The Dark Side of Disney
Episode 5: Cobalt's Girl Problems
Act One
Tuesday, December 7 2021 AD 1300 hours
The Resistance is in the briefing room, with Direwolf sharing the plans with Cobalt, Proto and Saber. Among them were other Resistance members: helicopter pilot Mad Moe (Taylor Maddox), machine gunner Crush-im (Dodge Burton), communications officer Telegram (Robert Landon), and freerunner Lt. Rowdy (Olivia Brent). As Direwolf briefs, he shows the team a map of the Eastern Seaboard on the big screen.
Direwolf: Listen up, team. To start with the briefing, I must remind you that the numbers of the Dark Side's Top Ten has been reduced. Right now, the headcount of the deceased members are Scar, Frollo, Ratcliffe and Captain Hook, which was about time too.
Cobalt: Those dead members were simple enough. Unpredictable, but simple enough for us to handle. And yet, the rest of the Top Ten are supposed to be worse than the others, so we must be quick to act when any of us encounter the likes of them.
Direwolf: Noted. Thank you, Captain. Speaking of the Top Ten, our spies have given us a scoop from Maleficent's game plan. She's assigned Oogie Boogie, the bogeyman from The Nightmare Before Christmas, to an outpost right here, in New Hampshire. Smack down in the White Mountains.
Saber: Well, what's he going to do there? New Hampshire has nothing against Disney.
Proto: No, but further intelligence says that's where… Jack Skellington committed his Christmas act in 1993. Of course, he doesn't do that anymore, but with Oogie being his rival….
Cobalt: Then he thinks he could do it better than him, by ruining Christmas for good.
Direwolf: Then we've got all the time we need to stop him. Christmas is two weeks from now, so I should tell you all the plans.
Right on cue, the map on the screen switches to the battle plan.
Direwolf: I call it Operation: Beehive. It is so named, because a whole bee hive harvests flowers for nectar, brings it home to make money and keeps it safe for the winter. But instead of nectar, we're going to storm Oogie's outpost in 2000 hours, and hit him hard until he's either killed or arrested. And in the aftermath, we can salvage all we can to gather more intel from the Dark Side of Disney.
Rowdy: That just might work, General. But how will it work, if I may ask?
Direwolf: Captain?
Cobalt: Yes, sir. Here's how it works: each of us will be divided into two separate positions of the outpost. Mad Moe will drop off Lt. Rough and Groot into the forest where nobody could see them.
Mad Moe: You bet.
Cobalt: Crush-im, you and Proto will do the stinging. At nightfall, you open fire at the front door, cause some damage at the door, and do it until the bogeyman comes out from hiding.
Crush-im: Hell yeah! I'm game!
Cobalt: And during the process, Rough and Groot will attack from behind. But before we do any of it…. Proto?
Proto: The outpost has security posts, in the north, south, east and west of the perimeter, taking them a form of a square. Getting through it will be like trying to shoot through a brick wall.
Telegram: Then that's where I chime in. Before anyone would attack, one of us could just find the junction box to shut down the system. And when they do, I will contact you and say if the coast is clear.
Direwolf: That'll do. Saber could do that. Because if you need to go inside the outpost to shut it down-
Cobalt: What? No! I thought I told that-
Direwolf: [sternly] That's an order, Captain. It wasn't a request.
[five second silence]
Direwolf: Now… the briefing is done, and we've all got three days to commence Operation: Beehive. Dismissed.
Later, Cobalt and Saber both sit at the bar in Moe's Tavern. Saber is enjoying his drink, but Cobalt seems to be a little concerned about something after the briefing.
Saber: Cobalt, I know you're gonna say that I can't do this, but I can. I've seen the movie, so I'll know what to expect.
Cobalt: That may be the case, but he's also working alongside Maleficent, and there's nothing you can do to outwit her as a scout.
Saber: Well, that's why Telegram's there, right? He's our communications officer, and he has a whole set of two-way radio goggles. We can both look into the lenses and if there's something bad, you can just tell me. It's not that bad.
Cobalt is thinking about it, while scratching his chin. Then, right before his eyes, he sees a mirror in front of him with Ariel smiling behind him. Thrilled, he whips around, but she isn't there, and he looks back at the mirror to realize it was only an illusion. He sighs, just before Moe walks over with another mug for him.
Moe: What's the problem, Captain?
Cobalt: Nothing. Um…. Just hallucinations. Feeling a little shaky after… the old base was discovered.
Moe: Look, you're having hardships with losses. It happens to everyone, okay?
Cobalt: Yeah, but…. Have you lost someone or somebody and you missed them?
Moe: Yeah. Carl and Lenny. Sure, Homer and Barney both made it this far, but it isn't the same without the other two friends who come to hang out at my bar.
Cobalt: Or even the prank phone calls you keep getting? [snickers]
Moe: Oh, har-har. Very funny.
The phone rings and Moe answers it right away.
Moe: Moe's Tavern. [pauses] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Uh, Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss! Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?
[bar denizens laugh]
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high! [laughs]
Moe: [realizes] Oh, you little son of a bitch! When I catch you, I'm gonna kick you so hard until you scream "motherf-"
[static]
Moe: [pauses] Hello? Dammit, he hung up on me.
Then, Sgt. Taser comes into the tavern and rushes over to Cobalt.
Taser: Sir! We've got a situation.
Cobalt: Did Bayonet and Dual do some havoc again?
Taser: Negative. A pair of trespassers, flashing their bikinis.
Cobalt: [shocked] What?
Act Two
Cobalt follows Taser to go towards the Major Squad's campsite, where everyone is circling around something. He shoves his way through the crowd, and when he gets there, there are two of the main characters from the anime Bikini Warriors: the red-haired, somewhat impulsive and stubborn woman Fighter, and the beautiful blonde woman Paladin. As he looks at them in shock and awe, Rowdy walks to his side, but Cobalt snaps out of it to grab everyone's attention.
Cobalt: That's enough! No one is doing any Hooters sightseeing! You two just go back to Miami beach, and the rest of you, back to training!
The Major Squad members all moan for their disappointment, and part away, while the Fighter argues at the Captain.
Fighter: Hey guy! Watch who you're talking to! We're heroes, not a bunch of bimbos on a beach!
Cobalt: It's hard to tell what you do for a living in those getups.
Fighter: This is not a getup, it's armour.
Paladin: She's right. We're both wearing armour that just look like bikinis, but it's not really. We don't feel the heat or the cold, and we're really the heroes in our world.
Cobalt: The world of what? Idiotism?
Rowdy: No, sir. These two are from the world of Bikini Warriors. As you know, the General knows anime shows, well I know anime with a genre at Ecchi and Harem, where I…. Uh, wait a minute. Weren't there four of you or something?
Fighter: Oh yeah. The Mage chose to stay in our world, and… the Dark Elf's moved in with your boyfriend.
Rowdy: Aw, she was my favourite! Hey, you don't suppose that I could take her place-
Fighter: No.
Rowdy: Aw! Anyway….
Cobalt: I don't care what they are. What I want to know is why they're here.
Paladin: Well, we've heard about the Resistance posing against the Dark Side, so we… thought we'd want to join you.
Fighter: [to the Paladin] You even thought you could sacrifice yourself to the likes of them.
Paladin: Hey, don't mock me for being a paladin. [sexfully] It's only in case I would be needed and I would use my charms to catch them off guard [giggles]
Cobalt: [peeved] Denied.
Fighter & Paladin: [stunned] WHAT?!
Cobalt: There are two things wrong with that. One, I don't need more volunteers for my squad. And two, you're both too much to draw attention. I want all of us to be focused at all times, so… hit the road.
The Fighter goes off, disgusted, and the Paladin follows her. Cobalt takes his leave, while someone is watching him from behind a tree.
Cobalt: I've got no time for mischief around here, Lieutenant.
Rowdy: But sir, doesn't most of our Resistance consist of toons that do mischief?
Cobalt: Yes, but we're requiring mature, bad-to-the-bone, unpredictable members to help us fight the enemy. If we let those two in, it'll distract most of us on any missions.
Rowdy: Well… I can see your point. Those two have been going through misadventures in their world.
Cobalt: Make the preparations in three days. Dismissed.
Rowdy salutes to Cobalt before she takes her leave into town.
Cobalt: I wonder if Direwolf knows about them. [pauses] Nah! He wouldn't know a thing about anime with sexy parts. I wouldn't know a single cartoon where women have large racks.
Cobalt is walking while he talks; without looking, his face ends up onto something soft, and it makes a woman gasp. He realizes what it was, and Cobalt withdraws his head with his eyes closed.
Cobalt: [panicking] I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING! I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!
Woman: Oh, relax. Nothing happened.
Cobalt opens his eyes, and in front of him is Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Jessica: I didn't startle you or anything, did I?
Cobalt: Jessica Rabbit? Uh, no. You just… caught me by surprise. But I wasn't startled at all.
Jessica: I'm glad to hear. And now that you're here, can you lead me to the nearest hotel?
Cobalt: Uh… yeah. We're right next to Shrek 4-D, so the nearest one from here would be Rock Hard Hotel, just south of here.
Cobalt is taking his leave now that he is done, but Jessica just stopped him by holding onto his hand.
Jessica: Why don't you take me there like a gentleman? I just don't feel safe around here with just myself.
Cobalt: You want me to take you there? Well, um, uh…. Sure.
With a smile, Jessica pulls Cobalt to go with her and they begin their walk to Rock Hard. Cobalt is puzzled about Jessica's attitude over him, but he just moves along with it.
Later, Cobalt talks to the cashier about reservations for Jessica, and he is given a card key before he gives it to Jessica.
Cobalt: Here you go. You're on the sixth floor of Room 506.
Jessica: Thank you so much. You know….
Jessica walks closer to Cobalt, pressing her chest on him, and it makes him lean to the wall.
Jessica: I was hoping to find you.
Cobalt: What are you talking about?
Jessica: I called Moe on the phone. It was meant to be a message for… someone I've got my eye on.
Cobalt: Wait, that was you? But, uh… you're married.
Jessica: It was just an act. Roger Rabbit and I have the same last name, but we're not really… engaged at all. The studios just thought we could be because of our last name. In truth, Roger is already married and I… have been single.
Cobalt: [bummed] Gee. Another single girl. I've seen that before with Princess Ariel.
Jessica: Well, if I were to choose…. [sexfully] I'd say I could have a man who's so… brave to take on the Dark Side.
Cobalt breathes heavily in worry for how close Jessica is getting close to him, then Proto shows up to disrupt them.
Proto: Having a celebration or something, Captain?
The shocked Cobalt drops the card key. He rapidly tried to pick it up and as he stands up, his head comes up between Jessica's breasts.
Cobalt: Sorry.
Jessica: Don't be. Goodbye, love.
As Jessica leaves with the card key, she blows a kiss at Cobalt which flutters across the room and smacks onto Cobalt's forehead. As Cobalt stands in stun, Proto pulls the kiss off of him.
Proto: First it was Princess Ariel, and now Jessica Rabbit? And after the General said the li-acs and toons don't have sex?
Cobalt: It's not what you think. She just pushed me.
Proto: With her breasts?
Cobalt: Don't give me that. Just tell Groot he's going with us in three days, so make it so.
Meanwhile, the Fighter and the Paladin are standing in front of Cabana Bay Beach Resort. They emptied a little bag to find only one coin, which is not enough.
Fighter: We're completely broke.
Paladin: Then I guess there's one thing to do.
Fighter: Don't tell me you're going to sell yourself for money. Because we're-
But the Fighter sees something: a help wanted sign for janitors. With that, she gets an idea.
Act Three
On the suburban side of Universal, Steven and Bill are both doing a spring cleaning in their garage. But they look ahead to find Cobalt walking by himself to the Muppets' house, which seemed to be amusing to them.
Steven: Hey Cobalt. Ha-ha-ha, how's it going?
Cobalt: [sighs in annoyance] What is it now, Steven?
Steven: Well… look at yourself. You're twenty-seven years old, and aren't you way too old for baby puppets? [laughs]
Cobalt: For your information, I'm paying rent here, so there.
Bill: Yeah. But you're just, uh… sucking your baby bottle, right? [laughing]
Steven: [peeved] Bill, shush. [to Cobalt] Anyway, we love to see you mess something up again, but we've got better things to do.
Bill: We do? Oh yeah. [smirking] REAL BETTER THINGS!
Steven begins his spring cleaning the garage, scolding Bill.
Steven: You lowlife garbage. Why do I have you around?
Cobalt is about to get inside, until he gets a phone call and he answers it.
Cobalt: Hello?
Hank: [through phone] Captain? I need you in the lab.
Afterwards, Cobalt is in a medical lab with Hank at his side, and they are looking at hospital patients through a window.
Hank: I was hoping you'd found one of our patients.
Cobalt: Are they Covid victims?
Hank: Not anymore. Thanks to the brilliance of everyone in the MIB, we've managed to find a cure. It's gonna be a hard time to replicate it with only one dose, but these people in there are cured, every single one of them. For li-acs, it wasn't so hard, but for toons? Well, we all know that the virus just makes them silent, and it… takes their voices away forever. But after we cure them, we give a selection of ongoing voice actors online and just… download their voices to the toons. Or… so to speak.
Cobalt: That would be good enough to hear, as long as the toons who lost their voices still get their personalities. But what's this have to do with me, Hank?
Hank: It's miss Jessica Rabbit.
Cobalt: [shocked] Her?
Hank: She was one of our patients. She lost her voice around two months ago, but she hasn't spread the virus anywhere. When she was cured, the MIB doctors were going through on who should voice her, then one of them suggested the voice actress Caitlin…. I forgot the name. Anyway, she's gone somewhere, and I wanted to know if you've seen her.
Cobalt: Well…. I have. She's currently… in Rock Hard, but… is there a chance that she-
Hank: Currently, not. She can't spread anything because she's cured. But if she's in the hotel, I wouldn't be too worried. The MIB installed disease sensors all over the theme park to keep up awareness of any viral detection. I'm sure she'll be fine. That's all I wanted to ask, Captain. Thank you for your answer.
Cobalt and Hank both salute to bid farewell, and Cobalt takes his leave.
In Disneyworld, Oogie Boogie is looking at himself in a mirror, dressing himself up like Santa Claus. Maleficent is standing behind him.
Oogie: [laughing] I feel like a million bugs! I really love it when you come up with brilliant ideas, Maleficent.
Maleficent: Indeed you do, Oogie. Do you remember what to do?
Oogie: Do I remember? Ha! You're too much! I just do what Jackie boy did back in 1993. Only this time, I'll do it all over the United States and you'd have to make sure the military doesn't shoot me.
Maleficent: Jafar will do the honours for you. The world is rebuilding itself sooner than we think, but with the Resistance always thwarting us, everyone is not taking the Dark Side of Disney seriously. And when they do, they'll all be encouraged to challenge us all.
Oogie: That's right, that's right! That's one thing I won't be forgetting any time soon! I used to scare everyone every Halloween, but this year nobody was frightened of me… because of them. And I'm gonna teach those clowns not to mess with Mr. Oogie Boogie!
Maleficent: Yes… that's right. That's the spirit. It's what I want to hear, because the Resistance will be coming for you. But when they do, you will set a trap and have us rid of them once and for all. And then… we'll all have a merry Christmas.
Oogie: Got it! [whistles]
By the command of Oogie's whistle, the hyena trio, Shenzi, Banzai and Ed, all run in, pulling a sleigh and having reindeer antlers.
Banzai: Man, how come we're the reindeer?
Ed: [cackles]
Banzai: Shut up, Ed!
Shenzi: Who cares? It's all part of the plan. Just as long as they don't feed me any carrots.
Oogie: Now, with his suit and his sleigh, I am just like Saint Nick.
Oogie gets on the sleigh and whips at the hyenas, which makes them run towards the forest outside the gate. But he carries a Sling Ring. He wears it on the left hand when conjuring a portal, and Oogie begins tracing the right hand in an anticlockwise circular pattern while focusing on a destination beyond the space directly in front of him. A portal is opened, and the sleigh goes right into Oogie's outpost in New Hampshire.
The outpost is surrounded by electric fences with barbed wires on the top, sentry towers on every corner with search lights, and a spooky old tree in the middle, which is where the Sleigh gets in through the garage door at the front. Oogie and the hyenas are inside before the door closes, and they look around to find a factory of making Halloween-themed toys to give away.
Shenzi: Alright. So… what do we do until the mission is carried out?
Then, lights flicker on over a table and Oogie comes over with his dice.
Oogie: Let's play for a while, huh?
Banzai: Playing dice? You know we've got other things two-
Oogie: Calm yourself. I've sent someone who can… give someone problems.
Oogie rolls the dice on the table, landing on a seven, and he laughs evilly as a little snake slithers through the holes of the dice.
Act Four
The next morning in Universal, the Fighter is swimming in the booth as the Paladin sunbathes in a hammock.
Paladin: This is perfect. Having a moment of relaxation under the sun.
Fighter: Thank God, we took the job as pool janitors for a cover. We could do this very often, you know. Just pose ourselves for working as a front to just… get in an inn.
Paladin: Yes, I agree. We deserve this kind of vacation after trying to save our world countless times already. But I was hoping the Mage and the Dark Elf could be with us right now instead of them facing their own problems.
Fighter: Me too, but we can't-
Then, the lifeguard stops them and he shouts at them for orders.
Lifeguard: Hey! Get back to work you lazy asses!
Fighter & Paladin: [nervously] Yes, sir!
Immediately, the two women stop relaxing to begin working around the pool with nets and mops.
Fighter: Damn, that guy was fast.
Meanwhile, Cobalt is at Seuss Landing to count the Truffula trees growing on the Street of the Lifted Lorax, and he writes it down on a clipboard.
Cobalt: Okay. That's 159 trees. Keep them growing.
[phone rings]
Cobalt: [answers] Hello?
Hank: [through phone] Captain? Sorry for disturbing you or something.
Cobalt: Not at all, Henry. I just finished counting Truffula trees.
Hank: Well, I've discovered something else. We've found some pictures under her hospital bed, and all of them are… about you, apparently.
Cobalt: Uh… what?
Hank: It seems she's been a big fan of you since the wake of the Resistance. I knew she wasn't married to Roger Rabbit because it was just an act in the movie, but I… never thought she had you for a type. But maybe Charles knew.
Cobalt: Okay. I… uh…. I get it. But I haven't seen her yet, so I'll call you back for further questions. Bye.
Cobalt hangs up on the phone, then Jessica appears before him.
Cobalt: [surprised] Oh. You, uh… came.
Jessica: So you like this part of Universal?
Cobalt: Uh, sorta. I mean, I used to watch Dr. Seuss when I was a little kid. I, uh… wanted to see if, uh….
Jessica: I'm just curious, that's all. And now that we're together, I was wondering if you could… take me somewhere for us to-
Cobalt: First of all, I already know that you're a fan of mine. It's awesome to know I have a fan club. Second, I know you since I watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but you're not sure if you know me.
Jessica: I'm very aware of that. That's why I wanted to ask if… you could take me out somewhere. Just the two of us.
Cobalt is thinking about it, but he also needs to think about Operation: Beehive that he must do tomorrow night. But since he feels like he wants to have a date, he should give it a shot.
Cobalt: Yeah. Besides, a date's one of the best ways to know yourselves better.
Jessica: Splendid. Let's get on our date.
So the two of them begin to have their date. The first thing they do is go to the beach, where Cobalt is having a hard time driving a jet ski, and he smashes through the changing rooms. But Jessica is just laughing at Cobalt for having girls' clothing on his head.
Next, they are back in Universal to ride the Incredible Hulk Coaster where Cobalt gets nauseated for that ride. When it is over, he gets off to collapse on the floor, but he begins to regain his breath, and Jessica gives him an inhaler to help him breathe.
Next, they make a stop back in Seuss Landing, where Jessica is feeding Cobalt green eggs and ham, which he can't accept, until she shoves an egg into his mouth. He enjoyed it; he begins to eat the rest of the plate, but he looks at the menu to find out it was coated in vomit, he feels nausea again, and collapses.
Later, they have a ride to Skull Island by a bus. When they see the dinosaurs appearing and roaring, Jessica seems so terrified that she covers her eyes with her hands. But Cobalt holds onto her hand to comfort her.
Cobalt: It's fine. Nothing is going to kill us.
Touched by his bravery, Jessica clings onto his arm.
Afterwards, they visit an area to watch Kong fight against the Vastatosaurus Rex pack, cheering for the win. When the giant ape reigns supreme for the fight, Cobalt and Jessica jump in cheer. Jessica's heels cause her to fall, but Cobalt catches her in his arms before she could, and they look at each other for a moment.
At Steven's house, he dusts his mailbox to get the dust off of it.
Steven: There. Done.
But when he looks to his left, he sees Cobalt and Jessica walking together across the street. He is shocked to see them together, and he growls in jealousy for some reason.
Jessica: I must admit… I knew you know a lot about dinosaurs, but I didn't think you'd be so brave.
Cobalt: I find them cool, so there was no reason to be scared of them at all.
Jessica: So, how about just a random dinner at your place?
Cobalt: Yeah. Tomorrow afternoon at 5 pm. I'll see you.
Jessica kisses Cobalt on the cheek for a farewell, and she takes her leave.
Steven pulls out a photo and looks at it. It is a fanmade picture of him and Jessica together; their names are written on it in a much more childish scrawl, and is largely faded.
Bill: You can't take it too personally, Steven.
Hearing Bill, Steven puts his picture back down and quickly straightens up.
Steven: [nonchalant] Uh, take what personally? I don't know what you mean.
Bill: I know Cobalt's to blame for the old base, but he always means well, he cares for other people's welfare, and he would say there's a special someone for some of us.
Homer: [walking past] Yeah. Like a mummy. [laughs]
Steven: Alright! That's it!
Across the road, the Magic School Bus is in the garage. Cobalt lies down on a skateboard and slides under the bus like a mechanic. Some of the Muppets stand by waiting for instructions.
Kermit: We're glad that you're going out with someone Cobalt, but would this, uh… do bad things with your mission?
Cobalt: Of course not, Kermit. It won't be because it wouldn't have to since she's not going to tag along with us on the mission. But she does have an affection for me.
Fozzie: Infection? Is she making you sick or something?
Kermit: No, he said affection, which means she likes him.
Fozzie: Oh.
Cobalt: Yo Bunsen, I'm gonna need 50 hundred volts here.
Bunsen: Oh yes, coming right up. Beakie, let her rip.
Beaker: Mee-mee!
Beaker jabs two wired clippers to a junction box, electrocuting him to drive electricity into the rod Cobalt is carrying.
Cobalt: Okay, I got it.
Steven approaches the skateboard, grabs hold of Cobalt's foot and rolls him out from under the bus.
Steven: Listen, Wilson, I don't normally do this, but I'm gonna. You stay away from Jessica. She's mine, and no one is taking her from me.
Cobalt: What are you talking about? She just came to me. [to Bunsen] Now, hand me pliers.
Cobalt rolls himself back under. Steven rolls him out again.
Steven: And another thing. Even though you're responsible for it, you can't play innocent all the time.
Cobalt: Are you saying you're still blaming me for the old base's destruction?
Steven: Dude, I blame almost everything about you, because you're the only guy I know who loves Disney.
Cobalt stands up, face to face with Steven.
Cobalt: Don't pick a fight with a soldier, civilian.
Steven: Soldier? HA! You're more of a civilian as I am, because you Resistance guys were never in the military to begin with.
Cobalt: What does it matter? Half of the world is working like a militia. We're a paramilitary with scholarships, and you're no better.
Steven: You just watch yourself "Captain". There will be a time when you regret that you were ever born.
With one more glare, Steven takes his leave out of the garage as Cobalt shakes his head in disapproval for him.
At night, Direwolf and Proto are walking alongside Rowdy and Groot to a CH-53E Super Stallion on a helipad in front of them. Mad Moe stands on the ramp, saluting to them.
Mad Moe: We're all set to go, General.
Rowdy: [to Direwolf] We'll make for the rendzevous point in the woods outside of Oogie's outpost. And while we're waiting, we'll check out to see the reconstruction of the cities.
Groot: I am Groot?
Rowdy: Yes, to see if the world's restoring to its former glory.
Direwolf: Carry on, team. Mad Moe, do not fire anything until the mission is progressing.
Mad Moe: Yes, sir!
Mad Moe is about to get inside the chopper, until he sees something that makes him widen his eyes overhead. The others turn, seeing the Fighter and the Paladin standing right before them. Direwolf widens his eyes to see those anime characters, but Proto shields the General's eyes with his cyborg hand.
Proto: Ladies, it's too late for beach time. The General has other things to think about.
Fighter: Please sir, we want in on the action. We've spoken to Captain Cobalt but he wouldn't let us in.
Proto: There can be an obvious reason why.
Rowdy: Sorry girls, but we've got a mission to do.
Rowdy and Groot push Mad Moe in the helicopter. The engines ignite, the rotary wings begin to twirl, and the Super Stallion takes off. Direwolf and Proto both take their leave, and the Fighter just glares at them for forgetting them.
Fighter: Assholes.
Paladin: Now what do we do? The lifeguard is going to want us to clean the pool again. Or if possible, he wants to take a gander at our-
Fighter: Stop thinking about stuff like that. We're gonna have to think of a better way. Now come on.
Act Five
The next morning, Cobalt is walking down the stairs and he seems to be in a hurry as he straightens out his uniform before going to the kitchen to grab a piece of toast.
Gonzo: Captain? What are you in a hurry for?
Cobalt: I've got a tight schedule on me today. This morning, I have to train the Major Squad, I'm having my date over here for late afternoon, and I have to do Operation: Beehive for the evening.
Kermit: Oh dear. You're having a problem with this?
Cobalt: I am. I won't be able to get everything done on time. Gotta go, bye.
Cobalt takes his leave out the door, but the Muppets look worried for him.
Fozzie: This is bad. He'll never get things done on time. What are we gonna do?
Kermit: Well fellas, it's up to us. Cobalt has always been a hero to us, and now it's time to return the favour by helping him with his date.
Fozzie: Well… I have a joke book.
Animal: Drumsticks! Drumsticks!
Pepe: I have some loose jello, okay?
Kermit: Uh… close enough. Let's try to clean up the whole house, and make them some dinner.
Gonzo: Oh, that's what I gotta tell you. The Swedish Chef has gotten the flu and he's not gonna cook today.
Rizzo: Well, I could cook for the two couple, but, uh… the last thing anyone would want to hear is a rat cooking in the kitchen.
Fozzie: So who can cook for them?
Right on cue, Bobo the Bear comes in through the back door.
Bobo: Oh, I do. I know how to cook!
Kermit: Okay, we got that covered. Now the rest of us will just clean up and make the place look nice for a date.
The Muppets begin their cleaning, while Statler and Waldorf are watching them in the living room.
Statler: So the young man has a date? Who could it be, if I'm curious to know?
Waldorf: Beats me. I wonder if he's dating a guy.
Both: [laughs]
In Jessica's room, she is combing her as she looks at the mirror. She looks up to see a picture of her and Cobalt at the Skull Island ride. She smiles at it, until the mirror changes to reveal Oogie's face.
Oogie: Well, you seemed to be in a good mood tonight. I hope you're not playing around, babe.
Jessica: Don't give me that. I never play around when I'm working.
Oogie: Working, huh? Then try to get it deep in your head. I brought you there for a reason.
Jessica: I've got what you wanted. I've been cured, and it was Dr. McCoy who made it.
Oogie: That's good to hear, but what about… you-know-who? Have you enticed him yet?
Jessica: I have. I've gotten close to him, but… not close enough.
Oogie: Then press on, bra. If you know what's best for you, get on with it… or Maleficent will have both of our heads.
Oogie's face vanishes from the mirror, going back to Jessica's reflection like before. Jessica looks down in concern, but she gets determined and walks out the door to leave the room.
In the armoury, Proto is showing Cobalt and Saber his weapons that he's going to bring for the mission tonight.
Proto: The 12-gauged plasma rifle. It can go pump or automatic. It can shoot right through any concrete this world has to offer, and it can penetrate whatever security the bogeyman's got.
Cobalt: This would be good. Anything else?
Saber: How about me?
Proto: Glad you asked.
Proto takes out a pistol with a laser siding on the top.
Proto: A piston pistol. That's a good gun. Just touch the trigger, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the bullet to go. You can't miss.
Saber: This will do. With this, I can just shoot right into Oogie Boogie's eyes and not worry about his swarm of bugs scurrying all over the place.
Cobalt: Now Proto, instead of just ripping him apart by just pulling the string, we're gonna need a weapon that could… burn him or something.
Proto: Oh, now that you mentioned it, I've got this. Spaceballs: the Flamethrower!
He fires the flamethrower, causing oohing from the two brothers.
Proto: It's straight from Mel Brooks' Spaceballs.
Cobalt: Perfect.
In the afternoon, Cobalt walks out from the Kwik-E-Mart, carrying a plastic bag of stuff he bought there.
Cobalt: Thanks, Apu. Seeya.
Now he is done, he looks into his watch to check on the time, and he makes a walk home. But behind him, Jessica is spying on him with a gun in hand, and she points at it to get ready to fire. However, she stops when she sees him comforting a lost kid who is crying on the ground. Jessica lowers her gun to keep watching him, and after seeing how caring he is to that child, she starts to smile.
Once the kid's mother arrives, Cobalt takes him to her and waves goodbye to watch him leave. Then, Jessica shows up from behind him.
Jessica: You're really sweet.
Cobalt: What? [nervously] Kids. They, uh… get lost in their own rooms, and-
Jessica: He just totally adores you! I bet you could be a fun dad.
She walks away with a smile, leaving Cobalt behind.
Cobalt: [bland tone] Huh, I am pretty fun.
Act Six
Afterwards, Cobalt and Jessica are walking down the sidewalk to approach the Muppets' house, but before they can go in, Cobalt steps in Jessica's way.
Cobalt: Now Jessica, before we go in there, I… uh…. Just to remind you that some places may be….
Jessica: Don't you worry, love. So many of us couldn't have guests during Covid times, so we can always make the most of it.
Jessica turns the doorknob and opens the door. And much to Cobalt's surprise, the entire interior has been remodeled into a spacious room with a disco ball glittering from the ceiling, the living changing into a dance floor and the Muppets are dressed in fancy clothes.
Kermit: Welcome, Miss Rabbit. Thanks to Cobalt's guidance, we've gotten everything set up and all planned out for you both.
Jessica: Really? [to Cobalt] Aw, you shouldn't have.
Cobalt: [shocked] Me? Well, uh…. I, uh….
Miss Piggy: Oh, please come in you two. We've got some time to dance and play while supper's being ready.
Fozzie is standing at a bar, opening a champagne bottle.
Fozzie: But first… let me give you both something to drink. This one's got a good taste.
But when he opens it, the cork goes flying out, bounces everywhere in the living room and strikes Rizzo into the fireplace. Rizzo walks out, covered in soot, and walks away as Jessica laughs.
Jessica: I think I'll pass. I like to see how well my boyfriend can dance.
Kermit: Well, we like to see that too.
Outside, the Fighter and the Paladin are sneaking their way over the fence at the backyard, making sure they're not discovered by anyone.
Paladin: This is the place. The Captain is said to live in the Muppets' home.
Fighter: Now we can show them all we mean well. We'll go after anyone who's on the Dark Side, kill him off, and we can be the heroes we've been talking about.
Paladin: We can try New Hampshire. Oogie Boogie has an outpost there and Cobalt's appointed to go there tonight.
Fighter: Huh? How'd you know that?
Paladin: [giggles] I bribed one of the Resistance soldiers to talk. Crush-im, if I recall correctly. I just stormed into his room this morning, flashed around with my boobs, and I got him to talk in exchange to touch them.
Fighter: [deadpan] Okay. No surprise there.
The two girls head into the garage, and they find the Magic School Bus in there.
Fighter: The Magic School Bus. Get in, quick.
They both get inside through the emergency back door.
Back inside, Rowlf the Dog is playing a romantic song with the piano. Many of the Muppets are waltzing on the dance floor, and Cobalt is doing it with Jessica.
Jessica: You're truly full of surprises lately, Cobalt. Or… would I just call you by your real name: Dieter.
Cobalt: You can. Because "Cobalt" is just a codename, only my teammates and friends call me that. Except for Ashley, cause she wouldn't mind.
Jessica: [giggles] Very well. But I wonder if you know anything about that Ashley-girl. [pause] Just curious.
Cobalt: She turns out to be one of the last Canadians to have lived there and remained there ever since. And I once thought my brother and I were the only ones.
The moment Rowlf is finished with the music, everyone on the dance floor applaud to it, and Bobo comes out from the kitchen. But he slips and falls down, but he gets up immediately.
Bobo: [clears throat] Dinner is served.
Cobalt and Jessica both walk to the dining room; Jessica takes her seat, while Cobalt puts two plates and two bowls on the table for the two of them. But Jessica looks at her bowl to find out it's a kids bowl with the Muppets painted on it.
Jessica: Are these childrens' bowls?
Cobalt widens his eyes in shock when he finds out about it.
Cobalt: Uh…. It is. But… who cares? All bowls should be measured by the amount of appetizers we want before the main course. Because, uh… the main course is large, and the dessert is medium, so the appetizers must be… small.
Jessica: Okay.
Cobalt: I'll get the appetizer now.
Back in the garage, the Fighter sits on the drivers' seat, trying to figure out how to manage this vehicle.
Paladin: Don't you know how to do this?
Fighter: Sure, I do. You just… uh…. Push this wing-button, pull this red lever, and we should-
But nothing happens. Everything just remains still and quiet.
Fighter: Oh, come on! How do you…?
Then, the Paladin opens the glove compartment to find the keys in there.
Paladin: The keys are here.
Fighter: Yes! That's what I need!
The Fighter takes the keys and turns them to ignite the engines. Then, the bus shakes around and transforms into a rocket. It launches out of the garage without making a booming noise, and the girls just scream in fright.
Direwolf is in the control room where he and the technicians see the bus fly away.
Direwolf: [angry] WHO AUTHORIZED THAT LAUNCH!?
Technician: Uh, that wasn't us. Was it?
Proto suddenly runs in through the sliding doors, and Direwolf turns to him as Proto explains the situation.
Proto: I think I know who, sir, it was those anime girls! She stole the Captain's bus to interfere with our mission.
Direwolf: Well, shit! That was our number one mode of transportation. Why isn't Cobalt aware of it?
Proto: Um… no idea. I guess… he must be….
Direwolf: Having a date with a toon? I just saw him at the Simpsons area with Jessica Rabbit.
Proto: Now sir, hold on. I'll contact Saber to go get him.
Proto runs out to the hall, then runs back into the control room briefly.
Proto: And by the way, dating and having sex can be different, you know.
Back in the Muppets' house, Cobalt is ranting while Bobo puts soup into a huge bowl.
Cobalt: I'm an idiot. She's sitting there right now, looking at the bowl. What kind of an asshole sets the table without looking? That's it, that's enough! Stop ladling! Just let me get the whole pot.
Cobalt takes the pot off the oven and runs to head out.
Bobo: Hey, wait a minute, the… shrimps.
In a hurry, Cobalt serves the soup in Jessica's bowl first.
Cobalt: Here we go. Some of Bobo's superb soup, his… beary chowder. And we're in luck, because he doesn't serve this to everyone or so often.
Jessica: Isn't that a pork chop?
Cobalt: A what?
Jessica: A pork chop.
Cobalt looks at Jessica's bowl to find a piece of pork chop in there, and he finds more of it in the pot.
Cobalt: Uh… yeah. It was just according to the size of his appetite. Bears are so massive, they, uh… feel like eating anything at once to fill up his stomach. I guess Bobo thought it would help us and… stuff. Um… could you excuse me?
He rushes back into the kitchen, ranting at Bobo.
Cobalt: What kind of a meal are you serving us?
Bobo: It's sweet and sour pork chop soup, and I don't think "beary chowder" would work.
Cobalt: [whispering] The hell's sweet and sour pork chop soup?!
Bobo: [whispering] I don't know, I just made it up, okay? I just made it up!
Cobalt: Augh, God, I'm gonna kill myself.
Then Bobo slips and falls again on the ground.
As Jessica begins eating her soup, Saber comes in through the front door to go see inside.
Jessica: Oh. Hello. You must Jack, Dieter's brother.
Saber: Yes, Mrs. Rabbit. I was, uh-
Jessica: Oh, please, it's only "Miss" Rabbit. I'm not married.
Saber: [stunned] Okay…. [clears throat] Anyway, I'm looking for Cobalt. Is he around here?
Jessica: Yes. He's in the kitchen.
Saber: Thank you.
Saber makes his way to the kitchen, where Cobalt bangs his head on the cupboard and Bobo is sitting on the floor, whimpering.
Saber: Cobalt. Urgent news from the General.
Cobalt: He didn't make an entrée.
Saber: What? [to Bobo] You mean… just have soup?
Bobo: The pork chop soup is an entrée. It's like a stew. Why'd you think I put so much stuff in it for?!
Cobalt: Quiet! Saber, call the MIB to give us a Chinese takeout or something. I gotta keep serving before Jessica eats enough to see the bottom of the bowl.
Saber: No. Cobalt. It's about-
Cobalt: Not now, okay?
Saber: But it's important.
Bobo: I just did all I could for the first time and I-
Cobalt: Quiet!
Cobalt falls down, but he spills nothing as he carries the pot and gets back up.
Cobalt: It's okay. We're alright. Just shut up, already. Stop whining like a dog, goddamn you. [to Saber] What are you standing there? Go! Go! She'll be done any minute, go!
Both of the brothers take separate paths, then Bobo slips the shrimps into the pot.
Cobalt: Damn it! Screw the shrimps!
Cobalt just puts some more soup into Jessica's bowl, and he takes a seat on his chair.
Cobalt: Sad to say… we didn't have enough for… vegetables. But I've asked the MIB to come pick it up.
Jessica: Oh? Well… when will it be arriving?
[doorbell rings]
Cobalt: Right on cue. I'll go get it.
Cobalt rushes for the door, and when he gets there, K and J are standing there with a Chinese takeout in a paper bag.
K: Thought we might assist with your dinner.
J: Yeah, we got you a Chinese dish of veggies and noodles.
Cobalt: Thanks, guys. But, uh… I'm gonna need you to make sure the General isn't coming here at this moment.
J: He's been trying to-
K: Don't worry, Captain. Just have a good dinner and we'll make sure nothing bad goes wrong. Have a good evening.
K and J both take their leave to the LTD in the driveway.
J: Um, shouldn't we just tell them about the bus?
K: Not just yet, slick. He's having a date right now, and he should be focused on one thing at a time.
J: I'm telling you, the Dark Side could get their hands on it.
K: Give it time. It'll come around.
Act Seven
Afterwards, the dinner is short-lived as Cobalt escorts Jessica out the door to give him enough time to proceed with the mission.
Cobalt: I must apologize for all that, Jessica. I guess I should've known Bobo could only make soup.
Jessica: Don't be, love. It was worth a chance to know ourselves better. I'll be looking forward to our next dinner.
She kisses Cobalt on the cheek, then she walks off down the sidewalk. But Cobalt snaps out of it as Saber comes to his side.
Saber: Okay, now I've got to tell you.
Cobalt: The MIB got it covered, so you shouldn't-
Saber: The bus has been stolen by two anime girls.
Cobalt: [angrily] What?!
Cobalt rushes over to the vacant garage, and the bus is gone.
Cobalt: My bus!
Saber: We're gonna have to proceed with the mission right away.
Cobalt: I'll put on my suit. Tell the General that we'll have to borrow one of the MIB's cars.
Cobalt walks to the corner of the garage to open a secret door to a compartment where his War Machine suit is placed in. The suit opens up, and he slips himself in before it seals itself onto him.
Later, Cobalt and Saber are in MIB headquarters, where the twins are observing the screen that shows a map of the Eastern Seaboard. Direwolf and Zed are there as well, looking at it.
Cobalt: Have you found them?
Zed: Don't worry. We put a tracker on your bus, just in case somebody would try to steal it. Idikiukup and Bob, triangulate the Magic School Bus's primary location, either land or airborne.
The twins begin pressing a series of buttons to reveal the bus's location in the States.
Zed: They've found it. It's heading directly to New Hampshire.
Direwolf: Now we know where they are. But Cobalt, care to explain yourself about WHY you were dating Jessica Rabbit, when I said li-acs and toons cannot have sex?
Cobalt: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Chill out. It's not what you think. She just had feelings for me, and she just-
Zed: Gentlemen, I believe you have a mission to do tonight.
Cobalt: Yeah, and we were just gonna ask you if we can borrow one of your cars.
Zed: I'm afraid it won't work. We're in Orlando and you have to go all the way up north. You won't make it in time. At least… not without a little magic.
Zed escorts the volunteered soldiers for Operation: Beehive across the room to a Sling Ring set on display on the wall. He takes it, and performs the same motion to activate a portal. With that, Cobalt leads his team into the portal before it closes.
In the White Mountains, Rowdy and Groot are walking through the woods to find Oogie's outpost. Rowdy carries a lit flashlight to illuminate their path as Groot holds onto a handheld device that shows a GPS screen.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rowdy: No, we should be getting there. We're just in the wilderness and technology is pretty hard to-
Groot: [gasps] I am Groot.
Rowdy: What?
Rowdy looks into Groot's GPS, where it shows a blinking dot heading their way. She and Groot run out of the woods, finding Oogie's outpost a two hundred yards ahead of them, and the Magic School Bus impacts inside the perimeter.
Inside the building, the hyenas are sleeping until they hear the crashing coming from outside.
Banzai: What was that?
Ed: [cackles]
Banzai: Sandy Claus? When it's two weeks till Christmas?
Shenzi: Let's go check it out.
The bus is smoking its grill, and the Fighter comes out with the Paladin.
Fighter: Oh man, this machine is a piece of junk! What kind of idiot drives around with it?
Paladin: This is from another world. But enough with that. We're in New Hampshire, now's the time we show the world what we're made of and how far we've come.
They try to enter the outpost, but are cut off by Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed.
Banzai: Hey-a snack.
Shenzi: Snack? Nah, we got us a two course meal.
Ed: [laughs]
Fighter: [frightened] Hyenas? Nobody told me there could be hyenas!
Paladin: Fear not. We're warriors and we can handle-
The Paladin reaches over her shoulder, but she can't find anything back there.
Paladin: My sword. Where is my sword?
Fighter: You traded it off for money, remember?
Paladin: [harried] Oh my! Look at the time! We should go!
The two girls are making a run for it, but Shenzi gets in their way.
Shenzi: What's the hurry? It's Christmas time, and we'd looove you to stick around for dinner.
Banzai: Yeaaaah! Plus, you've got… huge buns, getting ready to be filled with our meat! [laughs]
Shenzi: Oh wait, wait, wait. I got one, I got one. Make me a hot dog with toasted buns. Whatcha think?
Shenzi and Banzai peal of uncontrollable laughter. Ed jumps up and starts gesticulating and jabbering.
Shenzi: What? Ed? What is it?
Banzai: Hey, did we order this dinner to go?
Shenzi: No. Why?
Banzai: Cause there it goes!
The Fighter and the Paladin are running for their lives out the main gate. The hyenas start chasing them. They dart around behind them and poke their heads through an active methane vent.
Shenzi, Banzai, Ed: BOO! [laughs]
The hyenas chase the girls up and over the skull, and the two slip away by sliding down the spine. They shoot off the end of the spine and land on a hillside of bones. But then, Oogie shows up to block their way.
Oogie: Hubba, hubba! Fresh meat!
The Fighter picks up a bone to fight Oogie, but the hyenas surround her and the Paladin to arrest them with their snarling.
Act Eight
Outside the outpost, Cobalt and the others are at their position where he watches the scene through the binoculars.
Cobalt: Those trouble makers. I just wonder how they got into Universal to begin with!
Proto: It would've been from the General's overseer. But it looks like Oogie's more occupied with them, so we can both carry on with the mission and bring back the bus.
Crush-im: Alright! So I get to do some shooting now?!
Cobalt: Stand down, Crush-im. Telegram, do you see the junction box?
Telegram looks into the binoculars to find a junction box just on the wall of the outpost.
Telegram: I see it. It's inside the perimeter fence.
Saber: If I get there, without touching the electric fence, I could try… jumping over it.
Proto: Are you kidding, Saber? That fence is 12 feet high, and most of us are 5'6. It would take someone with wings to get you there.
Rowdy: [through speakers] Lt. Rowdy to Captain Cobalt. Do you read?
Rowdy's voice is coming from Cobalt's walkie talkie, and he answers it.
Cobalt: This is Cobalt here. Talk to me, Lieutenant.
Rowdy: We're approaching the perimeter fence. All the hyenas are currently inside the outpost, so we'd be on the clear to start the attack.
Cobalt is thinking about it as he looks at the fence from afar, but he gets an idea.
Cobalt: Actually… have Groot come over here.
Inside, the two Bikini Warriors are lashed to the roulette wheel.
Fighter: You wait until the Resistance hears about this! By the time they're done through with you, you'll be lucky if you-
Oogie: Oooh. Feisty, are we? But I really got to say… I'm really glad you both dropped in. Because we don't get so much bimbos back home.
Oogie begins to fuddle with the Paladin's breasts, making her moan.
Paladin: No! Stop! Actually, it feels so nice! [whines]
Then, a portal opens, forcing Oogie to withdraw his hands, and Jessica comes in through the portal.
Oogie: Ah, you made it. So…?
Jessica: It has…. [pauses] It's done.
Oogie: Good! [laughing] But… what if…? [to the hyenas] Frisk her for me.
Banzai: I got this.
Banzai stands up and puts his paw between Jessica's breasts. There is a snapping sound and Banzai rapidly withdraws his hand with a bear trap on it. He screams in pain and panic, as the hyenas start laughing.
Paladin: Now that's what I call a booby trap.
Oogie wacks Banzai into a pile of boxes, spilling false eyes all over the floor.
Oogie: How would I know you're telling the truth?
Jessica: Do I look like a liar to you? When I say the mission is done, it's done… as long as I get what I want.
Oogie: You were granted the cure, so I'd need to make sure you either have it or remember it.
Outside, Groot carries up Saber with his legs extending up, and he gently drops him over the fence.
Groot: I am Groot.
Saber sneaks his way to the junction box, passing a sentry tower, and he opens it. Before he can do something, he makes contact.
Saber: Telegram, I'm here now.
Telegram: Good. Now listen, the junction box has got to be about 30,000 volts; enough to kill you. You gotta use the pliers with rubber handles in order to give it a good stab. They're large, sharp and gray.
Saber: Copy that, I'm on it.
Meanwhile, Oogie begins jerking the table lever that draws the Bikini Warriors closer to the pot of boiling oil.
Oogie: 1, 2, 3, 4…. [faster] 5, 6, 7! [laughs maniacally]
Shenzi: Oogie, we've searched the bus outside, but there's no keys.
Oogie: No keys? [to the Bikini Warriors] We're the keys?!
The Fighter has the keys in her hand, but when she sees that Oogie is carrying his dice, she gets an idea.
Fighter: I have them. But… you're broke! You've got nothing to bet with.
Oogie: Oh yeah. I've got this.
Oogie puts his hand in his mouth, and takes out a map of Disneyworld as he opens it to reveal it.
Fighter: A map?
Paladin: A map?
Fighter: What for?
Oogie: Why, for every access into Disneyworld. Where you could just… sneak in and out without being detected.
Thinking about it, the two Bikini Warriors whisper to each other to make a discussion.
Fighter: [whispering] This is better. If we win and get that map, we could be better heroes than we are right now.
Paladin: [whispering] But if we lose, what then? Will he have his way with us and we won't resist?
Fighter: It will work, because we can-
Oogie: [interrupting] Each of us will have one roll. My map against your keys.
The two girls are looking at each other to think about it, and they nod for having an agreement.
Fighter: Alright. But whether or not we lose, you'd have to let us go or we'll melt away with the keys.
Oogie: Fair deal. Ladies first.
Oogie gives them his dice to play first. The Fighter rolls it across the table to land on a seven.
Fighter: Seven!
Meanwhile, Saber uses the pliers to sabotage the electric fence.
Saber: I've done it!
Right on cue, Proto and Crush-im come storming in. Proto has his plasma rifle, Crush-im has a PKM machine gun, and they both open fire.
Inside the outpost, gunfire is heard and the place begins to rumble.
Oogie: What was that?
Banzai: The Resistance! They've found us!
Shenzi: Well, let's go get 'em!
Banzai: Get 'em? But they've got guns!
Oogie: But you've got bone crushing teeth and a parole! Stop them!
By his command, the hyenas run out from the garage and attack the two Resistance soldiers at close combat. Proto is handling it with his cyborg arms, but not for Crush-im as he tries to shoo them off with his gun. During the fight, Cobalt and Rowdy are sneaking their way into the outpost, until they hear Oogie's laughing through the barred window. Cobalt looks in to see the Bikini Warriors' current situation.
Cobalt: Those little trouble mak-
Then, he sees Jessica standing at the corner, which comes as a shock to him.
Rowdy: Captain? We have to stay focused.
Snapping out of it, Cobalt uses the strength of his War Machine suit to quietly pull the bars off, allowing him and Rowdy to sneak inside.
Oogie: Well, I'm not too worried, since you've got a seven. I just roll a higher number, and that's it. My turn.
Now that it is Oogie's turn, he throws the dice into a skull; the dice come out and read Snake Eyes.
Oogie: What, Snake Eyes!? Grugh!
Furiously, he bangs his fist on the table and the dice read eleven.
Oogie: Eleven! [laughing menacingly] Looks like I won… the Jackpot! And now… I win.
He takes the keys to the Magic School Bus from the Fighter's hand, and pulls the lever to drop the screaming anime girls into the oil. Oogie laughs maniacally, then he notices the Fighter and the Paladin haven't fallen in.
Oogie: What the…?
He turns over the trap, revealing Cobalt instead, much to his shock.
Cobalt: Surprise, surprise.
Oogie: C-C-C-C-C-C-Cobalt? But…. You were supposed to be dead! [to Jessica; angrily] You didn't shoot him?!
Cobalt looks to the left to see Jessica pointing a gun at him.
Cobalt: You…. You're with…?
Oogie: [smirking] Oh. Were you in love with her? Well, do you also know what it's like to be heartbroken with every breath in your body? She was brought to you, so that we could get our hands on the cure for this pandemic.
Cobalt: [to Oogie; angrily] You mother-
Jessica: Dieter, get back!
Jessica shoots the gun and it sends Oogie flying off across the factory.
Act Nine
Back outside, Telegram is running from Shenzi. He runs into runs into the bus for safety from the hyenas. But then, Groot shows up from behind.
Banzai: Hey, who's the tree?
Telegram: [excited] Oh, you guys are gonna get it.
Shenzi: Who cares? He's made of wood, right?
Shenzi & Banzai: Ed?
Ed: [laughs evilly]
The hyenas charge into Groot, but Groot simply fights them off. He knocks them about until they are cringing under him.
Shenzi: Oh, please, please. Uncle. Uncle.
Banzai: Ow. Ow. Ow.
Groot: I am Groot.
Banzai: Wait, you're Groot?
Shenzi: Did you know that?
Banzai: No… me? I-I-I didn't know it. No. Did you?
Shenzi: No! Of course not.
Banzai: No.
Shenzi & Banzai: Ed?
Ed: [stupidly nods yes]
Groot: [angrily] I… AM… GRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT!
Banzai: Toodles!
With a gunshot sound the hyenas disappear into the woods in fright, and Groot is dancing for his success.
Back in the factory, Cobalt is stunned by the way Jessica saved him.
Jessica: Dieter, I know what I did was wrong. But I had a change of heart.
Then, a clawed waldo grapples onto Cobalt and pins him to the ground. When Jessica is about to aid him, another waldo grapples her with a rope, and the furious Oogie comes marching in.
Oogie: Oooh, I warned you about this, toots. You had a change of heart? Let's see how it's changed. [cackles]
Another waldo with bigger claws comes hovering over the ground and swirls like a drill. Oogie watches with anticipation as the machine nears Jessica's face. In fear, she calls out for Cobalt.
Jessica: Dieter! Dieter, please help! [winces] AAAAHHHHH!
Just in time, Cobalt lifts himself up to unsheathe his sword Dragon Marauder. He throws it at the swirling claws of the waldo, slashing right through it, and the waldo begins to malfunction before swinging towards Oogie, pinning him to the wall. The waldo pinning Cobalt withdraws, while the other flings Jessica up into the air, but Cobalt catches her in his arms.
Jessica: Oh! I think… I'm going to faint.
Cobalt: Let me get you out of here.
Cobalt carries the fainted Jessica out of the room. Oogie storms after them, but is blocked by Proto, Saber, Rowdy and Crush-im.
Oogie: Why, you…!
He runs back and into the conveyor. They run up as Oogie comes down on a scaffold-like contraption. He presses a button and laughs, as the conveyor belt starts moving and sharp spikes appear at the other end, where the four Resistance soldiers are headed.
Proto: Move away! Move away!
Saber runs up the center belt into the conveyor. He then runs out on the left belt.
Saber: Huh?
He runs back into the conveyor, then back out on the center belt.
Saber: Not again!
Oogie: Nice view from up here!
Cobalt comes marching back, picking up Dragon Marauder from the ground, and joins in with his team, but only to have some Halloween-themed toys to come out from the conveyor system.
Rowdy: Oh man, now's a nightmare before Christmas.
Cobalt: They're just toys. We can handle this.
Cobalt slashes with Dragon Marauder, and it destroys a pumpkin jack-in-the-box, but the toy repairs itself to wrap its coils around him. However, Cobalt uses the strength in his suit to break free of it. The soldiers start fighting the toys while running on the conveyor system from being punctured by the spikes behind their backs.
The Fighter and the Paladin come out from hiding behind a machine. When they find the map of Disneyworld on the ground, they rush over to pick it up and they begin to take their leave. But the Fighter stops in her tracks to watch how struggling it's going for Cobalt and his team.
Paladin: What are you waiting for? Let's move out of here.
Fighter: No, we can't just leave them here. They just saved our lives.
Paladin: We can avenge them when we attack Disneyworld, now come on.
The Paladin takes her leave. The Fighter stays put as she looks at the scene in thought.
Oogie: Looks like you're all having a hard time. Hmmm… what shall I do?
Oogie rolls his dice across the scaffold to read seven.
Oogie: Seven. Backwards.
The conveyor belt starts moving backwards, faster than before to have the soldiers drawing closer to the sharp spikes.
Oogie: [laughing]
Fighter: Hey, bogeyman!
When Oogie whips to the back, the Fighter swings from a wire like Tarzan and kicks him right off the scaffold to impact on the conveyor power box, shutting down the whole system. After Oogie stands up, his stitching starts to come undone, and bugs spill out. He holds it closed and it stops. He sighs, but then his other side starts to rip. He yells helplessly as the bugs spill out of him and he disappears.
The Fighter slides down to the ground to look at the discarded burlap sack of Oogie Boogie.
Fighter: I did it. I actually became a hero. [laughs]
Suddenly, the bugs swarm all over the Fighter, which makes him squeal in fright. The bugs refill themselves into Oogie's sack, back to his original form, and the swarm pulls the Fighter closer to his face.
Oogie: Made ya look. I've learned from my mistakes and I'm not going to die the same way. [cackles]
Oogie steps on a button that unleashes his King of Spades cards that swing their swords at the Resistance soldiers. Proto and Crush-im fire their weapons at the King of Spades cards, but the bullets are deflected across the factory. When the Fighter is struggling to break free from her captor, the Paladin returns to slash him with a sword, but Oogie grapples her with a tentacle made of insects.
Cobalt: Boogie, you're gonna be sorry when I'm-
Then, the Bikini Warriors are thrown right at Cobalt to knock him out.
Oogie: Love to play some more, but I've got a bus to catch.
Oogie rattles with the keys in hand and runs away to leave the factory.
Cobalt: No! The Magic School Bus!
Cobalt pushes the Bikini Warriors off of him and he runs out to stop Oogie.
Proto looks down to find a wire in between a King of Spades card and the ground, which gives him an idea. He drills his finger into the wire, and it hotwires the whole system to shut down immediately.
Saber: [sighs in relief] After this, I'm gonna stick to boardgames.
Oogie makes a run for the bus, which is still in its rocket form. He pries the door open, and he slots the keys in to turn them, igniting the engines. As he cackles in excitement, he presses a few buttons, but Cobalt shows up to tackle Oogie.
Cobalt: No one steals my bus!
But Oogie's bugs swarm out from his mouth to grapple onto Cobalt and throw him across the bus. And then, the bus's engines begin to run, and it blasts off into the sky.
Oogie: What the? What's happening?!
Cobalt: The bus is still in rocket mode. It's taking us into outer space.
The rocket-bus flies higher and higher into outer space, leaving the planet Earth. When he looks ahead, Oogie screams to find out they're heading for the moon, but Cobalt rushes over to man the controls. Immediately, the rocket-bus swerves away from approaching the moon, and it flies all the way back to Earth, this time landing safely on solid ground.
Things are looking alright for Cobalt, until Oogie uses his bugs to bash him through the windshield. Cobalt gets up, but he discovers that the blow damaged his War Machine suit rather badly, so Oogie keeps pounding him across to approach a cliffside. Unbeknownst to them, Jessica comes over to see what's happening, and she knows Cobalt's in trouble.
Oogie: They say that you cannot fly with that suit when it's damaged. Let's put it to the test.
Jessica rushes over to stop him, but she is too late. With one punch, Oogie sends Cobalt over the cliff and he falls. When she sees that, Jessica falls to her knees, and Oogie notices it.
Oogie: Are you stunned, babe? I thought you cared for your own picture, but you… favored him? Did you honestly think he'd want you, when he's not even a toon?
But then, Cobalt comes flying up with his rocket boots, and Oogie is shocked in horror to see it while Jessica is amazed.
Cobalt: I guess I can fly. Like you said before, you've learned from your mistakes. And so have I.
Cobalt is armed with Spaceballs: the Flamethrower. He triggers it and it blasts at Oogie, catching his entire body on fire.
Oogie: NO! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! MY BUGS, MY BUGS…!
His repetitive screams of "My Bugs!" get distorted as the burlap sack and the bugs get burned in the inferno, except for the last one which is trying to escape, but Jessica squashes it with her foot.
Act Ten
Now Oogie Boogie is gone, Cobalt lands on solid ground, sits down and removes his helmet to breath heavily in exhaustion.
Jessica: Dieter?
When he notices her, Dieter glares at Jessica. She walks over to sit down at his side.
Jessica: Dieter, I'm so sorry. I was a spy, but I have to. I just wanted to find the cure for corona. I…. I wanted to save the other infected toons. This is why I went to Oogie. I would have told you sooner… but I was threatened if I were to ask anyone. [heartbroken] Dieter… goodbye.
Tearfully, Jessica takes her leave from the area, but Cobalt is back on his feet and he holds onto her arm to stop her.
Cobalt: You're not the only one who hates the pandemic. It took everything from me when it happened. It ruined my birthday, forced my favourite stores out of business, and it… kills people without remorse. And recently, I've been told it's been stealing toons' voices. With the cure, we can have a chance to find the victims and save them. [smiles] Will ya tell me?
Jessica: [gasps joyfully] I'd love to!
The two of them embrace, and Jessica kisses him.
In the factory, the other soldiers are salvaging everything they can find inside, as Operation: Beehive is all about. Then Cobalt and Jessica both come back in, holding hands.
Telegram: Well, this is a surprise, Captain. Succeeded the mission, and rescuing a damsel in distress, but what happened to Oogie Boogie?
Cobalt: The bogeyman is gone for good. And that makes fives.
But then, the two Bikini Warriors come over to Cobalt, giving them the map of Disneyworld.
Fighter: Forgive us, Captain. I'm afraid we've caused huge damage to your….
Cobalt: Bumpy bus ride? The next time a woman gets the urge to talk about the right thing to do, I'd rather listen to Miss Rabbit! She's the only one who seems to make any sense in this insane harem! [grumbling to himself] Bikini Warriors….
Paladin: But we really are the heroes. That's why we wanted to join the Resistance in the first place. We wanted to-
Cobalt: Denied. Two things: One, you're giving too much attention with your "armour". And two, you stole a Resistance-selected vehicle. So… the punishment is banishment from Universal.
Afterwards, the Fighter and Paladin are walking alone through the wilderness, where they're becoming frightened by the animal sounds all around them.
Fighter: [tearfully] I knew he was going to be mad at us! And going there was your idea to begin with!
Paladin: [angrily] How dare they leave us behind like this?! We were doing what we can to prove our worth as heroes after all!
Fighter: Oh, give it a rest!
In Disneyworld, Maleficent is in a dark chapel with Jafar, Hades and Ursula, and they are watching Oogie's ravage outpost in a hologram on the table.
Hades: Well, that was unexpected. Mr. Boogie knew how to control his insects, but those Resistance really know how to throw it down.
Ursula: Yes. And Jessica Rabbit just… turned her back on her own studios, her home… to be with this Captain Cobalt? Not that I blame her; he is quite a catch, isn't he? [giggles]
Maleficent: Oogie Boogie was always a bag of incensed insects after all. I was still looking forward to destroying that ridiculous rogue nation. But now that Cobalt and those imbeciles are taking out the Top Ten one by one, I think a new plan is called for. Revenge before pleasure, after all.
Ursula: What kind of revenge?
Maleficent: The magnificent, malevolent kind, of course.
Jafar: But how so? The Resistance will know what to expect from us, the next time they would dare to challenge the Dark Side.
Maleficent: True… but you seemed to forget, Jafar. Cobalt is Canadian. The world is rebuilding itself, but once the world goes back to its original glory, he will begin to feel something… that we would never get rid of until it's done.
Jafar: [realizing] Aw, yes.
Jafar laughs evilly, and Maleficent joins in as lightning strikes from outside the chapel.
In the meantime, now that Cobalt and his team are back in Universal, both his suit and the bus are being inspected by MIB agents, then they begin repairing them. He watches them work with Direwolf, Zed and K at his side.
Zed: Looks like the bogeyman put some damage to your suit, Captain. You'll be pleased to know that we're going to fix them in no time.
Cobalt: Good to know, Zed.
Direwolf: Now Cobalt, you and I need to talk about you dating a toon.
Cobalt: Oh relax. Nothing bad would go if we did… you-know-what.
K: Actually, General, he's right. You may think the consequences of toons and li-acs making out may be from Cool World, but it was proven wrong.
Direwolf: Wait, what?
K: People are currently allowed to do that.
Cobalt: Speaking of which, I have to go.
Cobalt makes a run for it out of MIB headquarters, and Jessica is standing right there to wait for him. The two share a kiss, and they walk together.
The End