I sat simply dumbstruck. The implication of what Melinda was telling me sinking in. Leo had lied to me. The guys hadn't gone to the farm house, he had known he was going to face the Shredder and that it was dangerous and he hadn't even told me. Inside my heart broke. How could he not tell me something so important? How could he possible think I wouldn't be upset when I found out he had hide the truth from me.
I sank a little into the bench I was sitting in. It suddenly felt hard to breathe. All of them had almost died and I hadn't even had a clue. I felt so ashamed. There I had been, living my boring, regular life at home, just waiting. I should have been here; I should have been by Leo's side from the moment this idea struck him. I simply couldn't understand why he wanted to push me away.
I could feel words leaving my mouth. Somehow I was carrying on the conversation with Melinda, even as my brain was freezing and refusing to process. I felt like screaming, I felt like sobbing. I didn't feel like myself. Everything was so out of control. Melinda stood, still talking and I followed. A shadow of my usual self, a robot, functioning on automatic pilot.
It wasn't until we were approached as we were walking that I truly started to come back to reality. Three young men seemed to be trailing Melinda. At first I hardly paid them notice until Mel walked away with them. Instinct kicked in and I grew wary. I knew I couldn't dwell on the insecurities eating at me. Not when something might be going on right in front of my face.
I moved closer to Melinda and the guys even as she seemed to try to avoid me. Something about them made me uneasy. Then listening to them speak I heard one word that made my blood run cold, "Hun". My eyes narrowed as I realized that these had to be Purple Dragons and I glanced up at Melinda with a questioning gaze. I was shocked. What on Earth was she doing with this scum while the guys were hurt? She had told me something about Don and being with another girl and I knew we needed to discuss that more, but still. Why was she with the Dragons of all people?
"Sis, what is going on?" My tone may have been a bit too judgmental; I think I saw Mel cringe a little. The Purple Dragons finally really took notice of me. Swaggering around me in a way that I knew was meant to intimidate me. I held my ground. All my pent up emotion fueling me.
My jaw dropped as one of the cretins insulted my size. Grinning at me in the superior manner of an arrogant fool. I felt my fists clench as the three exchanged the expression. Obviously thinking I was a joke. My frowned deepened and I glared at all of them even Melinda. "Look, I don't know who you are, but my friend doesn't need to be near people like you." I stood my ground unafraid of them. This, they didn't seem to like.
I watched there jovial nature become dark. The goon closest to me roughly grabbed my arm, shaking me a little. "You better be glad we don't knock you down right now." The threat was clear to me. I tried to pull away and he just held me more tightly.
Out of the darkness beyond us I heard a voice. "I'll give you five seconds to let go of her right now, before I DO something to you. I can't stand the Purple Dragon's, especially the one's that hurt my family." I felt my heart stop. Out of the shadows of the dimming light in the alleyway stepped a figure very familiar to me.
Leonardo strode across the concrete, his demeanor fierce and angry. Yet even for how threatening he appeared the idiot that was menacing me still didn't relieve his grip from my arm. In fact he jostled me around a little more, causing me to cry out in protest. He was once again smirking.
"You gonna make me let her go, Freak? I've heard about you guys from Master Hun. Nothing but a bunch of worthless…" He never got to finish his thought. Leonardo grabbed his arm that was holding me and squeezed it roughly, the guy cried out, letting me go. I stumbled away surprised as Leo quickly dropped the Purple Dragon's arm and instead grabbed the front of his shirt. He lifted him into the air, Leo's expression actually made me slightly frightened. It wasn't him. It was uncontrolled and so furious.
"What am I? Aren't you going to tell me? You Purple Dragons are nothing but useless trash. Who are you to JUDGE ANYONE?" Leonardo threw the boy down onto the hard ground as he screamed out the last two words. All of us friend and foe alike simple stood staring at the scene in front of us unable to comprehend what exactly was taking place.
The Purple Dragon lay stunned, staring up at the Turtle that towered over him in absolute terror. I just looked at Leo in disbelief. Who was this man in front of me? What had happened to the controlled, stoic person that I loved? I felt a gasp leave my mouth as Leo drew one of his katanas.
Time froze as everyone in the alley watched. Leo lifted his weapon and growled. It wasn't like any noise I had ever heard him make. "I'll teach you to even consider hurting my family." I felt my feet moving as I saw my lover's weapon falling poised to kill. Foolishly I threw myself between him and the boy on the ground. Not wishing for Leo to commit the act he was about to. I screamed.
"PLEASE, LEONARDO, DON'T DO THIS!" I closed my eyes and felt the wind from the movement of his sword, but nothing touched me, peeking up at him I saw him breathing hard, staring at me like I was an idiot.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" His sword fell, but didn't leave his grip hanging at his side. "Why are you protecting him? He tried to hurt you." Close to him, really looking into his eyes for the first time, I felt something inside of me break. Leonardo was different. Something had happened to him that had hurt him in ways I couldn't even begin to image.
"Go!" I didn't look at the kid behind me. I just gestured for him to run. Even if they were idiots, they at least had a sense of self preservation. I could hear there foot steps as they ran back to the street and away from the raging form of the Turtle in front of me. His eyes narrowed as he once again gave me a look of disbelief.
"What are you doing, Lea!" Leo pushed me to the side, hard. I grabbed for his arm, grasping it tightly.
"Leo, no….please this isn't you." I felt tears springing into my eyes, confused. The Turtle stopped, looking down at my arms holding tightly to his form. Frowning he glared back up.
"How can you just let them walk away? They tried to hurt you. They aren't worthy of your protection, Lea." Leonardo looked at me as if I was a simpleton. It stung, but I held my ground. I continued to clutch his arm, his body so familiar to my touch, but everything about his posture and attitude completely foreign.
"They are just stupid kids, Leo. You were going to kill that boy." I looked up at him incredulous. Unable to even hazard what thoughts he must be thinking. To my side I heard Melinda whimper. The Turtle and I both spared a glance at her. She was standing hugging herself and I could see she looked completely distraught. She hated to see people angry or fighting.
"And YOU!" I was suddenly sorry Melinda had made a sound as Leo turned on her. "What were you doing talking to them? Why did you bring not only yourself, but your friend into a darken alleyway with CRIMINALS!" He took a few steps towards her, crossing his arms he stood glaring. I watched Melinda retreat from him a little stuttering over her words. I sighed, not certain what to say. Looking back up at Leonardo with confusion. His back left side was facing me, I hadn't gotten a good view of it yet, what I saw caused me to gasp. What had once been a complete carapace was now deeply gouged. The wound still looked somewhat fresh. It didn't seem that long ago, I could remember resting my face against nearly that spot trying to get the courage to tell Leo I was leaving. I remember thinking to myself how different my world with the guys was. How quickly things seemed to change and happen and how out of touch I was with my old life because of it. That truth had never seemed clearer to me then at this moment, I had barely left for a month, yet everything had turned on its head.
"Leo… your shell?" My tone was soft, concerned. I loathed myself for leaving, for him having to go through whatever happened all alone. And now whatever it was he seemed to have shut himself away.
His gaze drifted sideways to me. "Things happen." His tone so hard and unlike him. I watched him look back at Melinda; he appeared to still be waiting for an answer to his question. I knew the more he pressured Mel the less likely she was to even stay let alone tell him anything. I bit my lip not certain what ground I stood on with Leonardo anymore to make suggestions.
"Leo, maybe this isn't the place to discuss this?" Melinda shot me a grateful look. Leonardo's arms dropped back to his side as he turned to look at me.
"Is it EVER the right time with the two of you?" His words stung, I felt myself flinch.
"Maybe we should go back to the lair?" I couldn't hold the critical look in his eyes I turned away. "Then we could talk about all of this is a civil manner." I spared a glance back up at him and for the briefest moment I witnessed his gaze soften and he looked like my Leo again. I grew hopeful until he shook his head soundlessly and started to stomp away.
"Whatever." Something about his stride betrayed him. A thought hit me as I watched him, Leonardo hadn't changed, I just wasn't used to seeing this side of him, so moody, so distant, and so hurt.
"Come on." I gathered Melinda who gave me a frightened look. I don't think she wanted to follow him, but I could no more turn my back on Leo, then I could stop breathing. Somehow against it seemed even Leonardo's wishes fate had brought me back to this city again. My path had brought me back to him. There had to be a reason, taking a deep breath, trying to feel strong I followed the Turtle as he stalked away.
I leaned against the side of the elevator from topside down into the lair, Melinda on one side of me, Leonardo on the other. Mel was looking down; it was obvious she was avoiding the man we were riding with. In a way I couldn't blame her. Leonardo was so different from how I remembered him. Yet I could tell it wasn't because he wanted to be hard, or cruel. Something was wrong with him. Something had devoured part of his soul. While Mel was trying desperately not to make eye contact with Leo, I was blatantly staring at him. Trying to read what he was thinking.
"How are your Brothers, Splinter? Is everyone alright?" The concern in my tone was genuine. Leonardo tumbled out of his own troubled thoughts to look at me.
"They are alive…" His octave dropped. "No thanks to me." I wanted to say something. Reassure him, help him, but he turned away from me again, in essence achieving shutting me out. I sighed and looked at Melinda, who too had her attention elsewhere. It seemed that no one wanted to communicate with anyone else.
The doors opened to reveal the lair to us. Just seeing it was like coming home. It should have made me feel better, but instead, it brought back too many memories, which at the moment, with the way Leo was acting, just brought my heart pain.
I followed the Turtle as he entered the main room of there home. Mel was still lagging behind me. Although now I wasn't certain if it was because she was avoiding Leo or because she was tense about seeing Don. Glancing back I could see the half panicked way she was looking around the area, like she was searching for someone she was uncertain she wanted to see. Once again I felt a pain in my forehead that I knew was going to become an ache. Somehow so much had changed in so little time.
"Well look what the cat dragged in." I turned toward the sound of Raphael's voice. For some reason seeing him brought me comfort. I could only reason that unlike everything else in this crazy game of life, he didn't seem to have changed much. He was banged up a little, but his tone and attitude where just what I was used to.
"So I see your alive, Raphael?" I gave him a lopsided grin He was standing near his punching bag; it was obvious he had been doing a bit of a workout when I had interrupted him. He leaned on it smirking at me.
"Take more than a little thing like Shredder to take me down." He grinned, but I watched it fall as his eyes shifted to Leo. It became apparent to me his brother's expression bothered him as much as it did myself. "I see you found your little girlfriend, Leo. Maybe she can knock some sense into you." There was definite challenge in Raph's tone. Leonardo turned on him sharply and I cringed waiting for the retort.
"Aw, Raphie boy, lay off the poor guy. I am certain he doesn't want his reunion ruined by you being your usual cheerful self." Michelangelo spoke up from the sofa, sitting up and grinning. I returned the smile to him, watching as Leonardo and Raphael continued a war of glares.
"How are you doing, Mikey?" I couldn't help, but feel assured by the young Turtle, his cheerful expression. Somehow everyone seemed the same, but Leonardo. Whatever he was warring with inside it seemed to be a battle he had chosen to fight alone.
"I've been better. I got both my legs broken. BOTH! Can you believe that?" Mike waved his arms dramatically. I smiled softly.
"I am glad you are alright. I…I didn't realize you were all so hurt or I would have returned sooner." Shame crept into my voice. My expression fell.
Mike looked at me confused. "Leo didn't tell you what happened?" His expression then fell to his older Brother. Leo shifted suddenly looking uncomfortable
"I didn't want to involve anyone outside of the fight." He looked away from all of us. I could feel something inside of me break. His words, his proclamation about us being on the 'outside'. I hadn't realized he had felt that way. Tears I didn't want anyone to see sprang to my face.
"Family is never on the outside, Leonardo. You would do well to remember that." The calm, soothing voice spoke, I turned and couldn't hide my gasp. Standing in the doorway to his room, Splinter was now watching the conversation. Only I could see that his wounds, like Leonardo's shell, had not completely healed. Whatever had happened to him, his fur was growing back in, but I could see patches were he almost looked burned. Behind me Melinda gasped.
"Sensei?" I couldn't hide my own horror from my voice. Wise, kind eyes turned upon me.
"It is alright child. It looks much worst then it is." He bowed his head to me; I felt my tears rushing forward again, only now I could feel myself getting angry.
"I can't believe all of this could happen and you wouldn't even think I would care enough to know about it." I was suddenly furious with Leonardo. I turned towards him, feeling my fists clench, the room grew silent. I honestly think everyone was curious how he was going to answer.
"It's not that I thought you wouldn't care. It's that it wasn't YOUR problem, so I didn't feel the need to get you involved." He shrugged off my anger, inside of me something snapped. I couldn't believe I was being treated with such disregard.
"Not my problem! What does THAT mean? Why am I not part of your life? Am I not important to you?" I was shaking, my emotions boiling. I could hear Melinda shifting behind me uncertain what to say. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Donatello exiting from his room at my yelling. The final player had entered the stage.
"You're over-reacting, Lea. You were home with your family, safe. I thought you should stay there." He may as well have slapped me. His words belittled me. I obviously was a liability to him. One that he couldn't deal with at the moment it seemed. My mouth twisted, annoyed.
"I don't think she is over-reacting at all, Leo. I think you are acting like a jackass." Raphael spoke up in my defense. I looked over at him surprised. Leonardo glared at his brother.
"Well I don't think it's any of your business Raph, so maybe you should just go back to brainlessly punching your bag and butt out." Leo growled.
"Leonardo!" We all turned at Splinter's tone. I was surprised I had never heard him use it with his oldest son. "Your brother's words have merit, perhaps you should listen to him." Leonardo shifted and didn't answer. I could see he wanted to say something, but that he thought better of it.
"Leo, she's only worried about you because she cares, is that a bad thing?" Don's gentle voice broke through the tense silence. I looked to him to see him looking at not Leo, but Melinda. My heart ached for them as much as it did for me.
"It's not her issue." Leo was stubborn, I sighed.
"I want to make it my issue. I love you." Everyone in the room stopped. I think everyone knew how I felt about Leonardo, but I had never actually confessed it openly. All eyes turned to the blue clad Turtle waiting for his reply.
Leonardo turned and really looked at me for the first time sense meeting in the alleyway hours early. I could see so much conflict in his expression, turmoil. His beautiful eyes, sometimes at night before everything had happened we would just lie together. I would make him tell me stories about different Samurai. Things he had read in books, or heard from Splinter. All the while I would listen to his deep voice while staring into his gorgeous, deep brown eyes. His eyes had always been so warm, so loving. Now they seemed dead, void of expression. He had pushed everything so deeply inside of himself that it was almost like he was suffocating.
"Go home." His tone, flat, unfeeling; my heart broke into a million pieces.
Around me his family all gasped, as did Melinda. No one knew what to say. How to respond to his callous command of me.
"Leo?" My voice was small, pleaded for him to take back what he had just said. Leonardo just sighed.
"I can't watch you. You aren't safe in this city any longer. Go home."
"Leo you're going too far…" I heard warning in Raphael's tone.
"Leo, why?" Don sounded pained.
"Go home; find some self some nice normal guy. One that can take you out on the weekends, one that can give you children. Go, forgot me and everything that happened here…" Leonardo responded to no one, he just kept commanding me on what actions I should take.
Finally my spirit could take no more with a sob I turned. My feet running without thought from me. I pushed past Melinda and rushed towards the elevator to the ground above. Away from everything Leonardo had just said.
Leonardo lowered his face; he spoke so softly that no one around him would have heard. "Go home because I am not good enough to protect you anymore."