Surprisingly, dinner went quite smoothly. Bella made certain that sufficient food was set aside for the final, absent dwarf before allowing all the food to be set on the table. She fearfully ventured into the pantry. Her heart sank at the bare shelves. It would take a fortnight at least to restock the bare spaces to their former glory.
"'Master' Baggins," Gandalf said, "dare I ask if you have eaten?"
Bella bit back a growl. She still needed to snag the wizard for a private scolding. "I haven't even eaten supper, thanks to Dwalin inviting himself in and helping himself to my fish dinner."
"Well, then, come to the head of the table as our host and eat your fill," Gandalf said.
Bella leveled a scowl. "I better not see manners worthy of the Prancing Pony or other tavern of Bree."
It would appear that enough of the dwarves had heard her comment and recalled her rules of earlier. Yes, there were arms stretching all the way across the table to claim this food item or other. Yes, the talk was loud and the laughter boisterous. Yet the dwarves all showed manners that Bella had come to be able to respect of various dwarves in Bree. No, they were still far from hobbit manners, but at least there were no burping contests like she had witnessed on several of her trips.
After dinner, some of the dwarves started milling around. Bella headed for the kitchen to start clean-up. She scowled when she caught sight of Nori wiping a cup with a doily. "Excuse me," she said, snagging the decorative cloth, "this is a doily. Not a dishcloth."
"But it's full of holes," Nori protested.
"It's supposed to look like that," Bella said. "Called crochet, and sometimes it makes some beautiful designs with the threads."
"It has nothing to do with the game then does it?" Bofur asked.
Bella rolled her eyes as she folded the doily. "You are thinking of croquet," she answered. She flopped the fabric onto a small shelf. "Bebother and confusicate these dwarves," she said under her breath.
"My dear Bella," Gandalf said in a low voice, "what on earth is the matter?"
"What's the matter?" Bella echoed. "What's the matter is that I am home and surrounded by dwarves. And I have no idea of the reason why."
"Oh, but they are quite a merry gathering once you get used to them," Gandalf said, gently guiding her into the hall, a hall that Kili had cleaned up quite nicely she must admit. "You also managed to make them remember their manners when in another's home."
"And Bilbo would have a fit if he knew," Bella returned. "If for no other reason than the propriety of it. A single hobbit lass surrounded by a dozen male dwarves and a male wizard. Well, he may allow you as being the chaperone of this whole mess, but the idea still stands.
"And I'm sure that I would speak for both of us in saying, 'I would like to know what they are doing in our house!'"
"Excuse me."
Bella turned to see Ori standing there in his sweater-like tunic holding his plate.
"Sorry to interrupt," the young dwarf continued, "but what should I do with my plate?"
Before Bella could answer, Fili came up from behind her. "Here you go, Ori," he said. "Give it to me." He held it barely a second before he tossed it down the hall.
Kili somehow appeared in that moment with a pipe and caught the plate. He held it hardly half a second before hurling it into the kitchen. The same thing started to repeat itself. Repeatedly.
"Excuse me!" she cried. "Could you please not do that? That's my mother's East Farthing crockery. It has survived over a century's worth of Took generations, and my brother–" she ducked under a flying bowl, "– and I would like to see it passed along to a few Baggins generations. So I would very much appreciate a dozen dwarves not ruining that."
"We will have you know, Master Boggins," Kili said with a cheeky grin, "us dwarves have excellent hand-eye-foot coordination."
"Indeed my good fellow," Gandalf said, a twinkle in his eye, "allow them to have some fun."
Bella wavered. She specifically had inherited the set from her mother. She always viewed it as a final gift after her death. But if Gandalf and the dwarves were so sure of themselves. She gave them all a warning glower. "Fine. But if so much as one dish is cracked, the one, or ones, responsible will find themselves outside without so much as a sheet for a bedroll for the entire night."
"Don't worry," Fili said. "No harm shall come to your dishes."
As the dish tossing continued, the dwarves at the table started stamping and pounding. They were even clashing the silverware together. All in a rhythmic beat that was nearly enticing. But one little bit of Baggins showed up again. "And can you not do that?" Bella called into the dining room. "You'll blunt them."
"Oh, you hear that, lads?" Bofur said. "He says we'll blunt the knives."
Bella opened her mouth to address the disregard of her words when Kili started singing, "Blunt the knives, bend the forks."
Fili joined in, "Smash the bottles and burn the corks."
Then all of the dwarves, "Chip the glasses and crack the plates, That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"
Bella could only watch in equal measures of horror and amazement as the dwarves proceeded to sing and juggle her dishes toward the kitchen.
"Cut the cloth and tread on the fat,
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat.
Pour the milk on the pantry floor,
Splash the wine on every door.
"Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl,
Pound them up with a thumping pole.
When you've finished, if any are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!"
The young hobbit was totally unsure of what to do. The dwarves certainly weren't mistaken. Poor Bilbo would hate what she was seeing and hearing. Yet her Took side wanted her to dance with the music, to throw her head back and laugh in merriment, to join in with the singing as boisterously as she could.
"Come on, Mistress Baggins," Fili whispered. "Join us."
Bella stared up at him, blinking stupidly. Of all the dwarves, she wasn't sure who would have discovered the truth first. But hadn't quite expected this mischievous scamp.
"Look out," Balin called casually.
Bella whirled round, just in time to catch a plate. She stared at it, unsure what to do.
Fili chuckled. "That's not how you do it," he said. "You have to keep the rhythm of the music." He snatched the plate from her hands and tossed it on. "We can work on that another time. I do believe that was the last of the dishes, so we can work on your dancing."
"I dance well enough, thank you," she replied.
"Then show us," Fili urged.
"Show us you can sing too," Kili added.
Bella bit her lower lip. She was regularly described as an unrepentant soprano. But might this dwarven song be low enough to hide it from the rest?
"Blunt the knives, bend the forks," Fili coaxed.
"Smash the bottles and burn the corks," she started hesitantly.
The blond dwarf nodded. "Chip the glasses . . ."
She joined, a little stronger. "And crack the plates. That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" She laughed, imagining her brother's face. Oh, toss Baggins propriety. If the dwarves intended to make this into a song and dance party, she was going to join in. She almost cried out when Fili caught her round the waist, whirling her around.
As she joined the dwarves in singing the second and third verses, she allowed herself to be carried away by Fili's wild dance. Her right hand caught the side of her brother's housecoat while the crook of her left elbow was securely nestled into Fili's own. She allowed her feet to fly high as she spun round, keeping a steady gaze at the twin pieces of sky in her partner's face. During the third verse, she stopped the two of them and performed a hand game, slapping her knees and occasionally crossing her arms when she clapped Fili's hands or her knees. To her delight, Fili managed to keep up. Though for the line "Send them down the hall to roll," she was startled when Fili caught her up and spun her round so that she was flying. Yet she only laughed all the harder.
Once she was on her feet again, Kili grabbed a hand and made a three person line with Bella in the middle. Bella tried to match their dwarvish steps as they stomped out their dance. She had never dared join dancing dwarves at the Prancing Pony. She was among strangers and a Baggins to boot. But here, she was safe in her home with a merry lot that she was starting to admit that she wouldn't mind if they visited again.
She had hardly noticed the shift in the music before her two partners lifted her by her hands and elbows and half-sailed her through her kitchen door.
"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" all twelve dwarves crowed, even as they showcased all the dishes clean and unharmed upon her kitchen table.
She clapped in applause even as she laughed with her guests. Oh, why had she thought this evening would be better spent in silent solitude? Where she was now was a hundred times better.
The merriment ceased at three loud poundings on the door. Bella turned to Gandalf. "The thirteenth dwarf?"
Gandalf gave a small nod. "He is here."
Author's Note: And we shall meet the final member and leader of the Company in the next chapter.
As I watched and rewatched this dinner clip, I knew that Bella would be thoroughly horrified and appalled by such manners. I had at least thought that dwarves had better manners than that. I was like something out of a nightmare, so instead of chronicling that horrible mess, the dwarves decided to behave themselves like civilized gentlemen instead of animals. Ugh, that scene is so cringeworthy in my opinion.
But I do love "Blunt the Knives." It's such a fun little song, especially since the dwarves don't do any of what they describe. And, I also enjoy the fact that they practically lifted the song straight from the book. (Nerd level: 3. I have yet to read the last half of the Lord of the Rings trilogy much less the Silmarillion and the dozens of other Middle Earth books, so it will be a while before I reach a higher level of Tolkien Nerdness.)
So, thoughts on what we've seen in this chapter? Theories about what is to come next chapter? How do you think Bella will handle this final dwarf? Please. I want to hear what you're thinking. :-) Until next time.