Just Remember
Throughout the surgery, Meredith couldn't help up throw mixed emotional messages and glances in McDreamy's direction. Frankly, she wasn't quite sure how to react to this braking news. She feels gladthat Addison is now out of the picture, hopeful that Derek will wont her back...but also scared of getting her heart broken again. She doesn't think she could take it if that happened again. Her heart is like a fragile piece of glass, one small clumsy tap of emotion, and it falls to pieces.
Meredith is standing in Mr. Mathews's room as he sleeps. He is still groggy from the surgery. She's just filling out a few things on his chart. She's hinking about how addison was trying so hard to be her friend, but why? Meredith just thinks she was trying to get big points with Derek. yeah, thats it.
"How'd it go?" Mr. Mathews says from the bed. His eyes are still closed but he knows who she is.
"Very well Mr. Mathews." Meredith says walking over to stand beside him. She finishes up a sentence she was writing on his chart and takes a seat.
"What did I tell you about being formal, please, call me Jake."
"okay...Jake, you are doing just fine." Meredith says laughing a little. He opens his eyes and smiles at her and she smiles back.
"Have you seen my daughter?" His eyes search around the room and then land back on Meredith.
"Yes, she's down in the cafeteria, want me to go get her?" Meredith places his chart at the end of the bed.
"No, that's okay.."
"How are you feeling?" She asks getting up and checking his heart beat with her stethoscope.
"I'm good..."
"That is very good to hear." She replies removing the ice cole stethoscope from his chest ad placing it around her neck.
"You want to know something?" Jake suddenly asks. Meredith looks at him questionably and sits down in a chair beside him again.
"Sure, what is it?" she places her hands in her lap, getting comfortable. She doesn't have anywhere else she has to be right now, she likes talking to Jake anyway.
"Anna, my daughter, she's all I've got...she has been by my side for as long as I remember...she was terrified when she got the call that I was in the hospital. She came in here crying, blaming herself for this because she wasn't with me at the time." He looks up at the ceiling. "I don't know what I would do without her."
"Everyone needs someone to take care of them, even if most of us think we can handle it." Meredith tells him. He closes his eyes and nods.
"Dr. Grey?" Meredith looks towards the door at Burke who just popped his head in.
"Yes?"
"Can you discharge my patient in room 2089?"
"Sure." Meredith says. Burke leaves and she looks back at Jake. "I'll talk to you later Mr. Mathews...Jake." He nods, understanding that she has other patients to attend to.
Meredith leans up against the wall of the lower level where her and the other interns usually rest on the gernnies. She is all done discharging Burkes patient. She saw Derek in the hall on the way down here, he gave her that smile of his that makes her want to melt to the floor. Christina is over by the snack machine buying something Izzie is finishing up with a patient and George is most likely off somewhere with Kathy.
"So that surgery went well."
"Hmm? Oh..yeah..." Meredith says a bit out of it, she's still thinking about McDreamy.
"Hey, where's the she shepherd? I haven't seen her all day." Christian continues talking, not noticing Meredith's un a whereness to the world at the moment. Christina flops herself next to Meredith an opens a bag of chips, offering one to her friend. Meredith takes a chip taking a bite, looking straight ahead into space. Christina can sense something is going on and wants to know.
"She left." Meredith suddenly says, it echos around the empty room.
"Who left?" Izzie says walking in, sipping from her pink mug as she sits down on the other side of Meredith.
"Addison, she's gone."
"They sighed the divorce papers?" Izzie asks in shock, Christina just leans forward, she's such a gossip.
"I don't know..."
"What do you mean you don't know? Where are the details!" Christina is sounding desperate now.
"I said I don't know!" Meredith is all hyped up from all her thinking. "All he said was that she was go-" Her pager goes off. "Damnitt." Meredith gets up and runs out of the room and up the stairs. Christina and Izzie look at each other, puzzled.They really wanted to know all the details, guess they will have to bug her about it later.
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Meredith stood in the scrub room looking through the glass into the Empty OR. A living man was in there a few minutes ago. Mr. Mathews, they had done surgery on not two hours ago. One of his pulmonary arteries burst, they didn't see it coming seeing as the last surgery was on his heart. His heart had stopped while Meredith was holding it during the second surgery that took place a few minutes ago. There was nothing Derek could do to save him. She blames herself, she was the one holding his heart.Derek explained to her that it wasn't her fault, that she had nothing to do with the Jake's death. He said that it was a complicated surgery to begin with and that there was a slim chance when they started, that he might not make it.
She's still transfixed on the empty surgery table when he walks in. She has her hands down in the sink, water running out of the facet and onto her shaky handsHe looks at her concerned at the look she has on her face. You'd think she'd be used to patients dying in the surgeries she scrubs in on, then again it doesn't help when you become friends with the patient.Derek clears his throat, trying to get her to snap out of whatever state she seems to be in. She seems to snap out of it when she finally begins to wash her hands. Derek wants to tell her that it wasn't her fault, but he knows he's already said this. He knows she'll get over it, she always does.
When your holding someone's heart in your hand...even metaphorically...everything can seem like it's your fault. You just need to remember that everything, needs to be thought through before you are ready to hold something as fragile as that in your hand, it's someone's life line, someone's way of life...you have to make sure you don't squeeze to hard or take advantage of the fact that you have it, that you can do anything you want with it. But then you have to remember, that it's someone else's heart, some else's emotions you shouldn't toy with.
"So she's gone?" She asks, her voice is a little above a whisper, no hint of hopefulness or joy, just the aftershock of the surgery. McDreamy didn't see this coming and his jaw drops just slightly. He scrubs at his hands vigorously, he's furious about is failed marriage. No, scratch that. He's furious at Addison for screwing it up. He's angry at her for messing up their marriage and coming back and messing up his and Meredith's growing relationship. He finally looks at her with a small smile and nods. The smile wasn't a happy one or a sad one, just one of those smiles he gives away when he's a nervous.
"Yes, I told her too." He states. Meredith's head snaps up and a look of shock washes over her face. She didn't see this coming either. She's been thinking this whole time that Addison left on her own, no questions asked. She thought that maybe he just woke up to find a note stating that she had left. But no, he told her too...
"Oh..." Was all she could muster.
"It wasn't working out, and I didn't feel obligated to keep it going any more then it did. To be frank, she didn't deserve it. People don't deserve a lot of things...Meredith thought, looking Derek in the eyes.His soft blue eyes looked so sincere, she was getting week in the knees just looking in them. She used to love the affect those eyes of his had on her. But when Addison showed up, she grew to hate that pleasuring affect. Now, all the hate is draining out of her.
Derek finishes drying his hands and hands her a towel to do the same.She takes it from his hands without looking away from his eyes. She dries up and then dangles the towel at the edge of the sink. Derek looks into those hazels eyes of her's getting lost in them. Feeling just how much he's always loved her, growing stronger and stronger by every ticking second that goes by. He spontaneously moves closer to her. She doesn't back away, just stays where she is by the sink. He grabs onto her shoulders with both her hands, feeling her tense up but then slowly get comfortable. He starts to lean in and gets a whiff of her conditioner. Lavender... he loves the sweet sent and remembers how it used to linger on his pillow long after she had gotten up. Meredith feels the soft touch of his lips on hers, this time she doesn't hesitate and deepens the kiss.
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Her shift is over and she's currently stretched out on the floor of the living room. A pillow is under her head. She has a headache from today's activities and all the thinking she has been doing all day. She thought about Derek telling Addison to leave. He had brought out the divorce papers from awhile back and slapped them on the table, they were signed. At first she Addison was speechless then she started to protest but he didn't want to hear it. She went back to New York. It'll be a moment in time before she's back with Mark.
"I thought the sofa was for this purpose." Meredith lifts her head to find George standing over her, a smile plastered on his face. He sits down and then gradually lies down a few feet away from her. Meredith smiles to herself.
"Hey.." she says quietly, turning her head to face him.
"Hey." he says with a smile.
"I know I've said this a million times already but, I am deeply, truly sorry..." she sincerely says.
"I know you are...before I was just to hurt to listen." He looks away.
"Guess this mean I'm forgiven?" she asks him looking at him curiously, the hopefulness appearing on her face.
"I guess so." he says looking back up at the ceiling. She smiles and follows his gaze. They lay there in a comfortable silence. She's happy that he forgives her and happy that he's speaking to her again
"I missed you Georgie." Meredith says sitting up and leaning against the forgotten sofa.
"I missed you too." George says. He gets up off the floor and walks over to her. She envelopes him in a thankful hug and he of course returns the favor. "I got to go back to Christina's."
"why!" she asks grabbing onto his arm has he turns to leave.
"I have to get my stuff." he says turning to show a huge smirk on his face.
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George is gone now, Izzie is on-call and so Meredith is yet again left in this house with her thoughts, as always. Only this time, she doesn't feel utterly alone. She's happy about McDreamy. That kiss they shared earlier that day has stayed with her. When she closes her eyes she remembers how good it felt, how right it felt to be close to him again. She knows that this time, nothing can mess this up.
"Hey," Meredith turns around to see none other then McDreamy.
"Hey..." She still al little hesitant about all this. He also seems to be, they both are unsure how to get this all going again.
"The door was unlocked so..."
"It's okay..." She says sitting on the kitchen counter.
He walks over to her, putting his hands on her knees. He leans forward and kisses her forehead. He's overjoyed to be able to show affection again without the hawk like eyes if Addison on hin every second. Meredith looks up at him and kisses his lips lightly. He raps his arms around her in a strong embraces, squeezing her tightly, hoping that he will never loose her again. He feels a wet spot on his shoulder and lets go, looking at Meredith. Silent tears are rolling out of her eyes.
"What's the matter, mer?"
"I...I want you to promise me that this is real... that you wont ever hurt me again..." Derek is Horrified at how much the hurt he caused her shows on her face. He kisses her face and forehead a few times and holds onto her.
"I am so sorry, mer...No, I will never do that again, I am so sorry. I promise...I promise that this time is for real." He strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head.
"I love you..." She says into his chest. She picks her head up and he wipes her tears with his thumb.
"I love you to." He kisses her lips softly, and then deepens it, making up fore lost time.
I hate cracking under the pressure...Being reduced to just friends screws up your emotions...
Found time to write this final chapter much sooner then I thought. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. Please tell me what you all thought of it.