

Victor looked down, and to his horror, he had lit Mrs. Everglott's dress on fire!

Mr. Everglott stood up angrily, flailing his arms. "Out of the way, you ninny!" he shouted, shoving Victor roughly to the side. As Cricket laughed long and hard for the second time that day, Mr. Everglott tried, with no luck, to put out the fire by stomping on it.

"Hey, you may not be good at marrying people, but you can sure make a girl's day!" she whispered to Victor, who didn't brighten at Cricket's words.

Pastor Gaswells looked around, and tossed the wine cup in the air. It flipped over, putting out the fire, but then it soared to the side.

Cricket put down her iPod and earphones and started running.

Barkis reached out his hand to tip it to the tray…

…but Cricket jumped, soared through the air, and caught it in front of his face, finally landing on her backside and skidding to a halt at the wall.

Another uncomfortable silence.

Then Cricket shook her head to clear it, and examined the cup. "Hey, I caught it!" she said, grinning as she held it up.

Victor laughed nervously. Everyone was standing in awe, looking at the girl who had caught the cup miraculously.

Pastor Gaswells, however, was not amused. He pointed his crook, in a rage, at Victor, who backed up, terrified, to the doors.

"You!" the pastor said, walking up to him. "You cannot learn your vows, then you cannot get married! Be gone!"

Victor immediately did as he was told, fumbling the doors open and darting out, slamming them behind him.

There was a pause, then Cricket walked up to the doors, opened them, turned around and exclaimed, looking over everyone again, "Damn y'all AND this popsicle stand!"

She then turned on her heel and walked out.

After a few moments, she poked her head back in, and pointed a finger at Barkis. "And YOU, Mr. Bittern, I will hunt you down and, with my army of assorted snack cakes, make sure you FALL!"

She then started out again, this time for good, and as everyone exchanged glances with each other, they heard her shout, "And good day to you!"

A/N: Alright, I take back what I said last chapter; THIS is the most I've written! The "popsicle stand" thing is from "Harry Potter 3 in 15 minutes" (I'm not trying to copy Cleolinda, it's just what I'd say), except that Harry says the "F" word instead of the "D" word. I wanted to keep it clean, you know? So…sorry about the language!