Takes place after sundays episode. Enjoy!
Circumstances
The glass door, which she is now growing to hate, opens and a very tired and emotionally drained Meredith walks in the front door. She is just getting back from an hour and a half at Joe's, actually she went straight there after her shift was over. She spent most of her time there thinking about Addison's little Jeu Jeu thing she does and why she'd be giving her some of it too. Christina had earlier caught Meredith drinking a sip and then chucking it in the trash. When asked on the subject later on all Meredith had to say was "would you drink it under these circumstances?." Christina just nodded and smirked as she always does and goes on with her own thing. Surprisingly Meredith didn't lie, then again she didn't tell the whole truth.
Did Addison know Meredith and Derek were friends now? If so she must be okay with it. while at Joe's sipping tequila, Meredith also thought about Derek and their new relationship as friends... She didn't know how much longer she could go on pretending she didn't love him anymore. She wonders if he feels the same. Well, she knows he loves her, Mark even said so and Derek did punch him just at the sight of him talking to her. She can even see it in his eyes. She is so sick of feeling this way. She just wants to crumple up her feelings and throw it into the imaginary trash can along with her guilt. That reminds me...George...I don't think he'll ever speak to me again.
Meredith's plans of collapsing on the couch, to put her mind at ease, and perhaps to watch a little tv before going to bed are unfortunately short lived, Christina and Izzie are already on the couch, beer all over the coffee table, no coasters involved.
"Hey Mer!" Christina says a bit drunk, "We just popped in some surgical tapes!" she continues pointing at the tv with a bottle of beer in hand. Meredith is already irritated as it is, it all shows on her twitching face.
"Yeah! I found more boxes!" Izzie says very loudly as if she couldn't even hear herself talk.
This was the last straw, "We are not watching my mothers surgery tapes. We are not unpacking more boxes." I thought we got them all... "We are not having long conversations where we complain about the crappy moments of our lives. And what did I say about using the damn coasters!" Meredith screams picking up all the bottles, even taking the ones out of her friends hands with such frustration shooting out of her like misfired bullets, you'd think she'd crack every window in the room.
"Come on Mer, We just ordered Chinese food!" Izzie blathers on.
"Chineeese..." Christina is so fair gone by now.
"You know I hate Chinese food!" Meredith screams as she stomps out of the room.
"What's her problem?" Christina asks leaning over the arm rest.
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"I feel like I've said that same thing before, only this time George wasn't there, they were both drunk and I stomped into the kitchen and stuffed myself with Izzie's chocolate cake...Ugh!" Meredith rambles on about her night last night, while walking her morning walk with McDreamy and Doc.
"Why were they drunk?" Derek asks, throwing a stick for Doc.
"Who the hell knows why Christina was, but I think Izzie is upset about falling for one of her patients..." Meredith answers, frustration from the night before still etched in every word.
"Hmm." was all Derek had to say. He wanted to help Meredith with her problems but he was still trying to finish collecting his composure after the George insistent was finally pushed into view. There was silence for a while. Meredith let out a long slow sigh, blowing all the frustration she had about George out, but keeping the McDreamy problems in. Only a few things at a time. Meredith thinks to herself. She senses Derek's eyes on her, he just snuck one of those oh so famous looks at her while throwing the stick for Doc for the fifth time in the last two minutes.
"Addison knows we are friends..." Derek brakes the silence.
"Oh yeah?" She asks looking at him, one eyebrow raised in interest.
"Yep, she thinks you guys are friends by proxy." He says a little unsure but doesn't show it.
"That would explain the new morning hot chocolate ritual." Meredith realizes.
"It's her thing..." More silence...
Meredith looks at Derek for any sign of discomfort, I mean, they are talking about his wife. You know, the one who reclaimed McDreamy and living her McLife, with her dog. Nope, no sign of discomfort anywhere. But she knows better.
"So...she also knows about our walks...?" Meredith asks, looking at the ground, her feet making crunching noises on the dry leaves and grass.
"..." Derek's lack of self confidence about this finally appears on his face.
"I take that as a no." Meredith answers looking at him now. She gives him a look of reassurance that tells him Addison doesn't have to know everything. It's not like we are doing anything...I wish. She thinks to herself, a smirk playing on her lips.
"What?"
"What, what?"
"That smirk."
"What smirk?" she smirks even more.
He points at her lips and smirks a little himself, "that one!"
"It's nothing I was just thinking." She says looking away, trying to wipe that smile off her face.
"Hey, we are friends now, talk to me." he says nudging her a little with his shoulder.
"It's...it's just...nothing." She replies walking ahead, to catch up to Doc, all traces of that happy memory are gone from her face.
Derek stops where he is and looks at her with that McDreamy look, along with that crooked smile and eyes shining. Meredith looks away from him, she can't resist it, why else do you think she threw herself at him that one time in the elevator?
"Meredith."
"Don't..."
"What's wrong? You don't give me that "don't Meredith me" look unless there is something wrong." he says walking over to her and kneeling down to pat Docs furry head.
"I...no, I don't want to recollect the past anymore, I just want to toss it all over my shoulder along with my..."
"Your what?" He asks even though he already knows the answer.
"...nothing..." that's good enough for him. She doesn't have to finish her sentence for him to get what she's saying. He can see it all in her eyes and the way she looks away from him when he tries to lock his gaze with hers. Frankly, he's trying to do the same thing she's doing, he is trying so hard to move on but this friends thing...it's just making it worse. She's still here. She's still close to him, the very thing he desires most has been taken from him, but he knows he can have it back anytime he wants, he just has to figure out his priorities and put his obligations to his wife aside.
Whenever he and Meredith bump shoulders or lock their eyes on each other briefly when walking through the halls of the hospital, Derek wishes his life hadn't turned out this way. He has Meredith up on a pedestal...and well, Addison, not completely in his arms. There are just some things you can't live without, and she is one of those things. One of those major must- haves in life.
Meredith looks up a Derek pleadingly, she feels uncomfortable talking about the past. It hurts to much. It makes her realize just how good she had it until it all came crashing down. When it did, she finally found out for herself how it felt to have your heart ripped out, only, it wasn't replaced and is still being slowly mended back together. To many pieces, and Derek has the final piece. Derek nods his head, understanding that she doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He finally remembers something he wants to tell her, but is afraid of her reaction. He decides not to say anything for a while seeing as they have already had one of their awkward moments. So he gets up off the ground and starts walking again.
Meredith senses something in his mannerism and decides to question him, "You have something your not saying, come on, it's your turn." She says, pushing the last conversation to the farthest corner of her mind...for now.
"I don't know if you want to hear it."
"I do..." She's lying but she knows it's something she should hear, even though she has no clue what it's about.
"Okay, Addison and I are thinking about building a house...right here..."
"...You did say you had all this land and didn't know what to do with it...and now you do know, so good for you." Meredith hides her shock and disappointment with a long detailed sentence.Unfortunately , McDreamy saw right through it, but of course he plays the same game.
"Yeah, it is a convenient location, all this land is already mine, no sense in moving."
"Right..."
Walking continues, awkward footsteps of regret and sorrow follow them farther along the path. Both of them wishing the circumstances were much different then that of which they are. One of them finally has the common sense to check the time.
"Shit, if we don't head back in the next five minutes we'll be late." Derek states whistling for Doc as he turns around and starts power walking back to the trailer. Meredith follows suit. Soon the trailer is in sight.
"Bye...Derek," Meredith says breathlessly from the long power walk back.
"Bye..Mer," Derek is a little sad that they had to end their time together, they wont have another time like this again until tomorrow morning. Meredith waves good bye but not before patting Doc once last time on the head, promising to see him tomorrow as if he were her child and she was leaving him at an overnight camp or something. She walks to her car, not looking back but sensing the eyes of McDreamy. She is just as sad as he is. I'll still see him it at work...just wont be the same with her around...Meredith gets in the car, shuts the door, and drives away, still not looking at him, afraid she might jump out of the car and do something incredibly stupid and regretful. If under different circumstances, she'd be going back to his trailer with him instead of her own home without him.
I told you I'd do another fanfic! How is this for a start? Did I keep the characters in...well character?